His phone rang several times while he was in the shower, turning his mood darker. He finished in record time and got out. As he dried off with a fluffy towel, he realized that he’d slept in the nude. Where were his clothes?
Going in the bedroom, he located his underwear, but not his other clothes. What had Brooke done with them? He had clothes in the car. Grabbing his cellphone, he descended the stairs. His mind was clearer and the pounding behind his eyes had abated somewhat.
He found his sneakers by the front door and picked them up. Then, acting braver than he felt, he opened the door and walked out onto the porch in only his briefs. Feigning nonchalance, he walked to the back of his SUV, ignoring the neighbor lady gawking at him from her porch.
Grabbing his duffel bag, he got out the old jeans and faded black T-shirt in it and pulled them on. As he thrust his bare feet into his sneakers, he swore because he didn’t know where his keys were. He checked his ignition, but they weren’t there.
“Shit. Now what?” he asked no one.
Looking at his cellphone, he saw that one of the callers had been Brooke. He pressed the callback button, but he got her voicemail. Hanging up, he called his own and listened to an angry message from Kate. There was also one from Brooke, telling him that she had his keys, they’d been in her bag by mistake.
He needed his keys to get in his house and to lock up the office that night. He also needed a ride to the hospital, but who to call? Tyler and Ric would be at work, Chase and Anna would be at the hospital with their babies, and he didn’t want to make Emily drag TJ to town just to take him to the hospital.
Casting a speculative look at the neighbor lady, who was still watching him with hawkish intensity, Robert gave her his friendliest smile and started for her house. “Ma’am, I don’t suppose I could trouble you for a ride to the hospital?”
* * *
With a few last keystrokes and a mouse click, Brooke sent off a supply request and flopped back in her office chair. Trying to keep her mind on work instead of Robert was stressing her out.
“Hey, Brooke.”
She swore under her breath as Dr. Mitchell Scoggins jogged into her office. Fixing him with an annoyed stare, Brooke said, “Yes, Dr. Mitchell?”
He flashed her an adorable grin. “C’mon. It’s Mitch, remember? I need an opinion about something.”
Brooke straightened in her chair. “Okay. What is it?”
Mitch turned around and presented her with his jeans-clad behind. “Are these too tight or too baggy?”
Brooke laughed. Mitch was a scary-brilliant doctor, who could fill in for several different specialists when needed, but emotionally he was still a college frat boy. “Are you asking me if you’re having a good butt day?”
Blue eyes set under dark, shaggy hair smiled at her from over his shoulder. “No. I’m trying to adhere to the dress code. Nothing too tight, nothing too baggy. Danforth ripped into me last week about my attire, and I’m trying to keep my ass intact.”
Another laugh erupted from Brooke, but it was cut short by the appearance of Robert behind Mitch.
“Excuse me, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t show your ass to my girlfriend,” he said.
Mitch’s head whipped around. “Oh, hey. You must be Robert. I was just asking her for some fashion advice.” Mitch looked down at his jeans and then back at Robert. “Are these too tight? What do you think, man?”
Robert ignored Mitch. “Brooke, can we talk?”
Mitch straightened his doctor’s jacket. “Okay. That’s a no then.” He exited Brooke’s office, pulling the door closed behind him.
As Robert locked the door and approached her desk, Brooke took in his disheveled state. With his wild hair, scruffy jaw, and old clothes, he looked like a sexy farm hand instead of an office manager.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Good morning. How did you sleep?” she asked, looking him over again with concern.
“Fine, I think. After I fell apart on you last night, I don’t remember a whole lot.” His mouth twisted in a wry smile. “How many beers did I have?”
Brooke said, “You needed to fall apart. You’ve been holding all that in for far too long. How do you feel? Clear-headed enough to drive?”
He nodded. “Did we make love?”
“No. I wanted to, but you said that I deserved better than comfort sex.”
Another nod. “Where are my keys?”
He was unreadable, which was completely out of character for him and it set her on edge. She took her purse out of a desk drawer and fished his keys from it. “Here you go.”
His touch was gentle as his fingers encircled her wrist and pulled her to her feet. Wordlessly, he bowed his head and captured her lips with his. He cupped the back of her neck and ran the tip of his tongue along the seam of her lips. A warm shudder ran up her spine as she opened for him.
He didn’t tease, he dominated, taking what he wanted even while giving her a taste of what she desired. Abruptly, he dragged his mouth from hers, leaving her feeling as though someone had screeched the needle across a spinning record.
“I shouldn’t keep Mrs. Zukowski waiting since she was nice enough to give me a ride. Thanks for being there for me last night.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I’ll talk to you later.” He dropped a brief kiss on her lips. “Have a good day.”
Reaching up, she ran her fingers through his hair. “You might want to comb this and shave.”
“I’ll take that under advisement, Nurse Carpenter.”
“Do that.”
After Robert left, Brooke wondered at his odd behavior and worried that he was embarrassed about breaking down. Did he regret telling her about Liam or think that she’d betray his confidence? She’d have to reassure him that she’d never reveal his confession.
Sitting back down, something he’d said came back to Brooke. Robert didn’t want more kids. She’d been so stunned by all his revelations that she’d blocked that out. Did he really mean that or was that only his grief talking?
Her heart more troubled than before Robert had shown up, Brooke knew that concentrating on her job that day would be even harder. However, she had people counting on her, so she put her personal problems aside and went back to work.
* * *
He shouldn’t have kissed Brooke that morning. Shouldn’t have touched her or called her his girlfriend.
“Fuck!” Robert barely kept from smashing his laptop keyboard with a fist. “I need a drink.” He had no right to claim her. With a groan, he put his hands over his face. “You’re such a damn dumbass.”
“I certainly think so, but why don’t you tell me why you think that?”
Robert lowered his hands and skewered Kate with a hard look. They’d been sniping at each other ever since he’d arrived at work, which was completely unlike them. “You want to know what my problem is?”
“Yeah.”
“Close the door and pull up a seat.”
She complied and waited for him to speak.
Robert pulled out his phone and brought up Liam’s pictures. “Here. Look at this.”
Kate gave him a dubious glance and took his phone. A smile tugged at her lips as she looked at the little boy with him. Her brows drew together and she looked at him over the phone.
Robert reasoned that she must have read the description under the picture. She flipped through a couple more pictures and then lowered the phone.
“Robert, you had a son?”
“Yeah.”
“And he died?”
“His name was Liam, and I loved him more than anything, Kate.”
Kate’s face went white, alarming Robert. Feeling like an ass for upsetting her in her condition, Robert grabbed a bottle of water from his mini-fridge and gave it to her. He pulled his office chair around so he could sit close to her.
“I’m sorry that I yelled at you, Kate. I know that you were just worried about me,” he said. “I’m also sorry for springing t
his on you at work.” He shook his head. “My emotions are sort of all over the map right now and I’m not making the best decisions.”
Kate gazed at him and then back down at the phone as she took a couple of sips of water. “What happened? How did he die?”
Robert took the phone from her and recounted the story while looking at his sweet little boy. Although tears pricked the backs of his eyes, he made it through without crying. Maybe he’d shed so many tears last night that he didn’t have any left right then.
“I told all of this to Brooke last night, Kate. I also told her that I don’t want more kids,” he said.
“Grief makes us think and say things we really don’t mean.”
Robert shook his head. “I don’t want kids, Kate. Don’t judge me. You don’t know what it’s like to go through something like that. I almost didn’t survive and I can’t risk losing another child.”
Kate placed a hand on his arm. “Robert, I wish you’d have told me. I want to be here for you. My heart is broken for you, but Robert, you have so much love to give a child. Don’t shut that part of you off.”
Robert clenched his teeth and shook his head. “I just can’t take that risk. I won’t open myself up for that kind of heartache again. I still hurt for Liam and it’s hard to be around kids.”
Kate’s chin rose and she put a hand on her baby bump. “What about my baby? Ric and I want you to be his or her godfather.”
Robert’s breathing picked up. “No, Kate. I’m honored, I really am, but I can’t be responsible for another child. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to it while it was in my care.”
His heart sank as her eyes filled with tears. “I know you’ve been through hell, but you’re a fool for locking up your heart this way. You were a great father and you could be again, but you’re too scared to allow yourself to be happy.”
Stung, Robert had to get away. He got up and snatched his keys off his desk. “I’m going home, but I’ll make up the time tomorrow.”
“Robert, don’t go. I’m sorry.”
He forced a smile. “Don’t be. You’re right, but I just can’t do it. I need to get my head on straight again and I can’t do that here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Leaving her in his office, he strode swiftly out the back door, avoiding the other employees. He got in his car, cranked it to life, and sped out of the parking lot. Liam’s face rose in his mind and his laugh echoed in Robert’s mind.
Miserable, Robert mentally kicked his ass for getting involved with the one woman he’d instinctively known would capture his heart. Just like his other relationships, it had been doomed from the start. Although another part of his heart would die, he had to let Brooke go.
Chapter 18
Pulling up to Robert’s house that evening, Brooke smiled when she saw Corky running towards her car, Sketch scurrying after his best friend. She got out and returned the dog’s enthusiastic greeting, hugging and ruffling his ears. Then she picked Sketch up and was treated to little skunk kisses.
Giggling, she headed for the mudroom door.
It opened and Robert stepped outside. “What are you doing here?”
His cold tone startled her. “I came to see how you were. You didn’t answer your phone or my texts.”
He looked at her dispassionately. “That’s because there’s nothing more to say. It’s over between us.”
Brooke felt like someone had hit her in the stomach. “Why? I don’t understand.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “Because I’m not changing my mind about having kids and you want them. There is no compromise here. I love you too much to trap you into a childless marriage.”
“Don’t I get a say?”
“You might be able to accept my feelings at first, but eventually, you’d come to resent me and it would rip us apart. Let’s just call it quits right now and save ourselves a lot of pain.”
Dumbstruck, Brooke stared at him. His face was set in grave lines, his gaze flinty and direct. Recovering, she asked, “You love me?”
He gave a curt nod. “That’s right. I fell in love with you. Head over heels, completely in love with you. I think about you and want you all the time.”
Brooke stepped towards him, but he backed away. “Loving me is a good thing, Robert. I care about you so much, and I think about you all the time, too.”
“Can you live a life with no children?”
Sorrow wrenched her heart. “Robert, can’t we talk about this?”
“What more is there to say? Can you really see yourself married to a man who doesn’t want kids?” Robert asked. “Be honest with me and yourself.”
She hadn’t realized that he had such strong feelings for her. “You love me and you want to marry me? We haven’t been together very long, Robert.”
His expression softened. “I know, but I can’t help how I feel, Brooke. I tried to stop it, told myself how stupid I was being.” His self-deprecating smile tore at her. “I should know not to become attached to any woman because it’ll only end up the same way.”
Her chest constricted. He was breaking up with her! Robert wasn’t trying to hurt her though. He really thought he was doing the right thing. He was trying to spare her feelings, to release her to find someone else. But she didn’t want to be released. She wanted to be with Robert.
However, searching her heart, she knew that what Robert had said was true. She wanted babies, and he didn’t. How could they stay together when they were at such an immovable impasse?
This time when she approached him, Robert didn’t back away. Placing her palms on his chest, she gazed into his eyes as hers brimmed with tears. “Robert, you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met and any woman would be so lucky to have you. You don’t want to hear this, but you’re hurting yourself needlessly by denying yourself the opportunity to raise children. I cannot imagine the gut-wrenching pain of losing a child, but all life has risks. I choose to be with you, even though I know you could be called out to a rescue and never come back. But I’d want as much time with you as I could get.
“I wish there was something I could say or do to make you see that denying yourself a child is cutting you off from one of the greatest joys in this world.” Her lips trembled as she tried to smile. “I hope that one day you find someone who can break through that wall you’ve built around the part of you that made you such an incredible dad. I just wish that woman was me.”
Tears stood out in his eyes, too. His anguish gouged another hole in her already wounded heart. Rising on tiptoe, Brook pressed a farewell kiss to his lips. Just as he started to respond to her, she broke it and stepped back. “Goodbye, Robert.”
She got in her car, turned around, and headed towards the road. Looking in her rearview mirror, she saw that Robert stood watching her drive away. He looked so forlorn that she almost turned around and went back to him.
That would be a mistake, she knew. It would only prolong the heartache. Tears streamed down her face and halfway home, she pulled over on the side of the road and broke down completely.
* * *
Two weeks later, Brooke sat out on her porch, trying to enjoy the evening breeze while she drank her second glass of wine. Thunder growled in the distance and lightning danced in the approaching stone-gray clouds. Normally, the beauty of a storm uplifted her spirits, but she couldn’t find any joy in the natural splendor.
Her world had turned dull with the loss of Robert. Woodenly, she went about her daily routine, performing her job as well as ever, but without her normal vitality. She barely mustered the energy to smile and rarely laughed.
She wished she could snap out of it. She’d watched her mother mope after a man all her life. She definitely would never do that. She didn’t blame Robert for being truthful. But the heart wants what the heart and she just wished she could have made Robert face his fears. Or that Robert loved her enough to try.
Moving from her chair to the porch steps, she leaned her head on the pillar she sat nex
t to. As she took another sip of wine, a vehicle pulled in her driveway. Her heartbeat leapt into a faster rhythm as hope rose that it was Robert, but her heart sank when she saw that it was Jamal.
Her eyes squeezed shut in aggravation as he alighted from his fancy Corvette. This made the third time in two weeks that he’d stopped to see her. Opening her eyes, she didn’t bother to raise her head from the pillar as he mounted the stairs and sat down by her.
“Bad day?”
She snorted and took a gulp of wine. “Yep, and it just got worse.”
“Ouch.”
A smile touched her lips. “Sorry if the truth hurts. No matter how much you keep coming back here, my feelings about you aren’t going to change.”
Jamal sighed and propped his forearms on his knees. “I know that. I finally accepted that the other night. You deserve to be happy. You really love this guy?” He bumped her with a broad shoulder. “I really do care about you, Brooke, it’s the truth. It’s killing me to see you in this kind of pain,” he said. “I was just checking up on you.”
Her gaze slid to meet his. “You were?”
“I came here tonight to check on you one last time and let you know that I’m leaving town. All the stuff with Great Grandma’s estate is wrapped up and I have some business in Japan to take care of. I’m flying out tomorrow morning.”
He put an arm around her and pulled her against his side. Brooke didn’t object when he hugged her. There was no passion in his embrace, only an offer of friendship and comfort. Burying her face against his chest, Brooke accepted it and thought how strange life was.
Here she was, finding solace in the arms of the man had thrown her away like old dishwater, while her heart yearned for the new man she’d fallen in love with. Although she hadn’t known it right away, Brooke realized that she’d lost her heart to Robert.
She missed him every second of the day and tortured herself by looking at his Facebook pictures. He’d made his pics of Liam public and Emily had told her that he’d told all their friends about his son. It had shocked them all, but they’d rallied around Robert, giving him their full support.
Need Me (Coopers Creek Book 4) Page 15
