by Nancy Mehl
“Strained?” I finished for him.
“Well, yes. Is everything okay? My altercation with Rand… It doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on between you two, does it?”
“No, Eric. It has nothing to do with it.” The fire crackling in the fireplace, the snow falling outside, and a nice hot cup of hot chocolate helped to lower my defenses. I really liked Eric and felt I could trust him. I slowly began to tell him about the baby, the accusatory note, and Sam’s reaction. By the time I finished, his features were locked in a deep frown.
“I don’t want to interfere in your life,” he said gently, “but I have to say I find Sam’s reaction strange. I mean, what does this poor baby have to do with you? Surely he believed you when you told him the child wasn’t yours.”
I was silent for a moment. Finally I said, “Yes. He believed me.”
“Then I don’t understand…”
As the truth tumbled out, I wanted to stop it. On one hand, telling Eric about Sam’s mother didn’t feel right. Sam would be furious if he knew I’d betrayed his confidence. Yet on the other hand, the pent-up emotions inside me seemed to have a life of their own. I couldn’t seem to quit talking. When I finally finished, Eric was silent. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you about this. I didn’t mean to dump my problems on you.”
He rubbed Snickle under the chin. The silly cat acted as if he’d never been given an ounce of attention before. “I’m glad you confided in me,” Eric said finally. “It’s just that…” He cleared his throat before speaking again. “I was engaged about a year ago. She was the woman I thought I was meant to be with, you know. My soul mate. Then about two weeks before the wedding, I found out she was adopted and that her birth mother had died of AIDS. Thankfully Michelle didn’t contract it.” He shook his head. “Her brother actually told me. Michelle didn’t. I asked her why she’d never told me. I didn’t care about her past. The thing that bothered me was that she didn’t trust me. For some weird reason she thought if I knew about her mother, I would think less of her or something.”
“But that’s ridiculous.”
“Of course it is. She was the one with the hang-up about it, not me.”
“So what happened?”
“We broke up.” His voice trembled slightly. Obviously it was still a very painful subject. “And it had nothing to do with her mother. It had to do with her lack of confidence in me. I mean, how can two people share a life together if they don’t trust each other? What about all those situations that come along in life when trust is the only thing that gets you through? How could we make it past those moments?”
I tried to blink away the tears that spilled down my cheeks. Eric was right. Sam hadn’t trusted me, not with the truth about his mother and not when he first read the note about the baby. I’d promised Sweetie that he and I could make it through this. But now I wasn’t so sure. Even though Sam had assured me he loved me, instead of talking to me about his feelings, he’d tuned me out. How could two people build a life with each other if they couldn’t honestly discuss their problems?
Eric sat up straighter and put down his cup. “Oh, Gracie. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t talking about you and Sam. I’m sure you have a much stronger relationship than Michelle and I had. You two will be fine. I certainly didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“It’s not you. Really. You only said the same things I’ve been thinking.” I stood to my feet. “More cocoa?”
“No. Thank you.” Eric moved Snickle, who didn’t seem happy about it. Then he pushed back the blanket and got up. “I think I’d better try to get out of here before it gets any worse out there. It will be a long drive back to Council Grove. I hope the highway is open.”
“But what if your truck doesn’t start?”
“Like I said, this has happened before. The engine almost always turns over after it sits for a while.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe I shut it off in the first place. I know better.” He gave me a sideways smile. “I guess I had you on my mind and forgot everything else.”
He grabbed his socks and had started to pull them on when my grandfather clock began to chime. Eleven o’clock. With the roads so bad, he probably wouldn’t get to his hotel until after one or two in the morning.
“Listen, Eric,” I said. “Why don’t you just sleep on the couch? The idea of you getting stuck in the snow worries me. I’m not as concerned about the highway being closed as I am about the road that leads to the highway. It’s several miles of dirt road, and it’s probably impassable. You shouldn’t try it. Even in your monster machine.”
He stopped pulling on his sock and straightened up. “Look, Gracie, as much as I appreciate the offer, I can’t do that. It wouldn’t look right. The last thing you need is to add another problem between you and Sam. If he knew I spent the night here…”
I held my hands up. “I’m getting a little tired of worrying about who might believe what about me. We’re not doing anything wrong. It isn’t safe for you to leave. I want you to stay. Please.”
Eric shook his head. “No. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I can’t do it. I just can’t.”
I watched silently while he finished putting on his socks and shoes and then pulled on his coat. He walked over and put his hands on my shoulders. His crystal blue eyes gazed into mine. His looks reminded me of drawings of Prince Charming in the storybooks I’d loved as a child. Almost perfect features, from his thick dark hair to his strong chin, full lips, and long dark lashes.
“I’m so glad we’re friends now,” he said softly. “And I won’t allow anything to ruin that relationship. I have to leave. Not just for our friendship, but for you and Sam. Do you understand?”
I nodded but didn’t say anything. I didn’t trust my voice.
He zipped up his coat without complaint, but I knew it couldn’t be completely dry. Going outside in a wet coat wouldn’t feel good. I was grateful his truck was so warm.
When he reached the door, I jumped up and followed him. “If the truck starts and you don’t get stuck somewhere, will you at least call me when you reach your hotel? I want to know you’re safe.”
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob and hesitated. “Yes. I’ll call you. I promise.”
“Do you have my phone number?”
“Grant has it, right? I can get it from him.”
“All right.” I reached out and put my hand on his arm. “Eric, be careful, okay?”
“I will. Don’t worry.” He took a deep breath and flipped up the hood on his coat. Then he opened the door, stepped outside, and pulled the door behind him without looking at me. I stood on the other side and leaned my head against the thick, rough wood. I couldn’t deny that Eric had sparked strong emotions inside me. How could I love Sam if I had feelings for Eric? I stood there trying to sort out my thoughts while Eric tried starting his Hummer. After several attempts, the engine finally roared to life. I listened as he backed out of my driveway, turned onto the road, and drove away.
I finally picked up our dishes and took them into the kitchen. Usually Snickle followed me everywhere I went, but instead he stayed curled up on the couch. Probably hoping Eric would return. For just a moment I agreed with him, but I quickly dismissed the thought. I loved Sam. I knew that. Now that I was alone, my head and heart were in agreement. Surely tomorrow, in the light of day, everything would be the way it was supposed to be. Eric as my friend and business acquaintance—and Sam as my boyfriend. We had problems, but we would work them out. Still, Eric and Michelle’s failure to escape the kind of situation Sam and I faced made me a little uneasy. Before long, exhaustion quickly took over, and all I really wanted to do was put this day behind me. I pushed thoughts of Eric and Sam out of my head.
After cleaning up the kitchen, I trudged upstairs, changed my clothes, and crawled into bed. The space heater hummed in the quiet room, creating an almost hypnotic sound. I’d almost fallen asleep when a loud noise made me sit upright. There it was again. Now what?
I got out of bed and hurried down the stairs, Snickle right behind me.
When I got to the door, I turned on the new porch light Sam had installed and peeked through the window. Eric stood there, his arms wrapped around himself. I quickly pulled the door open.
“G–G–Gracie,” he said through chattering lips, “I slid off the road about a mile from here. I—I didn’t know where else to go.”
I reached out and pulled him inside. “Oh, Eric. There are other places closer than mine. Why would you walk all the way here?” He shivered so badly I was afraid he’d fall down, so I led him over to the couch.
He shook his head. “Wh–where could I go? Everyone here hates me. I didn’t want to ask for help from someone I didn’t know. I walked past Sam’s house, but I was afraid he’d find out I’d been at your place. I—I didn’t want to cause any more trouble between the two of you.” He laughed shakily. “And I really thought your place was much closer. If I’d realized how far it actually is, I’d have taken my chances with Sam.”
I knelt down and pulled off his shoes and socks. The dry ones he’d worn earlier were still on the arm of the couch. I put them back on his feet. “That’s ridiculous. It’s dangerously cold out there.”
“I know. You don’t need to berate me. I’ve already bawled myself out.” He smiled at me as I pulled off his coat. “You know, we just did this. I guess I should have listened to you and stayed in the first place.”
I shook my head. “You think?”
“Are you mad? Maybe I shouldn’t have come back.”
I handed him the quilt. “Yes, I’m mad at you, but only because you could have really gotten hurt. Ever hear of frostbite?”
He grinned at me while I tucked the quilt around him for the second time. “So you’re not mad at me for inconveniencing you; you’re mad because you care about me?”
I started to answer him when he reached up and put his hand behind my head, pulling me close to him. As he kissed me, a voice in my head yelled at me to stop him—to walk away. But I didn’t. After a few seconds I pushed away from him and took a few steps back. “Please, Eric. Don’t do that. Not now.”
He sat up straighter, still keeping the quilt wrapped tightly around him. I could see he was still shaking, so I grabbed a few more logs and put them on the fire, which had died down to glowing embers.
“Not now?” he repeated softly. “Does that mean there might be a chance in the future?”
As I turned to face him, I realized for the first time that along with my sweats I wore an old, thin T-shirt—with nothing on underneath. I instantly felt exposed and embarrassed. The only thing handy was a blue shawl draped over the back of the rocking chair. I quickly wrapped myself in it. “No, I don’t think so. I love Sam, and I intend to see if we can work things out. With God’s help, I believe we can. Anyway, I’m going to try as hard as possible to make that happen.”
I pulled the rocking chair closer to the couch so I could see him clearly. The look on his face told me I’d hurt him. “Look, Eric. I’m sorry. If Sam wasn’t in my life, I’d definitely be interested. I like you. I like you a lot. You’re a good man. Any woman would be blessed to have you in her life—but not me. Not now.”
He ran his hand through his hair, gazed into the fire, and sighed. “You don’t need to be sorry about anything. It’s my fault. I know you have strong feelings for Sam.” He turned back to look at me, his eyes searching mine. “I apologize. It’s just that…well, if you were free…”
“But I’m not. Not right now. Look,” I said, getting to my feet, “let’s get you situated for the night. We’ll find your truck tomorrow and figure out a way to get it out of the snow. Tonight I want you to stay here, get warm, and stay warm. I don’t want any fingers or toes falling off in my living room.”
He gazed at me for a moment with the firelight flickering on his face. His expression made it hard for me to breathe. I was definitely attracted to this man, and the immature, fleshly part of me wanted to find out where this relationship could lead. But that still, small voice that spoke to me from the core of my being told me that Sam was the man for me. I knew better than to ignore it.
“You’re right,” Eric said finally. “Leaving body parts lying around your house is definitely not my intention.” He started to get up, but I came over and gently pushed him back down. “I don’t want you to leave this couch unless you have to. What do you need?”
He sighed and sank back down. “My insides are freezing. I thought maybe you’d let me make some hot tea or something.”
“Or some hot chocolate?” I said with a smile.
He chuckled. “You’re reading my mind.”
“You stay here. I’ll be right back.”
“Um…Gracie…”
I raised my eyebrows. “What is it?”
Even in the low light I could tell he was embarrassed. “It’s these pants. They’re…well…I waded through the snow.”
Realization dawned on me. “They’re wet.”
He nodded. “Well, frozen anyway. But I think they’re defrosting.”
I laughed. “I have some clean sweats downstairs. I’ll get them.”
Eric’s forehead furrowed. “I don’t think…I mean, you’re so tiny. I doubt…”
“Don’t worry. They’re an old pair that used to belong to my dad. I kept stealing them because they’re so comfortable. He finally gave them to me. He’s larger than you are. They’ll fit perfectly.”
He sighed with obvious relief. “Thank you. I’m really cold.”
“Follow me. You need to get out of those wet things. I’ll bring you a clean sweatshirt, too.”
I showed him the bathroom, ran down the stairs, and got the sweats and one of the extra-large sweatshirts I liked to sleep in. I found another one and pulled it over my T-shirt, leaving the shawl on top of the clothes basket. When I got upstairs, I knocked on the bathroom door and handed the clothes to him when he stuck his hand out.
While he changed, I made more hot chocolate. My fingers shook as I poured the milk. I’d kissed Eric. Should I tell Sam, or should I keep quiet? We weren’t actually engaged, nor had we promised not to date other people. Somehow it was just assumed. But was that fair? I banged the cups down on the counter when I realized I was arguing with myself. I felt tired, confused, and guilty. Tomorrow would be soon enough to sort this all out. I couldn’t think straight tonight. I heard Eric leave the bathroom and go back into the living room. I hoped the couch would be comfortable. There were two more bedrooms upstairs. One that had belonged to my uncle and another one that was my father’s when he was a boy. I had no intention of offering either one to Eric. I couldn’t possibly sleep with him in an adjoining room.
Even putting him up on the couch bordered on being inappropriate. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any other choice. Eric’s truck was out of the picture, and my car was still in town. Not that my Bug had a chance of making it through the huge snowdrifts the wind had created. The only other mode of transportation within a reasonable distance was Zebediah. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t take kindly to being hauled out into the middle of a snowstorm. Of course, Eric probably wouldn’t be too thrilled either to be stuck on the backside of an old horse in weather like this. Even though our situation wasn’t funny, the image that popped into my mind made me giggle.
I stared out the window toward the trees where I’d seen the light the night before. It felt more like a month ago. I’d been so upset. Now the whole thing seemed almost unimportant.
I waited until the cocoa was ready and took it to Eric. I was a little disappointed to find out that he looked better in my sweats and sweatshirt than I did.
“Didn’t you make yourself some?” he asked after taking a sip.
“No. I really don’t need any more sugar tonight. However, I definitely need some sleep. If you have everything you need, I think I’ll head to bed.”
“I’m fine, Gracie,” he said, smiling. “I’m warm, comfortable, and exhausted. I’m sure I’ll sleep like a b
aby.” His gaze swung around the room. “This is quite a house. Sure has a lot of character.”
“If by character you mean it’s old and needs a lot of work, you’re right. It’s been in my family a long time.”
“I can tell. It must be difficult for a woman alone. Being responsible for a house like this, I mean.”
“Yes, it is.” I started to mention that Sam did most of the work, but I choked the words back. It suddenly occurred to me that if something happened to Sam and me, I would have to face taking care of the house and property by myself. The thought shook me. “Well, think I’ll get myself upstairs. You know where the kitchen is if you’re hungry or thirsty.” I pointed to the wood bin. “If the fire gets low again, just toss a couple of logs on it. You should be fine.”
As if to emphasize my words, a big gust of wind shook the house. I glanced out the window to see the snow being driven almost sideways.
“Thanks, Gracie,” Eric said, yawning. “If I sleep too long in the morning, will you wake me up? I’ll need to find someone to pull my truck out of the ditch.”
“Sure. With all the farmers around here, we shouldn’t have too much trouble locating someone with a tractor.” Sam had a tractor, but I had no intention of asking him for help.
“That’s great. Good night.”
“Good night, Eric.” I checked the bathroom and found Eric’s wet clothes lying on the edge of the tub. I grabbed some hangers and hung them up. If they weren’t dry in the morning, I’d toss them in the dryer downstairs. Hopefully that wouldn’t trip the breaker. Sam’s warning about not putting a lot of stress on the electricity flicked through my thoughts. Trapped in a blizzard without electricity wasn’t on my list of things I wanted to experience.
I went upstairs, crawled into bed once again, and lay there staring up at the ceiling. Eventually I fell asleep, the winter wind pounding the house with its fury.
I dreamed I was lost in the woods. Every time I thought I’d found my way out, snow covered my path. I could hear Sam calling my name, but I couldn’t respond. For some reason no sound would come out of my mouth. I wanted him to find me—to rescue me. His voice got stronger and louder. I knew he was close. If only I could call out loud enough…
