by Emily Minton
Julie nods, and I can see the pain on her face. “What about Becca?”
How can I explain this in a way she’ll understand, when I don’t even understand it myself? I lean my head against the back of the couch and close my eyes. “Things were easy with Becca. We’d hang out, get drunk, and have sex. It was like she was a buddy that I fucked.” I know it sounds cold. Shit, it is cold, but I have to be honest. This is my only chance, and I’m not gonna screw it up by lying.
“I know this doesn’t make it any better, but we only had sex three times before you left. Once right after Mom died, once when you and I had some fight, and the day you saw us. That was it. The first two times, I was so drunk I don’t even remember it happening. That day you caught us...well, what you saw was my way of keeping Becca quiet.”
When I finish, I look over at Julie. She’s not making a sound, but tears are falling down her cheeks. Oh fuck! It hurts like hell to see her cry, especially when I’m the one causing her tears. “I’m sorry, baby. You can’t imagine how sorry I am.”
“Why did you need Becca after your mom died? Why wasn’t I enough? I was there. I would have done anything for you.”
“That was the problem. You were always there. You kept asking me if I was alright or if I wanted to talk. You would never just let me be. I didn’t want that. I just wanted to forget,” I try to explain.
“I don’t understand.”
I take a deep breath and lay it out for her. ”When I was with Becca, I was just Jase. I could laugh, drink, and have a good time. When I was with you, I was the guy who’d just lost his mom. You watched me like a hawk, just waiting for me to fall apart. I wasn’t normal, and I needed normal. I just couldn’t handle it anymore.”
“So it was my fault?” she whispers.
There is no way I’m letting her think this shit is her fault; the guilt lies firmly on my shoulders. I reach over and grab her, pulling her onto my lap. ”No, no fucking way. It wasn’t you. It was all me. I fucked up, baby. I fucked up bad. I should have talked to you, but I didn’t. I’m sorry, Julie. Everything I’ve just told you is simply the truth. The painful, fucked up truth, but in no way is it an excuse.”
She looks up at me, tears still running down her face. “I’m sorry too.”
I use my thumbs to wipe away her tears, then bend down and place my lips on hers.
Julie
I push him back and shake my head. “I just need a little time to process everything. Jase, please just give me some space. I just need to think.” He nods and gets up reluctantly.
He pulls me up with him and wraps his arms around my waist. “Just remember how damn sorry I am and how much I love you,” he whispers and kisses my forehead gently. I watch him as he leaves.
I sink back onto the couch. How can you really forgive someone for cheating? There’s no excuse for it. I can’t wrap my head around this. Do I still love him? Yes, I do. But can I ever trust him again? I just don’t have the answer for that right now.
I dwell on it a bit longer before walking into the kitchen. As I pour myself a glass of tea, I hear Bethany come down the stairs. I smile at her. “Hey, hun, want a drink?”
She looks at me with a small smile and nods her head. I take out another glass, grab a bottle of wine, and start to walk to the living room. She raises her eyebrows when she sees the wine. “You do remember you’re pregnant, right?”
I set the bottle on the coffee table and take a seat. “Yep, that’s why you are drinking for me.”
“So, are you going to tell me what happened with Jase?” Bethany asks as she sits down beside me and grabs her glass.
I open the wine and fill her glass up, then tell her about everything Jase and I talked about tonight. “I just don’t know if I can forgive him. I don’t even know how to start.”
“I know he cheated on you, and I know who he cheated with. That’s it. If you want to heal, why don’t you start by telling me the whole story? Sometimes reliving the past is the only way to move forward.”
I do just that, starting with how close Becca and I were in school and ending with that stupid birthday cake surprise. “How do you get over something like that? How can I forgive him?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
I raise my tear stained eyes to hers. “Do you think I should give him another chance?”
Bethany takes my hand in hers. “I don’t blame you for hesitating about this, but from the sound of it, he really does seem genuinely sorry about everything.”
I nod. “He is. I think it hurt him nearly as much as it did me.”
“Julie, there is one thing you’re not considering. This happened nine, shoot, almost ten years ago? You’re still acting like it happened yesterday.”
The truth of her words hits me like a sledgehammer. I’m living my life stuck in the past. If I keep doing this, I will never have a future.
She gives my hand a tight squeeze. “He’s paid for what he did. It still doesn’t excuse his behavior, but I think you finally need to let it go. Do you honestly think he would ever hurt you like that again?”
How do I know? He hurt me like that once, so what’s stopping him from doing it again? “I’m not sure.”
“Jules, I don’t think he would. That man loves you, and you can see the pain in his eyes every dang time he looks you.” Bethany leans over and kisses my forehead. She then gets up and goes to bed. I sit there and think about what she said and what Jase said. Shit, my head is going to explode.
Jase
Walking out Julie’s door was nearly unbearable. Every instinct inside of me pushed me to run back to her and claim her as my own, but I couldn’t. I had to give her some time to come to terms with everything that’s happened. So instead of being with her, I’m laid out across my bed, staring at the ceiling.
Did I have a good excuse for cheating? No, but what I told her was the truth. I was running away from the reality of losing mom, not running away from her. I ended up losing both of them; one to death and the other to my own stupidity. I want so badly for Julie to forgive me and move on so we can build a future together, but I’m starting to doubt that will ever happen.
As I lie there, I start to think back to when we were dating in high school. I wanted her for years, but she was too young for me. I finally had enough of just watching her being hit on by other guys. When I overheard one of the guys on the team say he was going to ask her out after school, I lost it and beat his ass. When the fight was over, I knew I was done waiting. With the decision made, I walked up to her and told her she was going out with me. I didn’t give her a chance to say yes or no. I simply told her we were going out, gave her a quick kiss, and walked away.
After our first date, we were inseparable. Everyone could see we were meant for each other. From the first time my lips touched hers, I knew she was going to be my forever. We had the perfect relationship until I fucked it all up.
I wasn’t a saint before I started dating Julie. I pretty much nailed every hot chick in the school. I was worried Julie wouldn’t ever touch me because of my reputation, but it never seemed to bother her. I’d never been with a virgin before, until Julie. I tried to take it slow, but she wouldn’t let me. By the fourth date, we were in the back seat of my old Camaro. It was one of the best nights of my life.
Just thinking about our first time, and every time after that, makes my body tighten. She was amazing. Is still amazing. I could happily travel down memory lane all night, but the phone rings, bringing me to reality. The Caller ID says ‘Julie Calling’. I click answer right away. “Julie?”
“Hey, Jase, um…I tried to call Pop, but he didn’t answer his phone. I was wondering when he was going to bring Jenny home. It’s already past her bedtime.”
Shit! How could I forget? “I asked him if he would keep her because I didn’t know how long we’d need to talk. I should’ve told you, but so much shit happened, I didn’t even think about it.”
“Oh, that’s okay. She loves staying with him.�
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“He loves having her.”
We fade into an awkward silence before she finally breaks it with the best fucking idea I’ve ever heard. “You want to come over. Bethany’s asleep, so we can talk.”
“Yeah, give me fifteen.”
We say our goodbyes, and I hang up the phone. I race out of the house, hoping to get there before she changes her mind. I run every fucking red light on the way over. In just ten minutes, I’m here and walking up to the front door. It swings open immediately. Julie is standing there, still wearing what she had on from earlier. Before I get the chance to say anything, she comes to me, wraps her arms around my neck, and kisses me.
Julie
My mind can’t stop thinking. Thinking of the past, the present, and the future. For hours, I’ve been going over the same old shit. Almost on auto pilot, I find myself calling Jase and asking him to come over. I made the excuse of checking on Jenny, but I knew where she was and knew she was fine. In truth, I just wanted to hear his voice.
Am I really willing to try this again? What if he hurts me like he did last time, or worse? I’m not sure I can survive going through that again, but if I don’t at least try, I’ll never know. As scared as I am, I don’t think I can walk away without at least giving it a try. I love him too much to not at least give it a chance.
I see him pull into the driveway. Before he’s to the door, I run over and open it. I walk straight to him and start kissing him. My lips tingle at the touch, and I know I’m finally home.
When he pulls his lips from mine, he whispers pleadingly, “Please forgive me, Julie. I still love you so fucking much. I don’t want to be without you anymore.”
I finally nod, glad to be living in the present again. Jase sags with relief and pulls me in for another kiss. Our kisses quickly become heated. He has one hand cupping the back of my neck, and the other is massaging my left breast. I feel his hardness against my stomach, and instinctively, I start to rub against it. He moans into my mouth then pulls away.
“Upstairs,” he growls out and picks me up.
He doesn’t put me down until we get into my room. After closing the door behind him, we frantically start to undress.
He stalks toward me, picks me up, and sets me on the bed. “I’ve fucking missed you,” he says as his mouth crashes down on mine.
He puts a knee between my legs to push them apart. His mouth leaves mine, trailing kisses down my neck and chest. He has a hand on my sex, thumbing my clit, while his mouth works my nipple.
I stiffen when I feel it coming. “Don’t hold back, baby. Give it to me,” Jase says huskily. With his words, I come undone.
My world unravels. The tension I’ve been feeling over the last few weeks finally comes apart. I feel it evaporating as spirals of color momentarily blind me. Before I can finish my climax, Jase is over me, kissing me, and sliding himself inside.
“Yes,” I breathe out, pushing my hips upward to meet his thrusts. “You feel so good, Jase. I love having you inside me.” God, it feels so good. How the hell have I gone for so long without this man between my thighs?
“God, Julie, so fucking amazing,” Jase says between thrusts.
I wrap my legs around his ass and pull him deeper into me. “I want you deep, baby. I want to feel you everywhere.”
I know he’s about to come because he’s thrusting faster and harder. I reach down and pinch my clit. He feels my hand and smiles a sexy smile. “That’s it, baby. Play with that pussy.” One more squeeze and I’m coming again, his words spurring me on and tipping me over the edge. He always knew how to make me come undone. It seems he still has the touch.
Jase’s strokes become erratic, and he’s breathing fast. I know he is on the edge. I move my hand to the spot where our bodies are connected. “That’s me and you, baby, just like we were always meant to be.” The words tumble out of my mouth unplanned. This is it. I’m tired of pushing him away. He royally fucked up. I know this; he knows this. But it’s time I move on. I want to move on.
“Fuck, Julie. I love you!” he growls out. His thrusts gain even more speed, then he slams into me one more time. I can feel him pouring himself deep inside of me. I wrap my arms around his back and pull him as close to my body as I can. We stay like this for a long time, until he eventually lifts his head and kisses me softly.
He rolls over, taking me with him. He pulls my body to his side, so that my head is on his chest. We lay quietly for a moment. I can tell Jase is thinking about something, but I keep my mouth shut and wait for him to share. “Please tell me that this is us starting over. I swear I’ll never hurt you again,” he says quietly.
I want it just as badly as he does, but I’m scared. I just have to decide what I’m more afraid of; being hurt again or losing Jase forever. I think about the importance of my words, and then I say, “This is us starting over, Jase, but I can’t promise it’s going to be easy. You really hurt me the first time, and I really hurt you by taking Jenny away. If we want this to really happen, we’re going to have to work at it every day.”
“I do, baby, and I will. I’ll work at it until the day I die.”
I hear the truth in his words and snuggle closer when his grip tightens. We both fall quiet, and I can feel sleep starting to take over. I settle in closer to Jase and close my eyes.
Jase kisses the top of my head. “I love you, Julie,” he whispers into my hair.
“I love you too, Jase.”
Chapter 18
Julie
The phone rings, dragging me out of my sleep. It takes a second for the sound to register. I reach onto the nightstand and grab it. ”Julie, you need to get over here right now!” Uncle Mack says without giving me time to say hello.
I feel movement beside me and look over. Seeing Jase in my bed brings back everything that happened last night. Am I really going to do this? Am I going to give us another chance? He rolls toward me and places his hand on my stomach. He rubs my little baby bump and smiles in his sleep. A smile spreads across my face, and I have my answer. Yes, I’m going to give us another chance.
“Did you hear me? You need to get over here, now!” Uncle Mack shouts into the phone, interrupting my thoughts.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my voice still groggy with sleep.
“Your brother’s been hurt. We don’t know much. He’s in surgery right now, and the doctor is supposed to call as soon as it’s over.” Mack keeps talking, but I’ve already dropped the phone. My brother. No, this can’t be happening.
Fear spreads through me as I jump out of bed. The sudden movement causes my stomach to roll. Placing my hand over my mouth, I will myself not to be sick. I have no time for this right now. My brother is hurt, and I can’t be sick.
“What’s going on, babe?” Jase asks as he sits up in the bed, his voice gravelly.
“Brandon’s been hurt.” The words taste like poison on my tongue. This can’t be happening. I can’t lose my brother.
Climbing from the bed, he grabs his boxers from the floor. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. Right now, I’ve got to get to Uncle Mack’s…” I say while pulling on a pair of jeans. I grab a shirt and turn to see Jase buttoning his pants. He grabs his t-shirt from the floor and walks toward the door.
“I’ll tell Bethany what’s going on. I’m sure she’ll want to ride with us.” Pulling the shirt on, he looks back to me. “Meet you downstairs in a minute.”
“Uh hum.” I mumble out, unable to say more. Words just won’t form in my brain. My head is a mess. I can’t think; I don’t want to think. Not Brandon.
Pulling a shirt over my head, I fight back my tears. I can’t break down right now. That will have to wait for later. As soon as the shirt clears my face, Jase is standing right in front of me. “It’s going to be okay, baby. I promise.”
I gladly go to him, letting him pull me into his body and wrap his arms around me. I rest my head on his chest and concentrate on how good he feels. I need this moment before I allow myself t
o feel the pain and panic of my brother being injured. “I’m scared, Jase. I can’t lose Brandon.”
Instead of giving me meaningless words, he just holds me as sobs wrack my body. “Shhh, baby.”
As my tears fall, I look up at him and see the man I’ve loved nearly my entire life. “I love you, Jase.”
“It’s always been you,” Jase says as he takes a deep breath. “When we were apart, I felt like I was missing a piece of myself. Last night was the first time I’ve felt whole since you left me.”
Warmth fills my stomach, replacing the fear I’ve been feeling for my brother. How does he know exactly what I need to hear? “It’s always been you for me too. I just got lost for a while. Thank God, you found me.”
Jase’s arms tighten around me, and he kisses the top of my head. For just a moment, I feel peace for the first time in nine years. Please God, please let Brandon be okay.
Jase
We’ve been here for over an hour before I decide to let Pop know what’s going on. I walk out of Mack and Angie’s back door and place the phone to my ear.
“What’s wrong?” It’s three in morning, so Pop knows that me calling means something bad has happened.
“Brandon’s hurt. I don’t know any specifics, but I know it’s bad.” It must be real fucking bad for the Army to call in the middle of the night.
“We need to get over to Mack and Angie’s. Where are you now? I’ll pick you up on the way,” Pop offers, immediately ready for action. It’s times like these, that despite my past with my pop, I know I can always rely on him.
“I’m here already.” I tell him. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for you to come. You got Jenny, and I don’t think she needs to be here for this.”
“This is family, boy. She needs to be there. I can guarantee you that just seeing her will make Julie feel better.”
I think about his words and nod to myself. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Just get over here as quickly as you can. The girls are all falling apart, and Mack’s not much better.”
