I watched the next attempt, trying to work out a weirdness which I realised felt like Lira – it felt like Lira was there beside me, though I couldn't see her. And I realised I could, just barely, hear whispering.
That totally spooked me and I made myself wake up. Ketzaren was sitting on the side of my bed, waiting to see whether I was going to have a crisis, and let me squeeze her hand for a bit before having me explain what I'd been visualising. That, of course, created more than a bit of a problem, because they don't want to risk me getting mentally trapped again, and don't want me to be in Pandora if that's about to happen. Fortunately it was nearly morning and I'd had a reasonable rest, so I wasn't in immediate danger of passing out or anything, and after some back and forth discussion they decided that a few days back on Tare were in order, just to make sure, but that they could use the opportunity to poke me at the Oriath site first, to see if I could tell them anything useful.
This was a plan which didn't exactly please anyone, but beyond taking the "nuke the site from orbit" option, the technicians are starting to doubt they can get at the power stone for the Oriath site. Not anywhere near as quickly as we want. So after breakfast Mara stayed at Pandora with the kids, and the rest of First Squad took me to the nearest platform town to Oriath, where we were collected by a ship which took us the rest of the way. It was southern hemisphere, and quite cold, but not far enough south to be snowy. The 'palace' itself was covered in climbing vines which had dropped their leaves, so that it looked like it had been tied down with woody ropes.
They didn't want to risk me being there too long, so I arrived, glanced about, and then First and Fourth joined up to take me down along the main corridor only partially cleared of ancient corpses to look at the ramp.
Kaoren was being particularly upright and silent, with his eyes half-lidded. He loathes the 'poke Devlin at it' method. And it didn't help that this was one of those times where I wasn't feeling comfortable at all, having to force myself go through with it.
By the time we reached the ramp my heart-rate was spiking out of sheer scaredy-cat, and I leaned against Kaoren in a not very mission-like attitude as I streamed to them the whispering I could hear. And then over the interface I suggested that most everyone wander a little way away because I could still feel Lira there and I was hoping she would manifest herself.
Everyone except Kaoren, Maze and Tsur Selkie went off around a corner, and Maze and Tsur Selkie stood as far away from me as they were willing to go, and then I said out loud: "I'd really like to talk to you, Lira."
When she appeared, she was kind of tucked against my leg and behind me, as if hiding from having to look directly at the ramp.
"I'll try not to cry all over the place this time," I said, having to clutch Kaoren rather a bit to stop myself from being visibly upset. "We're trying to find a way to get further down."
"That's where you think this room is," Lira said, sounding very subdued. "Can you hear it talking?"
"Yes."
"What are you planning to do if you get down there?"
"Silence it," said Kaoren, his voice quiet and even and firm. "We don't understand what they did well enough to undo it gracefully. We can only try to pull it apart and hope we don't destroy everything else along with it. We don't know what will happen to you, Liranadestar."
I'm glad he was there. I don't think I could have said that to her. She looked up at him, this terribly grave, measuring stare. Then said: "It's the words which are making the things you put there fall apart," she said. "The words are eating them."
She vanished, disappearing from underneath my hand – and out of my senses. I felt too sick about it all to even talk, but I watched as they tossed a couple more balls down the ramp, and they now have a log of what I heard, showing that the quality and strength of the whispers changes when you toss something down there.
First stayed at the site, and Fourth was flown back to the platform town with me, and we hopped through Kalasa to Pandora, and we're all on our way to Tare now – including Siame and Eeli. Seeing Eeli in medical was a shock, but I think perhaps I'm glad I got the chance. Even though I still can't sense any hint of her inside the body they're keeping alive, I asked if I could spend some time with her, and told her all about Taarel's hair, and how I think Inisar likes Taarel, and how much everyone misses her.
After that, I managed to talk Kaoren into getting some sleep – he looks to me like he hasn't been sleeping since Fourth was sent back to Oriath, and when I need to go to sleep, I want him not to be exhausted. The kids and I sat next to him and played games most of the trip, with me being very reassuringly not ill and not vomiting and not in a coma. They've tanked now too, and most of the rest of Fourth, and I'm pretty tired, but I'm holding out till we're 'home'. Not much longer.
A couple of days on Tare has made my birthday plans for Siame fall apart rather, since I doubt she'll be returning to Muina with us, and barring dramas we're due to go back the day before her birthday. I'm trying to decide whether to buy something for her. It's made it easier to deal with Kaoren and Rye's presents, though. Kaoren's is something I've been experimenting with for a while – holding a nice stone I picked up and trying to fill it with feelings which he'll be able to sense with Place. The problem is I can't tell if it's worked. At least I can shop for Rye and maybe for Sen as well while I'm here.
Thursday, October 30
Spiritual
After all that fuss, I slept without any dreams at all, let alone being trapped anywhere. Kaoren says that just showed that the tactic of moving me before I was drawn in worked.
Nice quiet day, anyway. I had no medical appointments, no training, and since Fourth Squad has this time as leave, Kaoren and I could spend a lot of time together, and he could spend the morning with Siame. He's not happy because she's chosen to go home to their parents (she's only just reached the point of not being tubed up, and will be a month or so in straight recovery mode). He doesn't consider it a healthy environment for her, but he's not arguing and is taking her home tomorrow (a complicated trip because she can't really sit up for long periods). I am thoroughly relieved that there's no suggestion I go with them, even though it is a bit weird to not meet or even talk to the parents of the person you're engaged to. With the interface, Kaoren could arrange that easily, and the fact that he hasn't does make me wonder what they've been saying to him. I have seen pictures of them, and also his brother – they've inescapably been drawn in by the publicity surrounding my engagement to Kaoren and were also minorly well-known beforehand, at least in art circles, but haven't been interested in discussing Kaoren and me with the press at all, beyond Kaoren's mother giving the Setari program a bit of a serve.
I put in a lot of shopping – noting with some awe the way the amount in my account keeps going up, earning interest and adding in my wages. I also surveyed the current tone of the gossip about me and the kids, not to mention the universe falling apart, the inadequacy of KOTIS, and the Cruzatch spies in our midst.
In the afternoon we were able to take the kids swimming. Zan couldn't make it, but Ys and Rye are confident enough now that they don't need a person devoted entirely to them. Still swimming with frantic inefficiency, but no longer with overtones of panic. Ys swims with dogged determination – nothing like being dropped in a lake to demonstrate to her that this is a useful skill – but Rye's really loving it, and I cheerfully taught him some different dives (notably bomb dives). Sen is still slightly scared by the whole thing, but is happy enough so long as one of us is sticking within arm's-length.
And she always radiates a deep sense of contentment when we do family activities. I think the older two still don't fully realise that Sen sought me out not because she wanted parents, but because she wants Ys and Rye to have parents. I don't feel particularly used, though. Sen does genuinely like me – her Sights may have told her I was useful, but it's the way Kaoren and I behave which prompts all those joyous little hugs, and she will turn to me for comfort if she's upset.
&n
bsp; Kaoren and I were sitting in my window-seat discussing the kids' development, but I got a little distracted by how beautiful he is and started kissing him, and enjoying very much Kaoren's usual reaction whenever I try to take charge. We've already learned not to go stripping off in unlocked rooms, and were just getting to the stage of deciding we needed to move when we realised we had an audience: Ys and Lira. I had to laugh at them.
"You look like twins," I said, which drew a fierce scowl from both of them.
"No we don't," Ys said. They don't, either, other than having typical Lantaren colouring. Lira is very good-looking, a bit similar in structure to Sen or Zee, with long, thick hair. Ys is skinny, almost boyish, and her hair is thin and fine and uncooperative. And Rye keeps reminding me of Nils, but without all the smouldering. [Thankfully!]
"You do when you're both pulling a face like this," I said, twisting my mouth with scornful disgust, and laughing at them again because they both reacted with the same angry annoyance. "Hello again, Lira," I said, before they thought to storm off. "Is it harder to project all the way to another planet?"
"Is that where this is?" Lira glanced past us to the towering thunderstorm approaching outside. "I suppose it might be. They're building another trap for you, so maybe it's good that you're not there."
"Did you hear what kind of trap?" Kaoren asked. He'd handled the interruption with almost his usual aplomb, but with just a little extra colour in his cheeks – and a cushion in his lap.
"They're making it hard for me to get near," Lira said, shrugging. "I only heard two of them arguing about how it was a bad idea because it risked speeding something up or making something break, but the other one said that it doesn't matter if it speeds up because if they have a second touchstone they'll be able to finish off properly and then they won't have to worry about it at all again."
"Any idea when their trap will be ready?" I asked, and she shook her head.
"They're frightened," she said, with some considerable satisfaction. "They need to get you soon. Can you show me what this world looks like?"
She sounded angry when she asked, which was a combination of very justifiable rage at the people who'd kidnapped her, and an attempt to disguise a resurgence of the sheer horror of her half-life, which she seems to be trying not to focus on in preference to revenging herself by foiling the plans of Photoshop Gods.
There was no way I was going to say no to showing Lira anything, and all five of us ended up taking her on tour, since Sen woke up when Ys went to tell Rye, and attached herself to Lira in a pleased and very protective way. And the kids were useful tour-guides, too, since they insisted on pointing out the things which most interested them as residents of a non-technological world. Moving walkways and elevators and the KOTIS ship dock, and the roof with its whitestone expanse and the enormous storm roiling in the distance. The one thing we didn't see was many people. Kaoren told me that the bluesuits pretended they were having a drill, put KOTIS on alert, and actually cleared corridors rather than have too many people see her, since Lira is very secret still, and stands out incredibly in her formal Lantaren outfit.
Sen was asleep on her feet by the time we reached the roof, and Kaoren carried her back down to our apartment and put her to bed, while I trailed along making sure Rye kept walking in his enthusiasm to describe what travelling in the ships was like (they're all immensely impressed by the ships). Lira faded away before we'd quite reached the apartment, and I spent quite a while talking to Ys and Rye over the interface, since Rye's caught up with Ys in understanding just how bad a situation Lira is in, and went all white-faced and horrified when I couldn't promise him that we'd save her. As soon as I left them they both hopped into Sen's bed, which is a sign of how deeply upset by this they are.
Kaoren's been in interface meetings ever since, but is very unkeen on letting me out of his sight. Another trap for me is not a good thing.
Friday, October 31
Little Gestures
Kaoren had Sight dreams about me all night. The same thing over and over – me falling and him trying to catch me but my hands slipping through his. Sight Sight isn't supposed to be prophetic, so it's likely a reaction to his awareness that there's an existing threat. He was a wreck by morning (and I wasn't that great, because he thrashed about and even kneed me in the stomach once), and when breakfast time rolled around, we came very close to having an argument because Kaoren wanted to arrange for someone else to take Siame home.
We were fortuitously interrupted by the delivery of a huge number of parcels – the results of my shopping spree – which certainly gave the kids some fun over breakfast. I'm trying to restrain the urge to buy them everything, but even things which are practical replacements in my eyes (like the endless amounts of bubble bath Sen gets through) also count as impossible largesse in their eyes.
To my delight, among the parcels was one which had been forwarded care of Maze, and I tore it open to find that Siame's book gift had been reproduced precisely as ordered, with my laboriously transcribed titles included. This was a serious distraction for Kaoren, who not only was very interested in the contents (and forced himself to not more than glance at it because it was Siame's gift), but also the fact that I'd managed to get it made without him knowing. I'd simply forgotten about it, which appears to be an excellent way to keep secrets from Sight Sight talents.
One of the things I'd ordered was some useful paper, a thick piece of which I folded and wrote on, and a big sheet I measured out against the (huge) book, then gave to the kids the assignment of drawing pictures to make a birthday card and wrapping paper. Kaoren I took off to the shower, to talk him into going with Siame. I don't want him not doing something which would normally be so important to him, just because he's afraid for me. I guess that might count as our first full and proper argument, because we definitely had the make-up sex.
He was pretty subdued afterwards, but quietly joined me in adding drawings to the wrapping and card – really exquisite pictures of some of the animals we'd seen on Muina, which he told me privately his parents would consider embarrassing just because they'd been done on something like wrapping paper. I think I'm going to struggle to like his parents, if I ever meet them.
But the present looked great, all wrapped up in embarrassing art: my little plan to convey to Siame that she's not lost a brother, but instead gained an extended family. But Siame's reaction, when we went down to see her off, was focused almost entirely on Kaoren's drawings. It was hard to tell if she was upset that I'd managed to break Kaoren's ban on drawing, or pleased that he'd drawn something for her. She was on her best behaviour otherwise, self-assured and very polite – despite being tremendously weak and shaky still. No wonder she's feeling down – being sick always makes you feel awful. Her birthday's the day after tomorrow, and I can only hope that the book wasn't just the thing to make her more annoyed with me.
Today was a rough day. Even though my move to Tare had been kept very quiet, and I was thoroughly guarded, being away from me for the seven hours it took to fly Siame to Unara, settle her in, and then fly back was not something Kaoren found easy to face – especially when it involved Siame being so ill, and having to talk to his parents. He ended up asking me to keep him permanently in-channel again, streaming what was around me to him, which I did (except for going to the bathroom) and of course nothing dramatic happened at all, but it helped.
Lira's warning has meant a higher level of alert on all three worlds. I was assigned to Twelfth for the day, and Zan simply incorporated me and the kids into their training regime, while ensuring I was thoroughly guarded at all times. She managed to make it seem almost natural that there were always at least two squad members within five feet of me. But the stress level among all the squads is high, and so many of the Setari look exhausted or are sporting injuries. We had the good news that all the malachite marble locations have been discovered, but the technicians at Oriath have made little progress with the ramp of crushing doom. They're experimenting with sonics
as a way to 'keep the words out', but so far have only made it an extra foot or so down the ramp before the poor drone goes squish.
November Again
Saturday, November 1
Keyed Up
Another bad night for Kaoren. Beyond remaining notably unkidnapped, I don't know what I can do for him. It must be awful to have something like Sight Sight shouting at you that the person you love is in danger. Other than keeping tensely alert and taking all logical precautions, you can only wait and try and stop it when it happens. I'm less keyed up about it myself, but in a kind of determined way, because if I let myself think too much about it I'm going to have a few rip-roaring nightmares of my own.
Just picture me with my eyes shut, hands over my ears, going "La la la la la la".
Not exactly heroic, I know. But KOTIS has achieved what it needed from me, found what they think is a workable plan, and my role now is to just keep my head down until they open the way to the last of the marbles.
The rest of Fourth was back from leave today, and I could see that Kaoren's open exhaustion was a serious shock to them. Sen, oddly, isn't having nightmares, but I think her Sight has told her something because she's gone very quiet and wants to be carried about and held far more than usual. I'm not allowed anywhere without a guard, and a full squad within quick response time. Not even medical. Mori and Glade were with me today, and it was a relief to talk almost normally about the ads for the upcoming season of The Hidden War. They're hyping the hell out of the first episode as a major, history-making event, and showing the last few seconds of the last episode and then blackness and then a fragment of the actual audio from my log, ending in a huge splash and underwatery sounds.
The Touchstone Trilogy Page 97
