by Grace, Pella
We pass through the doors and I pause on the sidewalk, taking the cigarette from my ear, lighting the tip once I find my lighter.
I know the asshole is standing behind us, trying to figure out what to say. I take a long drag and then leave the stick between my lips, looking to her, thumbing away the black streaks from her face.
“I’m going that way, Honey-girl.” My finger points over her shoulder. “You’re more than welcome to join me if you’d like. If not, I hope you at least get to see a good movie.”
PART SEVEN
LILLA KING
Chapter Sixteen
Two things happen when you realize your heart has abandoned you.
One: you question everything you have ever done, ever been, ever thought. You have no answers. You have nothing.
Two: if you’re smart, you try to figure out all of the above, with a new pair of feet leading the way. This is where I started learning. This is when I turned, looked Adam in the eye and saw no sincerity in an apology. This is where the curser on the blank page flashed without words, stringing a plea.
Come back.
Don’t go.
I love you.
I was wrong.
I’m sorry.
He’s more interested in watching where Cash is going. “Me too.” This is where I bent to take off my heels and knew what concrete felt like against my bare feet. This is where I knew my heart could still beat frantically. This is where I knew I was capable of being strong. I wasn’t chasing after a man. I wasn’t seeking his comforting words, although, I knew he would have many. I was simply running towards my heart. Letting love pull the strings.
And just like that, it did. Cash is silent as I catch up to him, breathlessly walking at his side. He doesn’t smirk or turn to give Adam the finger. This isn’t about winning. It isn’t his game. He simply gave me a choice. This is what I chose.
Inhaling the smoke from his cigarette, he reaches for my finger with his free hand, linking our pinkies together.
“Heath drove. Sorry.”
“You probably shouldn’t have left your friends. I like walking with you, though.”
“I was already leaving. That’s why I was in the lobby.”
“You’re going to break Mary’s heart.”
“I’m not really concerned with her heart, Lil.”
Silence falls over us as we walk along, fingers linked. The sun is almost sleeping, colors sweep across the sky. I glance to him and that’s where his attention is directed.
A soft patch of blue purple grey. I point to it, naming it, “Adam Downfall.” My hand goes lower, finding the patches that merge into gold red yellow. “Cash Valentine.”
The corner of his mouth smirks, probably the most modest, shy smile I’ve encountered.
“Oh,” he sighs. “Now you’re just setting the bar way too low for some clouds, and way, way, way too fucking high for others, Honey-girl.”
I roll my eyes at him as he tugs on my arm, pulling me in, offering to carry me piggy-back-style and I oblige, being kind to my bare feet.
Resting my chin on his shoulder, I inhale, wondering if this is what home is supposed to smell like, because, I just …
Holy shit.
“Cash?”
“Mm?”
I mumble into his shoulder, “I just left my husband.”
I feel the vibration of his laughter, but then, his feet pause. He glances over his shoulder.
“We could go back.” But his eyes are teasing.
Slowly, I shake my head.
He bounces me higher on his back and continues walking.
“Hey Lilla, guess what?”
“Mm?”
“You just left your husband.”
And yeah. I did.
Chapter Seventeen
This is my new un-routine-routine:
“My Grandma and your grandma,” I sing, “sitting by the fire, my grandma told your grandma—”
“I’m gonna set your flag on fire.”
Damn it.
“You could be my fla ming go—”
“’Cause pink, is a new kind of ling go.”
“Pink like a deco um brell la—”
“It’s kink, but you don’t ev ver tell her.”
Warren even did the stupid Steven Tyler breaks.
A handful of cheddar cheese into my pan, stirring the scrambled eggs.
“You’re a mom and pop.”
He side-eyes me. “Are you trying to let me win?”
“The line?” I press.
“I’m a corporation.”
Rats. That song was not a huge hit for Mariah.
My eyes glance to his pancakes, smiling that he hasn’t burned them.
“Did you write the book of love—”
“And do you have faith in God above. If the Bible tells you so?”
Was that a challenge?
“Do you believe in rock ‘n roll, can music save your mortal soul?”
Cash turns to me, licking syrup from his thumb. “And can you teach me how to dance real slow?”
I push against him when he tries to kiss me.
“Those pancakes will burn. I will never forgive you.”
He goes back to cooking. “I have that album. Wanna hear it?”
“Sure,” I shrug, sliding a plate full of cheddar cheese scrambled eggs onto a plate. I expect to hear Don McLean, but something else comes on. A familiar female something else. And then lots of cursing. I turn, spatula in hand.
A stereo system is being beaten.
“Something wrong, Love Lump?” I tease.
“It won’t eject.” He beats the top again. “Eject you son of Satan. Eject!”
I cover my mouth, laughing.
“It’s okay. I’m pretty sure having Mariah on your playlist isn’t nearly as bad as that doll. I’m pretty sure nothing is ever going to top a Barbie doll, Warren.”
“Don’t irk me in my moment of distress, Honey-girl. I’ll toss your skinny ass right out the door.”
“So angry,” I poke. “And in front of Mariah.”
Oh no, he’s coming for me. I use the spatula as my only line of defense.
“Riiiicolllaa!” I laugh scream, hopping over the couch. “Riiiiicolllllaaaaaaaaaa! Batman! Save me!”
Cash scoops me up, slamming me playfully down on the couch. Steals my weapon.
“Don’t you dare, jerk.”
Mm hm. He’s gonna. Three times right to my ass cheek. I squeak, covering my hands over my bare skin. I only have his Cash-sized shirt on. Underwear. It stings ever so blissfully.
There’s about to be that moment where the high comes down, settling back into your chest and music plays and birds sing and whatnot … but … pancakes are burning. Smoke detectors are going off.
And then …
The door is swung open, knocking harshly into the wall. A picture falls to the floor, hitting a lamp and a candle on the way down. Glass shatters.
And then …
Georgia charges at Cash as if she dons Mel Gibson’s war-painted face.
Hopping on his back, arms across his throat giving it all she’s got. Which isn’t very much.
“Georgia?” he asks, unphased.
“Go to sleeeeeep, green-eyed devil. Gooo tooo sleeeeep.”
I sit up, trying to pry her twiggy arms away.
“I was just kidding. Please stop before his house lights on fire.”
Cash shoos me to the kitchen, standing with Georgia on his back.
“I sure as hell hope you never really have to harm a perpetrator, Georgia. Would be such a shame to see you on the eleven o’clock news.”
She’s still clinging to Cash like a baby monkey, as he sweeps up the broken candle.
“Georgia,” I call her name. “It’s been like ten minutes. I’m pretty sure he’s not going down.”
Hattie walks in, saying in unison with Cash:
“That’s what she said.”
She pries Georgia from his back. The girl lets out a growl, cl
awing her fingers at him.
“Maybe not today or tomorrow, green eyed-devil, but soon and then …” she cracks her knuckles. “… for the rest of your life.”
Cash stares at her for a moment before hollering towards the open door:
“What was that Georgia Stevens? I didn’t hear what you said Georgia Stevens, the same Georgia Stevens from Facebook avoiding Joe. The same Georgia Stevens who lives in apartment 3C, just down the hall, telephone number …” Hattie covers his mouth.
“I’ll take her home. You guys finish … whatever … you were doing.”
She glances to me, a slight blush on her face. I tug Cash’s borrowed shirt down, hiding my red ass cheek. The spatula is still in his hand. He’s only wearing boxers.
Dear Lord.
“We were making breakfast.” I speak quickly.
“Of course you were.” But she didn’t manage to get it out without laughing towards the end. “Come on Georgia, let’s leave these kids alone.”
Georgia stares down Cash as Hattie pulls her through the open door.
“I wouldn’t sleep with both eyes closed, green eyed-devil.”
“Email address—”
Hattie closes the door before he can finish.
***
Cash sets a mug of coffee down before he finds his chair. I glance at him, under my lashes, watching as he begins to eat.
“I never thanked you for yesterday. Thank you. What you said was really nice.”
His fingers play with the top of his mug, eyes on me.
“It was the truth. Plus,” he motions to his food, “I’m pretty sure we’re even.”
“You like it?”
“I’m contemplating how to kidnap you without being a suspect.”
I smile for a moment. “I have to go home today, actually. I can’t hide out here forever.”
“I know.” He goes back to eating. “This lady on the first floor moved out last week. I think it’s still vacant, if you’re interested.”
“Already trying to keep me under your thumb. Typical man.”
“Close by,” he corrects. “Plus, I get two hundred bucks off my rent when I refer someone. Why do you think I know so many people who live here? Definitely not because I like being choked-out in my own home.”
“Using me. Typical man.”
Cash leans across the table for a quick kiss.
Someone knocks.
He pauses for a moment, thinking.
“Shit,” he curses. “That’s probably my mom. I forgot she was coming by.”
“Want me to scale the fire escape?”
“Poppy already knows about you. I’m just not sure you want to know her.”
“Mm—I probably shouldn’t meet your mom half naked?”
He smiles, scooting back. “Honestly, it wouldn’t be a first time. And actually, she’s already seen you naked. Sort of.”
“What?”
“She found something I drew.”
“You drew me naked?”
“Not literally. Go change. I’ve gotta get the door.”
***
I’m back in my pink dress. I did my best to fix the mess my hair has become. Peeking around the corner, I spy Cash in the kitchen beside the woman I saw in the picture frame, the first time I was here.
His arms are hugging her. She …
Is crying?
I’m going to go back and hide in his room, but he spots my movement.
“She was just so moved by Mariah’s song.” he teases, the stupid stereo still playing Hero on loop.
Poppy pulls away from him, wiping her face.
“Sorry. I was never good at first impressions.”
“Yeah,” I nod, “me either.”
Because hello, nice to meet you the morning after I slept in your son’s bed. By the way, I’m currently married. And a lot closer to your age than his.
“Well, at least you have your clothes on. I haven’t been so lucky in the past.”
Hot cheeks. Oh, hot cheeks. Both ends. Dear Sky Wizard, help me.
“I don’t like cooking in the nude.”
Poppy smiles, a small laugh even. Cash grins, sliding into a chair along the table.
“It’s not so bad, actually,” Poppy counters.
So, this is where he gets it from.
“Pardon me while I vomit,” Cash flexes a newspaper, reading the cover story.
Poppy rolls her eyes. “Call it payback for all the times I have been a witness to naked bodies I never wanted to see.”
“I didn’t want to see some of them either, if we’re being honest.” Cash chuckles.
“Waking up to an ugly girl the morning after is the least of your worries when you’re taking them to bed drunk, darling-dear.”
“I’m not going to knock anyone up. Relax. Clean my kitchen and relish in your little fantasy world where I still live at home. Shit.”
I smile at her rattling his cage.
“You could get crabs, Warren.”
His face sours. “Why would you even say that? I don’t have and will never have crabs or any other nasty shit. Stop it.” He looks at me. “I don’t have crabs or any other nasty shit. She’s just messing with you. Me, indirectly.”
I nod. Poppy walks past him, messing his already messed up hair, before she reaches the sink.
“Oh,” I walk towards her, “I can do that. I mean, I made the mess.”
“Shh,” Cash looks at his paper, “that’s Poppy’s Happy Place. She’s pretending I’m five, sitting here drinking chocolate milk.”
“Three and you were walking around our backyard in a cowboy hat and nothing else. You had the cutest baby butt cheeks.”
My hand goes over my mouth.
“Had,” he scoffs. “And stop thinking about me naked. It’s disturbing.”
“It’s not my fault you grew up so fast. You do everything too fast, honestly.”
His eyes look over the paper at me. “Not everything.”
Poppy hums, oblivious to how his eyes looked when he said it.
“I have to go,” I say quietly. He puts down the newspaper. “Nice meeting you.”
Poppy simply smiles over her shoulder, then goes back to washing the dishes. Cash gets up from his chair, walking towards me. We are hand-in-hand as her voice finds us.
“Don’t break my son’s heart, and I’ll be happy to say the same, Lilla.”
I look back to her, but she’s facing the sink. Cash tugs me towards the door, walking out into the hallway with me.
“Want me to go with you?” he offers, bringing my hands to his mouth.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, but thanks.”
He keeps my hands at his lips thoughtfully for a moment. A few soft kisses to my palm before he looks at me.
“Is he going to be home?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“If he is, he’s gonna want you to cry. I mean, not the guy who married you—he doesn’t want that. The guy you dipped out on at the movie theater—he’s gonna be a real asshole. It’s just his hurt ego. That guy’s gonna want your head.”
I nod. He presses my hand to his lips again.
“Are you coming back tonight?”
“Do you want me to?”
“If you want to, Lilla.”
I step closer, tipping on my toes to brush his lips.
“Good answer, Honey-girl.”
He kisses my forehead. “Call me when you’re done.”
I step back. “Are you sure? I mean, if your family needs you, I understand.”
Cash shakes his head. “Poppy was just upset because of shit at the grocery store. She had a fight with my dad. They don’t fight very often so when it happens it’s like a … shock to her system, I guess. She’s fine.”
“Are you sure?” I repeat.
“Positive. Remember what I said, okay?” I nod, turning to walk down the hall. “Honey-girl?”
My head turns, pausing.
“Show me your ass cheek,” he grins.
/>
I give him a roll of my eyes and the finger.
Cash laughs as I head down the hallway. I’m about to round the corner and find the elevator. His door clicks open and I spin around quickly.
“Cash.”
He pauses, hand on the door-knob, one foot inside of his apartment. Twisting to the side, I lift the hem of my dress, flashing him the red mark he left on my cheek.
“I’m gonna paint the other one, tonight.”
The fabric hangs back in place as I let go.
“Literally or just in theory?”
Cash’s expression brightens, a light lingering in the green of his eyes as he smiles.
“I guess you’ll find out when you come back to me.”
My feet start walking again.
“Honey-girl?”
My feet keep moving, I round the corner, press the button for the elevator.
“I’m not showing you again, Cash.” I sing, waiting for the doors to open.
“I love you.”
Taking a few steps back toward the hallway, I peek around the corner to return his words, but the door is already clicking closed. The elevator arrives and I step inside, leaning my back to the silver wall.
“Yeah, I love you, too.”
Chapter Eighteen
THE KITCHEN
He grabs my arm.
“You think some punk kid is gonna take care of you, Lilla? There’s a reason why they call affairs a fantasy—because that’s what it is. He probably can’t even take care of himself.”
“This isn’t about Cash.”
“Yet, you knew exactly who I was talking about.”
“Because he was at the movie theater. Please don’t do this. I just want my stuff. Let me go, please.”
“Your stuff,” he laughs darkly. “If you mean all the shit I have worked my fingers to the bone for, then yeah, I guess it’s your stuff.”
“Fine,” I snatch my arm away, “I’ll leave it all here. Will that make you happy?”
And here come those tears I was warned about.
“My wife not spreading her legs for another guy would make me happy. My wife being an honorable woman would make me happy. My wife being appreciative of everything I have given to her would make me happy.”
