by Amanda Boone
When she was sure a wind strong enough to bring down the Titanic would have to blow for her to find herself tumbling to her death, she shut her eyes and granted herself a moment of rest. But she was so tired from the strain that she fell right asleep and into something else.
She was in a room much like her cage but without the bars or the other animals. Something told her to wait.
Someone was coming.
Her someone.
There was a sound like the click of a lock right before the door opened, a flood of red light flooding in. There a man stood, his slim, lithe body cloaked in a dark sweater and black pants. Black like his eyes.
Tessa gasped. She only hoped that this was more than just a dream. “You found me.”
He stepped inside.
The door shut on its own, a warm light automatically igniting the room. A smile slipped across his face.
Tessa’s heart fluttered. She clenched her jaw, a visceral need rising in the pit of her belly. She had felt it a couple of times before, but never this strong. She wanted to cross the room right then and there.
He shook his head.
She watched his feet as he moved. “No. You found me. This is my place.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’ve been here before.” He sat down across from her, crossing his legs just like she had.
Tessa leaned toward him. He was the first living soul to talk to her like that, like something other than a subject. She wanted to know him, about where he came from, about his black eyes. “When? Why?”
He reached out to her, a move she couldn’t predict. That caught her attention. She swerved out of his way, an action that made her head hurt. He cocked his head to the side, the shadow in his eyes growing deeper. “It’s like you’re afraid of me.”
“Of course I am. I have no idea who you are.”
He nodded, glancing around him. “Does it matter?”
Tessa smiled. “I wish this were real.”
He grabbed her hand, quicker than she could move out of the way. She wanted to fight him at first, but then she felt something shoot through her spine. She looked at him again, flooded with intuition. The kind she had when she knew she had another being under her power. Except she didn’t. She was sharing with him in this. The words hopped into her head and out of her lips before she had a chance to even really think about them. “Why do you look so broken?”
He winced as if her words were a cold draft. “Why do you look so broken?”
Tessa found herself laughing for the first time in as long as she could remember. “I am broken.” She laughed even harder. As soon as she started talking, she couldn’t stop herself. “They break me as much as they can. They hurt me with machines and tools. But every time I come back. I beat them. I move them. They want me broken. I am broken…”
The man squeezed her hand. Her cunt throbbed, but she kept talking. “But I’m not broken.”
“That’s unbelievable.”
“Tell me what happened to you,” Tessa ordered. “I have to know.” She wished she could use her energy on him, but it didn’t seem to be working.
He lifted both of his eyebrows. “Goodness. Nothing happened to me.”
Tessa jumped up, her head hanging with curiosity. She bounced around the room. “So then what is this place?”
“A panic room.”
His voice was infuriatingly calm.
Tessa cocked her head to the side. “Why would anyone want a room to panic in?”
The man laughed. It was like bells. “No, no. It’s meant for the opposite. When something happens that incites panic, we come here.”
When Tessa looked at him again, he was standing. “So what happened here?”
But for some reason he stiffened up. It was like a wall dropped down between the two of them, like a fire ignited. Tessa could take one look at him and just know that he wasn’t going to tell her what she asked for. And she liked it. She liked being denied entry into someone else’s head. It made her feel less alien.
“Do you know who I am?”
Tessa shook her head.
He huffed. “Oh. I thought you would. You’re in my head and all.”
“You’re in my head.”
The both laughed.
He approached her again, his eyes wanting. “Oh how I wish you were real.”
Tessa’s stare widened, pleading. This was the someone; there was no doubt left in her mind. So that meant that he had to save her. He was the reason she left the lab in the first place. If he didn’t find her…they would. “I am.”
But he shook his head. “The gods know how I wish I could believe you.”
“Why?” It took everything in Tessa not to jump him right then and there.
“What?”
“Why do you want to believe me so badly when you can’t?”
He let out a dry laugh. “I’m sorry if I find all of this a little outlandish.”
Anger burst into Tessa’s head. She charged at him with red in her eyes before she stopped herself. No. this was not Lexi. She was not being tested. She did not need to perform. She needed to control herself. “Why apologize to a figment of your imagination?”
He gazed at her with wide, wet eyes. “Are you an angel?”
“I’m a…I don’t know what I am, but I’m not some ghost!”
He sighed as if coming to a satisfying conclusion. “You’re a Kaharan.”
Tessa furrowed her brow. She had never heard the word in her life. “A Kaharan?”
“Like me.”
She nodded. “So you believe me?”
A knowing smile stretched across his face. “Sure.”
She wanted to punch him. “Why don’t you just tell me what’s in your head?”
“Are you always this demanding?”
Tessa clamped her jaw shut.
He shook his head. “Besides, you already are in my head.”
She sighed. “I don’t know how many ways to tell you. I am a real…being. I’m not in your head. God knows I want to be.”
“One god?” he scoffed. “The humans are funny.”
“What does that even mean?”
“One god? How wishful.”
“And what about your…gods? Wouldn’t it be more probable to just have the one?”
He chuckled. “Please. There’s nothing probable about any of it. There is nothing out there looking after us.”
“How melancholic.”
“Well, that’s much of my life now. Melancholic.”
Tessa glowered at him. “You say that like you’re the one who’s been tortured your whole life.”
He blinked. “What are you saying?”
Tessa grimaced, that condescension leaving a bad taste in her mouth. “The humans have held me captive my entire life.”
“Only because you believed you could be caged.”
She didn’t like the way those words made her feel: shamed. “Yes, well, at least I’m not denying what’s right in front of me.”
He sat back down. “Stop comparing yourself to me.”
A mischevious smile crossed Tessa’s face. “Why? Does it bother you to know that there are people out there suffering?”
He scoffed. “Please. You’re a shadow of a thought.”
Tessa plopped herself down across from him, determined to prove herself. “My name is Tessa. My mother died the day I was born, and I don’t think I’ll ever see my dad. I’ve been held in a lab ever since before I can remember. I have nothing—no worldly possessions, no clue how to survive out there. But I can get into people’s heads. I can make them do stuff. That’s how I got out. I’ll admit I never tried before because I was terrified of whatever’s out there. But now I’m out there, because you called me. I saw your eyes in my mirror. I saw that tear run down your cheek. You told me to come, so now I’m here. And now you’re telling me that you can’t believe in me. I believed in you before I even…before...” She stopped. She wouldn’t let herself confront the possibi
lity that she had just signed her death certificate.
“You left because you were bored.”
Tessa’s chest rose and fell with her fast breaths. Her eyes stung in the way that she hated, but it wasn’t because anyone was hurting her. A cloud covered her, but when she looked up, there was nothing there. She drew her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She rocked back and forth, the fear taking over everything. They were going to find her. They were going to hurt her more. This had been her only chance, and it wasn’t even a real chance.
“Don’t say that.”
He seemed to soften toward her. “I can say whatever I want. You’re not real.”
“I won’t even ask you why you won’t believe me.”
“Because it’s obvious.”
“Because it’s useless.”
“You plan to insult me to get me to your lab?”
Tessa shook her head, letting her legs fall. The light illuminated her ugly, yellow bruises. “I don’t have a plan. I trusted you.”
He snapped up like she had triggered something in the back of his head. “Of course. I should have known. You’re my sister.”
Tessa scoffed. “Sister?”
“Yes. I must have made you out of her.”
Tessa furrowed her brow. “So you think you’re so creative that you came up with this all on your own? Using your sister?” It made no sense to her.
He shrugged. “I’m a writer. It’s within reason.”
Chapter Five
Tessa paced back and forth. She had an itch from the inside out that she could only deal with if she kept moving. “So what is a writer doing in my head?”
He furrowed his brow. “Oh no, no. I’m not in your head. You’re in mine.”
Tessa nodded. If she couldn’t force her way into his deepest intentions, she would have to coax him into opening the front door. “So if I’m just in your head, why don’t you just talk to me?”
A mischievous smile stretched across his face. “I knew you would admit it.”
Tessa kept a straight face. She wanted to strangle him into to believing her. But she had already tried that way. That wasn’t going to work. “Go ahead. Tell me who your sister was. Talk to me about this room.”
He sighed, resting with his hands on his ankles, a distant look in his eye. “It was nearly ten Earth years ago.”
Tessa smiled. The man talked like a writer.
“I knew it was coming, so I prepared. I bought this place out with all the money I had made. My entire life’s earnings. Then I came down here with my family, every single person with my living bloodline.”
Tessa could feel the room heat even as he said this. She wasn’t doing anything to change anything. That must have been him. Maybe she had broken into his head after all. So why couldn’t she change his mind?
“A comet flew out of the sky like a falling star.” A smile played at his lips.
Tessa cocked her head to the side. There was a softness in him that made her heart grow warm. She wanted to nestle into him and sleep for days. She wanted to stop fighting him. She wanted to stop fighting in general.
“It rocked Kahara from the inside out. We had almost survived.”
“So what went wrong?” Tessa found herself holding her breath.
“It was almost over when my sister’s daughter began to…she was sick, and I guess the pressure was too much. We had been hiding out in this room for hours, almost twenty of us. I could imagine how uncomfortable the toddler was. It was understandable.
“So the little girl ran out of my sister’s arms and right to the door. It had been weakened. It wasn’t the way that it looks now: impenetrable. The storm and the comet had begun to take a toll. She started banging against it. Her strength, it was her gift. She was the strongest Kaharan even at her young age. My sister couldn’t stop her before she broke through…”
“You’re lying.” Tessa couldn’t stop the words from flying out of her mouth.
He clamped his jaw shut.
“It’s a panic room for a reason, right?” Tessa stalked toward the door. She pressed her palms against it, ignoring the burn. “It’s impenetrable, even for a little girl with a gift.”
The man shook his head, one fat tear falling out of his red eyes. “I thought it was over. I thought it was safe. At least for me to crack the door for five seconds. I’m no scientist. I didn’t know.”
Tessa slid herself across the floor until her leg was pressed against his. “But you blame yourself.”
“If I hadn’t unlocked the door, she wouldn’t have run out and…” His voice grew heavy. “Her mother went after her and…she let the fire in. I tried to tell them not to go outside. I tried to tell them to go deeper underground. It wasn’t until I had locked myself in a closet on the third lower level that I even noticed I was alone.”
His voice was like knives to Tessa. Her eyes stung with tears. She wanted to absorb all of his pain. She could feel the little girl, hear her voice in her head. Before she knew it, she was sobbing with him. She let her head fall on his shoulder, let her touch comfort him for the moment. She let him cry into her. She let him break himself and her.
Tessa knew the words she had to say. She would break him even more, but she couldn’t do it quite yet, not without milking him for everything she could. “So where are you now? What is your life like?” She needed to know him.
“I work on a spaceship. I used to be the head of sanitation.” He let out a dry laugh. “Imagine that: bestselling author, the head of sanitation. Anyway, I controlled waste on the ship. So the commander tasked me with destroying it now that we have a settlement on Earth.”
Tessa’s eyes flashed wide. She couldn’t believe her ears. A settlement for people like her? Her heart throbbed with satisfaction. She had been right to believe. There was a place for her. Now all she needed was his help. “So you’re on the ship right now?”
He nodded, absentmindedly wrapping his arm around her torso.
She couldn’t deny how natural it felt. She could feel herself melting into him, but she had to stop. If she ever wanted to meet this man in real life, she would have to fight for him. One last fight. One more time.
“I’m flying it into the sun.”
Tessa’s heart dropped. Suddenly all of her hopes and all of her dreams fell right into the pit of her stomach. That was the heat. It was becoming more and more unbearable. And now, now that she was paying attention, she was sure she heard screaming coming from the other end. His end. A man was yelling at him.
Tessa didn’t need to know specifics to understand that she was running out of time.
“No. No. Listen, you…what’s your name?”
“Jrym.” He wasn’t even looking at her anymore.
She could feel him slipping through her fingers. She couldn’t let him die, wouldn’t see him go. “Wait. Jrym, you can’t do this.”
“Why? Because the voice in my head is telling me not to?”
“Who told you to do it in the first place? Voices in your head.”
“What? Are you trying to change my mind? Because it won’t work. I have given my share. I have built the new Kahara. I won’t be alive anymore.”
Tears poured out of Tessa’s eyes. “You. Can’t. Do. This.”
He pressed his palm to her face.
She squeezed her eyes shut.
His hand shook. “I’ve already decided.”
She knew what to say. She had to say it. She was in his head. She just had to move one or two things around. “You can’t do this. You can’t let them get to me. You can’t let me die inside.”
He looked at her. That had gotten his attention. “I’m not letting anyone die.”
Tessa gulped. Her whole body was covered, filled, flooded with devotion. She wouldn’t see him go. She had visions of the two of them in this magical Kaharan settlement together. She imagined a whole different life for herself, and now for him too.
“You’re letting yourself die, and me too. I followed yo
ur call out into the middle of nowhere. I believed in you. If you don’t come save me, if you don’t find me, I’ll never survive. One day these tests, they’ll go too far. You are killing me.” She rested her hand on his chest, her whole body shaking because she knew this had to work, because she couldn’t do it without him. “Just like your niece. Just like your whole family.” The words oozed from her mouth, the vilest of poisons.
He threw her off himself and stood up, looking away from her as his choked breathes echoed off the walls.
Oh no.
Tessa went after him anyway. “I won’t let you do this, Jrym. I believe in you!”
He turned on her, his eyes wild like fire. “You want me for yourself!”
Tessa gasped. She had done it. “You can’t deny me.”
He huffed and huffed and ran toward that heavy door—desperate movements.
As he wrapped his hands around the lever, Tessa caught up with him. “I’m out there. Just come to me! Leave all of your unhappiness behind. Come to me! We could start a whole new life. You can forget you ever wanted to end it.” She had to dig so deep into herself that she reached a place she promised herself she would never visit, a place she had locked up because she had to survive. Because she couldn’t break.
“If you don’t come for me, no one will.” Her sobs were weak, defeated. “They’ll just take me back inside. The way they guard me, I’m sure that no one even knows I exist…except for you. If you don’t want me, I don’t know what I’d do.”
His face crumpled as he looked into her eyes. “I want you.”
Tessa huffed out a breath of relief as he rested his chin on the top of her head.
“For some insane reason I want you more than anyone else.”
“So stop this. Find me.”
But he slowly shook his head.
“Why?” Tessa cried.
“Because I’m done with living and nothing can change that.” With that, he yanked open the door and disappeared outside.
Without thinking, Tessa ran out after him only to find a fire raging through the building.
