We drove in uncomfortable, tense silence for nearly an hour. Sol never looked at me, his face remaining stony and fixed to the road.
I glanced at him from time to time, wondering what his thought process was, why he was really doing this but didn't dare ask.
At one point I spied the lipstick mark tattoo on his neck. How could he treat me like this when I had my own lips pressed to that spot only a few hours ago? When he kissed me with equal passion and sensuality?
He's simply done with you and is now discarding you. Just like every man who ever touched you has done before.
Right after that thought vocalized in my mind, I faced forward in my seat and didn't look at him for the rest of the drive.
He eventually pulled up to a building that looked like a small hotel.
"Here we are," he said flatly. "We're two towns over from Cloverville. No one will find you here."
Some consolation that was. I moved to get out but he stopped me with a gentle touch on my arm.
"Wait, Natalie."
He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a money clip holding a thick stack of bills.
"It's five grand," he said, his voice thick with some emotion I couldn't place. "It’s not much but should help you rebuild your life."
It felt like he was paying me for what we did last night, which I knew wasn't his intent but it just made me feel worse.
By offering me money, he made me feel like it was nothing but a service I provided. The only thing I was good for.
I almost stepped out of the car without taking it. To save what little pride and dignity I had left. And to not tarnish how wonderful it felt to be wrapped up in his arms, feeling his fingers stroking through my hair and sending goosebumps along my skin.
But I snatched the money clip from his hand and exited the car without a word. As I walked up to the building I refused to look back, refused to let him see me cry.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
SOLOMON
I felt like complete and utter shit.
But sometimes doing the right thing felt shitty, right?
I tried to tell myself that on the long, lonely drive home while my heart felt like it was being torn in two.
Natalie deserved a normal life. Getting a normal job, finishing college, and settling down with an ordinary guy. She deserved a life that had nothing to do with me, a down and dirty criminal with ties to that dark, evil industry that kept her prisoner and dehumanized her for months.
It didn't matter how badly I wanted to stay in bed with her that morning and wake her up by feasting on that delicious pussy. Nor did it matter how much it pained me to treat her so coldly, to see the confused and hurt expression on her face.
No, none of it mattered in the long run. And it was better to set her free sooner rather than later, not only for my sake but for Ari's. I couldn't break my daughter's heart by letting her get too attached, only to have Natalie walk out when she was ready to start her own life.
This was for the best, really. It hurt now but after some time, Natalie would be just a fond memory and things would go back to normal.
When I got home, the smell of fresh-baked bread wafted throughout the kitchen and living room. Ari stood on a footstool wearing her pink Barbie apron. She kneaded dough on the counter with utmost concentration and Netta standing beside her, watching closely.
"Daddy!"
Ari hopped off her stool and ran to me, her fingers and cheeks covered in flour.
"Whatcha making, baby?"
I scooped her up and squeezed her into my arms, planting fat kisses on her cheeks. This was all I needed. My life was complete with just my daughter and me, no matter how much my gut twisted at leaving Natalie behind.
"Sourdough bread!" she announced before looking out the door behind me expectantly.
Shit. My heart dropped.
"Where's Natalie?" she asked.
I glanced over at Netta who stared me down with a stern expression.
Double shit. It seemed like I would be getting an earful from both of these ladies soon enough.
"She had to go, baby," I said softly, setting Ari gently down on the ground. "Remember when I told you? She has her own home to go to."
Ari's lower lip stuck out and trembled. Oh no.
"B-b-but she was gonna read to me. She promised. When's she coming back?"
I sighed deeply as I knelt down next to her, coming to her eye level.
"She's not coming back, baby. She was only staying for a little bit."
"But I want her back!" Ari's face grew beet red. "Why'd you make her go away!"
"I didn't--"
A lump lodged in my throat as I realized what I was about to say.
Yes, I did. I made her go away.
"Baby, I know you liked her but--"
"I like her and I hate you!"
Ari tore away from me and stomped as loudly as she could up to her room. When she reached it, she slammed the door with all her six-year-old might.
“She’ll get over it,” I sighed as I walked over to the fridge for a beer.
“Will she?” Netta’s stern gaze like a school principal never wavered as she watched me. “She’s old enough to remember these things, Solomon.”
“Yeah well, she’s also smart enough to figure out Daddy’s a crook one day. When she does, she’ll know this was for the best.”
“Was it, really?” All these accusatory questions from Netta sounded like I got everything wrong.
I grabbed a bottle blindly and slammed the refrigerator door closed. My temper was getting the best of me but I didn’t give a shit anymore.
“Fuck, Netta. I don’t know anymore!”
“Solomon.” Netta pulled the dishtowel off her shoulder and slapped it on the counter. That, plus the fact she was saying my full name, showed she was fucking serious.
“Natalie needs meaning. A purpose. Happiness. Something to look forward to when she wakes up every day. She was finding that here and you shipped her off like cattle! Did you even bother asking her if she wanted to stay? Now she’s got nothing again. She’s just drifting out in the open with nothing to hold onto in a world that will eat that poor girl alive.”
“What about me?” I said defensively, raising my voice in frustration. “This is my house! I decide who comes and goes and when! What about Ari? It’s not fair to her, letting her get attached to some woman who might just abandon her again.”
“Natalie isn’t your ex,” Netta said calmly. “Did you not enjoy having her stay here?” She gave me a pointed look that told me she knew exactly what Natalie and I did last night.
“Even if I did,” I replied. “It’s not healthy for Ari in the long-term.”
“Solomon, Ari needs a female role model in her life.”
“She’s got you!”
“Me?” Netta scoffed. “Sol, you know I love that girl to death but I’m ancient and jaded. She needs someone she can talk to and relate to. Natalie connected so well with her in that way. And I hope I’m not overstepping but she could see the…chemistry between you two. She needs to see adults in good relationships.”
“Good relationships?” I repeated incredulously. “You know how I am, Netta. I don’t do those. I don’t think I’ve ever had one in my life. And with everything Natalie’s been through, she might not know how to have one either.”
Netta shrugged. “Stranger things have happened. But you’ve got to take the chance. That’s what you’re afraid of Sol, taking a leap. You’d rather leave that girl out there with no help than take a chance on something that could be wonderful for you. For Ari. And that’s a damn shame.”
I collapsed on the couch and leaned my head back to take a long pull of beer as I let Netta’s words crawl around in my brain. I gave her a lot of shit for being a meddlesome old lady but after all these years of helping my ass out, she really got to know me and Ari.
Five years ago when I first moved into this neighborhood with a screaming, toddler Ari in my arms, she marched straig
ht up to my front door and basically threw a frozen teething ring at my head.
“Stick this in her mouth and maybe she’ll stop trying to wake the dead,” she told me.
I relied on her wisdom ever since. She was like a mother to me in a lot of ways. Because of her, I learned how to grow up and become a halfway decent parent.
“So you’re saying I fucked up,” I said as I rubbed my eyes.
“Quite monumentally, yes.” She gathered up her purse and started for the front door. “We’ve all gotta live with the choices we make, Solomon. You’re a good dad and I know you want to keep Ari safe. But you’ve got to be willing to take risks sometimes.”
“Thanks,” I sighed. “See you tomorrow.”
She left quietly and I wondered about getting Ari for dinner. No, she would definitely still be too mad at me to come out of her room.
I polished off the beer and resisted the urge to throw the bottle across the room.
She was fucking right.
I treated Natalie no better than Antigua by doing that shit to her. And for what reason?
I did like having her here. I loved seeing Ari light up when she was around. Here, she had my protection. Who really knew how things would be at the women’s shelter? And when she snuggled into my chest during the night, I knew she felt safe with me.
Taking her to that place was like leaving her stranded in the wilderness to be eaten by wolves.
And I couldn’t go back to get her. Abusive spouses tried to take their women back all the time. They wouldn’t let me anywhere near her.
I fucked up badly.
It wasn’t the first time. I’ve fucked up before.
But this was the first time I felt helpless and unable to find a solution.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
NATALIE
No one will ever tell you that a woman’s shelter is just like high school.
Cliques are everywhere, gossiping in their echo chambers and everybody shuns the new girl.
I tried to fit in, I really did.
But with homeless women, drug addicts, and abuse victims with Stockholm Syndrome as my peers, there wasn’t really much for me to connect with.
Quite honestly, it was misery. Almost as miserable as Antigua’s place, but at least the women back there had common pains and struggles even if our backgrounds were different.
Every face at the shelter looked like there was no longer a person there, just a shell of their former selves.
Is that what I looked like? I couldn’t even trust my reflection in the mirror anymore.
I went through the motions like a robot. Cleaning up my part of the shelter and searching online for jobs and resources while barely talking to anyone. It always turned into a conversation about how badly she needed a hit, or that he really did love her but they just needed some space so he could go to anger management.
Searching my old college out of curiosity, I saw that tuition nearly doubled since I was enrolled there and my heart sank. Going back to school with nothing but five-thousand dollars and the clothes on my back seemed utterly fruitless.
I was one year away from graduating with a degree in marine biology. I loved the ocean and I loved science. My favorite internship was the summer I spent at the Oregon Coast Aquarium. I had gotten a great letter of recommendation from the executive director and planned to use it when I applied for a job there.
That all seemed like a lifetime ago. Picking up where I left off felt impossible. How would I even get back to Oregon, let alone find a place to stay? That would eat into my five-thousand in less than a week.
At Sol’s place, I thought I was starting to find happiness. Most of that came from Ari. She reminded me what pure, innocent joy was. I started feeling happy with Sol too, and I thought he did with me.
Which was why I kept trying to wrap my head around why he dropped me off here like a stray cat.
Rationally, my brain could understand it. He didn’t want women coming in and out of his daughter’s life. I had to admire him for that. It was my heart and my body that couldn’t understand.
What would he do if I showed up on his doorstep again? If I said I’d watch his daughter but not sleep with him, or vice versa? Did it really have to be one or the other? Was it so bad to have both?
I wrapped a thick blanket around myself in my bunk bed at night, pretending it was him wrapped around me.
I felt so strongly that he didn’t use me, or at least didn’t mean to. He wouldn’t have taken so long to tease me and made sure I came like a waterfall if he did. He wanted me in his bed throughout the night, all the way up until the moment I woke up and found him gone.
I refused to believe his mind changed so drastically in such a short amount of time. He didn’t seem like that kind of person. Every decision he made, he was confident and sure of himself.
Waking up after another restless night in my uncomfortable bunk bed, I shivered against the cold that chilly morning and reached for my sweater.
Rather than soft cashmere, my hand landed on the solid wood bed frame. I sat up and looked down to the floor thinking it had fallen, but it wasn’t there either. Confusion turning into panic, I rummaged through my small laundry bag of clothes. Not in there either.
I looked all around the bed and then the room I shared with five other women, coming up empty. Someone had stolen my Anthropologie sweater that Netta got me.
It was the nicest thing I owned and someone probably snatched it to sell for weed. Fuck.
I wasn’t deaf, I could hear whispers from the other women about me. Part of the reason they snubbed me was because I came in wearing nice clothes. I heard “rich bitch”, “princess” and all kinds of other insults.
Little did they know. I probably would have fit in better if I wore that bloody shirt I escaped in.
Still, I should have known I would have been made a target.
Shit! The money!
I ran back to my bed and desperately rummaged through my belongings, silently pleading for the money to still be in its hiding spot.
Relief swept through me when I saw the money clip and crisp bills just where I left them-- wrapped up in a pair of panties in my dirty laundry.
I held the panties to my chest against my racing heartbeat, glad that no one was around to watch me before stuffing them back in the laundry bag.
Not a moment after returning the money back to its hiding place, one of my roommates burst through the door, sending it bouncing off the wall.
Janelle, with her wiry blonde hair, sunken dark eyes and arms full of tattoos that looked hand-drawn by a child, looked around the room and laser-focused her gaze on me.
From what I gathered, she was a homeless woman who stayed at the shelter off and on. She was tough, abrasive and led her little clique of followers around everywhere. I was one of the first new targets she tried to intimidate.
“Hey, rich bitch,” she said to me as a way of greeting.
“Hi Janelle,” I replied.
She studied me for a few uncomfortable seconds while I just sat on my bed, wondering what she wanted. For a moment I wondered if she was the one who took my sweater.
“Say, who’s your coke hookup?”
“My what?”
“Where do you get your coke at?”
I lifted an eyebrow at her, not backing down.
“I don’t do coke.”
“Yeah fucking right,” she spat. “That’s what all you pretty rich people do. None of this cheap crack shit like us in the streets.”
Antigua had a coke empire. But I wasn’t about to tell her that. I wouldn’t wish meeting that man on my worst enemy.
Solomon probably moved it too, though I never saw him using it himself. Something told me he’d never keep it in his house with Ari there, if he kept it at all.
Janelle’s face was suddenly inches away from mine, revealing rotten teeth and breath that smelled like old garbage. My stomach roiled and I moved to get away from her, but she held my arms in a surprisingly strong
grip.
“What the fuck are you even doing here, pretty rich bitch?” she snarled in my face. “Did Daddy take your car away?”
“Let me go!” I cried loudly, hoping someone would hear me as I tried to pry her talons off my arms.
“You sure got a pretty face and a pretty little coke nose.” she taunted. “I bet you even got a pretty little pussy too.”
“What?? No!”
Horror ripped through my body as I tried even harder to fight her off. This situation felt oddly familiar. The sudden realization came to me that rapists and sexual predators weren’t always men.
“Ever had your cunt fucked by another bitch?” Janelle asked crudely and flicked her tongue at my face. “I promise you it’s so much better than dudes with their stupid cocks.”
“No!” I screamed at the top of my lungs and used my last ounce of strength to finally shove her backward.
She careened back but just laughed as she swaggered toward the door again.
“Tonight I’m popping your bitch cherry.”
She blew a kiss at me before leaving the room, slamming the door behind her.
I sat on the edge of my bunk bed just long enough to take a few deep, full breaths before grabbing my clothes. Double-checking to ensure all the money was still there, I gathered up everything that was mine and walked out.
I left the bedroom, passed the front reception area and walked straight out onto the sidewalk.
There was absolutely no way I could stay there any longer.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
SOLOMON
“Still mad at me?”
Ari’s steely glare from across the table told me loud and clear that yes, she was.
Damn it, she has the exact same angry look as me.
It had been three days since I dropped Natalie off at the woman’s shelter and Ari hadn’t said a single word to me since yelling that she hated me and storming up to her room.
I didn’t know whether to be concerned or impressed. It seemed like a lot of resolve for a six-year-old to hold a grudge for so long. She had more will than some of the grown men I’ve had to interrogate.
Down and Dirty: A Single Dad Bad Boy Romance (Small Town Bad Boys Book 3) Page 7
