“But that’s my point,” I said, feeling the weight of expectation crushing me. On one side, I had all of her hopes, on the other, her dad’s doubt, and I was sandwiched in the middle as it grew tighter and tighter. “What happens when I screw it up?”
“The fact that you’re worried about that is exactly the reason I trust that you won’t.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”
“Honestly, I was kinda waiting for it,” she admitted as she nuzzled against my neck. “This is a huge step, and we’ve barely found each other again.”
“So you don’t think I’m stupid?”
“I think you’re cute.”
I laughed, loudly. “Cute is hardly what I work for.”
“Hmm, how about manly then?” She worked her way along my jaw with a series of small kisses as she spoke. “Sexy? Virile? Perf—”
The door swung open and Curtis glared at us. “We’re ready to go,” he said.
“Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?” I snapped.
“There’s something I can think of knocking,” he muttered as he turned away.
Yeah, the next week and a bit was going to be fucking awesome. Alyssa’s family always spent most of the Christmas period together. That meant staying with Ruth and Curtis would mean a lot of face-to-face time with not only them, but also Ruby and Josh. Fuck.
CHAPTER THIRTY: NOT SO SILENT NIGHT
DESPITE MY TREPIDATION, life with Ruth and Curtis wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. Probably because I just stayed in the room until after Curtis had got up and left for work. And knowing that it was only for a few days before the full Christmas craziness started, and then a matter of holding tight until New Year’s, made it easier to cope too.
We treated it as something of a retreat for the three of us. The only complaint I had was that Phoebe was in the room with us, which I wouldn’t have minded except for the case of blue balls I was developing, sleeping next to Alyssa every night but being unable to touch her and take her the way I wanted. The luckiest I got was when I snuck across to the bathroom to shower with her, but we’d had to be so quick and so quiet that it barely counted.
Christmas Eve saw us rise early and head off to Ben and Jade’s house to catch up with them again. It would be the last time before we left, because they were heading to Fraser Island for a camping trip. It had been fucking fantastic to watch Alyssa fall back into an easy friendship with Jade on our few family outings, and I hoped it would survive us moving to Sydney.
While the girls clucked around after the kids, Ben and I snuck down to his man cave at the back of his shed to spend some time catching up and have a couple of drinks. We chatted easily about his job and my upcoming apprenticeship. Although I’d told him all the details, he was sworn to secrecy, along with all of my other co-conspirators. I’d signed the contract, but as per my request, Danny hadn’t made the announcement yet.
The best part about catching up with the two of them was that it was less time I had to spend dealing with the awkwardness of being at Alyssa’s parents’ house while Curtis wasn’t at work. Even though we’d only spent three nights there, that was three nights too many, and because of my plans, we’d still be there for another week.
Fuck my life.
We spent a number of hours with Ben and Jade before finally saying farewell. We left with promises to keep in touch, and offers to stay at their house the next time we were in town. We offered the same in response, but I think everyone silently knew—with the three kids screaming and giggling around our feet—that it was likely neither would happen. The best we could hope for was catching up online and maybe coffee when we were next in town.
After we returned to Alyssa’s parents’ house, Alyssa and Phoebe set off for Flynn’s in her Swift so they could have their Christmas with him. Even though Alyssa had said I’d be more than welcome, I didn’t accept the invitation. Alyssa had been missing Flynn in the time that I’d been in Brisbane. It came out in tiny, obvious ways almost every day that I’d lived with her. She’d even said his name a few times when asking me to help with something—only to catch herself at the last second. Although I was a little more comfortable with the idea of their friendship than I had been, I couldn’t deal with the twinge of remorse that hit me each time I had to watch her or Phoebe run to him and give him the pieces of themselves that he’d captured in my absence. The pieces that would have been mine but for my own fucked-up response to her calls when I’d left Brisbane the first time.
Even if interrupting their quality time hadn’t felt uncomfortable, I couldn’t have gone. I had a few things of my own to sort out both for Christmas and New Year’s Eve.
After Alyssa had climbed out of the Prado, I retrieved my prize from the bottom of the glovebox.
When she’d driven off with Phoebe, I headed inside to arrange a few things. First, I pulled Ruth aside and asked her to arrange a small picnic for Alyssa and me to take on a walk after Christmas lunch.
“What for?” she asked, with a glint of suspicion in her eyes.
“Nothing,” I said, trying to stop the knowing smile crossing my face. “I just thought Alyssa would like a little bit of time alone with me as her Christmas present. After all, when we get to Sydney, we won’t have much of it.”
“Sure.” She winked at me, and I chuckled. “I’ll get it organised,” she promised. “Are the leftovers from lunch going to be okay?”
“They’ll be perfect.” I thanked her and then retreated to the door of the room I was calling home until we left for Sydney. “Would you mind watching Phoebe for a few hours tomorrow evening while Alyssa and I have some alone time?”
She looked like she was about to choke on her happiness. “Of course not.”
Pushing closed the door for some privacy, I sat on the bed and plucked the engagement ring from the velvet box in my hand. I twirled the ring in my fingers, gazing at it vaguely while my mind alternated between nervousness and elation.
Since my freak out about her moving in with me, I’d been thinking more and more about the ring. About the way I’d felt when I’d bought it, and how stupid I’d been. It may have been less than a month earlier, but I somehow felt more mature now. Despite the certainty that it had been a mistake buying the ring so soon, when so much was still uncertain between us, I was more determined than ever to find a way to give it to her. Only, I didn’t want to do it as a plan for revenge. It had to be special.
Which was why it would be her Christmas present.
I’d spent a lot of time over the past month trying to figure out exactly what to get her, before realising I already had the perfect gift. And when I asked her, it would be without any doubt in my body that it was what we both wanted. My freak-out, and her calm, measured response, had been enough to prove to me that we were stronger together. We didn’t need to be married to have that strength, but just like with the name on the birth certificates, I wanted to have something to show the world how I felt. Something more than trite words and a magazine photo shoot.
Since my decision, I hadn’t doubted it once. Just her response. Would she really want to marry a fuck-up like me? Yes, she’d accepted me back into her life. She’d even gone so far as to agree to move in with me. But marriage? That was a whole other step.
Still, it was a step I was ready to take with her.
A knock on the door startled me and had me racing to hide the ring back in my pocket.
“Come in,” I squeaked.
“Is there something going on, Declan?” Curtis asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorjamb.
I shook my head quickly. “No—” I couldn’t talk, my voice was strained and pitched too high. I stopped and cleared my throat before continuing. “I just wanted to give Alyssa some space at Flynn’s.”
“Bullshit.”
I closed my eyes. “Why is that bullshit?”
“Because it is. You know it is, and I know it is. What’re you up to?”
“I just want to make our first Christmas as a family special. What’s so wrong with that?” I asked, feeling my hackles rising by the second. I wouldn’t back down though. Not this time. He needed to learn to back the fuck off.
“It depends on exactly what you are planning on doing to make it special.”
I sighed. “You liked me once,” I murmured. “Remember how much easier it was then.”
He raised his eyebrow. “And then you hurt my baby. I won’t allow it again.”
“I’m not going to hurt her. I’m never leaving her again. The only reason we’ll ever be apart is if she leaves me, and even then I’ll fight tooth and nail for her. I know what life is like without her, and I’m not going to do it again.”
“You know she could break your heart, the way that you broke hers.” He sounded a little too pleased by the thought.
I winced. Wasn’t that exactly why I’d freaked out just days earlier? I couldn’t take losing her. It would kill me. And yet, my action was as much for the thought of Alyssa’s pain when I left than any concern for myself.
He narrowed his eyes at me, obviously not missing the small gesture. His face softened slightly in response. Not that he’d ever admit it.
I decided my shoes were very interesting, turning my head in that direction. I didn’t really want to be having this conversation with Killer Curtis. Not now—not ever.
He cleared his throat to draw my attention back to his face. Once he knew he had my full attention, he said, “Just promise me that you are looking after my daughter and granddaughter.”
I nodded.
“And that you aren’t going to do anything stupid.”
“Like?” I gulped.
“Like rush into marriage.”
I choked. “I’m not going to promise that.”
“Thought so,” he said, any trace of the softness from moments earlier wiped away to become hard edges and hate-filled eyes.
I sighed, growing confused. “You thought what exactly?”
“Are you going to ask Alyssa—”
I cut him off. “I don’t see how that’s your concern.”
He scoffed. “No matter how old she gets, or what happens, she will always be my concern.” He eyed me off for a second before starting again. “You know, traditionally men asked their prospective father-in-law for permission before asking a woman for her hand in marriage.”
“Why would I give a fuck what’s done ‘traditionally’?” I asked.
“Because it’s a way of showing respect.”
“You’ve got to give respect to earn it,” I told him. He looked as though he was ready to smack me in the mouth. I almost dared him to. It wouldn’t change the way I felt though. After all, he’d done nothing but show contempt and disgust for me since the day I’d shown up in Brisbane. Why should I show him a modicum of respect in return? I owed him thanks for letting me crash in his house each night, but I wasn’t stupid enough to think that was his decision. I had no doubt Ruth had overruled any objection he’d had.
“Maybe you should follow that advice yourself, smart-mouth,” he muttered.
“Besides,” I continued quickly. “What about showing some respect for the one person who has suffered the most at both our hands? How about Alyssa being given the opportunity to decide what she does and doesn’t want? When the time is right, of course.”
He blinked and all the anger dissolved from his features. He stared at me blankly for a minute.
I went in for the kill. “I am not going to ask for your permission, but when I’m ready, I will ask for hers. I’m not even going to ask for your blessing, because quite frankly if you love your daughter you will honour her choice.”
He swallowed and was silent for a beat. Then he quirked his eyebrow. “But will you?” he asked.
“Always,” I replied without a hint of doubt or deception.
He rolled his eyes but didn’t reply. I took it as a chance to make my exit.
About ten minutes later, my phone rang. The display showed Alyssa’s number. Thinking there must have been something wrong, I was half-panicked when I answered it.
“You know how we talked about selling my car because I wouldn’t need it in Sydney? That our works are close enough that we’ll probably carpool, and you’ve got plenty of cars for the days that we don’t?”
“Yeah.” It was something we’d discussed in passing. I also didn’t want her to drive to Sydney in a separate car because I wanted her beside me, but that was another issue.
“Well, it turns out Flynn was looking for another four-cylinder car for a rental at his work.”
“Was he just?” It seemed like a pretty huge coincidence to me, but I didn’t say anything that might get me in trouble.
“Yeah, he’s offered me a good deal so I figured, why not? I mean it’s easier than trying to have Mum and Dad sell it for me later on, right?”
“I guess.”
“So Flynn’s going to drop us back to Mum and Dad’s and keep the car.”
“Makes sense, I guess.” It still seemed a little odd that he’d randomly need exactly the car she was selling. “So what did he offer you?” I wondered whether he’d lowballed her.
When she told me the figure, my jaw dropped open. It was at least twice the private sale market value of the car. With that piece of the puzzle, his desire to buy the car made sense. There was no doubt in my mind that it was his way of helping her out with the cost of moving without giving her a handout—which she’d never accept anyway. It was probably his way of contributing now that I’d taken away her need for him to move to Sydney with her.
“So, do you think that’s a fair price?” she asked. I wondered whether she suspected what he was doing.
Even though I wanted to out his plan to her, I felt I owed him something for shaking up his plans and taking away a chunk of the time he’d been able to spend with Alyssa and Phoebe lately. Even though he’d only gotten as close to them as he had because of my absence, the fact was he had been close to them and I’d torn them out of his life. With those thoughts in my head, I said, “Yeah, that sounds about right for the age.”
She thanked me and said she’d be home soon before hanging up, as if that had been the primary purpose of her call. After she’d disconnected, I realised she probably figured I would be the one person who would tell her if Flynn’s offer wasn’t reasonable. Too bad the guy had found a way to worm under my skin without even being around.
WHEN CHRISTMAS morning dawned, I was almost as excited as Phoebe. Only almost though, because it would be impossible for any adult to be that excited without suffering a heart attack.
My own joy had little to do with my surroundings or the presents, or even what I had planned for the afternoon, and everything to do with the fact that it was my first Christmas as a father. I was still coming to terms with it on one level, but on another, I just couldn’t imagine my life ever returning to the way it was.
My existence would be hollow and meaningless without Phoebe in it. Her little smile and chatty mouth were a constant source of amusement. If I’d thought I’d loved her when the prospect of losing her had felt so real when the Gossip Weekly magazine hit the shelves, it was nothing compared to how I felt after being with her almost full-time for close to a month.
The fact was, I had a hell of a lot to be thankful for.
Ruby and Josh came around early for the usual gift exchange. From the moment they arrived on the doorstep before I was even fully awake, I knew the day would be a fucking barrel of laughs. What was already an awkward situation—having to sit around and make pleasantries with a man who beyond any shadow of a doubt hated me—was made even worse by the addition of a second man who would kick my arse if given even half an opportunity. I sucked it up though, for Alyssa and for Phoebe. They were the important ones.
The time came for the pre-lunch gift giving. I knew all about Alyssa’s family’s tradition; I’d even participated in it a few times when we were still in high school. The
y played an almost rotational game. One person would select a gift and read out the name on it. That person would open their gift and then select the next present before reading out the name on the card. It would continue in that vein until all the gifts had been opened.
Alyssa helped Phoebe out whenever it was her turn, which was often because Phoebe had been spoiled rotten by all and sundry. In addition to the few small items Alyssa and I had purchased, Ruby and Josh seemed to have bought her four or five gifts each, then there were the ones Ben and Jade had given us, and the one Mum sent over from wherever the hell she currently was. Surprisingly, there was even a gift from Dad that he’d apparently mailed directly to Ruth and Curtis. The only tense moment of the morning was when I had opened my present from Alyssa and had selected a present to hand out in return, only to realise it was for Curtis. I walked over to him and passed him the gift. As I read out the tag, he watched his hands, rather than me, no doubt mulling over everything that had happened between us lately.
When it came time for lunch, I found a spot at the far end of the table, and then positioned Alyssa on one side of me and Phoebe on the other. There was nothing I wanted more than to just ignore everyone else at the table, so being needed to cut Phoebe’s food, to help her feed herself, and to keep her entertained, gave me the perfect excuse to be a little antisocial. It also gave Alyssa the opportunity to relax and enjoy herself with her family during what was probably the last time they’d all be together before we moved to Sydney.
When Phoebe started to get fussy, I was the one who took her into our room to help her sleep.
It was a little after five before I’d finally managed to break Alyssa free from the pack. When I did, I took the hamper Ruth had prepared in one hand, and wrapped the other around Alyssa. We walked slowly through the quiet streets until we arrived at our park. I had everything else I needed tucked safely away in the backpack I was carrying. Even though she clearly wondered what we were doing, I didn’t want to ruin her Christmas surprise.
Declan Reede: The Untold Story (Complete Series) Page 100
