Alyssa tightened her grip on my hand as we neared the house. She turned to me and shot me a quick smile. I beamed in response. The truth was, I’d never been happier. Still, I wondered if she was thinking about what came next. Walking through the door to her parents’ house would be opening a huge can of worms. We would need to give her family the awesome news in a way that they would accept. Ruth would be over the moon, but I honestly wasn’t sure how it would go over for everyone else. I knew Curtis wouldn’t be happy, but screw him.
We walked past the front window, but the curtains were drawn, so I couldn’t see what everyone was doing. There was a lot of noise and laughter coming from inside.
“I don’t want to hear that about the father of my grandchild!” Ruth shrieked with laughter.
I froze, wondering who had said what about me. Alyssa coaxed me forward gently with a tug at my hand.
“Well, you asked.” Ruby’s laughter joined the mix.
“I didn’t mean I needed all the intimate details of my son’s sex life. There are some things a mother just doesn’t need to know.”
It was Alyssa’s turn to freeze. Her mind was obviously five steps ahead of mine. While I struggled to catch up with the conversation, she quickly turned, pulling me back down the drive and away from the house. Once we were a short distance away from the house, she shook her head in disbelief before smiling at me. She glanced down at her ring, twisting it in a circle around her finger, and then she shook her head again, before finally settling on chewing the inside of her lip.
“What is it?” I asked.
“We can’t tell them,” she murmured, looking back up toward the house. “At least, not tonight.”
I followed her gaze, then back at her, and then back at the house again as if it would reveal whatever information Alyssa had worked out from the conversation we’d overheard. “What? Why not?”
“Ruby’s pregnant,” she said, as if it were obvious. The huge-arse grin crossing her features again told me she was happy about the information.
“And?”
“And I’m not going to take away from her news.”
I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion. “So?”
“Dec, I told you. She and Josh have been trying for . . . well, for forever. If it’s worked. It’s . . . wow . . . it’s . . . great! I’m not going to take any of her joy away from her. Not tonight. I can’t do it.”
I looked back up toward the house again. “But how is us announcing our engagement going to take away from her news?”
Alyssa sighed in exasperation. “It just will.”
“I think your parents know anyway,” I coaxed. “Or at least your mum suspects, and your dad is dreading that it might be the case.”
“Let them speculate,” she said. “Just for tonight?” She slid the ring off her finger and, after realising her outfit had no pockets, slipped it into mine. “Please? For me?”
I closed my eyes so she wouldn’t see the hurt there. I tried to tell myself it was just a ring, just a symbol. She wasn’t telling me no—she’d already said yes—but part of me felt like she’d just ripped out my heart and handed it back to me, before it had even stopped beating.
“Fine. If that’s what you want,” I muttered.
“Thank you,” she said, placing her hands on my face and gently stroking my cheek. “For everything.” She planted a light kiss on my cheek. “Today was perfect. Everything I could have hoped for and more.”
I nodded, unwilling to try to get any more words past the lump in my throat.
Alyssa led us back to the house, planting another quick kiss on my cheek before unlocking the door and walking into what could only be described as a shitstorm of estrogen.
Ruth screamed as we walked in. “It’s finally happened,” she shrieked. “My baby boy is giving me more grandbabies!”
“Congratulations,” Alyssa said. I stood back and ignored everything. At least until I saw Ruth’s eyes fall to Alyssa’s left hand, taking in its bareness, then to my face.
Disappointment crossed her features, but after taking in whatever emotion was currently on my face, it turned to pity. She obviously thought I’d asked and been turned down.
Worse than the look of pity on Ruth’s face was the smug look of derision Curtis wore. I wanted to rip the ring from my pocket and force it on Alyssa’s finger. The next time it went on, I would make sure it would stay there forever.
“Congrats, guys,” I said, to distract myself from my own horrid thoughts. I waited for what felt like the appropriate length of time, listening to bizarre conversations about things that didn’t seem polite to discuss outside of the bedroom, before whispering to Alyssa, “I’m heading for a shower.”
She nodded. “I’ll go next,” she said, before starting up a conversation with Ruby about weeks or due date or some shit that I didn’t want to hear about.
I grabbed a change of clothes and gently stepped around the trundle that held Phoebe’s sleeping form safe. I showered quickly, and then headed straight back to the bedroom. I couldn’t listen to anything more. The last thing I did before going to sleep was to lay Alyssa’s ring on her bedside table. She would put it back on in the morning. I was sure of it.
Wouldn’t she?
Lying in the bed, trying to sleep, my heart was doing so many erratic laps of my chest that I felt like I’d run a marathon. With each passing second, the “yes” Alyssa had given me seemed less and less real. By the time I fell asleep, I was convinced it was nothing but a dream.
WHEN I woke, it was dark and a strange sound filled the air. I took a second to shake the sleep from my head to figure out what it was. When I did, I realised the noise was a soft sobbing. I turned over and felt Alyssa shaking with tears beside me.
“Hey, what is it?” I whispered.
She shook her head and nestled into me.
I brushed her hair back with my hand and held her against me. “Please, tell me.”
“It’s just seeing how well Mum and Dad took Josh and Ruby’s news.” She sobbed a little harder. “I never had that. I mean, they came around eventually of course, but their first reaction was anger and disappointment. I guess I just feel . . . I don’t know. It just makes me sad that my pregnancy is so different to Ruby’s.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” I felt like I was always apologising for leaving her, but I would apologise every day for the rest of forever if that was what it took to wipe away her pain. “But do you know what? I’m not sorry it happened. I can’t image my life without her. Without both of you.”
Alyssa nodded. “I sound stupid, don’t I? I mean, I wouldn’t change a thing if it meant I’d lose her, but I guess I never understood how much I really wanted that approval.”
“It’s only as stupid as me telling you that I really didn’t like you giving your ring back to me tonight. It made me feel like you were rejecting me.”
“I’m sorry.” She sobbed harder. “I didn’t mean . . . I didn’t know . . . I’m sorry.”
I shushed her and held her tighter. “It’s okay, baby,” I whispered. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. Just like Ruby and Josh, and your parents for that matter, didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She nodded against me.
“Sleep now,” I told her softly.
“Dec?” she whispered.
“Yeah?”
“I didn’t like the feeling of it being off either.” She pressed her hand against mine, and I could feel the band of her engagement ring. “Thanks for leaving it out for me.”
I hummed. It was about the most I could manage as emotion clogged up my throat.
“Can we tell them in the morning?” she asked.
I smiled. “I’d like that.”
“Me too,” she murmured sleepily.
THE NEXT morning was interesting. Alyssa and I were up early with Phoebe—too fucking early after the night we’d had. We stumbled sleepily from the bedroom while Phoebe bounced down the hallway. I slipped my hand onto Alyssa�
�s arse and gave it a gentle squeeze. When she slapped my shoulder, I captured her hand and kissed it gently. Then I slipped off to the toilet, while Alyssa led Phoebe off to the kitchen for some breakfast.
The squealing that echoed from their direction carried all the way in the bathroom, and I buried my head in my hands. Honestly, how many times could those chicks squeal over a baby? I briefly debated going back to hide in the bedroom for the next week. But then I remembered Alyssa’s sleepy promise the night before and practically skipped down the hallway.
I was immediately wrapped in a huge hug by Ruth. “It’s about time you joined the family properly.”
“Thanks for the support,” I said. “I have a feeling we might need it.”
“Don’t worry about Curtis. He’ll be fine. Trust me . . . he just wants what is best for Alyssa.”
“That’s all I want too.”
She smiled. “See, you do see eye to eye on something.”
I chuckled. “I guess so.”
“So,” Ruth started, turning back toward Alyssa. “When’s the wedding?”
Alyssa buried her head in her hands and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, “Oh, God.”
I walked over to her before wrapping my arms around her waist and lifting her slightly so that I could plant a row of kisses along her neck. “What’s the matter?” I asked.
She turned back toward me. “We have to have a wedding.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust.
I laughed. “Isn’t that every little girl’s dream?”
“You knew me as a little girl, Dec,” she said, rolling her eyes. “When did I ever indicate that was my dream?”
It was true. Whenever she’d mentioned the future, it was almost more in regards to being married rather than getting married. If I could have Alyssa beside me forever, without all the white wedding bullshit, I had no complaints. “That’s fine, a quickie down at the courthouse suits me.” I chuckled.
She smiled at me. “Sounds perfect.”
“Don’t you dare!” Ruth gave me a look that easily rivalled any of the evil glares I’d received from Curtis.
Alyssa rolled her eyes again, and I stifled a chuckle.
“You can’t take that away from your father, Alyssa. You know he’s been chomping at the bit to walk you down the aisle.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. I knew the last thing Curtis wanted was to walk Alyssa down the aisle and hand her off to me.
I pulled Alyssa into me, kissing her cheek softly. “You get what you want—don’t worry about anyone else.” I was already planning just how quickly we could get married and get all the nonsense over with. Information that had actually been posted publicly in the Births, Deaths, and Marriages offices. A month and a day, and she could be mine officially.
She nodded and turned her face to kiss my lips. “Thank you; but Mum’s right. We should do this properly.”
I sighed but didn’t argue. I couldn’t because Killer Curtis seemed to take that as his cue to enter. “Do what properly, pumpkin?” he said lazily, from somewhere behind me.
I watched Alyssa’s face carefully. She flinched a little as he spoke, and I realised it wasn’t going to be pretty. I didn’t want Alyssa to have to say anything she would regret later, so I decided to man up and take the pressure off her.
“Our wedding,” I said boldly, turning to face him. I was glad that neither Alyssa nor Ruth could see my face because it gave me the opportunity to sneer at him just a little. I returned his smug smile from the previous night, more than willing to rub Alyssa’s acceptance in his face.
He choked and his face turned pink, then red, then an odd shade of purple. His eyes shot to Ruth.
“But I thought—” He started.
He was obviously cut off by a look on her face or something, because he stopped short. He stood, mouth gaping, staring between Alyssa and Ruth, not even sparing another glance in my direction.
I took this as my opportunity to score some Alyssa brownie points. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to ask your permission first, but the decision was made so quickly. I guess I’ll just have to ask for your blessing instead.”
He finally looked at me—although glared was probably the better word. The look made my lips twitch upward. I didn’t doubt that murder was crossing his mind at that point in time. Alyssa, misinterpreting his glower as an objection to our plans, walked closer to me, and wrapped her hands around my arm. Score one for Declan.
“It’s what I want, Daddy,” she said. I could hear the defiance in her voice. “He’s all that I ever wanted. You know that. Please, can’t you just be happy for us?”
Ruth, who’d obviously seen the anger coming, sat a plate of food down on the table for Curtis at that exact second. He regarded it for a moment before deciding that Alyssa and I could wait.
He chewed his food and seemed to be deep in thought before he finally spoke—when he did, he drew each word out.
“I’ll support you,” he said. “I’ll even give you my blessing.” He shot me a dark look. “I’ll walk the prettiest bride in the world down the aisle. But I don’t have to like the person at the end.”
“Dad!” Alyssa exclaimed.
“Fine by me,” I said at the exact same time without a word of a lie.
Now I just had to survive until New Year’s Eve without him killing me in my sleep, and we’d be fine.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: CATCHING ON
EACH MORNING I woke, I was thankful.
There were so many things I was thankful for. First, I was alive. That meant Curtis hadn’t found a way to sneak past Alyssa and murder me while I’d slept. Second, the fact that the prison didn’t close for the holidays, meant Curtis was still required to leave the house every day. Third, my ring still adorned Alyssa’s hand—a promise from me to do the best I could, and a promise from her to love me even when I fucked up. And fourth, that it was one day closer to an escape from living with the soon-to-be in-laws.
During the days since Christmas, there had been a rotating front door of friends and relatives of Ruth and Curtis coming and going, almost at whim. After living alone for so long, the constant presence of so many other people was driving me insane. But during the brief lulls, when no one else was home and Phoebe was asleep, the silence was just as unbearable.
The need for constant noise, but not constant chatter, was one of the reasons I always felt so Zen in my ProV8. It was easy to focus on the drone of the engine, on the hum of the rubber on the track, on the telemetry information and feedback from the team, rather than on everything else. Other than the brief moments where Alyssa’s memory had haunted me, I’d never felt more focused than when I was on the track. Which was why I’d insisted on heading out to the kart track the morning of New Year’s Eve. I needed clarity before all the shit was supposed to go down that night. All the things I’d kept hidden from Alyssa were buzzing around my head like a swarm that I needed to escape.
Throwing the kart deep into the corners, feeling the arse slide out as the drift took over, being so low to the ground—low enough that I felt like it was just me and the track—wasn’t quite the same as being in a car, but it was close enough to be a much-needed salve to balance everything else I’d been doing.
While I tore up the track, Alyssa and Phoebe just watched from the stands. Even though it felt a little selfish doing something that I needed—something only I would truly enjoy—neither of them complained as they watched me run lap after lap. One day soon, that would change. In a little under two years, Phoebe would be able to go on a tandem kart, and damned if I wasn’t going to try to make a little revhead out of her. My little girl could be a princess and kick arse on the track. And Alyssa could choose to join us or wait in the café.
When I came back in from the hour-long session on the track, Alyssa was waiting with Phoebe perched on her lap.
“Feeling better?” she asked.
“Much.” It was amazing how much a few laps could make a world of difference. It had clarified some th
ings for me, and thrown other things into sharp focus. In a little under twelve hours, I’d have shown Paige and her lackeys that I wasn’t someone to be trifled with. Then in the morning, Alyssa and I would be picking Phoebe up from Ruth and Curtis and starting the journey home.
But first, we had to get ready for the night.
When we left the kart track, we headed for Alyssa’s parents’ first, dropping off Phoebe and grabbing my tux, before driving straight into the city.
Alyssa’s expression during the drive was enigmatic. I had no idea what she was thinking, and part of me didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to start any conversation that might lead back to the evening’s plans.
We were almost into the city when Alyssa turned to me, curling up in the passenger seat and staring at me with such a reverent look that I couldn’t help but reach for her and brush a strand of hair off her face.
“It’s funny how quickly life can change, isn’t it?” she asked. Her voice was wistful and full of wonder.
Unsure what she was getting at, and what she expected me to say in return, I simply nodded. Obviously, she’d been thinking something over and it was dangerous for me to try to guess at what. A second later, her gaze dropped to her engagement ring and she started to play with it, using the diamond to twist it around her finger.
A gentle sigh left her lips. “I mean, this time last year, I was panicking about how hard the last year of uni would be, trying to get over the fact that things would never work with Cain, worrying about what I’d do for work when I graduated, because I had no prospects lined up. Being at the end of the uni year just seemed so far away.”
I tried to ignore her mention of Cain, but it surprised me that it had been so recent. The way she’d talked about him made it sound like it was ancient history—not something that had happened a year ago.
“God, New Year’s always makes me so sappy.” She laughed. “I guess I’m just trying to say that this time last year, I was terrified of what might come next for me. It was all so unknown. And it’s still unknown, but knowing that I’m heading there with you at my side, Dec, that’s . . . I don’t know. Amazing. I never allowed myself to believe we’d be here, but I never stopped loving you. Never.”
Declan Reede: The Untold Story (Complete Series) Page 102
