by Ines Johnson
I wasn’t hungry. I’d eaten plenty at lunch with Christopher this afternoon. He’d pushed a second helping on my plate, watching me with hunger in his eyes as I took in every morsel offered.
Never once had he looked at my body with disdain as I caught my mother doing out the side of her eye. Never once did he signal me to suck it in and sit up straight. I dressed in my cutest, most flattering outfits every time I went to see him. If anything, Christopher preferred me flat on my back with all of my flesh rolling and bouncing around. I’d never felt more beautiful and comfortable in my own skin than I had these past weeks with him.
Over dinner, it was apparent that John Stafford would have been the exact type of guy I would have dated. He ticked every check mark; educated, kind, loved kids, and he even went to church on Sundays.
“Did you know there’s a contemporary religious art showcase that opens this weekend?” he said. “Would you like to go with me, Mary Katherine?”
I did want to go. And I wouldn’t mind going with him. I doubted Christopher would be interested in religious art. Aside from the rosary tattoo on that random woman’s breast, we’d never broached the topic of art. Aside from my rosary, we’d never again broached the topic of religion.
John was excited to see the works of a Japanese artist who infused abstract expressionism with the traditional art of Nihonga. I didn’t know what that meant but I wanted to see it. My excitement grew with the way his eyes lit up and his hands waved around excitedly. I sat as captivated as my niece and nephews. I nearly whined when my mother cleared the dishes away signaling the end of dinner.
John walked me out to my car. As he opened my car door, he asked me again to accompany him to the exhibit.
I was in an open relationship. There was no reason I couldn’t go with him. It wasn’t like I was going to sleep with this guy.
I declined the invitation.
With a sad smile and no explanation, I got in my car and pulled away from my parents’ house. The truth was, I wasn’t in an open relationship. I was a one-man kind of woman.
I couldn’t see myself being with anyone other than Christopher. I couldn’t imagine that another man could make me feel the way he did. I was all in. And I wanted him to be all in too.
I pulled up to my complex. Through the window, I saw Christopher sitting on the hood of his car. He grinned when I pulled into my spot. As I cut the engine, he came to my door to hand me out.
“Where’ve you been?” He pulled me into his arms, running his hands up and down my back as he pressed me into him. “I thought you’d be writing.”
There was a part of me that wanted to sass him. To tell him I had a life outside of my writing desk. Outside of his bed. That I had other men interested in me. But a wave of guilt swept over me.
It was irrational that wave. I’d watched him in an orgy with another woman. All I’d done was have a conversation with another man. And that man hadn’t even touched me.
“I missed you,” Christopher breathed into my hair.
I melted. Of course I melted. This man simply needed to look at me and I was reduced to a puddle. “You saw me this afternoon.”
“Am I turning into one of those clingy boyfriends?” He pulled away looking sheepish. “I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t get my fill of you today.”
“You filled me up pretty nicely.”
“Yeah, I did” he smirked. “I just want to hold you now. I’ve had a long day, and I just want my girl in my arms.”
I stopped my brain from wondering if work or pleasure had caused his day to be long. It didn’t matter. He was here now. There had only been one night that we’d spent apart since I’d first slept in his bed. He had traveled for a race a few nights ago. He’d called me that night after the dust had settled. Then he arrived on my doorstep the first thing the next morning.
“Is that okay, MK? You know you can tell me to beat it if I’m crowding you.”
“It’s not too much. It’s perfect.”
He smiled, running his hands through my hair and loosening the barrette that held my ponytail. “By the way, my mother wants you to come over to meet everyone.”
“You want me to meet your family?”
“Of course, I do. Unless that’s too much, too soon? I’m still not sure how all this commitment stuff works.”
“No, it’s not too much. It’s…” I couldn’t speak past the fluttering of my heart, which choked my throat.
“Hey, princess?”
“Yeah, Christopher?”
“Are you sure you’re sore? I could kiss it better.”
Chapter Twenty-One
I don’t know what I expected walking into Christopher’s parents’ house. Nude art on the wall? Grown folks fornicating in the corners? A sex swing?
The neighborhood we pulled into could have been my parents’ neighborhood. It was early afternoon and we were stopping by for lunch. Inside the house, there was a riot of colors. Completely unlike my parents’ museum-style house that was shades of beige.
Christopher’s mother came up and hugged me the moment I stepped over the threshold. I couldn’t remember the last time my own mother hugged me.
“You look lovely, Mary Katherine.”
“Thank you, Mrs-”
She shook her head. A tinkle of laughter spilled from her mouth. It was like Christopher’s laugh. “You did tell her this was a house of heathens. It’s just Holly, dear. Come meet the rest of the family.”
The introductions made my head spin. There was Holly’s life partner, Christopher’s father, whose name was Terry. There was Holly’s boyfriend and his wife. There was also Terry’s lover, who was a man, and his wife, who happened to be Holly’s best friend. I could not keep all the names or connections straight.
“Confused?” Christopher whispered into my ear.
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Freaked out?”
I opened my mouth to deny it, but nothing came forth.
He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my temple.
We moved deeper into the house where a man rolled on the floor with children. Christopher released my waist and dove into the fray. The kids chanted “Uncle Christopher” and attacked.
“Hi, you must be Mary Katherine.” I looked at the blonde woman who approached me. “I’m Susan, Chris’s sister.”
I offered my hand; Susan came in for a hug.
“That’s my husband, Scott,” she pointed to the man on the floor in the fray of children. “And those are all my rug rats.” She ticked each child off by name. There were four of them. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to meet you.”
“We’ve only been dating a couple of weeks,” I said.
“Yes, but I’ve been waiting for years for my baby brother to find love. Trust me, if he brought you here, to show you all our family’s crazy, his feelings run deep.”
I looked down at Christopher. It was the first time I’d seen him with children, outside of my imagination. I had never seen my sister’s husband play with his children. I’d never experienced my own father at play. I’d always gone to my grandparents’ for any affection. Christopher looked like he was in heaven on the floor with the kids. My ovaries pulsed.
As the men and children played, Susan took the opportunity to tell me every embarrassing story she could remember about Christopher. I listened and watched Christopher give piggyback rides.
On the walls were a mountain pictures; Holly, Terry, and three blond-headed children at various stages of life, in different locales, with a host of people surrounding them. Christopher had told me that his brother was traveling overseas.
“You all have a large family,” I said.
“My mother doesn’t let anyone go. It’s like the mafia; once you’re in you can’t get out. Every boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, playmate is still apart of our lives, even if they aren’t intimate with my parents any longer. Holly is very big on family.”
“You call your mother by her name?”
“Most of the ti
me. She doesn’t like labels. She’s an anarchist. But don’t call her that. I was anarchical growing up. I believed that if you labeled one person, it devalued another. Then I met Scott and I haven’t felt the need for anyone else.”
“You two are legally married?”
Susan nodded.
“What did you say in your wedding vows?” I asked.
“We pledged our lives to each other, promised to face challenges and to nurture each other as we continued to grow. We promised to be loving and faithful partners. We’ve kept every one of those promises.”
Scott looked up at her then. He winked and blew her a kiss.
“I still consider myself poly,” Susan said. “He knows I would never cheat on him. I’d come to him if I developed feelings for another soul.”
Holly came in to announce that lunch was ready. Dining was a communal affair. Holly and Terry served Ethiopian food with spongy bread, lentils and veggies that everyone ate with their hands.
Everyone told stories about Christopher to embarrass him -and they all knew stories. His father told stories about him in little league. His mother’s boyfriend told stories about taking Christopher and his older brother fishing. Even his mother’s lover had stories to tell.
Through all the laughter and joviality, I forgot who was attached to whom. As dishes cleared, they accepted me in, treating me as a part of the family. I even got charged with a chore after the meal.
I stood next to Holly drying off the dishes she pulled from the sudsy sink. “Can I ask you something?” I said.
“How do I make all of this work?” she guessed.
I smiled at her perceptiveness. “My mother and sister have trouble managing just one relationship. I’ve never even had a boyfriend before. With Christopher, I feel like I’m being asked to fly before I’ve learned to walk. I don’t want to fall on my face.”
“You definitely are a writer, aren’t you,” Holly said with a grin so like her son’s. “I don’t believe one person can be everything to you. I think it’s a lot of responsibility and pressure to expect of a single person. I need different things in my life, so I collect different people. I wanted children, and I chose Terry to partner with in that endeavor. I knew we’d make good co-parents and life-partners. I love to travel, but Terry’s a homebody. So, my boyfriend Pat, his wife, and I all travel together. Terry’s bisexual. He fell in love with Corey when we were in college. But Corey wanted to stay in the closet. He married Lily and suppressed his feelings until a few years ago when he came out. Terry and I supported them both through it and the men fell in love all over again.”
Up until now I’d only worried about Christopher with other girls. Now I had to wonder if he was into guys too?
“It’s a lot of work managing all these relationships,” Holly said. “But it’s enriched my life.”
“I get jealous,” I admitted, running the dishtowel over the tines of a fork. “I see him with other women and I get jealous.”
Holly nodded. “Jealousy is a natural human trait. What you need to ask yourself is where is the jealousy stemming from?”
“I feel that if he’s allowed to have these other choices, he’ll find someone he likes better.” I put the last of the dishes on the drying rack.
“You think that limiting his choices will keep him by your side?”
“That sounds awful when you put it like that.”
Holly smiled. “Those are your feelings, and they’re valid. But it’s not likely how Christopher feels. He hasn’t stopped talking about you since you came into the shop. He’s never talked with me about any of his relationships. I think you just might be special to him.” She said the last phrase in a singsong voice.
Something settled in my soul, but there was still an itch in my heart. “I feel like I’ll never be enough for him.”
Holly leaned her hip against the counter and tilted her head, considering. “I think love changes over time, but it’s always there. My love for Christopher’s father has done that; it’s changed over the years we’ve been together. He’s had partners that were different from me, and I had feelings of inadequacy. But those were my feelings. It didn’t mean he loved me any less, or that he was prepared to leave me for another. We brought those people into our lives. I’ve made a life commitment to Terry, and he’s made one to me. Even when we’re pissed the hell off at each other, we would never go back on that promise we made to be there for each other no matter what.”
“How is that any different than a traditional marriage?”
“There’s an exit clause called divorce,” Holly chuckled. “Irreconcilable differences, infidelity, incompatibility, these are all a natural part of human existence, as well. They’re likely to happen over the course of a relationship. People use those excuses to walk away. Don’t do that. Walking away is so damned easy. Staying and working things out, that’s harder.”
Holly pulled me into her arms and I came.
She rubbed my back just like my grandmother used to do.
“Talk to Christopher.,” she said as she let me go. “Tell him how you feel. Otherwise, you’ll fall into the trap of hoping he figures it out and solves it for you, and that won’t happen. Two heads are better than one. Three and four are even better. And if you don’t know how to talk to him, you can talk to your girlfriends. Ellie and Shakira are lovely girls with good heads on their shoulders. And you can always come and talk to me. No topics are off bounds. You’re apart of the family now. When I collect people I don’t let them go.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
On the drive back to my place, my belly was full and my heart was light. But the gears in my head were turning. I was going to talk with Christopher about my jealousy issues. Though they seemed insignificant now when he twined his fingers with mine and pressed his lips to my knuckles.
I knew he didn’t have feelings for Mrs. Robinson, or the bopsy twins, or any of the other girls he had sex with. They weren’t the woman he loved. I was.
What was there to be jealous of? He always made time for me. As soon as I thought to miss him, he’d call or text or come over. When I was with him, I had his full attention. Even if he had another woman’s breast in his hand, he still looked out for me.
Should I even bother him with any of this? Was it a big deal?
It was my issue. Not his.
We pulled up to my place. Christopher cut the engine. He leaned over and kissed me. “Let me walk you inside.”
“You’re not coming in?”
He shook his head. “I’ve gotta handle something with the guys.” He unbuckled his seat belt. He looked up and smiled at the disappointment on my face. “It shouldn’t take too long. I’ll be back tonight.”
He got out and opened the door for me, taking my hand. It was that time of the day that was after noon but before evening. The sun was still visible on the horizon, but the bright orb was sinking fast. Storm clouds moved in and muted its rays.
“Are you guys playing with other women?” I asked.
Christopher wrapped his arm around my shoulder and tucked me into his side, right in the spot where I fit him so perfectly. “I don’t know? Maybe?”
Now is the perfect time to say something, Mary Katherine. Don’t expect him to read your-
“Do you have a problem with me playing with random women?”
His mother, Ellie, Kira, they were all wrong. Christopher always knew exactly what I was thinking, exactly what I needed.
“Kira doesn’t like it when she doesn’t know the girls Owl plays with,” he said. “They agreed he’d only play with girls she knew or girls that came to the parties at the house. Is that something you want?”
I remembered Kira crouching on the ground outside the garage when Mrs. Robinson came over to play. She’d said she didn’t like watching Owl play with others. But then she’d stood next to me and watched the boys bring Mrs. Robinson to a shattering climax. We’d both sighed as we’d felt the aftershock of that climax.
Thinking back on it no
w, it didn’t really bother me that Christopher had played around with Mrs. Robinson. He clearly didn’t have feelings for her, and neither did she for him. It had been fun for them both. And if I was honest, I kind of enjoyed watching it. Way more than when I’d tried to watch the online and DVD porn. What happened with Mrs. Robinson had been real, not fake. Like with Ellie and Hawk.
“We can talk about it when I get back. I won’t be long, I promise.” Christopher let me into my place using my key. He paused in the doorframe and smiled at me. “You know, I really thought my family would freak you out, and you’d turn and run. I was nervous about that.”
I stood rooted to the spot in my foyer. He reached out and ran his hand over my rosary. His fingers counted the beads that rested over my heart. It had a calming effect on us both.
“I don’t want you to run away from me,” he said. “I want you to stay.”
I reached my hand out to the small table where I kept my mail. “You should take this.”
“Is this your spare key?”
I shook my head. “It’s your key, for whenever you want to come over and stay.”
He captured the keys in his hand and my mouth with his lips. He pocketed the key, stepped out, and shut the door behind him.
For the next half hour I tried to focus on my work, but I couldn’t. My heart was light, cushioned in a cocoon that knew it was love. But my mind wouldn’t rest. It wanted to focus on any and everything except my manuscript, which was a problem because my deadline was looming large. I needed a distraction to wrangle my muse.
I looked at the clock to see it was only 4:30pm. Next to the clock was a postcard from a local art museum that featured the contemporary religious works that Principal Stafford and I had talked about. It was just the distraction I needed.
There was only an hour left until the doors to the exhibit closed when I got there. I walked the halls looking for meaning in the water-colored angels, collages of scriptures, and expressionistic renderings of prophets. I wondered what Christopher would think about the Fall of Man installation that used a recycled tire as the skin for the serpent. I’d like to believe he would’ve humored me and come along, but I doubted he’d actually enjoy himself here.
