by Izzy Cullen
When I finally collected myself, I felt Alex undoing my skirt and pulling it off. I opened my eyes and made out his silhouette over me on the bed. I sat up and started undoing his belt, but then grabbed the base of his shirt, pulling him down towards me so I could yank it off over his head. I then went back to his belt and quickly undid it. I pushed Alex’s shoulders back so he had to stand. Joining him in the standing position, I started kissing his chest and working my way down his stomach. My hands were inside his pants stroking him. He was big and thick in my small hands. The more I stroked, the more I wanted him inside me. I kept moving down his solid stomach and my hands were lowering his pants and boxers from his waist. When I got to his waist, there were no longer clothes to hold me back from taking him into my mouth. I dropped to my knees, filling my mouth with as much of him as I could take in. Alex’s hands went to my hair. His fingers were clenching my hair and guiding my mouth, as I took more and more of him in as I moved my mouth further down his shaft. Alex let out several moans, but after several more strokes with my mouth, his hands yanked my head back and forced me to release my mouth. Alex’s hands left my hair and grabbed me under my arms to stand. Alex quickly turned me and pushed me on the bed onto my hands. Leaning bent over the bed, Alex entered me from behind. I let out a low gasp and moan. Sliding in and out of me, Alex leaned down and whispered in my ear, “All night, I thought about taking you over the tables like this. Each time you wiped down a table. You have no clue what you and that fucking skirt have done to me tonight.” Alex started thrusting harder, while wrapping an arm around my waist holding me in place to absorb more of his thrusts. I moaned louder and louder with each thrust as I was coming closer and closer to another orgasm. Alex leaned into my ear again, “Baby, I need you to cum with me, now, please.” With those pleading words, there was no holding back, I felt my stomach tighten and everything shake. If it wasn’t for Alex’s arm around my waist holding me, I would have collapsed on the bed. Alex buried his head into my neck kissing me. Still holding me, he laid us down on the bed, never letting me go. With his arms around me, I quickly fall asleep.
I woke up to Alex gently moving me up to the pillows and pulling covers up over us. He trailed kisses on my neck and was running his fingers through my hair. I started to moan again at his touch. I could feel heat building back up inside of me. I rolled to face him, wanting as much of him as I could get. I placed my hands behind his head pulling his mouth onto mine. That time, we took our time and Alex was gentle, but we climaxed together and fell into a heap onto the bed. The last thing I thought I heard before being overtaken by sleep, unless I was already dreaming, was Alex. “Abby, let me give you your number one, let it be me.”
I woke to the sound of my home phone ringing. I reached over and grabbed the phone. “Hello,” I managed to croak out in my morning voice.
“Abby, did I wake you? I thought you would be up. It is 9:00 in the morning, dear. Aren’t the girls up?” Christ, it was David’s mother.
I sat up and looked at the clock, and then over at Alex who was now stirring next to me. I leaned back, resting on the headboard. “They’re at my parents, because I worked at the pub last night, making it a late night.”
“Well, I’m sorry to wake you, but I needed to talk to you about the trip you and the girls are taking in a few weeks.” I was confused; did she not want us to come? She never called about our trips to visit.
“Jane, do you need me to reschedule it? I can find a different week if that one doesn’t work for you.” I was slightly annoyed if this was the case, because they only saw the girls three times a year and I felt they should schedule things around their visit.
“No, no, Abby. Greg and I were talking and we would love to take them to Hershey for a few days. I wanted to make sure it was okay and see if you wanted to join. I just needed to know so I can book a second hotel room.” Shocked, Jane and Greg never do nice things like this with the girls or spent alone time with them.
“If you need me to go, I would be more than willing. I just need to cancel a few things with Derek first.” I really didn’t want to spend days away with them, but it was for the girls, so I would do it without question.
“Actually, we wanted to spend alone time with the girls, if it’s okay. Don’t cancel your plans. If you want, you can stay here at the house.” I was utterly shocked. Alone time with the girls, this was definitely a first for them.
“It’s okay. I’ll call Derek and tell him I’ll be staying with him those days.” I was kind of glad, because their house was not very homey and I had never felt comfortable in it, even when David was alive. Derek had a great place and an extra room, so I didn’t think he’d care. In fact, he was always trying to get me to stay there with the girls instead of David’s parents.
“Sounds good, dear, have the girls give us a call this week.”
“I will, Jane, bye.” With that, we hung up the phone.
I looked over and Alex was staring up at me. His elbow was propped on the bed and his head was on his hand. “So, you’ll be staying at Derek’s for a few days alone.” I couldn’t tell if he was mad, but there was something in his voice.
“Yes, that seems to be the plan. By the way, it’s extremely rude to listen to other people’s conversations that don’t involve you.” I started to get off the bed, but realized that, sometime during the second round of sex, my top was taken off and I was now completely naked. I didn’t feel comfortable jumping out of bed naked in morning light in front of Alex.
Alex was chuckling, “What, scared I’ll see you naked?” I shot him a dirty look. He reached over and pulled me into him. “Why don’t you fly out and meet me for those days?”
I was a bit stunned by the invitation. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t keep doing this. We had two separate and completely different lives, and I couldn’t keep playing pretend. It wasn’t just me and I could hear my mother’s words in my mind, “Nothing like putting yourself before your children, but that’s normal, isn’t it?” I had to put them first, because if I didn’t, they would be hurt again. It was not just my life anymore.
“I’ll buy you a ticket and you can fly out. You can even bring Derek, but he stays in a different room.” Alex’s voice brought me out of my thoughts and back to the conversation.
“I can’t, we have plans and I know he’s excited about them.” I knew he could hear the coldness in my voice.
“Can they be rescheduled?”
“No, it can’t be rescheduled, because he made the plans long before you entered or tried to enter my life. I’m not pushing everyone aside so you can fly me out to who knows where so you can screw me for a few nights.” I finally had the courage to stand, so I got out of bed and threw on the first shirt I saw on the floor. Of course, it was Alex’s. I was angry. I shouldn’t be mad. It was my choice to end things and I didn’t know why I was trying to hurt him in the process.
Alex jumped out of bed and came up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my upper chest area. “Is that what you think I want from you? I just want you. I didn’t come here wanting the sex. Well, I did, but I wanted to see you, spend time with you.” Alex turned me to face him.
“With me, Alex, to see me, right?”
“That’s what I said; I don’t know why you are so upset.”
“I can’t do this. I can’t. You came here to see me. What if I hadn’t been at the pub last night? What if I was home here with the girls? Would you have expected me to dump them with my parents or Lexi so you could be with me? Because I can’t, I won’t and I shouldn’t have done this last night. Why couldn’t you have just stayed away? I wasn’t answering your calls, your texts or calling for a reason. Can’t you see that? I don’t want this, it can’t and it won’t work?” I was holding back the tears and I felt a lump forming in my throat.
“If the girls had been here, I would have slept on the couch and got up and made them breakfast this morning. I would have tried to get to know them. I want to get to know them. I want to be
a part of their life as much as I want to be in your life.” Alex was looking me in the eyes intently.
“I won’t let you into their lives, I can’t.” I turned away from him and headed to the bathroom. I heard Alex behind me. I shut the door on him and locked it. I walked over to the shower and turned it on and then I dropped to the floor and start crying. When I finally pulled myself together, I jumped in the shower letting the hot water beat on me. I finally climbed out and dried off, wrapping myself in my robe that was behind the door. I exited and walked into my room.
Alex was dressed and sitting on the bed. He looked up at me as if he had been defeated. “Can we talk about this? Don’t I get a say in any of this?”
Tears ran down my face, “Alex, no, I can’t. I can’t allow another person into their lives who is just going to leave.”
“Who said I would leave.” Alex stood and took a step toward me, but he didn’t touch me.
“Can you promise you will stay?” I looked at him knowing the answer.
“No, I can’t promise, but I can tell you all I think about is you and the only time I feel at peace is with you. I need you in my life, Abby.” Alex’s eyes looked as if he was hurting, but I knew that couldn’t be true.
“And when I no longer make you feel that way, then what. Will you stay for the girls that aren’t yours?” Alex looked like I punched him when I said that. “Don’t answer, because I know the answer. There is nothing more to say on this. We had fun, but it wasn’t more than that and it can’t be. You live in LA and I live in small town USA on the other side of the country. I have three girls that I need to worry about and you have nothing to worry about. Sam does that for you.” Alex looked away from me now and I could tell my words were cutting him deeply, but the truth always hurt, especially when you live in a fantasy world as he does.
I quickly grabbed some clothes from a nearby clothesbasket and walked out the door. I walked into Lily’s room to change. When I emerged, I headed straight for the stairs and entered the kitchen. I started a pot of coffee and wondered what was going to happen now. I never asked Alex how long he was in town and I wasn’t sure what his plans had been. I went to find my phone so I could call Bruce to see if he could fly Alex out now instead of when his original flight was supposed to leave.
Alex met me in the doorway. I looked up and he had his bag in his hand. His eyes met mine, but I quickly turned back to the coffee pot. “Would you like a cup of coffee?” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t know how to act. After all, we didn’t break up, because we were never together, but in a way it felt like we had been together.
“Sure, my flight out is at eleven, so I’ll call a cab and have them pick me up.” I looked at the clock and it is already 10:20, but I would have to give him a ride since we didn’t have a cab company in town.
“We don’t have a cab service. I’ll take you after you have a cup of coffee. Do you want anything to eat?”
“No, I don’t have much of an appetite. I’ll be good until I hit St. Louis tonight.”
We finished our coffee in silence and when I placed my cup in the sink, Alex grasped my hand. “Abby, I don’t want this…us…to end, not like this. How can you be willing to end it before we even start?”
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be. I told you, it’s not just me here that I have to worry about. I can’t keep placing people in their lives and have them leave. It isn’t fair to them.”
“You don’t know I would leave.”
I looked at Alex with my eyes burned into his, “But, you don’t know if you would stay either.” I walked out of the kitchen, grabbed my purse from the hook, and walked onto the porch. I heard Alex let out a sigh, as he followed behind. Walking down the steps of the entryway, I saw my dad’s car round the corner. Seriously, just my luck. Could this possibly get any worse? My dad pulled in behind my car and the girls exited, and the answer to my question was yes, it could get worse and it just had.
“Mommy, guess what Papa bought us at the store?” I looked at my dad, who shrugged his shoulders at me. He was always spoiling them.
“Let me guess…candy…no a puppy, no I’m not sure, so you better tell me,” I said, with a made up smile on my face and a fake expression in my voice.
“Mommy,” they were all laughing. “Papa bought us the new Barbie movie you told us we couldn’t have until our rooms were cleaned,” Lily said with a huge grin on her face.
“Really, he did, maybe Papa should clean your rooms now.” All the girls were laughing at that.
“Hey, are you the guy from the computer?” Lily looked at Alex suspiciously.
“I think I am. Do you like to sing and dance to the songs I sing?” Alex bent down to Lily’s level when he talked to her.
“Yes, but I like Katie Perry better, but mommy always wants to watch your videos, so we take turns.” Out of the mouth of babes I tell you. I never knew what she’d say.
“Is that so?” Alex said looking at me. “I was hoping to meet you before I left. I brought you and your sisters something and I think you can share it with your mom, but only if you want.” Alex started to unzip his bag.
“You brought us a surprise?” Lily squealed while jumping up and down. “Twins, twins the computer guy brought us something.”
Alex laughed at Lily’s name for him. “How about you call me Alex and I did bring you something. I know how much you love your dance parties, so I brought you an iPad downloaded with some of the best music and videos out right now. Even Katie Perry’s,” he said while he winked at Lily. Lily reached up, squeezed his neck in a hug. The twins walked over and hugged my legs. I looked at Alex and Lily and my heart was hurting. I couldn’t believe Alex bought the girls a gift. Something he didn’t have to do at all, but watching him with Lily made me realize this was something she would never have, a male figure in her life like this.
“Can I listen to it now? Can I, Mom?” Lily was holding it tightly to her chest.
“Yes, go inside and have a ball.” I leaned over, kissed each of the twins on the head and told them to follow Lily in the house. I watched as they disappeared into the house.
“Dad, can you stay with the girls so I can give Alex a ride to the airport to meet Bruce?” I looked at my dad, hoping he could. I didn’t want to take the girls along with me.
“Actually, I came to meet the famous Alex that everyone in town is talking about.” I looked at my dad and wondered what was being said. “Don’t look at me like that, Bri. Nothing bad is being said. People are just wondering who the mysterious tattooed man is that is sending the town widow and most eligible bachelorette flowers.” I put my head in my hands and realized I didn’t want everyone knowing that Alex was with me, only to disappear forever. It would have been simpler not to have the questions when walking into the grocery store.
“I’m Alex Morgan. It’s very nice to meet you, sir.” Alex walked over and shook my dad’s hand.
“Chuck O’Hare, it’s nice to meet you. So, how do you know Bri?” My dad pulled his hand away and crossed his arms over his chest.
Alex looked at me and I swore I saw hurt in his eyes, but when I looked again it was gone. “I met your daughter in Detroit. She came to my concert alone and I didn’t feel it was safe, so I made her hang out on the stage to watch.” Alex shot me a smile and my mind immediately flashed back to that meeting.
“Really, Bri went to a concert by herself?” My dad sounded shocked. “And you said your concert? Are you in the band?”
“Yes, sir, I am the lead singer for Awakening.” Alex was soft spoken and not his confident self around my dad. I could feel he was uncomfortable, but I was guessing my dad hadn’t noticed.
“Dad, I have to get Alex to the plane to meet Bruce. Can you stay with the girls?” I looked at my dad hoping to get Alex out of there, the sooner the better.
“No, I’ll take him. That’s why I brought the girls early. Bruce called and told me about your guest and the time he was flying out. After everything Bruce s
aid about this guy, I thought I better check him out myself.” I’m not sure what my dad meant by that, but I would find out later. “I’ll wait in the car, so hurry with the goodbye.” He winked at me, and then walked back to the car and climbed in.
Alex walked over to me and set his bag down. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. “Abby, please don’t let this be goodbye. I can’t have this be goodbye. I’m going to keep calling and trying. Please workout whatever you think you need to because everything you think of me is wrong. I’m not that guy who will enter your life planning to intentionally hurt you.” He kissed my head again, released me and picked up his bag. I watched him as he climbed into my dad’s car. I watched the car turn the corner, and then I left the driveway, walking back into the house.
“Mom, you have to check this out. Look at all this stuff Alex put on the iPad for us.” Lily brought it over to show me, she was so excited. I looked at Lily and her gift and tears were in my eyes.
“Lil, I need to go up to my room for a second. Can you give me a minute and then you can show me everything, I promise.” I didn’t wait for an answer and headed up the stairs to my room.
Walking through the door, I got to the bed planning on stripping it of its covers and washing every trace of Alex from my life, starting with his scent in my bed. When I got to the bed, I found three of Alex’s shirts with a note that lay on top of the shirts.
Abby,
I know you don’t trust me enough to allow me into your heart, but you have been in mine the minute you walked into my hotel room. Having you share in Sam’s life and mine was something neither of us has done with anyone before. We tend to keep our private lives private from everyone. Something about you makes it easy to open up and allow you in and that is why I am telling you this. Sam isn’t my real sister, not by blood. I met Sam when I was ten and she was six. We were placed in the same foster home. She has been apart of me and has remained my only family as long as I can remember. I love her as if she was my blood and I would do anything for her. So, you may think I live in this make-believe world, but I know about real life and reality, probably more than you will ever understand or realize. I know how to love and most the people in my life I call family have no blood relation to me.
