Missing Beats

by K. L. Shandwick

  What the! I stood, staring at the cell in my hand like he might pop out of it and shout I’d been punked. I wondered what the hell Kane had said to Elliot, because it was only last night that the guy had told me he thought he was falling in love with me, and now he shut me down like that.

  I flung my bedroom door wide and stomped angrily toward Kane, waving my cell at him. “You’re an ass, you know that?”

  “Correction, a fine ass,” he replied with a soft chuckle as he closed the lid on his laptop, giving me his full attention.

  “This is no laughing matter, Kane Exeter. Elliott just broke up with me. On the fucking phone no less. You’ve only been here a few hours and my guy has ditched me already?”

  “He did? Woo–hoo,” he cheered in a humorous tone, but when he saw how hurt I was his whole demeanor changed and he cleared his throat. A genuine look of concern in his eyes told me he hadn’t known I was serious before. He threw his hands up and his brow knitted. “Really? What the fuck did he do that for? What the hell is wrong with that guy?”

  “That’s what I’m hoping you can tell me. We were fine on the phone until you spoke to him and suddenly we’re on a break?” I shrieked. I felt pretty pissed at him.

  Kane huffed out a sharp breath and stood up. “Jesus, Jo. How old is this guy? Sixteen?”

  “Almost thirty,” I answered with a note of sarcasm.

  “And he’s calling all the shots because he’s a control freak? Has he never dealt with a partner or lived with anyone? There’s something off about that. Trust issues or something.” His lips formed a thin line as he walked over to where I was standing and held me by my upper arms. My skin tingled where he touched and distracted me for a second until I saw him bending to my eye level as he stared seriously into my eyes. “Jo, I swear to you that I said nothing that should have made him react like that.” Conscious of his warm, firm grip on my arms, I felt the power of conviction behind what he said. To confirm his belief he squeezed my arms a little tighter. “Come over here and sit down. I’ll re-enact the whole damn call for you,” he retorted in exasperation as he tried to convince me.

  Moving me toward the sofa, he positioned me in the center of it and picked up my cell from the countertop. He made a big deal of laying it on the table where it had been before I went to bed. I bunched my brow wondering what he was doing. Seconds later he started singing the ring tone on my phone, “Run The World” by Beyonce, and began to dance like she did in her music video, gesticulating wildly at my cell phone. His behavior was so unexpected and his animation so comical that a reluctant chuckle escaped my throat. I was so damn mad at him but couldn’t help the smile that curved my lips.

  Fully immersed in his task, he sang the first verse then turned his head pointedly at my bedroom door making exaggerated glances in the direction of it and then at the phone. He placed his index finger to his lips as he still sang, and pointed down at my cell. By this time, I was struggling to keep my face straight and bit back a grin. Next, he picked up the phone. “Hello. It’s me…” He answered the phone singing the first words of Adele’s song ‘Hello’ and I couldn’t restrain my laughter even when he raised an eyebrow.

  Continuing like the pro he was, he stood to his left with the phone to his ear and asked, “Who’s that?” Then turned to the right and answered himself, “A friend.” Turning back to the left he said in all seriousness, and a low aggressive tone, “A fucking friend?” I was almost breathless with laughter and I don’t know how he contained himself, but he remained resolute in his performance, alternating sides to represent both parties of the conversation. “No fucking, just a friend,” he said in a growly voice, then added for my benefit, “Although I may have added that knowing myself as well as I do, I would have been a willing participant, but that fucking someone was difficult when only one of us felt that way.”

  “You said that?” I asked in disbelief. I sat open-mouthed digesting that information.

  “Sure, do you want to hear the rest or not?” His face was deadpan while he stood with his hands on his hips.

  “Sorry, continue,” I urged, waving my hand, totally enthralled by his re-enactment. I definitely had a better idea why Elliott was so pissed off. If I’d been on the receiving end of Kane’s call and thousands of miles from home when such a charismatic rock star was with my partner, I’d have been pissed off as well.

  “Elliott then became all caveman and said something like, she’s mine, and I replied, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…because I was trying to stay with the Beyonce theme. He called me an asshole after that and told me to leave you the fuck alone. Oh, then he said again you were his girl, and that I should get the fuck out of your apartment and leave you alone. So…I replied…good luck on keeping Jo with an attitude like that. Where’s your sense of humor?”

  There was silence between us for a second then his eyes met mine and he shrugged his shoulders giving me a wicked grin. There was no remorse whatsoever in what he had done. He wandered slowly toward me and sat gently on the sofa beside me. “I may be wrong, but I think that’s the point where he hung up on me. I can’t be sure because the coffee had started overflowing as I poured extra water in the top of the machine after finding it a bit strong earlier. I placed your phone on the side to deal with that. So I guess he really doesn’t have a sense of humor. How could you want to be with a guy like that, Jo? You were always a fun girl. He must have something going for him. Does he have big dick?” He nudged my shoulder with his and chuckled. My face grew red with his question and he spoke again to cover my embarrassment.

  “Listen, like you said, It’s a new relationship. If you really like him and he likes you, he’ll be back. And if he rolls over and plays dead that easily, he’s got no place in my girl’s life, capish? Frankly, if you don’t want him after that, I’d be overjoyed. No guy should ever treat you like you are an object.”

  Chapter 5

  Chinese

  It was 2:00 pm and I was starving. Gurgling noises were coming from my stomach and when I caught sight of myself in the mirror in the hallway, I flinched at the sorry state I looked. I padded through to the kitchen and opened the fridge, which was embarrassingly empty. I grabbed some cookies from Kane’s luxury basket and had just taken a bite when there was a knock at the door. Without hesitation Kane jumped up and looked through the spyhole.

  “Damn, Jo, I think it’s that dude from the phone call. He has an axe,” he joked, as he opened the door.

  A delivery boy with a large box of Chinese food was standing in the doorway. “Fuck me. Kane Exeter,” he announces in a startled voice at finding the rock star in my apartment.

  “Sorry, dude, I’m tapped out with this chick, she’s insatiable.” He grins wickedly looking over at me. I buried my head in my hands mortified he would say such a thing. “Can I take a rain check on that offer?” he asked, continuing to insinuate he’d be up for that.

  The poor delivery guy didn’t know what to do with himself. He obviously thought Kane was serious.

  “That wasn’t an offer, dude, it was a figure of speech,” he mumbled as he passed over the Styrofoam cartons of warm food. Kane chuckled and explained he was only busting his balls as he pulled a few new crisp fifty dollar bills from his wallet. Shoving them into the delivery boy’s hand, the teenager gasped, “Thanks, dude, much appreciated. Can I have a selfie with you?”

  Kane obliged, both of them doing that rock salute thing with their fingers and their tongues sticking out for the photo. Once they were done the teenager muttered, “Have a nice day.”

  Mirroring the guy’s parting words Kane closed the door with his foot and carried the boxes to the countertop. “Chinese okay? I wasn’t sure what to get because we skipped breakfast,” he muttered while pulling out carton after carton of food.

  “Did you invite someone else?” I questioned, because I couldn’t imagine all that food just for the two of us.

  “Nope, I figured we could have some for lunch, pick at it later, and
if there’s any left we could eat it for dinner. If not, I’ll order something else.” He surprised me by his willingness to eat leftovers considering how wealthy and exposed he must have been to the best cuisine, especially as he attended fancy parties and music industry dinners.

  *****

  If I’d been nervous about how the day was going to go after Elliott’s call, I needn’t have worried. Well, not about the first part of it anyway. Eating tons of Chinese food and reminiscing about our childhood had brought Kane and I closer in one day than I’d imagined it could. By the evening our years apart had mostly slipped away, each of us filling the other in on what we’d been up to and who had been our main influences in life.

  Mine were mainly authors as I was an avid reader in my spare time, whereas Kane had gone to live with an uncle who was in a band, and when he was old enough his uncle had taken him along to his gigs. Being a part of that scene had cultivated his love for rock music, and deciding he loved that kind of environment, he tried his hand at singing. A few small gigs later some guy approached him with an offer to be the lead singer in his band. The rest is history. Andrew Store was the lead guitarist in his band, and once he’d found his final member in Kane, their band Hedon1sm was formed.

  When Kane talked about Hedon1sm his eyes shone with excitement. His enthusiasm for what he did oozed from every sexy pore on his body. His facial expressions and stories made me feel like I was a part of what he’d been doing, totally mesmerizing me by his ability to recount a lot of what had been happening in a female friendly way. I’m sure that some of what went on, actually a lot of what went on, wasn’t something he’d have been able to share with me unless I’d been a horny guy. References to groupies and tales of things that had happened were no doubt tamped down for my ears.

  Gradually, the spotlight fell on me again, so to speak, and my life felt extremely dull in comparison. I’d worked in the office at my dad’s security firm from the day I’d left school at eighteen years old. After almost five years I was still a PA to a shitty manager that my father thought walked on water, all because he’d been a navy seal. He must have been amazing in that role because if that part was true, from my personal experience of him, I knew it was possible to be a hero in one job and an ass in another. The money Dad paid me was pretty decent for someone with only a high school diploma. Without a college degree, any other job outside of my dad’s company would have been less money for my paygrade.

  As the evening wore on our conversation made its way around to talking about his parents. That subject definitely wasn’t easy for him, but Kane said it helped to talk to me because he didn’t have to explain everything leading up to what had happened with his father, I already knew. When he told me about his mom, the anguish and sorrow on his face from the memory of that time gutted me and I wept openly. I couldn’t imagine how difficult life must have been to have no parents by the age of thirteen.

  Any anger I held in my heart about him not contacting me dissipated during that conversation and all my self-consciousness disappeared. My knee-jerk reaction to him sharing that harrowing time was to crawl onto the sofa and cradle his head in my arms. I kissed the top of his head, just like he had mine, and forgave any hurt he’d made me feel. It was nothing compared to the hurt he’d carried himself at the loss of his parents.

  Minutes passed where we didn’t speak. I stayed holding him that way in my arms, inhaling the scent of him and absorbing every conceivable trace of him into my lungs. My head was filled with memories, good and bad, until my knees ached and I had to change position. “Thank you, no woman has just held me like that without motive since my mom died,” he said, with a slow smile. “You have no idea what that just did for me, Jo.” Lumps formed in my throat, one after another, and I fought hard to swallow each one down and not become the focus of the moment.

  “Anytime. Please don’t cut me off again now that I have you back. I couldn’t go through that again…I won’t go through that again. Losing contact was painful, Kane. My life wasn’t easy for a long time after your letters stopped, but I understand better why it happened,” I said, smoothing the soft, thick hair on his head. I stared into his beautiful, sad blue eyes that were so dull and full of painful memories.

  Sitting back on my heels on the sofa, I saw his mouth twist in thought as his hand reached up and cupped my face. “I can’t believe you’re right in front of me, Jo. Having you here…touching you like this has soothed an ache in my heart that I’ve carried with me all this time.” I could feel the sincerity in his words by his wistful tone of voice and the way he gently grazed my cheek with his thumb.

  “Why now? I mean if your band hadn’t been playing in town, would you ever have reached out?” Closing his eyes, Kane swallowed hard and I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down before his eyelids slowly opened, looking at me with a sad half-smile.

  “God knows I wanted to see you; many times, but I guess I felt bad for what I’d done and perhaps I needed the right excuse, something that would help me be accepted again. I don’t know, Jo, maybe I never felt good enough. I left it so long that I couldn’t see you being able to forgive me for what I had done. That definitely held me back. Often, I’d play the likely scenarios of how you’d react in my mind…and every time you’d reject me. Up until now I never thought my heart could take anymore hurt, so that pretty much kept me away.”

  “Oh, Kane, did you think I was the kind of friend that would do that? I loved you so much then. My heart still aches when I think of what happened…having you here it still does…just like it did the last time I had to leave you.”

  “I still love you, Jo. No matter how much time has passed I’ve never stopped loving you. I never forgot you. I’ve carried that little girl in here since the day we parted all those years ago in Germany,” he admitted, pointing at the center of his chest. Suddenly my throat tightened and I swallowed back tears again.

  Reaching out I pushed myself up off the sofa and headed over to the fridge. “I think I need wine,” I stated, trying not to let myself get completely overwhelmed by his admission. Pulling the fridge door open I was glad for a moment where he couldn’t see me. Taking a bottle of cheap Pinot Grigio from the door storage compartment, I turned to him and asked, “You?” as I gestured at him by holding the bottle where he could see it.

  “Just a glass and ice, there’s still some JD here. Although, would you mind if I took a shower first?” he asked. I then realized he was still wearing the same clothes he’d worn when I picked him up at the airport.

  “Oh jeez, I’m sorry. Sure, you can use my bathroom. The shower in the other bathroom isn’t working properly.”

  Walking to the linen closet I pulled out two clean, fluffy towels for him while he sifted around in his duffle bag for his washbag.

  Handing him the towels, he started off down the hall then turned to look at me. “Thanks, Jo…for letting me spend time with you.”

  I nodded, unable to speak because my throat was clogged again. I realized that even though Kane was becoming a huge star, there probably weren’t many people who really got him the way I did. He had remained humble so far and I was in awe that I’d mattered that much to him for him to come back and make amends. Every minute apart had been worth it if it had helped him deal with his parents’ deaths in some way.

  Almost an hour after he’d gone to shower he came back to the sitting room looking incredible. It was the second time in twenty-four hours I’d almost choked on my own tongue. I had kind of expected a fully clothed version of the sexy, hot, rock star that wandered back from the bathroom. Wrapped in my powder blue towel his smooth, inked, torso was cut and ripped like something one would see on a Greek statue: six-pack abs, tight pecs, and a defined V in the muscle group running from his waist to below the towel. I dragged my eyes away from the towel and tried to focus on the hot ink markings all over his arms. A huge Native American tribal tattoo covered his left shoulder, the bold ink etched perfectly against his golden shiny skin.<
br />
  My eyes fell to the towel again, noticing it was not wrapped very tightly around him. A girl can only take so much teasing. I could see a definite bulge in the front. I was about to look away when he caught me looking.

  “Busted,” he said, grinning. “Things change and people grow, Jo.” He pulled the towel tighter, the way he brazenly outlined his genitals shocked me. “Thank God, they grow,” he chuckled, looking down at himself. My eyes automatically followed his gaze and I realized what he’d done before he took his hands away. “Sorry, the rock star in me snuck out for a minute,” he said, looking sheepish. “Did I turn out the way you imagined?”

  How the fuck am I supposed to answer that now? Damn, I’d never have imagined him to look like that. No one could have imagined that level of perfection. Silky, dark brown hair; strong jawline; gorgeous mouth with incredible lips, and straight white teeth. Attractive didn’t begin to describe how he looked. Menacingly broody with his dark eyebrows, and lashes contrasting with his ice-blue eyes—his look had alpha etched all over it. Perusing him caused more than a few strange twinges in-between my legs with every lingering look between us. He wasn’t a pretty boy in the least, he was handsome. Stunningly handsome; the kind of attraction that made you want to pull up a chair because your legs would be tired from standing so long. Everything fitted him to perfection. His commanding looks, his assertive personality, his popularity and his amazing talent.

  “What makes you think I imagined how you looked?” I asked, a little breathless at the intensity of his gaze. We stood a few feet from each other but it felt too close. I could feel when the heat crept into my cheeks again because I was lying through my teeth. Of course I’d done that—many times. None of my images even came close to how he looked and that made me think I had a very limited imagination.

  “Oh come on, Jo, you must have,” he said with a wicked smirk as he held onto my gaze. “With the connection we had as kids, I know you did. You’ve crossed my mind thousands of times. I used to lie in bed and wonder what you looked like, pictured that smile.” He grazed his finger across my lips. “I loved how your nose wrinkled in distaste at something you didn’t like…wondered how that looked now, how you dressed, what your voice sounded like now.” He stopped and swallowed, then said more quietly, “I wondered if you had cut your hair…I’m so happy to see you kept it long. I’ve always loved how it hangs down your back,” he admitted, unabashedly.