by Hazel Jacobs
Facebook is boring.
Twitter is boring.
That seems to be the dominant theme of this date.
Not bad, just not great. Not enough to make her feel triumphant about choosing a date with Jared over no-strings sex with Dash. Even the food was bland. She realizes that she doesn’t even remember what she’s been eating all night. Tessa had ordered something random off of the menu and started stuffing it into her face with no consideration for the taste.
Just as she thinks she should probably go back out to the restaurant, her phone pings in her hand. It’s not her text tone. It’s a call—from Slate, of all people. Tessa hesitates before answering.
“… Squirt, you fucked up, but it’s not over yet. Look, Tommy kissed his ex right in front of Sersha, and they’re fine.”
“That was one colossal misunderstanding, you dickhead.”
“Just sayin’. And Harper’s only just forgiven me for dry-humping that girl at the club right in front of her.”
What the fuck?
“We’ve all been assholes,” Logan’s voice says. He sounds tired. “Dash, bro, why didn’t you tell us you were feeling left out?”
Slate must have butt-dialed me, Tessa thinks.
She can hear the band’s voices muffled but in the distance. She considers hanging up, but then Dash’s voice comes through the phone, and she feels a sudden swoop of emotion. That ‘L’ word comes back to her mind when the sound of him, even with his voice strained and low, makes her feel at ease.
“Didn’t seem important. You guys are happy. And I do love the girls.”
“Still, you could have come to us.”
Tessa considers hanging up again because this is clearly a conversation between brothers. All of the men in Black Lilith are brothers, she’d be an idiot not to realize that. And she’s listening in like a creep, huddled up in a restaurant bathroom.
“It’s stupid. Anyway, I’m being stupid.”
“No, Slate is stupid—”
“Rude.”
“You put Sriracha in brownies, you fucking heathen.”
Tommy’s soothing voice comes through the line. “Dash, bud… you should talk to her.”
“I tried. I just got angry. She said I’m only good for sex, and she’s right. That’s all I’ve ever been good at when it comes to girls.”
“If she really thought that, why would she ask you to date her?” Tommy says, and Tessa wants to kiss the man for seeing sense.
And really, after everything that they’d fought about, that was what he’d taken from the conversation?
“She flinched at me.”
I was naked!
“She was naked,” Slate says reasonably. “You know, some girls prefer not to be naked in an argument. Shocking, I know. Personally, I can’t think of any greater advantage in an argument.”
Someone comes into the bathroom, and Tessa quickly ends the call, coming out of the stall and stuffing her phone into her pocket as she goes. She’s definitely been in the bathroom for too long. She washes her hands even though she didn’t do anything as the other woman—an elderly lady with dyed red hair—slides into the now empty stall.
Tessa looks herself in the eyes through the mirror. When she gets back to the hotel, she and Dash are going to need to have a talk.
In the meantime, she’s got a date. She dries her hands, takes a deep breath, and heads back out to the bistro.
“I had a great time,” Jared says as their cab slowly creeps back toward the hotel.
“Yeah,” Tessa says noncommittally.
The cabbie has mercifully turned on the radio, so that’s something at least. It keeps the cab from filling with uncomfortable silence. Though the choice of music ‘Wild World’ by Mr. Big isn’t exactly improving Tessa’s mood.
Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world
It’s hard to get by just upon a smile
The streetlights pass over them as they drive, casting Tessa’s face into shadow, into light, and then back into shadow again. She gazes out the window and sees the brightly-lit windows from late-night coffee shops and restaurants. Some of them have people gathered around their front doors, smoking and laughing and having a great time from the looks of it. Women dressed in short skirts with their eyes on certain men. Men with their sleeves rolled up, returning their gazes. Tessa sees a couple of buskers outside of a Starbucks, drawing a crowd as they play on an accordion and a violin. She can’t hear the music, but the amount of people around tells her that it must be nice. She’d love to be out there listening.
Jared hadn’t noticed her distraction when she came back to their table, but even he is not so oblivious as to miss the fact that she’s not as excited about their date’s apparent success as he is.
“You didn’t have a good time?”
“It’s not that I didn’t have a good time. You’re great—”
“I’m striking out, aren’t I?” He’s smiling in a chagrined kind of way, so Tessa feels okay about nodding. He sighs and nods back her. “Okay, that’s cool.”
“I’m so sorry, Jared.”
“It’s not your fault, Tess,” he says. He pats her hand, and she feels the warmth of his fingers.
She wonders if she would have enjoyed herself more if she didn’t have Dash to compare to. If she didn’t already have the ‘L’ word in her head whenever she thought of him.
“Thanks for giving me a chance, at least.”
“Of course. I think you’re a fantastic guy, I really do.” It seems terribly insufficient, but it’s all she can offer at this point.
She’s looking forward to getting back to the hotel. Tessa will try to get Dash alone, and if she can’t then she’ll retreat to her room and try to distract herself by reading something. Tessa had downloaded the Kindle app, so she isn’t dragging a library of books around wherever she goes on this tour. Maybe she could even get the girls to come to her room and commiserate with her.
No, she decides. If she can’t talk to Dash, then she doesn’t want to talk to anyone else. Tommy was right. They’ve spent too much time talking to other people, and not enough time talking to each other.
When the cab finally pulls up, Jared slides out and opens the door for her. Tessa looks up at him. He’s handsome and so sweet. It really is a shame that she’s in love with another man.
Fuck! I thought so.
Love.
Crap.
Is it too early?
Technically she’s only known him for a few weeks, but they were texting for so long before that. She and Dash were closer than she’d ever been with other friends.
Jared helps her out of the cab and smiles down at her in a hang-dog way that makes her feel kind of bad for turning him down. But then he pats her on the back which isn’t awkward and pays for the cab without hesitation.
“Thanks for giving me a chance, at least, Tess,” he says.
He seems to be leaving something unsaid, and Tessa wonders if he’s thinking about Dash and the conversation he’d overheard between her and the other girls. Does he think that he’s being passed over for a rockstar? Technically he is, but not because Dash is a rockstar. It’s far deeper than that.
“You’re so sweet, Jared. Thank you,” Tessa says, standing on her tip-toes to kiss him on the cheek.
The moment she turns her head back toward the hotel, she freezes. Dash is standing just inside the doors, with nothing but a sheet of glass between him and the couple that had just climbed out of the cab, with a dark look on his face. He’s lost his sports coat, and his hair looks a little limp as though he’s been running his fingers through it in frustration.
Tessa feels her stomach fall. Dash saw her kiss Jared. He’ll probably think that she’s dating him now, that the date went well, and there’s no reason for them to talk. There’s going to be drama. She’s probably going to have to chase him through the hotel to explain herself. Even though she probably shouldn’t have to explain herself because it was just a kiss, and it’s none of Dash’s busine
ss who she dates, even if she does love him. She tries to move, but her arms and legs are frozen as she and Dash stare at each other.
Then Dash’s dark look falls off his face, and he looks lethal.
“Oh, hell no.”
She can hear the words even with the glass between them, and then Dash is walking through the doors toward them. She feels Jared tense next to her, and she hardly has the time to give him a reassuring look before Dash has her by the elbow and he’s maneuvering himself between Tessa and Jared.
“Not today, man,” he says.
“Hey! You need to chill, Dash,” Jared says, holding his hands up in surrender while glancing over Dash’s shoulder at Tessa.
Tessa pulls her elbow out of Dash’s grip and grabs him by the back of the shirt instead. “Sorry, Jared, I’m going to go have words with Dash right now.”
She pulls. Dash doesn’t move, because he’s way bigger than her and he’s standing his ground, staring at Jared like he’s considering punching him out. Tessa is under no illusions about whether Dash would get physical—Dash isn’t the kind of guy to start throwing punches, not for anything petty—but the look he’s giving Jared makes her worry that he actually might do it.
“Stay the fuck away from her, dude.”
“Dash, drop it. You need to calm the fuck down, bud,” Jared spits back.
“Calm the fuck down?” Dash says stepping forward.
“Dash, goddammit… come with me… now.”
Dash looks at her. His eyes bore into hers, and she can feel the tension in his back muscles. Finally, he takes a deep breath, nods and turns to follow her into the hotel, not sparing Jared a passing glance as he and Tessa make their way inside.
Well, that solves the problem of how to get him alone, Tessa thinks, leading Dash to the elevator and pushing him inside. He goes willingly, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away from her while she presses the button for the elevators to go up to her floor.
“For the record, I was turning him down.”
Dash’s head jerks up so quickly that she worries he might have hurt himself. He looks at Tessa hard, like he’s searching for a lie, and when he can’t detect one he drops his hands and his shoulders visibly relax.
“Oh.”
“Oh… is right.”
“That’s good.”
“Good?”
“Wait! What were you doing kissing him, if you were turning him down?” he demands, suddenly getting worked up again. “Is that what you do with every guy?”
“Obviously not!”
“Why even bother turning him down?” Dash asks, his voice rising to meet hers, though he stops just short of shouting at her. “I thought you wanted some vanilla guy, who could be your boyfriend and take you on dates.”
“I want you, you fucking moron,” Tessa shouts back because she doesn’t have the self-control to keep herself from shouting.
“But you’re kissing other guys? Kind of getting mixed messages here. Do you want to be mine or not?”
“You turned me down, Dash, not the other way around. And I kissed him on the cheek. It’s not like we were fucking on the sidewalk.”
“Bet he wouldn’t even know how to get away with that,” Dash says dismissively, crossing his arms over his chest again like he’s fucked girls on sidewalks a million times and he could get away with it in his sleep.
Why did I turn Jared down again? she asks herself.
The elevator is completely silent except for the sound of their breathing and the blood pounding in Tessa’s ears, and the echoes of their voices bounce off of the walls.
“Why is everything about sex with you?”
“You weren’t complaining these last few months.”
“It was just one fucking kiss on the cheek. Jesus!” she says, and before he can even answer she’s barreling forward, “And I only kissed him because I felt bad about loving you instead!”
Silence.
Oh, fuck.
Tessa wishes she could clamp her traitorous mouth shut and never open it again. She watches Dash blink several times, rapidly, and then a subtle movement of his hand reaching up to his bicep and pinching the skin hard.
“Seriously?” she asks.
Dash opens his mouth, but no words come out. He’s looking at Tessa like he’s not entirely convinced that she’s real, and she can feel the heat rising in her neck, making her want to hide her face.
The elevator dings and she turns away from Dash, quickly walking out and making a beeline down the hallway to her room. She hears Dash’s muffled footsteps following her, and before she can turn, he has her by the small of the back and he’s pushing her toward his room. And she goes. She doesn’t even try to resist because the feeling of his hand on her back is enough to make her weak at the knees.
The moment he closes the door, Dash is on Tessa, pressing her against the wood. She can feel every inch of him against her body, and she wants to push herself closer, but there’s no space between them. If this were any other man, she would be afraid to have him looking down at her with the intensity that Dash has in his eyes. But all she feels like right now is a roar of flames igniting her insides.
“You love me?” he asks. His voice is all awe and confusion.
Tessa feels her shoulders rising with the sudden, irrational desire to hide her face. “Yes, Dash. I love you.”
“Tess…” he says, all rough and quiet like he’s afraid too much noise will break the bubble that they’re in.
“I don’t think you’re only good for sex,” Tessa tells him because, after the conversation she’d overheard, she thinks that he needs to hear it at least once. “But that seems to be all you want from me—”
“No!” Dash says. Their lips are so close that it wouldn’t take any effort at all for her to lean up and kiss him. He reaches up to play with a loose curl that has fallen out of Tessa’s intricate bun. “No, I don’t just want that.”
“But you don’t want things to change?”
“I… yes. And no. I want you, just like you want me. I’m completely in love with you, too. I swear it.” Tessa feels a swoop in her stomach at his words. “Sex is… well, I’m good at it, you know? It’s easier to just sleep with you, and be your friend than try to be good enough for you. Because I know that I never will be, and I don’t want to lose you when you figure that out.”
Not good enough, she thinks because it’s been so much drama and crap when they could have easily just talked it out like adults. Is she willing to cut him some slack? Is the precedent of Black Lilith fucking up, enough to get him a pass and a scolding instead of flat rejection?
“The best things aren’t easy,” Tessa tells him. She leans up so close that her lips are brushing his as she speaks her next words, “But they are worth it.”
It’s Dash who closes the distance. It’s Dash who takes her by the back of her head, and guides her mouth to his, enjoying the feeling of their lips and tongues moving together, before quickly taking control of the kiss to the point where all Tessa can do is curl her fingers into his shirt sleeves and hold on for dear life.
He grinds against her, and Tessa can feel the delicious size of him pressed up against her pussy. And all she can think about is getting him into bed and out of those clothes. Even after assuring him that sex is not all she needs from him, right now it’s the only thing on her mind.
“Dash,” she mutters, gasping out the word when he lets up enough for her to move her lips. “Dash, should we keep talking or—”
“Fuck the talking. Later,” he mumbles. She opens her eyes and sees that he has his own eyes closed like he’s savoring her. “Later, I promise. Right now—”
“Right now,” she agrees.
And then he’s kissing her again, with even more frenzy. There’s a possessive streak to the way he’s holding her, pulling her closer as though he wants to erase the taste of other men from her lips. Tessa can barely even remember her own name, much less the name of the man she’d kissed earlier.
> The only thing in her mind is, Dash, Dash, Dash.
“Take me over to that bed right now,” she says.
Dash doesn’t need to be told twice. He releases her head and reaches down to pick her up by the waist, tossing her across to the mattress with as much ease as if she’d weighed the same as a book. He rips his shirt over his shoulders, and she almost dies. Scooting backward, she admires the trail of hair that runs down his abs and the way his well-muscled chest heaves when he looks down at her. He’s a wall of muscle like she always pictured he would be in person. But there’s a comfortable layer of softness all over him.
“Tell me you love me,” she says.
Dash crawls over her legs and looks up at her with a wicked grin. “I love you.”
“Now, tell me you were wrong to turn me down,” Tess says biting her lip. Knowing damn well she’s pushing it, but couldn’t give two fucks.
“So wrong,” he agrees, smiling back on the verge of a laugh.
He pushes the leg of her jeans up and kisses her exposed ankles, the left and the right, alternating between each side before biting down on her ankle. Tessa closes her eyes and leans back on the bed, letting her head fall on the pillow and become completely focused on the delicious sting. He’s then reaching up to unbutton her jeans, and she simply raises to help him work them off, along with her G-string. She’s not even a little bit self-conscious when she feels the cool air on her completely exposed lower half. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen—and praised—before.
Dash presses his lips to Tessa’s thighs, alternating between both legs.
“You’re only mine, right?” he asks. To anyone else it might be dirty-talk, but Tessa can hear the brief edge of vulnerability to his tone. He wants assurance.
“Only yours,” she moans.
“Good answer,” he replies without hesitation.
He presses his lips to her thighs again focussing on her completely, kissing the parts of her that now belong to him and him alone.
Tessa pushes herself up to her elbows and runs a hand through his hair. Just to let him know that she’s there and she’s enjoying what he’s doing. At her touch, Dash shivers. He licks his way up her thigh, right up to the edge of her hip.
