Solving Us

by Susan Renee

  The nonchalance in Karen’s voice infuriates me, but I stand still and continue to listen.

  “Wait, what? A liability? How so? You don’t think she purposely sabotaged the presentation do you?” Mandy asks surprised.

  “Isn’t it obvious, Sweetheart? I mean, seriously,” Karen scoffs.

  I can’t stand here and listen to her accuse Olivia of this shit anymore! I slowly walk forward into the kitchen, my hands in fists beside me because it’s all I can do to not want to punch Karen’s face as hard as I can.

  “An obvious liability?” I ask quietly, trying to keep my emotions at bay. She sees me enter the kitchen and pales immediately.

  She wasn’t expecting me.

  I stand stiffly in front of her.

  “Please, tell me why on God’s green earth you would think Olivia McGuire is a liability to my company?” I’m seething but trying my damnedest not to explode in Karen’s face. My father taught me how to be strong, and if ever I needed strength, it is now.

  “Finn,” she stutters. “I...I didn’t…” She puts her right hand across the front of her throat, a clear sign of fear.

  Good. I’m scaring her now.

  She should be scared.

  “Save it, Karen,” I sneer. “I couldn’t stand there in the hallway and listen to one more lie come out of your filthy damn mouth. Just answer me one question. Why?”

  Karen frowns in disbelief as she looks between Mandy and me.

  That’s right, bitch. Your own daughter isn’t even on your side.

  “I don’t understand what you…”

  “Oh for Pete fuckin’ sake, Karen, will you grow up and listen to your goddam self? You’re pathetic! You’ve spent the last nine months sabotaging one of my employees, my company! Don’t try to deny it. The evidence is already stacked against you.”

  I spot her work laptop on the kitchen counter. She eyes me looking at it, widening her eyes as she figures out my thoughts.

  “Finn, please,” she pleads.

  I walk to the kitchen counter, picking up the laptop that belongs to the Kellan Agency. “I’m going to guess that everything I need to know is inside this computer, so you won’t mind if I take it with me.”

  I close my eyes for a brief second and inhale. “Just tell me why Karen.”

  Karen looks quickly around the room I’m sure looking for some sort of Hail Mary, but she has none.

  “Mom, please.” I look at Mandy’s pained expression and know that she’s hurting because it’s obvious that Karen is somehow involved in this mess. “For once, Mom, tell us the truth. What the hell have you done? And where is Olivia?”

  Karen lets out an exasperated breath and rolls her eyes. “Finn, you were just too blind to see it.” She shakes her head sympathetically. “Olivia isn’t the right fit for this company, and she’s not right for you. She makes too many mistakes. I understand that you wanted to give her a chance. I mean, obviously, she’s a beautiful girl, and you have a little crush on her; but this is exactly why you should never mix business and pleasure. You can’t see what I see on a daily basis. You aren’t there to help cover up her mistakes, so I have to help out where I can. You should be thanking me, really. It should’ve been me, Finn. It should’ve been me in that position from the get-go, and you wouldn’t be in this mess.” She watches me for a moment to see how I’m going to react to her words. I refuse to give her the reaction she wants, so I stand there in the middle of her kitchen staring at her deadpanned.

  “Thanking you?” I ask interested in what she could possibly say next.

  “Yes. Thanking me. Listen to me, Finn. I know she didn’t come in with tons of experience in the field, but come on. Even the Boston Cruise Line account was shoddy work. And then she skips town without even telling anyone what’s going on. Remember when she ran out on you? She’s lucky really that I was available to help out with the project. I covered for her, so she wouldn’t be so embarrassed when she returned from California. I did it for you and for the company.”

  “Oh my God! What the fuck, Mom?” Mandy interrupts. The anger in her expression is palpable. “First of all, it was ME who practically did that entire project for you, and that was because YOU told me it was a class assignment you needed help with and wasn’t a real deal! So you stole that account right from under Olivia on fucking purpose! Secondly, you know damn well she didn’t run out on Finn. She was scheduled to go to California…”

  I raise my hand to stop Mandy from talking.

  “Not that it’s any business of yours, Karen, but Olivia took a flight to California a night early because of me. You see, I’m perfectly capable of making mistakes in my personal relationships all by myself. I don’t need your fucking help, so what’s your next excuse?”

  Karen’s expression changes to one of empathy. In her best motherly tone she says, “Finn, Honey, you don’t understand. Here, let me show you.” She steps forward to grab her laptop that is now safely under my arm, but I instinctively step back from her.

  “Don’t even fucking think about it, Karen. You may think I’m naïve, but I’m no idiot. My father taught me better than that.”

  “Yes he did. And he taught you that family comes first in all things…that we protect the ones we love. Isn’t that right, Finn?”

  “Yeah. That’s exactly what he taught me, and that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

  “Of course you are.” She rolls her eyes. “That’s why I took care of Olivia for you this morning. Because the Mr. Loverboy standing in front of me could never look her in the face and fire her. Seriously, your father would be disappointed that you ever put a girl before his company.”

  I feel the expression on my face shifting, like the Hulk, to one of overwhelming anger.

  “You know NOTHING about what my father wants for me and this company, you crazy, sick bitch!” I shout.

  Find a nice girl, Son.

  Look inside her. See beneath the beautiful.

  “I love her! Do you not understand that?” I ask seething.

  When you find your missing piece, don’t wait too long to finish the puzzle, Son.

  Give her anything and everything, Finn. But most of all, tell her you love her every day.

  “Damnit! I love Olivia McGuire! She’s my family now! She’s my best friend, my other half, whatever the hell you want to call it; but I’m in love with her, and I will protect her until I can’t physically do it anymore. So yeah, I am protecting the one I love, Karen. I’m doing exactly what my father told me to do before he died.”

  Like a lion ready to attack, Karen explodes right back at me, “You CAN’T love her Finn! You aren’t supposed to be with Olivia McGuire, Son, because you are SUPPOSED to be with MANDY! She has loved you for YEARS and has stuck by your side when you had NO ONE! She DESERVES to have part of this company after what she’s done for you! YOU know it, and I know it, so FUCK your little school boy crush, Finn! Grow some balls, and get the hell over her! SHE won’t want you now, anyway.”

  Whoa!

  Is she serious right now?

  I look over at Mandy and see that tears are pouring down her face. I’m not exactly sure why she’s crying. She’s either heartbroken that her Mom just spilled a secret I never knew she was keeping or…

  “You don’t get it do you, Mom?” Mandy cries quietly. “You’ve never gotten it. I stand in front of you every single day, and you don’t see me for who I am!”

  “Mandy.” Karen shakes her head in sympathy. “I…”

  “I’M GAY, MOM! I’m FUCKING GAY!” Mandy screams. “It was NEVER Finn I had a fucking crush on, Mom! It was SYDNEY! Damnit to HELL, Mom; it was SYDNEY! I LOVED HER! She was my BEST FRIEND, and I couldn’t EVER tell her how I felt but I LOVED HER! Finn is like the older brother I NEVER HAD, and you know what Mom? It was FINN who helped ME when I had no one. It’s FINN and OLIVIA and KYM who help me NOW, when I have no one, because I sure as FUCKING HELL don’t have you!”

  Karen’s eyes narrow as she stands quietly in her kitchen. I
don’t even want to give her the chance to speak. She’s wasting what little time I have of finding Olivia by tonight. I shake my head slightly at the absurdity of the woman standing in front of me.

  “You’re fired, Karen.”

  “What?” she asks in disbelief.

  I hold out my hand in front of me and stare her down. “Put your keys in my hand right now, and do not step foot inside the Kellan Agency ever again, unless I am personally escorting you inside. I’ll have Mandy empty your desk and bring any personal items left in your office.”

  “You can’t be serious! After all I’ve done?”

  My stoic expression doesn’t change. “Don’t even get me started on all you’ve done. I think you’ve done enough, and I feel sorry for you. You had a great thing going, but now you’re just a disgrace to the female population, and you’re a bigger disgrace to my family. It wouldn’t surprise me now if your own daughter had trouble loving you.”

  My eyes slide over to where Mandy is standing. I watch more tears run down her face, but she keeps her chin up as she confidently confronts her mother alongside me.

  Oops. Hold your tongue, Finn. Mandy is your friend after all.

  This is just as hard on her.

  Karen’s eyes go wide for a moment as she processes what I’ve said to her before she turns and walks slowly to her purse grabbing her office keys. In her last act of defiance, she hands her keys over to Mandy. As if they’re burning a hole in her hand, Mandy tosses the keys to me and quickly folds her arms in front of her, looking away from her mother.

  “Mandy, please…”

  “I can’t, Mom. No. I just…I can’t. Not right now. Olivia was my friend, too, Mom. She IS my friend. She was the closest friend I’ve had since Sydney left me.”

  My insides are burning hearing my sister’s name.

  She’s not Sydney, Finn. She’s stronger.

  I clear my throat. “I need to go. I have to find her,” I say to Mandy.

  “I’m coming with you. I can’t stay here right now. Is that okay?”

  “Sure. If I can get to my Mom’s, you can stay there. She needs to know what’s going on, and she needs to hear it from me.”

  “Kym’s is on the way. I’m sure I can stay there.”

  I nod in agreement. Talking to my mother is probably something I should do alone anyway.

  “I’ll be in the car.” I rest my eyes on Karen one last time, knowing that my mother will be heartbroken to hear that her close friend had a hand in sabotaging the family company. I feel a twinge of guilt on my way out that I’ve just taken another person from my mother’s life. The last thing I hear before the door shuts behind me is Mandy’s voice saying, “Goodbye, Mom.”

  39

  Every man feels like a little boy again when he’s with his Mom. Somehow the connection between a mom and her little boy is one that can never be broken, and when I’m with my mother, I feel like I can do no wrong. She makes me stronger. She makes me want to be the best man I can be. She makes me want to find a partner who is as beautiful and strong as she is, and I did...and then, like an idiot, I let her walk away.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry,” I cry at the dining room table, a mug of Mom’s homemade hot chocolate in my hands. “I really messed everything up.”

  “The way I see it, darling, you have nothing to apologize for. At least, not to me. You did exactly what you needed to do for the company.”

  “But I failed, Mom. I failed to protect the ones that I love. Olivia is gone, and once again, it’s all because of me. I’ve lost her, Mom. I lost Sydney, and I lost Dad, and now I’ve lost Olivia, and I’m losing myself. I don’t know what to do.”

  Mom rubs her thumb over my hand as she holds it across the table. I’m a bit confused when I look up at her and see her smiling her ‘you know damn well what to do’ smile. She sips her hot chocolate and places her mug back down on the table. Scrunching her nose slightly, she tilts her head and whispers, “I’m pretty sure you know exactly what you need to do.”

  I wipe away the tear that escaped down my cheek. “It’s not that easy, Mom. She left. She doesn’t want to talk to me. She won’t return my calls or my texts. I’m not even completely sure of where she is. And with this snowstorm, how am I supposed to get to her once I find out? I’m pretty sure she wants nothing to do with me.” I dip my finger in my mug, stirring the hot chocolate inside.

  “If I know anything about women, Finn, and I would like to think I know a great deal, I would say what she wants is a man who is strong enough to save her from herself.”

  “What do you mean? Olivia is one of the strongest girls I’ve ever met.”

  “But, does she believe that about herself?”

  “I don’t know. Sometimes maybe.”

  “Why do you love her?”

  That’s a question I can answer without giving it any thought whatsoever.

  “I love her because she’s not perfect. I love her because she’s beautiful and doesn’t know it. She doesn’t care about money, or the fact that I come from lots of it, or have lots of it. She’s never asked for a dime. I love her because she’s never judged me for my imperfections. I love her because she loves Toby. I love her because every day she reminds me of the spirited girl Sydney used to be, and I love her because every day she reminds me of how much stronger she is than Sydney ever was. She has baggage, Mom. She has a past that has scarred her and scares her into thinking she doesn’t deserve a future with anyone; but then I watch her in her element when she doesn’t know I’m watching, and I’m amazed by her. She’s perfect to me, Mom. Everything that’s imperfect about her makes her so damn perfect for me. Does that sound ridiculous?”

  “Imperfections define perfection.”

  “Huh?”

  “It’s a quote from my favorite author, Colleen Hoover. I read it in one of her books, but I’m pretty sure those words pretty much sum up you and Olivia. ‘Imperfections define perfection.’ Wouldn’t you agree?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”

  “So, tell me what it is you want with Olivia. Obviously you love her. Do you see a future with her? A for real happily ever after?”

  “I’ve never felt this way about any girl I’ve ever known, Mom. It’s only been about eight months, but I’m in love with her.”

  “I know you are, Sweetheart. I can see it in your face.”

  “Before Dad died, he told me to find my missing piece to complete my puzzle. She’s my missing piece, Mom. She’s it. This might sound...I don’t know...fucking crazy, but I feel like Olivia is my gift from Sydney. When I’m with Olivia, I think about Syd. Olivia makes me happy to live my life. She makes me want a future, a wife, children, a house in the suburbs: the whole grand picture.”

  “Oh, Finn!” Mom gets up from the table and rounds the corner to hug me tightly. “I’ve been praying that I would be lucky enough to watch you fall in love and settle down. Your father would be so proud of you right now.”

  I chuckle at Mom’s blatant lie. “Who are you kidding, Mom? You know Dad would be saying, ‘Don’t worry about those girls Finn. There will be plenty of women draining your bank account soon enough. You just work your way to the top before that happens,’” I say in my best stern father voice.

  Mom laughs.

  “Okay, you may be right about that, but you know deep down he believed in love. He may have lost sight of it as the company grew bigger, but your father was the biggest romantic when he was your age. It’s why I married him. When your sister left us, I think he realized he had missed out on a lot of little parts of life. That’s why he didn’t want you to be in his shadow. He would want you to make different choices. Be happy. Be you. It’s what I want for you, too, Sweetheart.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “You’re welcome for the hot chocolate,” she says taking my mug to the sink and rinsing it out. I watch her lay the mugs down in the dish dryer with a June Cleaver flair. “Everything else you figured out on your own.”

  She winks a
t me and smiles turning off the sink.

  “Yeah but sometimes a boy just needs to talk to his mom.” I kiss her cheek. “I’m going to head upstairs for a bit and see if I can figure out a plan for the next few days. I can’t get anywhere with the amount of snow out there, but I need to figure out where she is and what I’m going to do next.”

  “Okay. Let me know if I can help out at all.”

  “Thanks. I will.”

  “Oh, and Finn?” She turns around from the sink, as I turn in the doorway.

  “Yeah?”

  “If you choose the path that I’m pretty sure you want to choose, her father is the safest place to start.” She smirks, and I know exactly what she’s referring to.

  I smile back at her and shake my head. “Got it. Thanks Mom, but I’ve got to get her back, first.”

  Sitting at my desk in my old bedroom, I do a little online searching. I need to see how long it will take me to travel to Olivia’s hometown, assuming that is, indeed, where she is. At five and a half hours through the mountains, there’s no way in hell I’ll get there in the next few days. Roads are already closed on the outskirts of town. If the city is this bad, I can only imagine how my car will get me through the mountains.

  Do helicopters fly from Boston to this Narrowsburg?

  She’s worth whatever that would cost.

  My phone beeps, alerting me to an incoming text message.

  Thank God! Olivia!

  I’m disappointed but not surprised when I look at my phone and see Abby’s name. Still, I’m hoping for any news at this point.

  Abby: She’s at home. Narrowsburg, NY. Parker Rd. That’s all I know.

  At least she’s safe there.

  I let out the breath I was holding and text her back.

  Me: Thanks. Is she okay? She won’t text me.

  Abby: She didn’t say otherwise. We’re here if you need anything.

  Me: Okay.

  I quickly send another text to Olivia. I know she won’t respond, but I have to continue to try and communicate with her.

  Me: I love you, Olivia Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips.