by Ines Johnson
What happened was I still had an un-popped cherry. I hadn’t called Christopher. I couldn’t. I was embarrassed and my feelings hadn’t gone away. My body betrayed me every night as I dreamed of him and woke with soaked sheets; my nipples hardened and aching for him. My core clenching and begging to be filled by him.
“Mary Kate, we’re counting on you,” said Moira. “I have everything locked into place. Was I wrong about you? Is this too much for you? Can you do this?”
“I can,” I said. “It’s just a rough patch. I know how to fix it.”
Moira disconnected and a monotone dial tone filled the line. I terminated the line, sat my phone down, and pulled my laptop towards me. I hit the delete key on large paragraphs of words. But at the end of my search and destroy mission, I still had no clue how to fill the void.
I knew how sex worked, of course. I’d tried watching the Candida Royalle DVD. There was no mugging the camera. But there was still a disconnect, something impersonal about those performances on the screen. Something fake in each person’s countenance because they were acting on some level. The story lines were plausible and easy to follow. The scenes were pretty, the lighting beautiful, the editing seamless, the actors attractive. The performances were better than Internet porn, but there was still no connection. These people were fucking, not making love.
It was the same thing that was missing in my books. The parts Moira connected with, I had personal experience with. The parts she rejected, I had no connection to offer. I looked at my phone sitting silent on my desk.
Was I seriously considering giving up my virginity to save my career?
Did I have to?
Christopher said he could show me things without crossing that line. I had no reason to distrust him. He’d been true to his word with everything he’d promised. I was the one who kept crossing the red lines I drew.
The words came alive when I described things to him. He said he would help me, that he wanted to be friends. It was me that had the problem. But I could get it under control. I had to, or my career was over.
I did a quick Google search and found the address I needed. I’d meant for our relationship to be about business the last time we met. My mistake was meeting on home turf. This time I’d meet Christopher at his place of business.
Outside, Lucille started up without incident and we headed across town. I pulled up to the car shop. WATCHERS CREW AND AUTO, the sign read. It sat in the middle of a mixed industrial and residential neighborhood. I parked Lucille in one of the open slots of the storefront and went into the glass front doors.
Inside there was a tall, dark drink of water bent over a car. He had his shirt off. I had trouble averting my gaze from the valley between his abs and his belt buckle. Looking up, I saw grease stains on his muscled chest.
“You’re the piece of sweet meat Crow’s been pouting about.”
There was so much to unpack in that sentence. My hackles went up at being called a piece of meat, regardless that he’d tacked on “sweet” as an adjective. But my attention was diverted to the end of a sentence.
“Christopher was pouting about me?” Every business-minded thought, all pep talk points, all firm red lines, went out of my head.
The guy rolled his eyes. “He’s not here. He’ll be back soon.” His gaze raked over my body. “I’ll keep you company until he gets back.”
I wasn’t afraid of him. I knew he was trying to get a rise out of me. This was one of Christopher’s friends. I remembered him from last week at the sex shop.
“Leave her alone, Eagle,” said a woman’s voice.
Eagle turned to look over his shoulder. “You telling me what to do, sweet meat? I got something for that ass later.”
The woman skirted his slap with a giggle and came to stand before me. “Mary Katherine? I’m Eleanor. You can call me, Ellie.”
Ellie looked like someone from my grandparents’ church. She had on a prim and proper blouse and a knee-length skirt. Her blond hair was pulled into a platted bun.
“You want to come up to the house and wait?” she asked.
I followed her out the door. Eagle watched us with a narrowed gaze. My instinct was to cover my ass with my hands. Ellie wiggled her hips.
“Crow has never brought a girl home,” Ellie said once we were outside on the path that lead from the shop to a three-story house.
“I wasn’t invited,” I said. “I just need to talk to him about something.”
“Is this about your book?”
“He told you about my book?”
I felt irrationally jealous. This girl was basically me. She had ‘good girl’ written all over her heart-shaped face and prim clothes that were in a slimmer size than mine. But I had nothing to worry about. She was with the shirtless guy, Eagle.
“I’m the only other person in the house who reads anything besides car magazines,” Ellie said. “Owl reads literature, but he wouldn’t be caught dead reading a romance novel.”
Eagle? Crow? Owl? And there was an emblem with wings coming out of a tire over the top of the shop. I wondered what was with all the bird names? I also wondered who else lived in this house?
I saw sports cars in the driveway that were straight out of the Fast and Furious movie franchise. And there was also a VW Bug with a ladybug paint job. Ellie ran her hand lovingly over the Bug as we headed up the driveway.
“I read your books,” she said. “The Tender Kisses series is one of my favorites. It’s hard to find good inspirational romance that doesn’t hammer you over the head with scripture.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“That’s the cutest dress, by the way.”
I ran my hands over my sundress. Today it was the color of the sun, a bright and blinding yellow to compliment this beautiful cloudless day. “Thank you.”
“I wish I had the curves to carry that off. But as you can see, I’m built like a twelve-year-old girl.”
“Are you kidding? I’d kill for your legs. The way my thighs rub together I could light a match.”
Ellie let out a bark of laughter. I turned to her expecting mockery. Instead, I saw genuine delight and not an ounce of judgment. She pulled the door open and let me precede her.
Inside, the house resembled a bachelor’s pad with a woman’s feminine touch. There was dark leather furniture with splashes of color, like couch pillows and coasters.
“Crow and Hawk will be back soon.” Ellie led me down the hall and into the kitchen.
“Hawk?” I asked.
“That’s my boyfriend.”
“But I thought the other guy, Eagle, was your boyfriend?”
Ellie smiled. She opened her mouth. Thought better of it. Then headed for the fridge. “Are you hungry? I was going to make lunch for everyone. Well, not make it myself. I was going to assemble it from leftovers. Crow made a roast turkey the other night. I was going to make sandwiches.”
Crow cooked?
“You don’t have to go through the trouble,” I said.
Ellie shrugged. “Cooking is the love language in this house. Since you’re spending time with Crow, you’ll probably be around a bit.” She smiled at me, seemingly thrilled by the prospect of my continued company.
As she pulled out the makings from the fridge, the door opened to the sounds of masculine voices. A large man entered. He had to turn sideways to fit his bulk into the door. He swooped Ellie into an embrace and a wet kiss.
“MK?”
I turned expecting annoyance. But Christopher looked thrilled to see me.
“I’m so glad you came over,” he said. “I missed you.” He came over and embraced me. Without the kiss. “Are we good?” He looked so earnest and hopeful.
“We're good.” How could I say otherwise?
His grin spread to my heart, and I was right back to where I started.
“So this is your…” Hawk’s eyes undressed me as he stroked Ellie’s hair. “… friend?”
“Hawk, this is MK,” said Christopher. “MK, this is
my brother, Hawk. And you already met Ellie.”
“And Eagle,” Ellie supplied as she leaned into Hawk’s chest. “Owl stayed over at Kira’s. You guys hungry? We’re making lunch.”
I didn’t remark that none of these men resembled the other in any way. Eagle was African-America. Hawk looked as though he’d sailed from Spain with Columbus. And then there was the golden-haired Christopher.
The men took the utensils out of Ellie’s hands and shooed her into a seat as they prepared lunch for us.
With the sandwiches made, Christopher grinned at me over his food. Hawk only had eyes for Ellie. He fed her, then kissed her, then stroked her hair.
“What brought you over, MK?” Christopher asked. “You having trouble again? With the masturbation scene?”
I coughed, nearly choking on a piece of turkey. “Can we talk about this in private?”
“There’s no privacy in this house,” he said.
Ellie’s smile was sympathetic. Then Hawk captured her lips.
I turned away from them. “That scene is fine. It’s the… next scene I’m having trouble with.”
Christopher nodded sagely. “He’s ready to pop her cherry. Did you read the book and watch the video from my mom’s?”
“I did, but…”
“Let me guess, it was all impersonal. I figured that would happen. You write emotion better than action.”
He stared off into space pondering my problem.
“Well, you and I can’t,” he said, motioning between us. “But I have an idea. Hawk, Ellie want to help out?”
Chapter Twelve
I sat in the living room and watched Hawk undress Ellie. She reached for his zipper. Her fingers, practiced and sure, jerked the tab down. The buzzing sound cracked the air. My chest tightened as each tooth of the zipper unclenched.
I turned to Christopher who sat beside me. His nostrils flared at my slow exhale. He looked like he knew what was going through my head.
How could he have any idea what was going through my head? My mind was a fog watching a live sex demonstration.
“Why are you wearing these boxers?” Ellie chided. “I thought I got rid of them.”
Hawk swatted away her hand and toed out of his jeans. “You did. They’re new.”
Ellie turned to me, one eyebrow quirked as though asking me to feel her pain. I couldn’t hold her eyes. Her left breast was exposed. The pink bud stared at me before her boyfriend palmed it.
This was nothing like the opening porn scenes I’d seen on the internet where the woman undressed herself while playing with her nipples or looked suggestively at the camera. It wasn’t like the Candida movies with the great lighting, smooth camera moves, and intricate plot points. Even though we were clearly in their line of sight, Hawk and Ellie weren’t performing. They were completely into each other.
Hawk peeled Ellie’s skirt open and down her long legs. There was nothing adolescent about her body. Hawk sank to his knees. It was an act of reverence. He looked up at her with an expression so powerful I had to glance away.
But only for a moment.
I couldn’t stop watching. The love between them was like a thick fog. I swiped at my eyes, and when I pulled my hand away, I watched Hawk plant light kisses on Ellie’s midriff. Ellie ran her fingers over his scalp, a soft smile on her face.
Hawk took off Ellie’s panties, exposing her intimate flesh. I had trouble changing in front of girls in gym class. I’d never seen another woman’s vagina up close. It was probably the look on my face that turned Ellie’s smile upside down.
“Is this too much for you, MK?” she asked. “We can stop and talk.”
Her expression was full of concern and compassion. She was naked in front of me while her boyfriend’s manhood tented with eagerness. No one seemed to think it was out of place.
“Are you guys, like, exhibitionists?” I asked.
“No.” Ellie cocked her head to the side. “I don’t know? Maybe I am? I don’t expose myself out in public. I don’t mind an audience. I actually like having an audience. But only of people I know and like.”
Her smile at me was inclusive. Then her gaze went thoughtful. Hawk stood and rounded her. He kissed her neck.
Ellie cocked her head to the other side to allow him full access while she kept talking. “Maybe I’m a Candaulist exhibitionist; that’s someone who likes to expose themselves in a sexually provocative manner. Or maybe I’m more a Martymachlian-”
“El,” said Hawk. “You’re going nerdy, babe.”
She ignored him. “We’re technically swingers because I only have a love relationship with Hawk. But we have recreational sex with friends.”
“Your boyfriend can have sex with any girl he wants to? On the side?” I asked.
“No, that’s cheating,” Hawk answered with two handfuls of Ellie’s breasts. “I don’t do anything I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling Ellie about beforehand or afterwards.”
“I had a hard time with it at first,” said Ellie as she leaned into his embrace. “It was confusing. My heart clearly belongs to Hawk.” She turned to Christopher. “But I do love the way Crow sucks my nipples.”
“Ah, El,” grinned Christopher. “You say the sweetest things.”
In my lap, my right hand balled into a fist. With my left hand, my fingers found the beads of my grandmother’s rosary. “You guys have done that before?” I asked. “Recently?”
“It’s just sex,” Hawk said. “Sex is fun. Especially with another person. Or a group of people.”
I pressed my lips together, but the words escaped nonetheless. “But you love her.”
Hawk’s gaze turned to Ellie. He grinned like a middle school boy with a love note in his back pocket. It was clear he was head over heels.
I rolled a bead between my thumb and forefinger. “I don’t understand how you can watch someone you care about be intimate with another person.” I avoided Christopher’s eyes, but I knew he was watching me. He kept silent, letting me work this out on my own.
“Because you’re still thinking of it like it’s cheating,” said Ellie, standing naked and unashamed before me. “Polyamory is the norm in the animal kingdom. Monogamy has only come into play within the last millennia. It’s widely failed and-”
Hawk captured her lips. “Ellie, I’m going to fuck you now.”
He bent down and suckled her breasts. When he did, his ass was to me. I saw the tip of his cock between his legs. I tried not to stare, but I was finding penises hypnotic. Hawk’s cock jerked and twitched like a pendulum, a carnal hypnotist putting me in a trance.
Looking up, I saw Hawk flick Ellie’s nipple with the tip of his tongue. It was the exact same move Christopher had done to me. Ellie gasped as I had done then. As I did now.
I clutched the beads at my chest. My fingers swiped at the tops of my breasts and I shuddered. I’d felt the sensations she was feeling. Now, I was seeing them up close. My memories and vision collided, and it felt like it was happening to me.
I’d felt nothing looking at the porn videos. Ellie wasn’t acting. She smiled down at Hawk, love clear in her eyes. Her head tilted back. She closed her eyes. She didn’t swipe her hair out of her face and look around to find the camera lens or moan for the audience.
Beside me, Christopher stretched out, a small smile on his face as he watched Ellie. But his attention was on me.
“Tell us what you see,” he said.
The voice that filled the room sounded nothing like my own. But it was mine.
“Her nipples are like pebbles. Her skin is flushed. Her entire chest is turning pink. I can see it spreading in real time, like a shadow of passion.”
Hawk looked over at me and smiled appreciatively, appearing to enjoy my descriptions.
Ellie’s eyes opened and focused on me.
“This is so interesting,” she said. “I’ve only ever examined sex from a theoretical, quantitative standpoint. Your lyrical, qualitative perspective is fascinating.”
Hawk laid E
llie on the coffee table and spread her thighs. His eyes were on me. “What does it looks like?” he asked.
I looked to Christopher. There was pride in his eyes, like it was me and my words that were on display and not Ellie’s naked body.
I had to blink a couple of times. All eyes were on me waiting for my words. Hawk lined up with Ellie’s entrance.
“It looks like a flower stem,” I said. “And the flower blossom. The arch of her back is like a valley, her breasts are like mountains.”
“That shit’s poetic,” said Hawk. “Flowers and mountains and valleys.”
I hadn’t thought of that. Her breasts were like mountains and the curve down towards her core was a valley. “Can I use that in my book?”
“Of course,” Hawk grinned. “I like to share.” He entered Ellie in one hard thrust.
I couldn’t believe we were having a casual conversation as he fucked his girlfriend. Hawk set an unhurried pace. Ellie closed her eyes and put her arms behind her head like she was settling in for a relaxing ride.
I watched Hawk thrust in and then out of her, slowing, deeply. Ellie sighed; her hand went to his bicep. She hitched her leg up. I watched Hawk’s angle change and the last inch of his penis disappeared fully inside of her.
“Hey, MK.”
I tore my gaze from the union at their hips and up at Hawk.
“Watch,” he said. “She’s about to come. Watch how her back arches. It’s fucking beautiful. Watch how her toes curl. Can you see it? Is that not the sexiest damn thing you’ve ever seen? A damn pinky toe. Watch her.”
Hawk took one hand and moved it southward. His fingers parted Ellie’s labials, and he found her swollen clit. He flicked at it and Ellie jackknifed.
I’d seen the women in the videos go through their performance of coming. I’d felt the real sensations myself. But watching another woman having a real orgasm took it to a whole other level.
Ellie’s eyes widened, and then closed. Her body jerked, then stilled, then jerked again. I saw the tremors run up her leg. I saw her nipples turn to hard points. She moaned low and then panted as her body convulsed. Her gasps came higher and faster. Hawk fused their lips along with their bodies.
