by Tony Park
He gripped the glass so hard he thought he might shatter it. She was watching him and he wondered what kind of a loser she thought he was. He had wanted to kill Wellington when he saw him, but he didn’t feel the same way about the man who had taken his wife. ‘I didn’t …’ He put his hand to his mouth and coughed, almost as though he was choking on the words that wouldn’t come. He looked around him, but the bar was mercifully deserted. There was no one there who knew him and could report back on his near show of emotion.
He looked into her eyes and he could see that the truth had suddenly dawned on her. ‘You didn’t want her to come back, did you?’ she said.
He stared at her, neither confirming nor denying, perhaps not able to bring himself to admit what he felt inside. She said nothing either, but held his stare.
He nodded his head slowly. ‘You’re right.’ He lowered his eyelids, then opened them. ‘I couldn’t tell Jess, but after my initial shock, I was happy. For the first time in years. Jess and I get on really well and I was helping her get over her feeling of being betrayed by her mom.’
‘What are you going to do now?’ she asked.
He shrugged. ‘This is hell for Jess. You can only imagine how the kids at her school have reacted to all this. It was the same for me at work. I know people were talking about Tania, and about me, behind my back, but I didn’t give a damn. I was happy that she was gone, though I couldn’t tell anyone that, and I didn’t care what people thought were the reasons. The fact is that Tania’s selfish and manipulative, a bitch to her daughter, venal, and totally obsessed with money and possessions.’
‘Then divorce her. The courts would probably give you custody over Jess, given Tania’s recent history of abandoning her family.’
Cameron drained his drink and called for the waitress. He ordered another and Kylie put her hand over the top of her glass, which was still half full. He took a slug of brandy and coke. ‘I’ve got to think of Jess. Seeing her mom leave was a hell of a shock for her. I think it’s probably better if I make up and we go back to pretending we’re one big happy family.’
‘That doesn’t make sense. Jess seems like a smart girl. She’ll know her mother can’t fix the problems in her life simply by coming back because her internet fling didn’t work out.’
Cameron put his hands out, palms up. ‘Then what do I do, Dr Hamilton?’
She ignored the jibe. ‘Don’t come to Zambia if it’s going to make matters worse. I’ll take Chris.’
‘So you’re sidelining me from my new job as well as my old one?’
She folded her arms and sat back in her chair. ‘You do what you want, Cameron.’
He downed his drink in two big swallows and called the girl over again. Kylie frowned. ‘Drinking more isn’t going to solve your problems.’
‘Another, please,’ he said to the waitress. She couldn’t tell him what to do after hours.
‘I’m going to bed, Cameron.’
‘Fine.’ He waved a hand in the air and burped.
*
Kylie got up and walked through the bar and lounge and out past Cameron’s parked truck to her room. She slammed the door and sat down at the small writing desk. She wasn’t drunk enough to fall easily into sleep, and she was too angry at Cameron’s attitude to be able to relax. She got out her MacBook and connected to the internet. There were two dozen emails she could busy herself with while she tried to calm down.
She turned on the television and let BBC World news play in the background while she ploughed through the last of her messages. When she was finished she took out her Kindle and lay on the bed, still in her clothes, and tried to read.
It was hard for her to concentrate, so she turned off the e-reader and channel-surfed with the DSTV satellite television remote. As she flicked from program to program she became aware of a low, rhythmic noise somewhere. She turned the television volume down and strained to hear. There it was again. It was almost like someone or some creature was in pain somewhere.
Kylie hit the mute button on the television button and listened again. She heard the groan and felt her cheeks start to colour. It was next door. She thought of the rented four-by-four in the car park, the young couple with the heavy accents. They were having sex.
The girl, at least she assumed it was her by the pitch, started calling louder and faster. Kylie groaned herself, out of annoyance. She pushed the mute button again and tried to concentrate on the reality show. It was something to do with aircraft disasters. The calling changed to shrieking. She grabbed the second pillow and placed it over her head. The screams of pleasure pierced it. She thought of banging on the wall. She thought of Cameron. No doubt he would be coming to find her soon.
Kylie gave a small yelp when she heard thumping. It was coming from her door, though, not the bedhead next door.
‘Kylie?’
‘Shit,’ she said.
She removed the pillow and got up, walking barefoot to the door. She opened it as far as the security chain would go. Cameron blinked at her through the gap. She smelled the brandy on his breath.
‘Have you got my car keys?’
‘You can’t drive home this drunk, Cameron. I won’t let you. Think of your daughter.’
He rubbed a hand down his face and swayed a little. ‘I am. I just called her. Staying at Mandy’s …’
He seemed to have forgotten the question he had asked her. ‘You should get a room. The company will pay.’
‘Not worried ’bout money,’ he said, then hiccupped. ‘Where’re my keys?’
She hoped he wasn’t a belligerent drunk. ‘We’ll have a good look for them in the morning.’ They were in her handbag. She had taken them off the table when she left for her room. He was old enough to look after himself but she was worried that in his current state of mind he might do something stupid. ‘Get a room, Cameron.’
He swayed back from her view, then forward again and she heard and felt his hand move to the door, pushing against it and her to steady himself. ‘Tried. Full, tourist bus just arrived.’ He hiccupped.
Kylie sighed. She hadn’t expected that. ‘Well, I’ll give you a blanket and a pillow and you can sleep in the back of your truck.’
He shrugged and smiled. ‘No keys. Give ’em to me.’
Kylie had almost been caught out. If she gave him his keys he would be stupid enough to try to drive home.
She closed the door on him, paused to think for a second, then realised she had no option. She unslid the security latch and opened the door. He was standing there, swaying still. ‘Come in.’
He nodded and lurched into the room. He cocked an ear. ‘Wha’s that noise?’
The orgasm next door was reaching its crescendo. ‘Stray cats.’
He smiled and hiccupped again. There was an awkward moment when his bloodshot eyes locked on hers and she felt her cheeks colour again. Then he passed out on the bed.
*
Cameron dreamed he was with a woman who loved him. She was smaller than Tania, slighter, her body toned and firm, her lips sweet and wet. She kissed him deep, but he couldn’t open his eyes so he couldn’t see her.
His hands roamed down over her body, and his mouth followed. He wanted to devour her, to kiss her all over. He drew on the nipples that came to life in his mouth, sampled his way over the smooth, flat paleness of her belly. As he roamed he had the vague sensation that he was dreaming, knowing it, but wishing it was real. It had been a long time since he and Tania had last had sex. He had tried to initiate it, but looking back she had probably already decided to leave him.
It didn’t matter in the dream, though. His lover arched her back and opened herself to him. Tania didn’t like that, being kissed down there, and used it as grounds for not reciprocating. He wondered, even in his delusional ecstasy, if she had let her American do that to her. Perhaps it wasn’t the act she had hated, so much as Cameron. It didn’t matter. He felt the woman’s fingers in his hair, and the slickness of her on the tip of his tongue as he claimed her.
The next thing he knew she was in his arms and he held her tight, never wanting to let her go.
‘Cameron!’
The shriek woke him and he sat bolt upright, unsure at first where he was.
Kylie, fully dressed, jumped up from the bed, clutching her arms across her chest. ‘What were you doing?’
‘I …’
‘You had your arm around me.’
He rubbed his face and the action hurt his entire head. He coughed. ‘Sorry, I must have been dreaming.’
He started to get up, then felt the erection in his underpants, a hangover from the dream. He felt his face start to colour. He wasn’t wearing his jeans. He looked around the room and saw them strewn on the floor.
‘What happened to your pants?’ She looked away.
He blinked. ‘I think I took them off when I got up to piss in the middle of the night.’
She shook her head and stormed to the bathroom and slammed the door.
Cameron burped and tasted stale brandy. With Kylie out of the room he sat up, and raised a hand to his forehead to try to slow the spinning. He reached out with his toe and hooked his jeans and dragged them to him. He wondered if they had done anything. The last thing he remembered was asking her where his car keys were. He heard the shower running and stood, unsteadily, and put his pants on.
He looked around the room and saw her handbag, half its contents spilling onto a chair. He spotted his car keys. Cameron found a pen and a bedside notepad and wrote: See you at the airport.
He left the room and got into his vehicle and drove out of the hotel car park. He turned on his phone and it beeped four times. There were three missed calls from his home number, and one from Jess’s cellphone. He called his daughter first.
‘Are you all right, Jess?’
She sounded sleepy. ‘Ja Dad.’
‘Do you want to come home? I’m heading there now,’ he said.
‘No. I don’t want to see her. And you’re still going away again today, aren’t you?’
His heart hurt as much as his head. He knew he should be with Jessica now, but he had made a point of telling Kylie he wanted to continue on with their plans to go to Zambia, where she was going to inspect another new project. Damn, he thought. He had backed himself into a corner. Jessica had planned on staying with Mandy while he was away and he asked her if she wanted to stick to that plan.
‘Yes. I told you, I don’t want to see her again.’
Cameron didn’t know what to do. He wanted Jessica to have a normal, stable home life, with two parents, even if he, too, didn’t want to be with Tania. He knew, however, that neither of them could continue avoiding Tania.
‘OK. You take your time. I’ll be back in a few days anyway and we’ll all talk then.’
‘All right, Dad. Love you.’
‘I love you more than anything in the world. SMS me, OK?’
‘Ja. Bye.’ She ended the call and he hoped he wasn’t losing her too.
Cameron took a deep breath and called Tania at home.
‘Cameron?’ He heard the anger, but she seemed to be forcing herself to stay calm. ‘I was worried about you, engel.’
He winced at the half-baked term of endearment. He was not the angel. ‘I was busy last night.’
‘Well, where are you now? Are you coming home?’
‘I’m on my way, but I have to fly to Livingstone, and I’m going to be away for four days.’
‘What? Your work, again, Cameron, I …’ She paused to draw breath ‘Maybe you can put it off, to stay with Jess and me?’
He gripped the steering wheel hard. His work had been a factor in her leaving, but she had run out on them and now she expected him to stay home and play happy families. No. He had no qualms about continuing on with the tour with Kylie. Jess was safe and happy at Mandy’s and, as far as he was concerned, Tania could suffer. ‘I’ll be home in ten minutes.’
Cameron drove past the mine and longed for the days when he’d simply report for work there every morning. His marriage may have been a sham, but at least he’d had his work to focus on. He felt angry at Tania, at Kylie and Jan for trying to micromanage his mine, and at Wellington Shumba for wresting control of the mine and his life from him. Before he started feeling too maudlin, however, he thought of Luis Correia and the terrible tragedy he had been through. He could be much worse off.
This is it, he thought. If Jess didn’t want to reconnect with her mother, then he would not waste time trying to reconcile things with her. He would give Tania her marching orders and file for divorce. He would embrace the new job Kylie had given him and he and Jess would leave Barberton and set up somewhere new. A fresh start would be good for them.
He wondered how Kylie was doing, and if he should call her. He thought better of it. He was sure nothing had happened between them, but flashes of the dream he’d been having popped into his mind. It had been too long since he’d had sex, or even the time to think about it. The mine had been occupying his thoughts, night and day.
Cameron checked his watch and accelerated, the tyres on his pickup scrabbling for grip on the steep gravel road to his home. He knew every bend and rut of the road. He would hate to leave it, but perhaps it really was time for him and Jess to move on. The dogs came bounding out as he turned into the driveway. He wondered what they thought of Tania being back.
He pulled up outside the garage and got out. There was no sign of her. He ruffled the dogs under their chins and walked in through the unlocked front door. The CD player was on and a slow Afrikaans rock song was playing. The heavy curtains were closed and he paused to allow his eyes to become accustomed to the dimness inside.
Cameron walked down the stone-tiled hallway to the master bedroom and saw the door was closed. It opened.
Tania stood in her cream satin dressing-gown. He looked at her, not with anger but with what he hoped was disdain. He saw her lower lip start to tremble and he felt his resolve weakening. Her big eyes glittered. There was dark makeup around them and her lips were cherry red, as full and inviting as the first time he’d met her on a balmy night in Thailand.
All he had wanted was for her to love him as he had loved her. He knew she hated their life, but he had also ultimately come to the conclusion that she hated him too, and perhaps even disliked their daughter. He had come prepared to send her on her way.
She smoothed imaginary wrinkles from the satin and his eyes followed her hands down over her full breasts, her still-flat tummy. It was only then that he noticed the stockings beneath the hem of the gown, and the strappy high heels she had bought on her last trip to Johannesburg.
Tania took a step towards him and he stopped in the hallway.
‘Cameron, my love, I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me? I’ve been a total fool.’
He clenched his hands beside him and she came another step closer.
‘I was an idiot to leave you and Jess. It’s not about you and her, it’s all about me, how selfish, how silly I’ve been. I should never have left home.’
He couldn’t bring himself to tell her it was all right, that he wanted them to move on. He wanted to march past her and open her wardrobe and drawers and throw all of her stuff back into the open suitcase on the floor and toss it outside onto the grass. But he couldn’t move.
She came to him and put her arms around him. He turned his face from her, but she persisted, kissing his cheek. She placed her hands on his chest, her fingers trailing as she moved down him. Tania moved her lips to his ear. ‘Forgive me. Hold me.’
He moistened his lips to speak, but the words would not come.
Tania sank to her knees in front of him and looked up. ‘I’m begging you, Cameron.’
He tried not to, but he couldn’t help glancing down at her. She let a small smile play across her contrite face as she unbuckled his belt and reached for his zipper with glossy nails the colour of her lips.
24
Kylie checked her wristwatch for the fourth time in ten minutes. The boa
rding call had been made. There was no sign of Cameron.
She shouldn’t have been surprised, she knew, or angry, but she was both. She felt a little silly for her outburst that morning, insinuating that Cameron had tried something with her in the bed. She felt a little guilty, too. She could have slept on the floor – or, better yet, rolled him out of bed so that he could. But she hadn’t.
It had been a shock seeing him without his jeans on and to her horror she thought she had glimpsed a bulge in his underpants as she’d leapt from the bed, but she also had a vague recollection of half waking in the pre-dawn cool and feeling his arm around her. She hadn’t stirred, she told herself, because she hadn’t wanted to wake him. When she had woken, fully, she had jumped out of the bed.
She walked to the glass door of the small departures area at Kruger Mpumalanga International Airport and looked over her shoulder. Two security guards chatted by the single X-ray machine. He was not going to show.
She had called Chris and told him to get his arse on the next flight up to Johannesburg and then on to Livingstone, in Zambia. He would miss the direct flight. Chris had tried to protest, but Kylie had been terse with him.
‘I’m supposed to go and see Tertia again,’ Chris had whined.
‘Too bad. Besides, I’m not sure there’s anything more to be gained by negotiating with that woman. I need someone with me and you’re it.’
‘I’m not feeling too lekker,’ he had persisted.
‘Then take a teaspoon of cement, Chris. If you’re well enough to go see Tertia, you’re well enough to fly to Zambia with me.’ She had ended the call.
‘Thank you, Dr Hamilton, enjoy your flight,’ said the SA Airlink ground attendant as she tore off the stub of the boarding pass and handed it back.
Kylie hadn’t called Cameron; she didn’t want to appear to be chasing him up. He was an adult and he would make the best decision as far as his family and his career were concerned. Despite what Cameron thought, Kylie fully believed he would be a good fit for the special projects job Jan had created for him. He was too close to the mine and it had probably contributed to the breakdown of his marriage. His daughter seemed like a bright girl and Kylie was sure that while Jessica said she didn’t want to leave Barberton she would eventually appreciate relocating to Johannesburg.
