She bowed her head and hesitated to agree.
“It may be a lie,” he continued, hoping to convince her that it was what he needed most from her, “but at least there is truth between the two of us, and that is all that matters. I require nothing else to give me peace, other than your love, Mairi. All I want is you.”
Her eyes lifted and she rose up on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck.
When his lips touched hers, he wondered with apprehension how it could be possible for a man like him to be awarded such a gift—to be presented with such joy in the perfection of Mairi Campbell’s love. Surely it could not be this easy to lay the past to rest. His brother had just been shot and killed by English Redcoats. Surely, Logan would not be able to move on from this so easily.
Part Two:
ATONEMENT
Chapter Thirteen
They were married three weeks later in a private ceremony at the base of the mountain at mid-day, when the sun was high in the sky. Aside from Isla and Hamish and the priest, the only guests in attendance were Tomas, his sister Catriona and her husband Murray, along with their two sons, who were old enough to take wives of their own, but to their mother’s constant discontent, had no interest in hurrying to the altar. They were more than happy to celebrate Logan’s and Mairi’s special day, however, and provided ample entertainment by getting drunk on whisky and singing until the sun went down.
That night, after the celebration in the cottage, Isla and Hamish returned with Catriona and Murray to their cottage beyond the glen to give Mairi and Logan a proper wedding night in their own home.
As soon as everyone was gone, Mairi began to tidy up the kitchen, but Logan closed the front door, locked it, and took hold of her hand.
His arm was mostly healed, though he still favored it. There was no more splint.
“I’m your husband now, Mairi,” he whispered in her ear as he pulled her close and began to dance slowly with her before the crackling fire, “and I must insist that there will be no drudgery on your wedding night.”
She smiled up at him, laid her cheek against his warm chest and marveled at what felt like a dream come true, for he was the most loving, tender, and handsome husband.
“How is this possible?” she asked, gazing up at him in the firelight. “What did I ever do to deserve such happiness?”
“I hope I’ll always make you happy, Mairi,” he replied. “I hope I never disappoint you.”
“You won’t,” she said. “I know you won’t.”
He carried her off to bed, then made love to her with extraordinary passion and tenderness until dawn. Even then, a part of her could not truly accept this unexpected gift. Life had never been this bountiful before. It seemed she’d always faced challenge and tragedy.
Perhaps there were still challenges ahead of her, for although Logan’s arm had healed almost completely, she understood that he still carried a burning secret that left him broken on the inside. He grieved for his brother who had died at the hands of the English, and though Logan had been distracted by Mairi’s love over the past few weeks, she suspected the hatred and the desire to avenge his father and brother would eventually return. She knew he was a warrior at heart, and if another company of English soldiers ever threatened her safety, she feared he would don his weapons and unleash the beast he’d locked inside.
She wasn’t sure what she would do when that day came, or how she would convince him to remain here and live in peace, as a crofter. Would their love be enough for him? Would she be enough? Was this his destiny, or was there another?
Perhaps a child would fill his heart more fully than his desire for vengeance. That had certainly been the case for her. When Hamish had come along, he’d brought an extraordinary love with him that changed her life.
She said a silent, secret prayer that Logan had planted a seed in her belly that very night.
* * *
The next seven days were pure bliss for Logan, who made love to his beautiful wife each night and somehow managed to suppress thoughts of Darach’s death. Perhaps it was selfish and unwise of him to distract himself from the grief, but he did so nonetheless, and Mairi never pressed him to express his feelings about it—not since the day in the glade when he confessed all his shameful secrets to her. She was surprisingly cheerful most of the time, not wanting to remind him of what he’d confided, he supposed.
He worried something would eventually happen to remind him of the truth in the world—the truth inside himself—and all of this superficial joy would come crashing down around him.
Sadly, for Mairi, that day came sooner than expected, on a rainy afternoon when Tomas rode into the yard with more news from the castle.
Chapter Fourteen
“Are you certain? Where did you hear this?” Logan asked, rising to his feet when Tomas walked through the door, shocking them all with the information he had gleaned.
“I heard it from a cook in the kitchen at Leathan,” Tomas replied. “She overheard some Redcoats discussing what had happened.”
“So you are telling me that my brother lives? That he survived the gunshot wound and escaped with Larena?”
“Aye, lad, that’s exactly what I’m telling you. My spy in the castle said that Chatham rode north in pursuit of them, for he wanted the lassie as his wife. Good luck to him,” Tomas said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “Sounds like she made her choice, and it was your brother.”
“God help Darach,” Logan said.
But at least he was alive. Darach was alive.
Logan sank onto the chair, cupped his hands together in front of his face, shut his eyes and whispered, “Thank you, Lord.” Then he looked up at Tomas again. “What else do you know?”
Tomas sat down across from him at the table while Mairi poured coffee for both of them. “From what I understand, Chatham found your brother and Larena at Kinloch Castle, but your brother escaped yet again. That occurred a few weeks ago. My spy doesn’t know what happened to Larena—if she went with your brother or remained behind. We suspect she went with your brother, considering what Colonel Chatham’s been up to over the past few weeks.”
“What is that?” Logan asked with a frown.
Tomas’s jaw clenched. He pounded his big fist on the table and caused the coffee to splash about in the cup. “He’s been riding about the Highlands taking his revenge out on every last innocent Scot he comes across. He’s burned out crofters, allowed his men to rape and pillage—always accusing everyone of being a Jacobite traitor. He’s on a rampage. The man has to be stopped.” Tomas paused. “We need our castle back. That’s why I’ve come here, lad. I must speak with you.”
“Me?” Logan glanced up at Mairi and wondered if she’d betrayed his confidence to Tomas or Isla. She shook her head at him, as if she understood his suspicion and assured him that no, she had not betrayed his trust.
“I understand that you Campbells want your castle back from the English,” Logan said to Tomas, “but that’s not my problem. I’m a MacDonald. I just want to find my brother.”
Tomas’s eyes narrowed and he spoke in a low, commanding tone. “I’m not a fool, lad. I can put two and two together and come up with four, not three.”
Logan swallowed uneasily and raised the coffee cup to his lips. Working hard to maintain a calm demeanor, he took a sip, then set the cup down. “I don’t know what you’re referring to, Tomas.”
Tomas inclined his head knowingly. “There’s no point trying to hide who you are, lad. Not with me. I knew your father too well. I was his laird of war for almost a decade. We shared a bond and were friends for many years.”
Logan’s heart began to pound hard and fast in his chest. He spoke not a single word. He merely glared at Tomas, while Mairi stopped what she was doing at the worktable and watched them intently.
Tomas’s eyes glimmered with satisfaction and he pointed at Logan. “Ach! I knew it. You are his son—the youngest, I reckon. Your resemblance to your father is uncanny. I’m surprised no
one else has figured it out.” Tomas glanced up in a heavenly direction. “If only Ronald were alive today to see that you survived Sheriffmuir. You and your brother both.”
Logan rose to his feet. “You sound so sure of all that. But if it were so, he’d be ashamed of us. Lucky for him he’s six feet under.”
Mairi took a step forward. “Logan, please…”
He held up a hand and regarded Tomas with displeasure. “It seems there’s no way to hide the truth now, since you already know it. Aye, I am Ronald’s son, but Darach and I fled the battlefield fifteen years ago. We deserted our clan like a couple of miserable cowards. Darach nearly killed a man to keep our secret. Is that what you wanted to hear, Tomas? Is that what you think our father would have wanted to see?”
“You were just a wee lad,” Tomas argued with pain in his eyes, “with no business being on an open battlefield against the English army. I don’t blame you for running. I wanted to run myself.”
“But you didn’t,” Logan said.
“Nay, but I wasn’t a wee lad.”
Logan took a deep breath and fought against the pulsing knot of anxiety that was churning in his gut. “Darach wasn’t so young. He was fourteen.”
“He was trying to protect you,” Mairi put in.
Mairi paled when Logan shot a warning glance at her.
“I don’t see the point in discussing any of this, Mairi, when I’ve finally put it behind me.” He turned to Tomas. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to help us get our castle back.”
Logan scoffed and spread his arms wide. “You’re asking me? Why? I’m a bloody nobody—a nobody who once betrayed his clan and has made an oath of allegiance to another chief of an enemy clan.”
“That’s exactly why you’re the man we need, Logan. You pledged an oath to Angus the Lion and you’ve been a faithful member of his clan almost all your life. With what’s been happening in the Highlands lately—namely Colonel Chatham killing innocent Scots and stirring up trouble—surely the great Lion would be willing to hear you out. If we could convince him to join forces with us and take Leathan back from the English…”
Logan laughed out loud. “The MacDonalds helping the Campbells? Are you mad? Have you forgotten what happened at Glencoe?”
Tomas waved a dismissive hand. “Ach, that’s ancient history. Besides, it wasn’t the Campbells of Leathan that were involved in that massacre. We had nothing to do with it. As of today, we’re both on the same side, Logan—Scotland against English tyranny. Chatham has been wreaking havoc on Kinloch lands more than anywhere else because he suspects the MacDonalds helped Darach escape. I suspect Angus is chomping at the bit to call out the charge and put a battering ram through Chatham’s gates.”
For a moment that image lit a fire in Logan’s belly—for he couldn’t imagine anything more satisfying—but then he glanced at Mairi and thought about how she’d been working so hard to convince him to live a life of peace, to let go of the past. He bowed his head. “I just want to find my brother.”
“You will, lad.” Tomas patted Logan firmly on the shoulder. “Let me travel with you to Kinloch to speak for the Campbells of Leathan. We’ll talk to your MacDonald laird together. I’m sure he knows where Darach has gone.”
Logan looked at Mairi again. She stood in front of the hearth, watching him with questioning eyes.
God help him, he loved her. He truly did, but he could not stay here and do nothing while his brother was on the run from a tyrant—and that same tyrant was burning out innocent crofters and raping the women of two clans. She, of all people, should understand why he couldn’t let such atrocities continue.
“When will you leave?” Mairi asked, recognizing the truth in his eyes before he spoke a word.
“Right away, I suspect.” He glanced at Tomas, who nodded with approval.
“It will be dangerous,” Mairi said. “If your brother helped Larena’s father escape from an English prison, then they’ve become fugitives. Chatham will continue hunting for them—especially if Chatham is in love with Larena. He’ll want to kill Darach.”
Logan stood. “Which is exactly why I must leave here today and travel to Kinloch. I must find out where they went. I must see Darach again and make things right.”
Mairi regarded him heatedly in the kitchen. Her cheeks flushed with concern.
Hamish came out of the bedroom just then and looked up at Logan with heartbreak in his wide eyes. “You’re leaving?”
Logan knelt down on one knee. “Only for a little while.”
“How long will that be?” Hamish asked.
Logan swallowed uneasily. “I don’t know, lad. But I will be back. I promise.”
He tousled Hamish’s hair, then stood and faced Mairi. Her brow was knitted with apprehension and her expression mirrored her son’s disappointment.
“I’m sorry, Mairi, but I must go. Do you understand?”
“Of course,” she replied, though she spoke with her eyes directed at the floor. “He’s your brother and this morning you thought he was dead, but now you have learned that he is alive and in danger. I could never expect you to remain here, doing nothing. Of course you must go.”
“But you’re not happy about it,” Logan softly said, watching her turn away from him, untie her apron, and walk into their bedroom.
He followed her in and took hold of her arm.
Mairi shook her head. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. You must go and search for your brother. There is no avoiding it.”
“It does matter how you feel, Mairi, and I will come back. I swear it.”
Her eyes lifted and he saw uncertainty in them. “Will you, truly?”
“Aye. You’re my wife and I love you.”
Her expression grew somber. “I know you do, and I love you, too, but you’re about to ride out of here to try and raise an army and invade an English garrison. It’s a perilous situation, Logan. I’m frightened that something will happen to you, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’ll be careful,” he said.
She let out a resigned sigh. “Then you must take my father’s sword. You cannot leave here unarmed.”
“I will bring it back to you,” he said while she retrieved it, along with her father’s sword belt, from on top of her wardrobe.
Logan’s work around the croft had strengthened his arm considerably and he was confident the break would continue to heal as he buckled it around his waist.
“Is there nothing I can say to convince you not to go?” Mairi asked when their eyes met.
Recognizing her distress, Logan pulled her into his arms and held her tight. “You know me, lass. I’m reckless and passionate. I cannot possibly sit still, on my hands, doing nothing.”
She drew away to look up at him. “I know, but I thought there was a chance you were ready to let go of that side of yourself. I thought you might be happy living in peace.” She shook her head. “I was a fool to think I could change you.”
He held her away from him at arms’ length. “But you have changed me, Mairi. You’ve helped me face my shame, head on. I don’t know what will become of me when I speak to Angus, but at least he will know who I really am and I will no longer be living a lie.”
He lowered his mouth to hers and devoured her with his kiss. She responded with a desperate embrace, running her hands through his hair and clinging to his shoulders, squeezing his tartan in her fists.
“If you don’t come back,” she said breathlessly, “I will never forgive you.”
He forced himself to let go of her, then backed away to begin preparations for their departure. “If I don’t come back, lass, I’d have to be a dead man, because that’s the only thing that could keep me from your bed.”
He walked out and heard her say quietly behind him, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Chapter Fifteen
For three days straight, Tomas and Logan road hard across the lush green Highlands on their quest to reach Kinloch Castle and make
their plea to Angus the Lion. They were but half a day’s ride from the castle gates when they stopped near a shallow burn in the forest to rest the horses and camp for the night.
As Logan sat before the dying fire sipping strong wine and feeling the chill of the late summer night, he pondered the circumstances in which he now found himself. Not long ago, he had been content with a warrior’s life, scouting these familiar forests and glens with his brother Darach, day after day, week after week, month after month.
Tonight, he was a married man, longing overwhelmingly for the pleasure of his wife’s touch, her smile, and the mouthwatering aromas of her cooking at the end of the day.
At the same time, he was not sorry to be sitting outdoors before a sputtering fire with Tomas Campbell, who had spent the past three days regaling Logan with tales about his former chief—Logan’s own father—during the last years of his life. Tomas and Logan’s father had been as close as brothers and Logan felt good—for the first time in his adult life—that someone other than his own brother Darach knew his true heritage. The connection was fulfilling in a way he could not possibly describe.
As a result, Logan let down his guard that night as he refilled his wine cup and drank thirstily. He shared his own stories with Tomas—details about what had occurred between him and Darach on the road to Leathan and how they had disagreed about what to do with Larena—which was how Logan had ended up with a broken arm. Tomas understood his desire for vengeance. He even admired him for it.
It was very late when Logan fell asleep, wrapped in his tartan, oblivious to the chill in the air.
When he woke at a wicked, ungodly hour, it was to see Tomas marching back into the camp with his hands clasped behind his head and a musket jabbing him in the back.
* * *
“Logan, tell them who I am,” Tomas shouted as he was shoved forward across a patch of ferns on the forest floor.
Taken by the Highlander Page 10
