“She told me the one thing that could tear my world apart. The one thing an eighteen your old guy, heading off to college to start his life dreaded hearing…..she was pregnant. My whole world felt like it was coming to an end. I did not want to be a father. I was angry. Mostly at myself. I should have broken it off long before that happened.
“I didn’t even understand how it did happen. We always used condoms. Always. I made sure of it. I know they aren’t a guaranteed protection and apparently we became that small percentage you see on the package.
“I didn’t want to keep the baby,” he said, looking down with sorrow and regret in his eyes. He was having a hard time telling me this story, and I felt worse for making him relive it.
“I wanted to beg her not to keep it, but I knew that wasn’t a fair thing to ask. She wanted to tell our parents, immediately, and she did before I was quite ready. Our parents weren’t exactly ecstatic about it, and they all insisted we marry after graduation before the baby came. Serena was on board with the idea of the wedding. I was not.
“I couldn’t get my head around having to become a father and a husband before I even left for college. I put my foot down. I told them all no. I would be there for the baby and Serena. I wasn’t marrying her, though. This was the one time I had seen our parents disagree. My parents stood by my decision. I felt horrible that my stupid mistake was driving a wedge between them, and I started to resent the baby more.
“Four months into her pregnancy, she woke up in the middle of the night in a pool of blood. Her parents rushed her to the hospital and called us. We met them there. She had miscarried. The doctors couldn’t give an exact reason why. Just that these things sometimes happen. It could have been a number of things or nothing at all, but stress was listed among them, and I hyper focused on that.
“The whole situation with me not wanting the baby, not wanting to marry her, and our families fighting had all stressed her out. All of the stress was my fault. The whole thing was my fault.
“At first, I selfishly felt relief. Then the guilt flooded me. How could I feel relief at losing my own child? I was disgusted by myself. I’m haunted by my guilt. Seeing the devastation on her face. The suffering she was going through. She still struggles with the loss, Ava, and I feel it is my responsibility to be there for her when she needs it.”
I didn’t know what to say. I sat there, holding his hands in mine. So many things and emotions were running through my mind. I felt relief that he opened up to me. I felt horrible for forcing him into it. This was obviously an internal struggle and demon he had, and I made him relive it for my own selfish reason. For my own internal struggle that I couldn’t deal with.
I felt thankful that I was on birth control. I had been on it since a young age to help regulate my periods. This could have happened to anyone, including me. Chris and I had started having sex our sophomore year and after seeing how easily he knocked up the girl he cheated on me with…and what Rhett and Serena went through, I knew I was lucky I hadn’t ended up in the same boat.
I felt mournful and wanted to tell him the miscarriage wasn’t his fault. He was obviously blaming himself for something he couldn’t truly control. I felt angry that she made him feel indebted to her and didn’t release him of that pain. She had to know it wasn’t his fault, and the fact that she had manipulated him for all these years, was evil.
I knew he was telling me this, so I would understand in the future, why he might change his plans to be with her. I would. I would understand from his point of view. I would still hate her for it. Hate her for having an unreasonable and selfish hold over him. How long did she expect him to live with something that wasn’t his fault? She was a selfish, manipulative bitch, using his guilt against him.
“Rhett,” I said softly, looking in his eyes. “It’s not your fault.”
“Don’t, Ava,” he interrupted forcefully. “Don’t try to make me into the good guy here. I was an ass, and I know that.”
I looked at his heartbreaking, blue eyes and all the pain and anguish in them. I wanted to take that away, but I had no idea how to. I lifted to my knees to straddle his lap, pulling him into my arms, hugging him. “Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you for telling me.”
The man may not be a saint, but I loved him anyways. I wanted to tell him those words, especially after he bared so much to me. Instead, I kissed him. I kissed him deeply and passionately, hoping he could feel my love for him through my lips.
His arms enclosed around me, pulling me closer to him. He moved forward to the edge of the couch, urging me to wrap my legs around him as he stood, carrying me to my bed where we made up for last night’s fight.
We had ourselves a lazy day. We only left the bed when we needed to eat. I was off work until the next evening, and I had every intention of spending every minute with him until my shift.
I lay on top of him after one of our many rounds of sex, too weak to move. He drew lazy circles on my back as we lay in silence. There was something I had been wanting to ask him since he arrived home from London. I was afraid it may be too soon. I was working up the courage, because it was something I really wanted…mainly because I didn’t want to be apart from him again.
“Will you come home with me for Christmas?” I asked without looking up. His hand stopped moving on my back, causing the worry to grow inside me. Maybe it was too soon.
“Are you asking me to meet your parents, beautiful?” I heard the smirk in his voice.
“They will be there, so yes…but I’m mainly not wanting to go another span of time not seeing you,” I admitted, looking up, smiling at him. He smiled back, leaning up to kiss me on the tip of my nose.
“I agree. No more time apart. And yes, I’ll go, but you’ll have to come home with me for New Years. My family hosts a big New Year’s bash every year, and I want you there with me.”
“Are you asking me to meet your parents, Mr. Blackwood?” I mocked, grinning at him. His response was to flip me on my back and have his way with me, yet again. I didn’t mind.
CHAPTER 13
The drive home for Christmas was surreal. It was just me and Rhett in the car. Mike had asked Lizzie to spend Christmas with him and his family. She was more than ecstatic to be with him and avoid her own family. I looked over at Rhett, who was driving. We had agreed he would drive since a) he hated my driving and b) I knew if I drove, the drive would turn insufferable, because he cannot sit idle. He would be torturing me with his hands and mouth the whole way. I squeezed his hand that he held in my lap. He turned, smiling at me with a questioning look and a raise of his eyebrow.
“Just making sure you’re real,” I shrugged. His only response was to give me his sexy smile. “Are you nervous?”
“Nope,” he said without a thought. He was so self-assured. Almost annoyingly so if I didn’t find it so attractive. I wish I had an ounce of his confidence.
“Really? I am…I mean, I know my family will love you, but you are the first guy I’ve brought home since…” I trailed off, realizing we had never really talked about Chris.
“Since who?” he asked, his tone turning possessive.
“Nobody. It doesn’t matter.” I looked out the passenger window. I was wishing I hadn’t brought it up and hoping he wouldn’t press me. He remained silent, glancing back and forth from me to the road, studying me.
“We’ll discuss it later,” he decided.
His response spurred me with relief and anxiety at the same time. I was glad he wasn’t pressing me at the moment, but not looking forward to when he would.
As we drove through Litchfield, happy memories swarmed me. Litchfield was already a quaint town, and during this time of year, Christmas decorations were draped through the town on lamp posts and storefronts making it feel like something out of a storybook.
We pulled up to my parent’s house. Rhett put the car in park before looking over at me. Leaning across the car, he pulled me to him, giving me a sweet kiss to help calm my nerves and relax me. I
t wasn’t lost on me that it should really be the other way around.
Breaking our kiss, he leaned back, studying my eyes, “You ready?”
“I should be the one asking you that?” I dropped my eyes, feeling embarrassed.
He chuckled. “Come on, beautiful. Let’s go meet the family.”
He walked around the car, helping me out before grabbing our bags. We barely made it a three steps across the snow covered ground when Emily came bursting through the front door outside, Jackson slowly following behind her.
“Ava!” she squealed, pulling me in for a hug.
I laughed, hugging her back. She hadn’t ever not been able to wait for me to get inside before greeting me. I knew her impatience had little to do with me and everything to do with Rhett. She had been on pins and needles waiting to meet “The Sex God” as she liked to call him. Jackson, I am sure, had come outside, staying close to mark his territory as if that was necessary.
Emily released me before Jackson took his turn hugging me hello. I turned to Rhett, who was standing there looking delicious with a toothy smile on his face. My sister’s greeting obviously amusing him.
“Emily, Jackson, this is Rhett,” I introduced him, waving my hand between them. Rhett put his hand out to shake their hands which Emily completely ignored, pulling him in for a hug.
“So nice to finally meet you, Rhett,” she beamed. Rhett looked slightly uncomfortable, looking over at Jackson as he lightly patted Emily on the back with his one free hand. I couldn’t help laughing. I guess he wasn’t always Mr. Confident, after all.
Jackson shook his head at his fiancé, used to her little stunts, tugging at Emily’s arm to encourage her to release her hold on Rhett. She dropped her arms, stepping back, smiling up at Jackson. Jackson put out his hand, shaking Rhett’s, giving Rhett the silent look of apology for Emily, letting him know no hard feelings. It was funny how the two men could have a conversation with just a look.
We moved into the house where the rest of my family ascended on Rhett. It looked like everyone had been invited or more likely, invited themselves over for dinner to meet the famous Rhett Blackwood. I was overwhelmed with all of it, but Rhett seemed unfazed, taking it in stride.
He easily charmed Mom and Nana. I wasn’t surprised by Mom immediately liking him, but the way Nana was so enamored by him made me laugh. I had never seen Nana be so pleasant with anyone except me. She was blushing and giggling like a school girl with her first crush. I guess his charm and good looks worked on women of all ages.
Dad, on the other hand, at least tried to put up a good ‘protective father’ front upon their introduction. It didn’t take long, though, for my father to realize that he liked Rhett and couldn’t keep up the façade.
Dinner was full of lots of conversation and laughter. By the time the extended family had left, we were all exhausted, heading upstairs for bed.
I showed Rhett to the guest bedroom, knowing he would not like sleeping separate from me. I also knew he would respect my father and do it, anyways. I can’t say I was too keen on the separate sleeping quarters, either. It would be tormenting knowing he was under the same roof and that I couldn’t have his arms around me while we slept.
Rhett leaned into the guest bedroom door frame as he held my hand. “Goodnight, beautiful,” he said softly, stroking his fingers down my cheek with his free hand.
I stood on my toes, giving him a small kiss on the lips. He pulled me into him, strengthening the kiss. I could feel his arousal pressing on my stomach. I whimpered between our pressed mouths, quickly breaking away. I was wet with desire, already.
Rhett stared down at me with his sexy mischievous grin, knowing the effect he was having on me. “You’re evil,” I reprimanded, trying to catch my breath.
“You like it,” he grinned wickedly, squeezing my bottom, his eyebrows dancing up and down.
“Stop!” I lightly smacked him, feigning admonishment. “And go to bed!”
He chuckled, giving my butt one last squeeze with a chaste kiss on my lips. “As you wish, Ms. Conner,” he mocked me in a formal tone.
He released me. I felt his eyes following me as I walked down the hall to my childhood bedroom. I turned back to look at him before closing my door. He stood where I left him, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed with a big smile on his face - a wet dream on legs.
“Dream of me,” he whispered down the hallway. No problem there. He would definitely be the leading role in my dreams tonight, that is, if I could even manage to fall asleep.
The next day we hung out around the house, prepping food for Christmas dinner at Nana’s. It was tradition for all of us to spend Christmas Eve night at Nana’s house. I always loved the tradition. Nana’s beautiful home was always elaborately decorated for the holiday and waking up to the fifteen foot Christmas tree, overflowing with gifts, were some of my fondest memories as a child.
As I rolled out the dough for the cinnamon rolls, I watched Rhett talking and laughing with Jackson and my dad. They were getting along brilliantly. Seeing Rhett with my family, I started to allow myself to actually dream of a future with him.
My dad excused himself from the conversation, his face filled with a look of exhaustion. I watched him as he slowly ascended up the stairs to take a nap.
“Mom, is Dad feeling okay?” I looked over my shoulder at my mother who was cooking at the stove.
Emily and she exchanged a meaningful look before my mother sighed heavily, waving her hand at me to dismiss my concern. “He’s fine, dear. He just needs some rest. Work has been running him ragged.”
I turned back to my dough, continuing to roll it out. He did always tend to overwork himself growing up. I wished he would slow down and retire soon. I knew my mom and sister felt the same way, but none of us would push him to do so. He was hard headed and a bit of a workaholic.
After finishing cooking, Emily and I sat at the kitchen table crowded around her laptop, discussing last minute details of the bachelorette party that was coming up. I felt Rhett’s hands on my shoulders as he leaned down to plant a kiss on my cheek, releasing a fluttering of butterflies in my stomach. “What are we looking at?” Rhett inquired as Jackson followed behind him, taking a seat at the table.
“Just some restaurants to eat at in New York for Emily’s bachelorette party.”
“Bachelorette party?” he arched a curious eyebrow at me.
“Yes! You know, the last hurrah before the ring,” Emily interrupted excitedly.
I could see the cogs turning in Rhett’s brain and by his facial expression, whatever scenarios he was imagining, was not something he was okay with.
“It’s just a girl’s weekend. We’re going to be shopping, going to the spa, that sort of thing,” I tried to dismiss whatever crazy thoughts he was having.
“And partying! Going to clubs, drinking, dancing! I can’t wait to see New York nightlife!” Emily added to my detriment, oblivious to Rhett’s growing concern. I glared at her, giving her the shut-your-mouth look. She didn’t notice.
“Where are you staying?”
“At the Hilton in Times Square,” I responded delicately.
“Absolutely, not,” he stated sharply.
Oh, here we go… I rolled my eyes, frustrated. I looked at Emily, who had finally caught on to Rhett’s displeasure of the situation, silently giving her my sarcastic thanks-a-lot look.
I knew spending a weekend away from Rhett, drinking and partying would be a conversation we would have to have. One he wouldn’t be pleased about. I’d hoped to do that in private, though. He had made it clear after my last two drunken stunts that he didn’t like me drinking without him, but this was different. It was for my sister, and I had planned to hardly drink.
“Rhett,” I sighed, staring at him, pleading with my eyes for him not to be stubborn.
“Ava,” he responded, staring right back, letting me know he was not going to let it go. “You’ll stay in a suite at The Vivian Hotel on Fifth Avenue.”
“Rhett, you’re out of your mind. There is no way we can afford that.”
“You don’t have to. My family owns it. And I’ll set you up with Jim as your driver for the weekend. You ladies don’t need to be running around alone in a city you don’t know. Especially while drinking.”
“You will not!” I stated adamantly, annoyed that he was trampling our plans.
“Why not?” he asked, irritated and confused.
“Yeah, why not?” Emily added, looking at me in shock. I glared at her, begging her to for once, keep her mouth shut. But I could see that she was excited by the thought and this was her party. I would be a jerk to stand in the way of her staying in a luxurious hotel suite with a personal driver.
I looked between the two of them and let out a heavy sigh. “Fine.”
“Woohoo!” Emily exclaimed, pumping her arms above her head.
“I’ll make the arrangements,” Rhett concluded. “Emily, where would you like to dine while in New York, and I’ll set up the reservations.”
There he goes….trampling.
Emily without hesitation started spouting off all the restaurants and clubs she wanted to visit. I tried to be mad. Seeing her excited, though, and knowing the man I was falling head over heels for was the one helping to make her dream bachelorette weekend come to fruition, made it impossible.
I looked at Jackson who seemed unbothered and content to see his bride beaming with excitement. I had the feeling that like Rhett, he probably felt more comfortable knowing we would be looked after during our stay.
We were seated in a pew of the church I grew up in holding hands during the Christmas evening sermon. Religion had never come up in conversation between Rhett and me, so I didn’t know if he was a religious man, but he seemed comfortable enough in the setting. I looked up at his beautiful face as he focused on the preacher, listening to the sermon. Sensing my eyes on him, he looked down at me, smiling, giving my hand a squeeze before refocusing his attention on the preacher.
A Reason to Stay Page 15
