by Brandt Legg
Tension between the girls had reduced, and we all talked of our commitment to IM and following a nonviolent path. How that resolve would be tested, if and when we were forced back into the “real world,” was something that nagged at both Linh and me. Kyle would have been willing to avoid using force without question, so long as Linh wasn’t in danger. Linh, on the other hand, would most likely resort to violence if any of us were threatened. One morning, she and I wound up at the hot springs alone. Kyle had worked late helping to engineer a solar system for one of the Earthships, and Amber was on one of her many walks with Yangchen.
“I have a feeling we’re going to have to leave Taos soon,” Linh said.
“Why?”
“Spencer’s been gone for eight days. It must be something awful.”
The spring was small, and we were alone. I put my arm around her, our naked bodies pressing in the velvet water. She turned, the delicate beauty of her face framed by rising steam. Her deep eyes penetrated mine as we tried to read each other through the emotional turmoil of our lives. Then a kiss, brought on by pent-up passion. We’d been running scared so long that in the starkness of our plight that moment was a blissful dream. It was tragic when it ended. We stared at each other.
“We should meditate,” Linh said. The sun was rising over the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, but the gorge remained in dark shadow.
“I don’t feel like meditating,” I said and pulled her close, kissing again.
“Stop, it’s not fair.”
“To who?” I asked.
“To us. To you and Amber.”
“What?”
“She loves you so much.” I recalled Amber naked in San Francisco telling me how much Linh loved me. Girls were weird.
“Linh, you love me.”
“We’ve had our time, in another life,” she said softly. “Rose told me that day she did a reading for me.”
“Just because we’ve been together in a past life doesn’t mean we can’t be together again. Ever hear of soul mates?”
“Ever hear of star-crossed lovers? I think this time you and Amber are meant to be.”
“Oh great. Amber thinks you and I should be together, and you think Amber and I should be. Don’t I get a say in the matter?”
Linh giggled. “What do you have to do with it?”
“Nate, Linh, are you guys down there?” Kyle yelled from the trail.
“Yeah,” I answered reluctantly.
“Spencer’s back.”
We dried off and dressed. Just before we reached Kyle, a thought crossed my mind. “Linh, don’t do anything crazy to try and protect Amber. She can take care of herself.”
“We watch out for each other. Look at all you’ve been doing to try and stop Amber and me from getting killed by Lightyear.”
“That’s different. Promise me you’ll save yourself first.” She was quiet. I stopped and held her shoulders so she’d have to look at me. “Linh?”
“We each have a purpose.”
“Promise me.”
“Nate, come on. Spencer’s waiting,” Kyle’s voice was stressed.
“We’ll talk about this later,” I said, as we Skyclimbed out of the gorge.
47
We gathered in Tiller’s Earthship. Spencer looked tense. “I’m sorry to have to tell you that Linh’s parents, Nate’s mother and Amber’s sister were arrested yesterday by the FBI.”
“Are they okay?” Kyle asked.
“When?” I asked.
“What about Bà?” Linh was working hard not to cry. She was even closer to Bà, her and Kyle’s Vietnamese grandmother, than to her parents. We all knew that the only ones targeted were our DNA matches we used for the advanced Kellaring.
“And my mother?” Amber asked.
“Bà and Amber’s mother have not been picked up.”
“Where have you been all this time?”
“Trying to stop it from happening, but there were too many intertwining destinies coming together.”
I nodded, seeing the strain of his efforts on his face. He was expecting an explosion from me. “Thank you for trying. What can we do to get them out?”
“It won’t be easy. Apparently their plan is to hold them until you surrender.”
“There must be something we can do.”
“Our best hope is to expose Lightyear. Anything else brings more risks.”
“Aren’t there portals? Or couldn’t we use Outin’s reverse time?” Kyle said.
“What about the Calyndra portal? Do you know where it is?” Amber asked.
“Outin’s reverse time would just lead us into a loop in this case. That is to say we would keep winding up with them arrested and us pushing back time to stop it, and so on. Other portals might offer possible angles to change things or free them, but it’s too complicated.”
“And Calyndra?”
“Calyndra, assuming it still exists, presents so many opportunities to change the past, present, and future that it boggles my already boggled mind. But you should stop wasting time thinking about it. No one knows if the legends are true... there are mystics and seekers who have searched for lifetimes only to wind up lost or wasted.”
“Then what’s our quickest way to beat Lightyear?” I asked.
“Are you really willing to give up on Calyndra without even trying?” Amber asked.
“And trying other portals?” Linh asked.
“There are so many portals, and like Spencer says, we could spend a lifetime and still get nowhere. Exposing Lightyear achieves everything we want and is something we can do.”
“Can we?” Linh asked.
“Tell Spencer about the Vising of the Storch meeting.”
Before I could respond, the eureka-look on Spencer’s face told me he understood, hadn’t thought of it before, and that it might be possible. “Show me the meeting,” he said.
I opened and allowed him to read me. He smiled. “It’s hard to believe he said ‘If you insist on fighting us, I’ll blow up a mall, or an airplane... and I’ll blame it on you.’ and ‘People are expendable—do you know how many are born every day? We’re sure as hell not running out of them.’ Incredible,” Spencer said.
“Can we get it on television?”
“I believe there’s a way.”
“Let’s do it.”
“We need help.”
“Who?”
“Gibi and Dustin.”
“But Dustin’s dead.” I cried.
“That’s not true,” Spencer said. I was puzzled how he didn’t know.
“I’m afraid it is. I saw him jump off a building.”
“We all saw,” Kyle said. “Through a Window at Outin.”
“Things aren’t always what they appear, especially in Outin.”
“But we saw him,” Linh said.
“I’ll bet you didn’t see him land.”
“No,” I said, remembering. “Is my brother still alive?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve seen him?”
“I don’t have to. Every life has a physical energy, and when it is gone the entire energy field of the planet changes. His change has not been made. Dustin is alive.”
48
“We need to find Dustin,” Linh said.
“Story of my life.” I was almost giddy.
“Nate, if you go back to Outin—” Yangchen began.
“Leave this alone.” Spencer interrupted.
“I will not.” Yangchen was firm. “Nate, you will land in a battle the likes of which you have never known, and in that fight you’ll face a choice of death or killing, and you cannot kill again.”
My eyes met Spencer’s. They answered my unasked question.
“Is there a way to find Dustin without going to Outin?”
“Nate can stay here, I’ll go,” Amber said.
“Me too,” Linh added.
I was stunned.
“And me,” Kyle said.
“No, not without me.”
“You don’t
always have to be the hero, Nate,” Kyle added.
“Won’t they face the same dilemma?” I asked Yangchen.
“I would need time to see.”
“Their journey would be different, but they would easily find trouble,” Spencer said.
“And what would you do? “ I asked Kyle.
“Thich Nhat Hanh says, ‘At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it.’ Do you understand?” Kyle looked deeply at me. “We can no longer use violence against them.”
“Nate was asking you what powers you would use,” Linh said. “It’s my parents, Kyle. We have to do whatever is necessary. Lightyear has no morals. Are you willing to sacrifice my father, the man who saved you... for a concept mankind can’t even accomplish?”
Before Kyle could respond, Spencer interjected, “We cannot defeat Lightyear in this lifetime without using violence. It’s a machine.”
“At what cost?” Yangchen asked.
“A cost that is minuscule compared with the price exacted by our failure,” Spencer said.
“We can convince ourselves of all kinds of things, even that doing terrible harm is okay,” Yangchen said.
“Terrible harm? Shall I detail the crimes of those who support Lightyear?” Spencer raised his voice. “The horrific truth of Lightyear is more than these children can take, Yangchen, and you stand here while their remaining families are facing torture and execution because of your direction—your direction! And you ask them to sacrifice all that is dear to them in order to uphold your idealistic utopian vision. Can you at least ask them?”
“Ask us what?” Linh’s voice quivered.
Yangchen was silent.
“Ask them what you want them to do,” Spencer pressed again. “Tell them that your path can only lead to one unimaginable ending.”
The four of us stared at her. She was breathing deep and slow, eyes closed, trying to find the right words. Spencer didn’t give her the chance.
“Ask them, Yangchen. Are they willing to die along with their parents, siblings, and even Bà?” He paused to let it sink in and turned to us. “Nonviolence leads to death. No survivors, no second chances, just death. That’s the price.”
“No,” Yangchen whispered. “Death is no price at all. Death is nothing.” Her voice deepened. “Violence leads you away from your soul, far, far away. That is the price. And that price is too high!”
Spencer shook his head. “And what is the cost of letting this go on for centuries more?”
“I’m going to Outin,” I said.
“Spencer is wrong,” Yangchen said. “Crowd would still be alive if you had followed nonviolence.”
“I’m sorry about that,” I said.
“Don’t be,” Spencer said gently. “Crowd knew he would die for you. It was his destiny.”
“Is it mine?” Amber asked.
Spencer studied her and nodded so subtly that only Amber and I noticed.
“It doesn’t have to be,” Yangchen said.
“I’m sorry, Yangchen,” Linh began, “but I will use violence and whatever else to save my family and that includes Nate. I’m not Gandhi or Jesus. I wish turning the other cheek was in my nature. I may look like a sweet young girl, but there’s a warrior inside.”
“Linh, you’re a beautiful soul, but you must know that love never kills. It cannot. If it does, it ceases to be love,” Yangchen said.
“Let’s get ready to go,” Spencer ordered.
“I need a few hours,” I said. “There is one more thing Clastier needs to show me.”
“Clastier? Nate, don’t get distracted.”
“I’m trying not to. But Spencer, it’s all connected.” He stared at me.
“Okay, we’ll leave at sunset.” It was clear that, in spite of his earlier protests, he knew I was right. It was increasingly possible that Clastier learned of the existence of the Jadeo, Hibbs discovered the Clastier papers, and both of them got a glimpse into the future where Lightyear would be the greatest enemy of enlightenment. Among their papers, they left clues for me/their future self to finish the work commenced in their lifetimes. If there was any hope of beating Lightyear, I needed that information.
49
With the morning still brisk, I went alone to the gorge, the site of my last memory as Clastier, nearly two hundred years earlier. I/Clastier had convinced Thomas Mercer to take the papers in a final attempt to preserve my discoveries and philosophy. While the Church was pursuing me, he could escape through the Cimarron Cliffs to the Great Plains and make his way east. Tagu and I were en route to Colorado when the posse spotted us on Hondo Mesa. We dove into a ravine leading to the gorge. Now, as Nate, I levitated in the same place, trying to recall what happened next.
“Come here, quickly,” a familiar voice called. It was Yangchen. I soared over to her, but she didn’t acknowledge me. I turned to see who she was yelling at and saw Clastier and Tagu running toward us. They had just jumped into the ravine. Since I’d never seen beyond that, I assumed Clastier was about to die.
“Clastier, you must follow me,” Yangchen said, as they reached her. The area looked exactly as it did in my time, except the Gorge Bridge was missing.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I am Yangchen, a friend you must trust,” she said, taking his hands and staring deep into his eyes. The horses were storming across the mesa; the posse was more than thirty strong.
“Tell us what to do,” Clastier said.
Tagu looked at him with only an instant of concern. He trusted Clastier and if Clastier trusted this woman, he would not question it.
They followed her along an edgy path, forty feet from the top of the gorge, still six hundred above the rushing Rio Grande and jagged rocks below. Even with my Skyclimbing and levitating skills, I was nervous trailing behind them. They reached a ledge with just enough room to stand. “Now where? We’re trapped,” Clastier said, searching for a way to climb out. “Surely the Church’s men are in the ravine by now.”
“Yes,” Yangchen said. “Do you truly believe what you have written?”
“Of course. I’ve given up everything, risked all that I am. Is that not proof enough?”
“Then you should have no fear.”
“I fear not for my life, only that my work continues, my discoveries shared.”
“But Thomas Mercer has already reached the Cimarron Cliffs. Your writings are on their way to good hands in the east.”
“How do you know this?”
“I am not from this time.”
Tagu studied her.
“You have theorized about passages between times and worlds. You understand that the life of a man is not even a flickering to the soul.”
“Yes.”
“It’s all true. All that you have dreamt, everything you’ve written... and more.”
Clastier’s eyes filled. “C’est vrai, je savais que ce,” he whispered.
The hoofbeats of the gathering storm thundered as the posse rode along the edge of the gorge. At the same time, half a dozen men were just three hundred feet behind us. There was no escape. This is how Clastier was going to die. Yangchen must have been there to simply let him know he was right. But why didn’t she help? Dying a martyr did nothing for his cause. History had forgotten Clastier. He could have been much more important living, advancing knowledge of the soul by two hundred years, possibly negating the need for much of the barbaric suffering of the twentieth century. Why wasn’t he helped? The men continued toward us.
“You must jump,” she said.
“What? I’d rather not take my life. If they want me dead, they must do it.”
“I did not say anything about suicide.”
He and Tagu looked at the approaching men, and then Clastier peered over the ledge. “No chance to survive that leap.” His eyes burned.
“They will be upon us in less than a minute. As you have written, life is not always what we expect. The truth of life is in the unknown. Yo
u must leap to understand what you know.” She looked at him one last time. Yangchen possessed a serenity that was as powerful as any force I’d encountered.
“You needn’t come, Tagu,” Clastier said, then quickly whispered a prayer in French, “The stars bring the truth.” He jumped. Tagu followed immediately.
Yangchen turned to me. “You too, Nate. I can’t see you, but you are here.”
Surprised, I tried to respond, but she couldn’t hear me. I slid past her and looked down into the gorge. “It all makes sense,” I said, then somersaulted off the ledge.
50
The Milky Way embraced me as I picked my way through the sagebrush toward Greater World on a freezing winter night. It was impossible to know how much time had passed since I’d gone to the gorge. I was in no hurry to return to the pressure of the Movement versus Lightyear, but I knew my friends would be anxious, even Spencer. A few minutes later, as the light from Tiller’s Earthship came into view, so did a silhouette, almost gliding, his arms flowing slowly back and forth. It could only be Spencer.
“Happy to see you,” he said.
“How did you know I’d be returning tonight?”
“I didn’t. I come out every night, hoping.”
“How long was I gone?”
“Just over two weeks.”
It was longer than I’d thought.
“We’ll need to find another favorable time to leave Taos,” Spencer said.
“Everything okay here?”
“Is that a trick question?” He laughed. “Lightyear hasn’t done anything too bad, but all your folks are still being held. Kyle, Amber, and Linh have been pretty worried, not just about them, but you, too.”
“I had no sense of time. Did you think I was dead?”
“The energy field remained strong; your change had not been made.” He hesitated. “Yangchen was gone too.”
“She should be along soon,” I said, leaving him unsatisfied. Spencer was keeping his cool better than I would have guessed. He’d spent two weeks wondering where I was, knowing his rival was with me, imparting her influence and philosophy over his. He was right, she had.
