My mind travelled back to the days after I first learned of her existence, of looking into the mirror and trying to decide whether I should inflict my screwed-up life on her. Had I made the wrong decision? Not because I didn’t want to be in her life, because I wanted that more than anything, and more than ever, but because being near me would see her caught up in the whirlwind of fuckery. I closed my eyes tightly and squeezed my hands around the steering wheel until my knuckles ached and protested holding on even a second more.
“Daddy just needs a minute, sweetie,” Alyssa said.
My jaw clenched tighter. Their lives may not have been perfect before I came back, but at least they weren’t hunted by the fucking media.
Alyssa’s hand came to rest on my arm, causing my eyes to jolt open. With a frown pinching my brows together as all the reasons the two of them would be better off without me ran through my head, I turned to glance at her.
“Let’s just go home, yeah?” Even as she said the words, her hand traced the length of my arm. When she reached the steering wheel, her fingers closed around mine. My traitorous body followed her lead and my grip on the steering wheel loosened until she was able to pry my hand away and hold it in her own.
“Lys, I—”
She met my gaze and shook her head. “No. I know what you’re thinking—”
“I—” I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to say, but I had to say something.
“I know, Dec. I can see it, and you’re wrong. Just like you were wrong when you thought it in Brisbane.” She leaned across the car and whispered in my ear, “She needs you. I need you.”
The intensity that burned in her eyes when I met her gaze was too much for me to deal with on top of everything else. Without another word, I turned away from her and started the car. The drive home was tense. To try to alleviate some of the stifling silence in the car, Alyssa turned on the radio, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from my thoughts or break the stilted atmosphere.
When I turned down my street, the first thing that caught my eye was the two cars parked in front of my house. The circular drive down to the garage was long enough that they wouldn’t be able to see everything, but with their telephoto lenses, they’d be able to capture enough. I’d never wanted, or needed, a six-foot-high fence to enclose my front yard, but having to pull into my property and see just how open and vulnerable it was, I wanted one more than anything.
“Fucking vermin,” I murmured as a camera lens poked out one window, confirming my suspicion about the purpose of the cars.
I drove down the drive and into the garage. After I’d killed the engine, I glanced in the rear-view mirror as the garage door rolled down.
It was when the door was completely closed that I noticed Phoebe was asleep in the back seat. I blew out a sigh of frustration. It should have been easy to pick her up and carry her the short distance to the house, but with the visitors I had camped outside the house waiting for the perfect shot, I couldn’t risk it. I had to draw their attention onto me.
“You’ll have to carry her,” I said to Alyssa even as I shoved open my door and climbed out of the car. Without glancing back, I headed to the small side door to the detached garage and pushed through it.
My steps carried me away from the house and closer to the front of the property. One of the paps obviously saw me coming because a moment later, there was a small flurry of activity as cameras were pointed at me. I paced back and forth along a section of the circular drive, my hands fisted in my hair and a stream of filthy words just behind my lips ready to fly from me at any second.
The desire to curse out every pap, to scream and shout until they all just fucked off and left me alone, was so strong, but I couldn’t. It would only make things worse.
It was almost fucking ironic that I’d spent four years boozing up and fucking almost anything with tits, but the paparazzi only became interested when I was settled down and living a calmer life. When I was trying to do the responsible thing.
Despite the lack of bars, I felt like a caged animal. A fucking zoo exhibit. Trapped within the confines of my own home.
Certain I’d distracted the photographers long enough for Alyssa to get Phoebe into the house, I turned and headed back inside—but not before flipping the bird at the cameras. Let that be their fucking money shot.
The first thing I did when I got inside was to ensure every set of blinds in the house was closed, that every curtain was drawn. I didn’t want any of the fuckers getting a look inside my house. As I paced from room to room in my crazed state, I heard Alyssa singing to Phoebe, no doubt trying to get her back to sleep for an afternoon nap.
I was in the study, trying to see if I could see any of the fuckers on the street from the small window there, when Alyssa found me.
“Do you want to talk about before?” Her voice held no judgement. No anger. Just support.
It was enough to spur me into action. I crossed the room to her, drew her into my arms and claimed her lips. My tongue followed, probing at her mouth to demand entrance. She complied willingly, opening for me in every sense. I stepped between her legs and grabbed her arse to pull her closer to me.
All the fun and desire we’d shared in the water, the fun teasing, had gone—replaced by a craving deeper than any I could explain. I needed to give myself to her; needed her to take me in return. I had to surrender to her hold so that she could remove the doubt surging through me. The salt water lingered on her lips, adding a new dimension to her flavour I’d never tasted before. Each and every time I’d been with Alyssa was like a new experience—one I would never tire of.
All of the doubts that had been slowly twisting through my mind, taking root as dark thoughts and twisting into thick vines through every memory and emotion, were swept away by her touch.
She seemed to understand what I wanted. Seconds after I’d initiated the kiss, the sundress she was wearing came off over her head. Underneath was her still slightly damp bikini.
“Fuck.” The word slipped from my lips at the fresh sight of the black against her skin. It was clear that visions of her wearing that outfit would be frequent visitors while she was back in Brisbane and I was stuck in Sydney.
I kissed my way down her neck, my fingers reaching for the ties on her hips. First one, then the other, and the bikini bottom fell away completely. Without stopping, my fingers explored her skin, pushing the cups of her bikini top down to expose her perfect nipples.
Matching sighs were on our lips as I took one breast in my mouth and rolled the other in my fingertips.
“I need you, Lys.”
“I’m yours, Dec.”
I wasn’t sure if she realised I meant in general, and not only right then, but either way her answer pacified the need I had to tell her how I felt. Knowing that no further words were needed, I claimed her lips again as my hands explored her body.
Desperate for more, I guided her closer to my desk until her arse was pressed against the edge. I ground my hips against hers, desperate for more. I could feel her heat though the thin material of my boardies as my covered cock brushed against her wet and waiting pussy.
My lips pressed little kisses down her neck. “So fucking tasty,” I whispered against her skin.
She pushed down my boardies and pulled out my cock. The feel of her palm against the engorged flesh was fucking superb. I was so hard it was painful. The relief her touch elicited merely hinted at what was to come.
Without any preamble, she lined me up at her entrance before stroking the head of my cock along her wet pussy. A hiss slipped past my lips at the pure bliss of the sensation. Barely a thought crossed my mind before I thrust hard into her, burying myself deep within her.
My lips and hands roamed and explored, touching and tasting every bit of her that they could. I was a hungry man desperate for a meal—possibly the last I’d enjoy for some time with her going home.
The thought was too much. I pulled away and sank to the floor, dragging her down with me. Taking the hin
t, she straddled over my hips and lowered herself onto my cock. Sitting up, I wrapped my arms around her waist as we moved together slowly. The dried salt on our skin moistened with the slickness of our sweat. Her breasts pressed against me; her hardened nipples tracing lines along my chest. The moment was messy. It was real. It was perfect.
In my lap, Alyssa was slowly coming apart. I could feel the tension coiling in her body, her pussy clamping tighter around me. I wanted to whisper to her to let go, but the sound of footsteps upstairs stole the moment from me.
“Fuck, Phoebe’s awake,” Alyssa said, climbing off me and instantly breaking the connection. She was dressed again and out of the room before I’d even finished the frustrated groan that left me.
My cock was stiff and sore, slick with the wetness of Alyssa’s pussy. I needed release. Craved it.
Craved her.
But it would have to wait.
Fuck.
I slipped my boardies back up and tucked myself away. Taking a moment to promise my cock that he’d get another chance later, I called out to let Alyssa know I was going for a shower.
A fucking cold one.
AFTER I’D showered and changed, I felt a little more human. At least partly. I went in search of Phoebe and Alyssa. When I found Phoebe, she was alone in the living room playing with her dolls.
“Where’s Mummy?”
“She had to maked a phone call.”
A frown pulled at my brow as I wondered who she could be calling.
“I sorry I made you angry before, Daddy.”
My gaze cut straight to Phoebe. Her eyes were round as saucers and her lip quivered. My frown deepened. She was fucking apologising to me? I sank to my knees and forced my mouth into a smile even though her words had been like daggers. “No, baby, you didn’t. You and Mummy make me happy. Happier than I probably deserve to be.”
Phoebe’s mouth turned down and her eyes pinched together in confusion.
“Before I found you again, Daddy . . . hurt some people. I didn’t mean to, I just wasn’t thinking. That’s what made me angry. I was angry with me.”
“Did you say sorry to dem?”
“What?”
“If you hurt someone you should say sorry.” She placed her hands on her hips and gave me a withering stare. It was a look I’d gotten often from Alyssa, and the sight of it on her little doppelganger was enough to bring a genuine smile to my face.
“To some of them I have.”
“Well, I guess that okay. But you should say sorry to the others.”
“You’re right. I should. I’ll start now, shall I?”
She tilted her head in confusion.
“I’m sorry for all the times you had to go to bed not knowing where your daddy was, or even who he was. I’m sorry for every birthday, Christmas, and milestone I’ve missed. I can’t ever make up for that lost time, but I’ll do everything I can to make every day special from here on out. Deal?”
Her little arms wrapped around my neck and she planted a kiss on my cheek. “Love you, Daddy.”
I cuddled her close to me. “I love you too, baby.”
“Guess what?” She pulled away and grinned.
“What?”
“We’re going on a plane tomorrow!”
Even though her words made my mood slip, I tried to keep a smile on my face so she didn’t think I was upset with her again. “Are you excited?”
Her hair bounced around her face as she nodded. “I’ve only been on one twice before. When Mummy came to work and Nana and Josh came down. I didn’t like it when Mummy went away.”
“I can understand that. I’m not going to like it when you and Mummy leave tomorrow.”
Her jaw fell slack and her eyes filled with horror. “You’re not coming?”
“No. I’ve got to stay here.”
“Why?”
“Because—” I had no reason for her. There wasn’t really anything keeping me in Sydney, not until they moved down at least. “Because I don’t have a plane ticket.”
“Did Mummy forget to get you one?”
“No, baby, I told her not to.”
“Don’t you want to come?”
“I do. Very much.”
“Then, why?”
It was impossible to explain the complex reasons why I couldn’t just jump back on a plane to Brisbane. Especially with the paparazzi causing me grief. “I have a few people I need to see first, then maybe I can.”
“When?”
“Soon. I promise.” I drew a cross over my heart. “Maybe while I’m waiting I can paint your room?”
She grinned. “Yes, please!”
“Shall we pick a colour?” When she nodded, I led her into my study and booted up the computer. Phoebe climbed straight onto my lap and “helped” me with the computer. Even with her playing with the keyboard or the mouse every time I took my hand off them, I managed to pull up a paint chart.
We were halfway through the purples when Alyssa came to find us.
“Well, I’ve got some good news,” she said.
I shifted Phoebe over to my other knee so I could talk to Alyssa better. “That’s good, because I could sure as shi—could really use some.”
“I just spoke to Mr. Kent—he’ll be my supervisor at Pembletons—and he said that I’ll be able to start work when they go back after their Christmas break rather than having to wait until after graduation.”
Christmas. It was still over a month away. If Alyssa wasn’t going to start her new job until after then, there was little hope that she’d be moving down sooner than that. I wanted to ask how that was good news.
“It’ll mean I’ll have to fly home to attend my graduation ceremony rather than staying for it, but at least we’ll be able to move down almost two months sooner.”
Two months sooner was something to fucking celebrate.
I could only hope I’d be able to shake the presence of the paparazzi by then, otherwise we’d never have a normal life.
CHAPTER SEVEN: EXORCISM
“WHAT ARE YOU going to do after we leave?” Alyssa ran her fingers through my hair as the question left her lips.
After getting Phoebe fed, bathed, and into bed, Alyssa and I had headed back downstairs to watch TV and try to find a moment together. Almost the second we sat on the couch, she’d curled her body around mine and seemed intent on touching me as much as possible. I wasn’t going to complain, and in response, my fingertips dragged lazy trails over the thigh she rested in my lap.
I captured her hand in mine and brought it to my lips. “Don’t talk about it.”
“I have to know you’re going to be okay tomorrow night.”
Her insinuation and the concern in her voice made my teeth clench. After everything we’d been through, everything we’d battled, I thought she finally trusted me. With a simple statement, she’s showed she didn’t. Barely a day earlier, Eden had made similar comments.
It was like the two of them thought I would fall apart the moment I was alone. Their lack of faith in me was un-fucking-believable. I dropped her hand and leaned away from her. “I’m sure I’ll manage. After all, the keg’s been ordered and cheerleaders are on speed dial. Maybe the sex tape can help pay the bills.”
Even though my words had been barbed, I’d expected her to laugh, call me ridiculous or a jerk or some shit, and then make me feel better about the fact that she was leaving with her mouth, or her pussy. Instead, she twisted away from our embrace, stood, and then walked away without a word. Before she’d even left the room, a quiet sob left her lips.
Shock shook me as I watched her walk away. Overreact much?
“Lys?” I leapt off the couch and followed her. I caught up with her at the bottom of the stairs. Not wanting to let her walk away on such a sour note, especially when we wouldn’t see each other until I could fulfil my promise to Phoebe to go back up to Brisbane, I coaxed her to turn around. “I was fucking joking. What happened to what you said about wanting to trust me? What happened to me not being
a hypocrite or like my father?”
She refused to allow me to hold her, shrugging out of my arms. “I can’t do this right now, Dec. I just need . . . I need a moment. Please?”
“No.”
She spun around. Tears flooded her eyes, but her mouth was set in a hard line.
The emotions that swelled in her honey-gold irises were almost enough to drive me to my knees. The heartbreak and the pain echoing inside made me want to take back the words, even if I had no idea why they’d elicited such a strong reaction after she’d taken all the lies in the magazine article in stride. Almost as soon as she’d looked at me, she dropped her gaze again.
“Fuck, Lys, I was joking.”
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“How am I supposed to get anything, when I don’t even know what the fuck I’m supposed to be getting?”
Her tear-stained eyes turned up to meet mine again. The corner of her mouth lifted in a smile that held nothing but sorrow and regret. I lifted my hand up to caress her cheek, thankful when she didn’t pull away from me as I swiped her tears with my thumb.
“I told you all of this before. Why did you have to be drunk for it?” Her eyes sank closed as she leaned into my touch. “When you wouldn’t answer your phone, after you first left home I mean, I tried sending you an email. I had no idea whether or not you’d get it, but I hoped that you would. I hoped it’d help you understand how desperately I needed to talk to you.”
“Okay?” I had vague recollections of Mum mentioning something about Alyssa emailing me. At the same time, a flash of a conversation with Alyssa flittered through my thoughts, but the image was so fleeting it was hard to know if it was a drunken dream or born out of a desire to know why my words had hurt her so much. My brows dipped as I tried to grasp the elusive edges of the memory.
“When I opened your reply—”
“I wouldn’t have replied.” The words had left me before I could stop myself. They were enough to cause Alyssa to twitch away from my hold. In response, I shifted closer and moved my hand from her cheek into her hair to guide her gaze back to me. “I wouldn’t have, because if I’d let myself have a conversation with you, it would have ended with me back in Brisbane. Trust me, I wouldn’t have let myself reply.”
Declan Reede: The Untold Story (Complete Series) Page 79
