Before she could reply, I opened the door and jumped out.
The inside light was dim and watery, not modern like the other classrooms or labs. That’s because most of the overheads were off. The first thing I saw when I stepped inside was a stack of four fancy tires. Beside them was Frankenstein’s Corvette, minus the wheels. Charles walked from the back shop. He was wearing a white lab coat and surgical-type mask. Whatever he had in the can he was holding smelled foul.
“Charles, wait.”
“Get out of here, Logan. I mean it.”
“Take off your mask and talk to me.” I coughed. “What’s in that thing?”
“Chemicals you shouldn’t be breathing. You need to leave.”
“You’re going to get caught,” I said.
“I don’t care.” His eyes looked dead. He glared down at the Corvette with its perfect yellow paint, its creamy leather upholstery. “I hate him.”
“No you don’t. You hate that he has something you want.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I do. I know what it’s like to care about someone. You aren’t the only one who wants someone he can’t have.”
He paused and seemed to consider the can again.
“At least I could pretend I had her, that I would have her someday.” He moved close to the car, lifted the can.
“You can still pretend. That’s what I do.” Tears squeezed out onto my cheeks. I kept talking. “My mom will come home for good after the next tour. That’s what I tell myself. Even though it’s not real, it makes me feel better.”
“You pretend?” He took a step back, and I moved closer. “About your mom?”
“Every day. You know how it feels to have a famous parent. You know how lonely it can be to have to act like it doesn’t matter that they’re somewhere else more than they’re with you.” I moved closer as I spoke. “It’s okay to pretend when your life feels shitty and messed up.”
“It’s so shitty,” he said. “So messed up.”
“Mine too.” I got a firm grip on the can. “Now give me that and take off the mask. Then we’ll figure out what to do.”
His fingers slowly released the can. I placed it on the ground, and he took off his mask, carefully, as if he were sleepwalking. Under the light his tears made silver streaks down his face. I put out my arms, and he let me hug him, sobbing like a child. I cried too. For his losses, for mine, and because I didn’t know how to fix life for either one of us.
“It’s going to be all right,” I said over and over. He was still holding on to me when they came for him.
NOTES TO SELF
Jillian Berry had gone into action the minute our call was disconnected. Dr. West arrived about the same time she did. The school psychologist showed up shortly thereafter. Other people too. Chili and Paige, and all of a sudden, my dad and Stella. I knew I was out of control, sobbing as hopelessly as Charles. But even then, clinging to my dad, I knew that I was safe. All I can remember saying is, “Don’t let them hurt him.”
35
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO EVALUATE WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED THUS FAR. LIST THE MOST IMPORTANT DISCOVERY YOU’VE MADE WHILE WORKING THROUGH THIS BOOK.
—Fearless Astrology
Knowing someone’s sign does not mean I know the person. It’s only a starting place.
Good friends can get you through just about anything.
Most guys like to feel important. So do most girls, for that matter, regardless of their signs.
Things don’t always work out according to my plan, but they work out.
The Sun is not the sum.
Yes, I know that’s more than one discovery, but it’s the best I can do for now.
-Logan McRae
Once more I made the transition from scumbag to star. Thanks to Jillian Berry and my friends, everyone knew that I had saved Frankenstein’s Corvette from an acid bath. When I walked down the hall that day, kids grinned. A couple congratulated me.
Dina walked toward me with an expectant look on her face. Once I’d passed her, I heard a hasty “Hiii, Logan.” I was back on top, but this part of fake cool I could do without.
Snider got up from her desk and walked over to me when I came into the room. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I was so wrong to doubt you.”
“You believe me now?” I asked. “About the Gears?”
She nodded. “Charles told us what happened. Nathan backed him up and added more details.”
I couldn’t help grinning. Nathan had come forward.
“What’s going to happen to the Gears and Charles?” I asked.
She shook her head. “We’ll have to see. It’s up to Dr. West.”
Nathan wasn’t at school. Neither were Geneva, Jared, or J.T.
Poor Nathan. All he wanted was a little attention and maybe Geneva’s approval. And now he was in trouble. I hoped he’d be able to graduate. Yes, I still cared about him.
Frankenstein was at his desk when I walked in. He wore a light blue shirt that contrasted with his tan, and his eyes were clear.
“I was hoping you’d come early,” he said. “I want to thank you for saving my car. I know that sounds silly.”
“No, it doesn’t. I feel awful about Charles, though.”
“He’s going be all right,” he said. “His mother is here, and from what I understand, she’ll be taking him home with her to Southern California. You did the right thing to stop him.”
“I hope so.”
“You know what this means, don’t you?” he asked. “He and Geneva are both disqualified for the fellowship. You’re our only remaining finalist.”
I hadn’t even thought about that. Now I could hardly control myself. “I can’t believe it. What do I have to do?”
“Plenty.” His gruff voice turned him into Frankenstein again. “Don’t think I’m going to hand this to you, McRae. You still need a killer writing sample, and none of your essays are there yet. Do you have anything else? Something written from the heart?”
Then I remembered what I did have. I couldn’t possibly, though. There was too much in it. Besides, he’d know I called him Frankenstein.
“What?” he demanded.
“No, it’s too crazy.”
“Why? You do have something, don’t you?”
“I do, but, well, it’s really personal.”
“McRae,” he said. “What have I been trying to tell you since the first day of class? Personal is good.”
“But—”
“Good,” he repeated, and held out his hand. “And if for some reason it’s not, I’ll be the only one who ever sees it. You can trust me to keep my mouth shut. I won’t even share it with Brooke.”
As in Ms. Snider. I was speechless. What had he just openly admitted to me?
“It’s handwritten,” I finally said.
“I think you know how to use a computer.” He stood, his attitude pure challenge.
“I sure do,” I said.
He was back in charge. This time I was going to give him what he wanted.
NOTES TO SELF
Dear Mr. Franklin: You said you wanted personal. Well, I’ve never written anything as personal as this journal. Sorry for the nickname, but you know that’s what most of us call you. I’m not sure when I stopped thinking of it as a bad name. Maybe that day you gave me a second chance at my personal essay. I know you’re on my side, Mr. Franklin, and I’m not trying to use astral manipulation on you either. At least I don’t think I am. Sincerely, Logan
36
CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE FIRST VOLUME IN THIS SERIES AND ARE NOW READY FOR Fearless Astrology, Volume II. MAY THIS INITIAL INVESTIGATION OF THE PLANETS AND THE ZODIAC ENRICH AND DEEPEN YOUR LIFE. MORE SELF-DISCOVERY AND ENLIGHTENMENT LIE AHEAD. ONWARD AND INWARD.
—Fearless Astrology
That are you doing with those boxes, honey?”
“Looking for something, Dad.”
In the office, with the contents of the closet spread to every corner of t
he room, I hear him come inside. Seeing him relaxed and in jeans instead of work clothes makes me feel great. I remember how he held me that night in auto shop after Charles had been taken away and how, even then, I knew I’d be all right.
“The car’s parked in front. Get your things loaded.” He gives a Virgo scrunch of the nose at the mess. “We leave in an hour.”
That’s right. In just one hour, we will be on our way to Monterey. My mom is going to fly in and meet us for dinner. It’s a long trip, but then she loves to travel.
I’m packing and repacking the boxes when I hear a chime and look down at my phone. A text message from Nathan.
A short exchange and, I suspect, a final one. Chili, Paige, and I saw Geneva and him in the Honda yesterday. I don’t know if this text message is a response to that or to the entire sad situation.
Geneva and Nathan. That’s what had me so depressed right before I first found the book. All I’d wished for then was the fellowship, for Nathan to notice me, and for a butt like Geneva’s. And at various times, I got everything except the butt.
Paige and Chili wanted to make the drive with us, but they had to leave last night for a week at the Chiliderians’ cabin at the lake. Only slightly smaller than their house, the so-called cabin will be full of the smell of pine trees and Stella’s wonderful food. I feel a tiny pang of sadness. This will be the first year I’m not going with them.
“We all got what we wanted most,” Chili said as Paige and I helped her pack yesterday. “And that’s because of Fearless Astrology.”
“Or maybe just because we’re fearless,” I said.
“Or a little less fearful than we used to be,” Paige said in that scholarly way of hers.
Trevor has already asked if he can visit Chili at the lake. Whatever he had with Kat is definitely over. When they return, Paige (and Calypso, of course) will start a summer design course at the junior college.
Hunter will be taking summer courses there as well. I was totally wrong about him, totally wrong. Just because he has an Aries Sun, and because of my negative Aries experience with Kat, I jumped to all kinds of conclusions. He’s a good guy, and the only reason he sometimes misses work at the coffee shop is because he works late at his other jobs.
There’s still so much for me to try to figure out, like Moon signs for instance, and how they color and influence a person’s Sun. Like Venus and Mars, and Geneva, for that matter. If we’re supposed to be trined, why do we dislike each other so much?
She and Nathan were allowed to graduate, but I wasn’t around to watch it. They have been a couple since the Gears were punished and Frankenstein announced that I had won the fellowship.
“Logan,” my dad calls from the hall. “You need to get moving, honey.”
Virgo translation: Make the room look the way it did when you entered it.
“I’m almost ready,” I say.
But I can’t help digging into one more box.
A photograph of my junior high school graduation falls out. There we are in our froufrou dresses. Paige and I looking scared, Chili looking perfect, all of us holding hands and daring the camera to capture us. I miss them already.
At the bottom of a yearbook box, I see the familiar tarnished twinkle. Fearless Astrology, Volume II. I start to shove it in my backpack and realize that Dad is standing in the doorway watching me.
“Busted,” I say, and glance up at him, wondering how big a fit he’s going to throw.
But the look I get from him is tender and a little embarrassed. “You come by it honestly, honey.”
“What are you talking about?”
He steps inside and kneels beside me. “I should have told you sooner. My mom is J. Blair. She invented the last name because back then people would have thought she was weird for writing about astrology.”
I stare at the book and try to process what he’s just said. My hippified gram with her old-fashioned sayings and wild hair the color of mine?
“Gram Janie? She wrote this? Why did everyone keep it from me?”
“She and I had a disagreement having to do with what she thought she saw in my chart,” he says. “I’ll tell you all about it later. For now, just let me say I was wrong to try to keep you away from her or the book.”
“What changed your mind?” I ask.
“You, Logan.” He gives me a hug, and I feel warm and secure in spite of all the crazy questions filling my head. “I’ve watched how you’ve changed this year, how confident you’ve become, and I’ve also come to terms with a lot of my own stuff.”
“Thank you,” I tell him. Then I grab the book and my bag and rush outside before I start to cry.
It’s more dark than light out. Only a ghost moon glows in the gray-blue of the sky. The air is fresh with beginnings, still cool enough to make my skin prickle, but with the faint scent of the budding lilacs in the breeze.
Tonight I’ll be in my new world. But for now, I just stand here with my bare feet on the cold concrete and watch this neighborhood I’ve grown up in as it awakens one more time around me.
I hear a noise, turn, and see my dad standing behind me at the front door.
“Ready?” he asks in a husky voice.
“I guess so.”
I realize he’s carrying my shoes and that he hasn’t moved.
I walk over and take them from him, start to ask what’s wrong. And then I see the streak of silver drive onto my street. I’m so shocked that it takes me a moment to process. The Spyder pulls into our driveway so fast that I jump out of the way. Chili and Paige, both of them in jeans, pile out and head for me. Stunned, I run to hug them.
“Mom postponed our vacation a week,” Chili shouts.
“And she made shish kebab sandwiches and tabboul salad for our lunch.” Paige lets go of me long enough to open the back door of the Spyder, remove a huge foil-wrapped bundle, and hand it to my dad.
He puts it on the passenger seat of our car and then gets behind the wheel.
Chili throws her arm around me. “We are going to Monterey with you, babe,” she says.
Still clutching my shoes, I climb into the backseat.
“You knew?” I ask my dad.
“Stella called when you were in the shower.” He grins. “Who says a Virgo can’t keep a secret?”
“That’s because Virgos are helpful,” I reply. “Sometimes, that is.”
Chili and Paige slide in on either side of me, and the car fills with the smell of garlic.
The fellowship. I have the fellowship, and I am driving to Monterey with my two best friends. As we leave the neighborhood and head for the freeway, the sun begins to break through the dim light of the sky. Sitting between Paige and Chili, I watch the vineyards and the farms fly by.
“Hey, Astro Girl.” Chili hugs me again. “What’s in the stars for us?”
I hug her back and say, “Everything.”
WHAT’S YOUR SUN SIGN?
SIX TRAITS EACH. REMEMBER, THE SUN IS NOT THE SUM. IT IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.
—Fearless Astrology
Aries: March 21-22 to April 19-20
Energetic, Enthusiastic, Take-charge, Self-centered, Quick-tempered, Aggressive, You value: Attention
Taurus: April 20-21 to May 20-21
Reliable, Kind-hearted, Sensuous, Stubborn, Judgmental, Lazy, You value: Stability
Gemini: May 21-22 to June 21-22
Strong communicator, Versatile, Generous, Fickle, Scattered, Nervous, You value: Intellect
Cancer: June 22-23 to July 22-23
Nurturing, Traditional, Family-oriented, Clingy, Codependent, Moody, You value: Empathy
Leo: July 23-24 to Aug 23-24
Leader, Full of fun, Warm and loving, Overbearing Attention-seeking, Insensitive, You value: Creativity
Virgo: Aug 23-24 to Sept 23-24
Nitpicky, Helpful, Methodical, Shy, Critical, Cheap, You value: Organization
Libra: Sept 23-24 to Oct 23-24
Attracted to beauty, Charming, Flexible, Wishy-washy
Manipulative, Jealous, You value: Fairness
Scorpio: Oct 24-25 to Nov 21-22
Intense, Passionate, Secretive, Compulsive Sarcastic, Vindictive, You value: Loyalty
Sagittarius: Nov 22-23 to Dec 21-22
Optimistic, Goal-oriented, Independent, A loner Restless, Blunt, You value: Adventure
Capricorn: Dec 22-23 to Jan 19-20
Hard-working, Disciplined, Trustworthy, Rigid, Dominating Overly disciplined, You value: Determination
Aquarius: Jan 20-21 to Feb 18-19
Friendly, Caring, Humanitarian, Nonconformist Eccentric, Just plain weird, You value: Humanity
Pisces: Feb 19-20 to March 20-21
Sensitive, Compassionate, Creative, Self-sacrificing Dreamy, Introverted, You value: Imagination
HERE’S A SNEAK PEEK
AT THE NEXT BOOK IN THE
STAR CROSSED SERIES
TAURUS EYES
1
WELCOME TO FEARLESS ASTROLOGY, VOLUME 2. USE THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU GAIN HERE WISELY. IT WILL SERVE YOU WELL THROUGH TIMES OF JOY AND TIMES OF CHALLENGE.
—Fearless Astrology
The ghost tour leader was ten minutes late. I didn’t care. Although I’d put on a good show, I, Logan McRae, was miserable. My mom had left for another golf tour. My two best girlfriends were on vacation. Worst of all, I’d lost a guy I really cared about, and in a very public way.
So, no, I wasn’t all that interested in Monterey’s ghosts, its Cannery Row or the tantalizing fragrance of the sea air.
Breaking up with someone you care about can do that to you. Times of challenge. You got that one right, Fearless.
Aries Rising Page 18
