by Joyce Alec
Jane rolled her eyes. "But I do not feel as deep of a connection with him as I do with Lord Hays."
Emmeline nodded.
Jane looked back at her friend. "Emmeline, what would you do in my situation?"
Emmeline, who had just poured herself another cup of tea, sat back in her chair and stared into her cup.
"Well," she said eventually. "I actually find myself in much of the same position."
Jane sat straight up in her chair. "You what?"
Emmeline blushed and would not meet Jane's eye. "I did not wish to tell you while you were speaking."
"Why ever not?" Jane retorted incredulously.
"I wanted to help you first. You seemed so troubled..."
Jane leaned closer to Emmeline. "Well, then you must tell me everything."
"It's rather simple, really," Emmeline said, smiling. "Earl Henry has approached me. I do not think you know him; he is from the southern part of England. A fine man, one who is very charming and handsome. And yet, a man I have known much of my life recently pulled me aside at a family gathering and told me that he could not stop thinking about me and that he loved me for years."
Jane could only gape at her friend. "Emmeline, who is this man?"
Emmeline gave Jane a shy smile. "Lord Edwin."
"Edwin?" Jane said, and then laughed. "Last I saw him, he was a scrawny boy that chased us around the courtyard!"
Emmeline grinned. "Indeed. But he is certainly not a boy now. He is very much a man."
There was a distant look in Emmeline's eyes that Jane thought she understood perfectly well.
"Do you love him?" Jane asked, already feeling as if she knew the answer.
Emmeline looked back at Jane and nodded her head. "I think I do, despite the fact that my father was the one who arranged the meeting with Lord Henry."
I wish I had known the baron all my life, she thought almost bitterly. Perhaps that would make this decision easier.
Jane looked at Emmeline.
Or perhaps not.
"What are you going to do?"
Emmeline shrugged her shoulders. "I feel much as you do. I feel as if my head and my heart are telling me two very different things. Do I follow the wise choice and marry Lord Henry? He is a pleasant man who I believe I could grow to love."
Jane nodded her head. "I understand. I feel the same about Lord Greenshire."
Emmeline continued, "But Lord Edwin is kind, and he loves me. I feel as if I can be myself when I am in his presence."
Add arrogant and boisterous, and you have the perfect image of Lord Hays, thought Jane.
"Oh, I do not know," Emmeline said. "I understand your pain, my friend.”
Jane laughed.
"But I am trusting in God to provide me with the wisdom when the time is right," Emmeline said, her smile returning. "I trust that He will not lead me astray."
Jane was reminded vividly of her brother Robert for a moment as she spoke.
"He will take care of you too, Jane. I know He will."
Jane took Emmeline's hands in her own, and the two women sat in silence together, their hearts heavy.
"This is no small choice," Jane said quietly.
"Indeed, it is not," Emmeline said. "Indeed it is not."
5
An Apology Long Due
Jane remained with Lady Emmeline for another week, and she departed on a particularly cold autumn day. A bitter chill filled the air, and she was grateful that her brother and his wife only lived a half a day’s ride away. She kept her thick coat pulled over her shoulders, her gloved fingers tucked into the sleeves, and a warm blanket on her lap.
The small village where Robert and Alice lived was a pleasant sort of place, with houses spread out, an abundance of tall trees, and a wide river running right through the middle of the town. She passed the old stone church in the center of the town, and she assumed that this was where her brother preached.
She regretted that this was her first visit, but she was glad that she could come at all.
Quite a few families were out at the two little shops beside the church, and a farmer pulled his cart along the side of the road.
It is very quaint, she told herself. I am glad that Robert and Alice are happy here.
A twinge of fear passed through her, and she felt ashamed at herself.
Is this what my life would look like if I were to choose Lord Hays?
Robert told her that their house was located at the end of the road that followed the river off the main street. The carriage turned down the street to the east and followed the river.
They turned into the drive, but Robert’s house was not completely visible. Her view was mostly blocked by large trees. When the carriage pulled to a stop, she was glad to get out and stretch her legs when the footman came to retrieve her.
When she stepped out, she was able to look up at the little cottage.
It was smaller than she had imagined, and she felt slightly disheartened. It was a long, low stone building, with a thatch roof and a large, wooden door. Ivy climbed up the sides, and flower boxes sat beneath the windows, the leaves of fall’s flowers still clinging to wilting stalks.
She was surprised that no one was outside to meet her, and she felt as if her brother must have lost some of his sensibilities. Even if she knew it was trivial, there still were traditions that were admirable to uphold.
She crossed the short distance to the door and gently wrapped her knuckles against the wood. It was worn and old, as if it had been standing there for hundreds of years.
It was only a moment before the door was pulled open, and Jane was surprised to see Alice greeting her.
“Oh, Jane!” she exclaimed. “We have been expecting you.”
“Hello.” She tried to look past her into what she assumed was a small sitting room behind her. “Where is Robert?”
“Oh, he is not here right now,” she said. “Please, come inside. It is cold out there, and we do not want you to catch a chill.”
She stood back and allowed Jane to cross the threshold, with the footman behind her with all of her luggage.
The sitting room was cozy, she had to admit, with large, comfortable furniture, a warm, soft rug, and a fireplace that took up a good portion of one wall, with a roaring fire inside. Jane sighed with happiness, the warmth seeping into her frozen limbs. She was vaguely aware of Alice ushering the footman into a room toward the back of the cottage, which must have been where she would be staying for the next few nights.
Alice appeared at her side a moment later. “May I take your coat?”
Jane nodded. “Yes, thank you.”
She allowed Alice to pull the jacket off her shoulders and disappear once more to where the footman had gone.
The footman bid Jane farewell, and she paid him handsomely. It was cold, after all. He left with a deep bow and a wide grin on his face.
And then, it was just Alice and Jane left inside the little home together.
“May I show you where you will be staying?” Alice asked, looking up at Jane hesitantly. It was obvious Alice was still nervous in Jane’s presence.
It was so very strange for Jane to be looking down at a woman who married her brother. She had fiercely red hair and pale grey eyes. She was very pretty, and she could see why Robert found her so beautiful. She surely would have received many proposals if she had been born into a noble family.
Even though Alice had a maid and a cook of her own, Jane realized Alice was still uncomfortable with people serving her. This was both amusing and frustrating. She was married to the son of a duke, a very proud and enduring name that held much weight in society. She should act as such a woman. But at the same time, Jane felt that her servant attitude was beneficial in a way. Jane was used to the care and comfort of servants, and Alice was used to being such a servant.
“Yes. I would love to see my room,” Jane said with a smile.
They walked down a narrow hall that followed the length of the whole cottage to a r
oom at the very end. It was small, with a small, four poster bed pushed into a corner, and much of her luggage was tucked up against the foot of the bed. A corner fireplace was blazing with warmth, and a few candle sticks decorated the sparsely placed tables and dresser.
“Your home is very…quaint,” Jane said, in what she hoped was a kind tone.
“Thank you,” Alice replied, in a very neutral tone.
“Are you and Robert happy here?” Jane asked as she sat down on the nicely made bed. She was pleased to find that it was very comfortable, and the quilts were warm from the fire.
“We are truly happy here. It is the perfect place for us.”
Jane nodded her head in reply. “Speaking of my brother, where has he found himself today?”
Alice inclined her head. “He was called away to the church early this morning. It was something urgent, and then he had a meeting just after lunch. He should return home shortly.”
“I see,” Jane replied.
“Would you like tea and something to eat?” Alice asked. “We can enjoy some refreshments in the sitting room.”
Jane could easily remain in her room by complaining of the long journey, but she was cold, and hot tea sounded delightful. “Of course,” she responded, rising to her feet. “That sounds lovely.”
The two women adjourned to the sitting room, and Jane graciously accepted the hot tea from the maid. The heat from the cup helped her numb fingers, and she clutched it tightly in her grasp.
Alice sat perched on the edge of her own chair, across from Jane, her eyes on her cup. Occasionally, she would lift the cup to her mouth and take a small sip.
The room was warm and comfortable, and Jane was having a difficult time keeping her eyes open.
It was odd to think that the woman across from her was her sister, now, in a way. Her brother had fallen in love with her, and she was now part of the family. Even if Jane frowned upon it, it did not change the truth.
And yet, something in the truth of their relationship stirred something inside of her. She could now relate to the striking similarity between her situation and Robert’s choice for a bride. Although Lord Hays was titled, and not a servant, Jane felt a warmness towards Alice for the first time.
“Alice?” Jane asked.
Alice looked up at Jane, apparently surprised. Even Jane herself was surprised that she had spoken.
“Yes?”
“Have…have you ever felt confused about a love interest?” Jane was shocked that the words had passed over her lips. She never would have discussed such precious matters with a servant, no matter who they were.
But Alice was different in two ways. For one, she was now a part of her family, and she could not continue to treat her as a servant, no matter how natural it was and no matter how much she had disagreed with her brother’s decision. Secondly, she was the prior lady’s maid to Agnes, her eldest brother’s wife. Agnes adored Alice, and also trusted and befriended her. Agnes told Jane that she had never had a friend like Alice.
Something in Agnes’s adoration allowed Jane to believe that she could trust her. Perhaps.
Alice smiled uncomfortably.
“Why do you ask?”
“I…I just need to know.”
“Well,” Alice began, and she set her teacup down on the table beside her. For a moment, the only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire behind Jane.
Alice shifted in her chair, and smiled again, but it did not reach her eyes. “Yes,” she answered finally. “Yes, I did feel that way, of course. With your brother.”
Jane continued to watch her, watch as a distant look appeared on her face, as if she were in a different place and different time.
“Your brother was out of reach for someone like me. I found myself thinking of him often, and I felt as if I would be the happiest woman in the world if he were to but notice me…”
She looked at Jane meaningfully. “When I found out he loved me too, I found myself in utter disbelief. Our places in society were so different…”
“What did you do?” Jane asked, suddenly forgetting who she was and the situation that she was in.
“Well, you know the story,” Alice said, rather softly. “After much strife and misunderstandings…” Alice paused and gave Jane a knowing look.
Jane was one of those who had caused the strife, and the reminder was like a swift blow to her side.
Alice continued. “It all worked out in the end, didn’t it? We are here.”
“And you are both happy here? You feel as if you made the right choice?”
Alice’s brow furrowed, and she looked intently at Jane. “Is everything all right? You look awfully pale…”
Jane felt her jaw clench. She bit her tongue, and her breathing became rapid. She looked all about the room, realizing that she had led herself into situation in which she could not easily dismiss.
Alice was still looking at her intently.
Jane’s lip trembled.
“Oh, Alice,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. Her hands, still holding the cup tightly, began to shake. “I find myself in a situation in which I can’t find an easy solution.”
Alice appeared taken aback, but said nothing.
Jane sat up straight and forced herself to quell the tears. She gathered her thoughts, for she still longed to share them, and told Alice everything that she was going through.
Or everything that I am running from…
It was very much the same way that she explained it all to Emmeline, except this time, she stood in front of a woman who she had mistreated from the very first moment they met.
She decided that Alice did not need to know the depth of her own insecurities. She did not want Robert to find out about how afraid she was of the whole situation. She was vague about her encounter with Lord Greenshire and simply told her that Lord Hays had shown interest in her as well.
“I don’t quite understand what choice I should make, or how I should even respond.”
She looked at Alice.
“And you,” Jane said with a smile. “Alice, I am so sorry. I spent such a long time being angry and frustrated with my brother for even considering his marriage to you. All I could see was my brother destroying his place in the world and ruining any chance he could have at happiness. And…” she laughed, but it was soft and hollow. “I worried about what it would mean for my sisters and I. I feared that it would ruin our chances of good matches as well. But, Robert never felt society’s rules were fair, and now he has found so much joy with you.”
She leaned closer to Alice.
“And I was wrong. Alice, I am so sorry. Until I met Lord Hays, I could never have understood that personal feelings could outweigh the feelings of propriety and duty. I misjudged you both so poorly for being victims of your own desires instead of doing what I, and what other members of my family, believed to be right.
“I am sorry, Alice. I feel truly awful about how I treated you that one afternoon in your own home. I shouldn’t have barged in on you while you spoke confidentially to Agnes.”
Alice’s face reddened, and she looked quickly down at the cup in her hand. “Oh, Jane, you are too kind. There is no need to worry. Besides, your intervention was the catalyst that solidified my relationship with Robert. Although your reaction to my relationship with your brother was painful at the time, it was brought Robert and I together.”
Jane laughed. “Alice, you are too kind.”
“And, if I may,” Alice said, intently. “I do not think that it will be wrong or right to choose one over the other. You must decide which man is right for you.”
“Yes, but who?” Jane asked, sitting back in her chair.
The warmth of the room felt more comfortable now, and Jane found herself fond of all of the little things scattered about. It was cozy and charming, and she could see herself living happily in such a place.
“You will have to see them again,” Alice responded. “That is perhaps the only way for you to make any sense of
all of this.”
Jane smiled at Alice, who smiled back at her. “Perhaps you are right. I will need to spend time with them both in order to determine who truly is the best match for me.”
Soon after, Robert returned home, and Jane excitedly greeted him. He was pleased that she had arrived safely and insisted on showing her around the house. He shared the details of each and every piece of furniture. His entire home was furnished by gifts from parishioners, friends, or family.
Jane was in awe. She had never seen Robert so happy in his entire life. And she told him so.
He beamed at her. “Well, of course! With all of the wonderful blessings that God has given us! Including our newest one! Isn’t it exciting?”
“Of course, being married is a great blessing!”
Robert looked at her curiously. “No, sister! Our other news! Surely Alice told you?”
He looked around at his wife, who sat on an light blue upholstered settee by the window.
“Dear wife, did you not tell my sister our news?”
“What news?” Jane asked.
Alice looked up at Robert. “Well, dear, Jane came and we spoke of many things. She needed some advice on some matters, and I felt it would be better if we were to tell her together.”
“Tell me what?” Jane asked again, tugging at her brother’s sleeve. “What did you need to tell me?”
Robert looked at her, his eyes shining, and with a wide grin on his face, said, “We are expecting our first child next spring!”
There was much excited laughter and exclamations from all three of them as they rejoiced together in their happy news. Jane was to be an aunt again, and Robert was to be a father!
Jane went to bed that evening feeling more at peace with the world around her than she had in a long time. In addition to her joy for the upcoming baby, Jane was glad that she shelved her pride and made things right with Alice. The world around her seemed to make more sense.
She was determined that she was going to stop running from the two men. She would have to face Lord Greenshire and what had happened when he had come to her home. She would also have to face Lord Hays and what he had said to her, for if he had said it once, what would he say to her the next time they saw each other?
