Without looking back, or stopping at his shouts to come back, I raced to my car as quickly as I could. I practically ripped the door off in my attempt to get inside. I slid onto the seat before slamming the door shut with a growl on my lips.
Where in the hell does he get off?
I should’ve known better than to try to see my scumbag father. There was an old saying I’d heard a hundred times, “Let sleeping dogs lie.” The meeting had made me understand the exact meaning behind it.
I sat in the car and waited, trying to calm down. The hood light clicked off after a few minutes, but I was still livid and breathing heavily. Definitely not in any fit state to drive.
After the shitty start to the weekend, I’d finally managed to find calm and was ready to race after my visit with Emmanuel. Yet, a few seconds spent in Dad’s presence, and it had all been completely erased.
My thoughts turned to Alyssa, and how she had been encouraging me to take the step toward forgiving Dad. She’d argued that I needed to look at Phoebe and decide if I would want her to forgive me if I fucked up badly. I already had and hoped that she would in the long run. But there was one key difference—I actually wanted to do better.
I didn’t know if I could tell Alyssa about my failed attempt. I would have to admit just how big a piece of scum I came from. How could I be certain that no more of his shittiness rubbed off on me? I didn’t need to make a choice just yet. I wasn’t sure what time Alyssa was due back from her fitting, and I wasn’t even sure she’d bother coming all the way to Ipswich if she finished up too late. She might just crash at her mum’s.
I took another couple of deep breaths to try to calm down a little more before finally putting the car in gear and heading back to my empty hotel room.
It’s times like these I could use a drink, I thought to myself, even while knowing I could never go back to using alcohol to dull my anger.
“DEC?” A hushed whisper echoed through my dreams. A giggle followed.
I mumbled something incoherent, not completely awake.
There was a bang then another giggle.
“Alyssa?” I tried to see through the thick night. “Is that you?”
A third giggle burst from the dark shadow in the middle of the room.
I was about to climb from bed when the shadow ran toward me at full steam.
She leapt onto the bed at the last moment. When she landed, she knelt on top of the covers of the bed, pinning me beneath them.
“Hi.” Alyssa giggled.
I chuckled in response. I’d missed her so much and after the fucked-up evening I’d had, her silliness was welcome, even if it was a little unexpected.
She leaned her face in to mine, and I was treated with the sweet scent of champagne.
“I bumped into something before.” She giggled again.
Because of her proximity, her hair fell into my eyes and across my face. I tucked it gently behind her ear and cupped her cheek. She crinkled her nose and grinned at me.
“Lys? Are you drunk?” I asked, unable to hide the amusement in my voice.
She shook her head, taking my hand with her. “Nah’m not drunk, I’m just really happy to see you, baby!” She wiggled her hips over mine.
I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing at her again. I gently placed my free hand on her other cheek, guiding her face back toward mine in an attempt to refocus her attention on me. “Lys, baby, where’s Phoebe?”
She stared at me with confusion in her eyes before turning her head to the door.
“Mum!” she exclaimed suddenly, turning back to me. “Mum’s got her. I was worried about you when they were squeezing me into my dress, so they gave me some wine.” She closed her eyes and licked her lips. “It was really yummy,” she whispered, as if it was a secret. “Then Mum took Phoebe to her house. And Eden took me here.”
“Did you have fun?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I was worried about you.” She brushed her face along my neck and her tongue pressed forward to run a sloppy trail over my throat.
“I know. I was worried about you too.”
“I wish I coulda been there today.”
“No!” I exclaimed, startling her. She sat up and gave a small cry of surprise. I wrapped her up in my arms again. “Sorry, just the thought of you being anywhere near that out-of-control Mini . . .” I held her tightly as I trailed off.
“I’m safe. I’m here.”
“I know,” I whispered against her hair. “I can’t tell you how glad I am about that.”
She obviously sensed I needed a change in the conversation, or maybe she was upset about losing her buzz, because she shifted her body so her hips were flush with mine. She turned her head so her hair fell around both our faces, enclosing us in our own private world.
“How are you?” she asked.
Flashes of the disastrous meeting with my father crossed my mind. “Don’t ask.”
She frowned.
“I’ll tell you about it later.”
I could see she was going to ask more, so I cupped her face gently and guided her lips to mine. I kissed her passionately, and she moaned loudly in response.
She laughed as she pulled away. “You don’t want to tell me.”
I grinned. “I didn’t think I was making it that obvious.”
She giggled before leaning back in to kiss me again before pulling away. “That’s not the only thin’ you’re making obvious.” She wiggled her hips, rubbing herself against the boner that was growing steadily.
“Well, can you blame me when a drunk, sexy woman just crashed into my bedroom and climbed on top of me?”
“Told you, I’m not drunk.”
“Ah, maybe not completely, but you are sexy.”
She smiled. “You think I’m sexy?” She sat up and ran her hands across her breasts and down her body.
“Fuck yeah, I do.”
She leaned into me again. “I think you’re sexy too.”
I smirked. “I know.”
She smacked my chest lightly but left her hand where it landed. Her fingers splayed on my naked chest. She looked down at me in deep concentration.
I lifted my hand and clasped her fingers. “Something on your mind?”
“I’m just wondering how far down this skin goes.”
I chuckled. “All the way to my toes.”
“I meant without being covered.”
I grinned. “All the way to my toes.”
She gasped. “You’re naked under there?” She wrinkled her nose.
I laughed. “I will be by the time you get under the covers.”
She laughed loudly and kissed me again. As she was focused on the kiss, I grabbed her shoulders and flipped her so she was beneath me. In one movement, I pushed my satin boxers down to my ankles and knelt in front of her, my hard-on reaching out for her through the night.
“See,” I said, waving my hand over my body.
She blushed lightly—something I would never tire of—and kissed my thumb.
I groaned at the sensation. “Don’t tease me like that.”
She gazed up at me and licked her lips. “Like what?” She turned her head and took my thumb into her mouth.
I closed my eyes and moaned as she sucked my thumb in and out of her mouth. “Like that,” I groaned.
“Who said I’m teasing?”
I growled as she pushed me off her and scooted up the bed a little, resting against the bedhead. Then her hands reached forward to grasp my hips and guide me toward her mouth. I clasped the wood behind her as she sucked my length into her. I passed control of my hips over to her, closing my eyes and relishing the sensation as her hands gripped my hips tighter.
She hummed around me, and I groaned in response. She certainly knew the right way to get my mind off shitty evenings. I kept one hand tightly gripping the bedhead while the other gently traced through her hair. I tried to express how fucking good it felt, but was largely past words.
Alyssa giggled again and push
ed me away from her a little. She licked and sucked her way up my body before reaching my mouth and kissing me deeply. My hands travelled to the hemline of the dress she was wearing, and I pulled it over her head in one tug. My fingers made light work of her bra, and I tossed it across the hotel room. I tasted her greedily, needing to take every part of her in.
I pulled off her panties and helped her gently back onto the bed, laying my body gingerly over hers.
She looked up at me and laughed. “You’re just taking advantage of me ’cause I’m drunk.”
I shook my head. “But you’re not drunk.”
She smiled and kissed my cheek.
I turned my face and traced my nose gently along her jawline before kissing her softly. My hands and lips began to roam her skin possessively, claiming every inch of her as mine. I wanted to ensure she understood just how much I adored her as I slid myself into her.
She moaned as I filled her completely and then again as we moved in rhythm together. We loved each other absolutely, harmonizing together and rolling from side to side in a battle for dominance.
We both burst out laughing when we rolled off the bed. Not that it stopped us from our perfect game of parry and thrust.
After we’d both taken each other to satisfaction, I slid down her body and rested my head on her chest—both still panting and laughing. A few moments later, once our breathing had calmed and our laughter had died down, we began to talk about our days. I told her about my fears on the racetrack, and she told me about the photographers and wedding cake.
I told her about my visit to Emmanuel’s grave, and she seemed genuinely touched that I would even consider visiting on my own. I still couldn’t tell her about meeting my father, at least not just yet.
“How’s Ruby?” I asked, both out of curiosity and to turn the subject away from my evening.
Alyssa chuckled. “She’s doing great. She’s getting really fat now. It’s so funny to see Josh doting on her at every turn. Not that he didn’t always dote on her, but somehow it’s just different now.”
I touched the scar on her stomach lightly. “Will it be different for us when we have more kids?”
Her body jumped lightly before stiffening.
I pushed up onto my elbows to look at her face. Concern and stress were evident across all of her features. All the happiness and light-heartedness was wiped away. Her eyes sought mine out, fear and desperation dwelling in their depths.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I never thought I’d hear those words come out of your mouth,” she whispered.
I shrugged. “A lot has changed for me over the past few months. Now, I—well, I guess I’m more than open to the idea.” I trailed a few kisses over her stomach.
“Oh, God,” she muttered.
“Alyssa, what is it?” Her body was so tense, and her eyes so afraid, that she was starting to scare me. I quickly scrambled up her body to touch her face. I cupped one of her cheeks delicately.
“Nothing’s changed for me.” Her voice was quiet and her words broken.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want another baby, Dec.” She sounded like she was close to tears.
“What?” I was absolutely confused. “But you always wanted a big family. We broke up because you wanted kids . . . and I didn’t.” And because I was a fucking fool.
“That was before . . .” She closed her eyes and scrunched her face in pain. “After . . . the twins . . .” She stopped and took a deep breath before opening her eyes again. As her eyes found mine, she whispered. “I just don’t know if I can go through that again.”
I pulled myself up into a sitting position and helped Alyssa to sit beside me. I wrapped my arm around her, and we leaned against the side of the bed.
“But you wouldn’t be going through it alone,” I murmured. I couldn’t explain the feeling of loss that had settled over me at the thought that we might not have any more kids.
At some point, having to speedily adjust to Phoebe’s presence in my life had become a genuine desire to have kids—lots of kids. I hadn’t realised just how badly—or how soon—I wanted it to happen until the instant Alyssa had said she didn’t feel the same way.
Was that how she’d felt when I’d been so insistent years ago?
“I’m sorry, Declan, I just . . . I thought you knew . . .” She sobbed lightly against me. “I didn’t think you wanted any more either.”
“I guess I just never thought—” I cut myself off, mentally pounding my head against the wall for being so stupid and tactless when raising the issue. I’d just assumed that nothing had changed for her since high school. But she was a different person now. We both were.
She went to apologise again, but I cut her off. “We don’t need to talk about it anymore tonight.”
She sobbed a little more, until I picked her up off the floor and carried her into the bathroom where I ran a warm bath in the built-in spa. I helped her in then climbed in behind her. I didn’t say anything as I gently massaged her back, trying to bring us back to where we were before I had shot off my damn stupid fucking mouth.
After we’d climbed out, we wrapped ourselves up in the huge fluffy hotel bathrobes and fell asleep in a tangle of limbs and terry-towelling.
I LEFT Alyssa asleep in the hotel room to head to the track early on Sunday.
Somewhat surprisingly, given the fucked-up night I’d had, I successfully managed to put the negatives from the previous evening behind me and clung tightly to the positives.
Dad, kids, everything else could wait for another day. I was determined to prove to myself that I could win at Queensland Raceway again. My epiphany stood, reminding me that it didn’t matter to Alyssa or Phoebe how I went, which somehow spurred me on more.
I wanted nothing less than first.
Not because they wanted me to get it, but because I wanted to get it for them. It made all the difference to my on-track performance, and I got my desire, claiming victory in the third race.
The fourth race managed to rattle me a little when another car speared off the track.
Worse, it happened at the same corner that the Mini from race one had lost control. Luckily, the driver hadn’t leapt the guardrail like the previous incident, and no one was hurt. I held on to my sanity and finished in second.
I ended the weekend just a handful of points behind Wilkins in the Micro Challenge leadership table, with four rounds left to race. I had one last chance to claim pole to be able to take Alyssa to London for our honeymoon, but unfortunately I had to get through Tasmania and Darwin first. No Mini, no family, just me alone with Hunter and the rest of the Sinclair Racing team.
Then there was the birthday party Alyssa was planning for Phoebe. A gaggle of twenty or so four-year-olds running around my former bachelor pad.
I honestly wasn’t sure which of the events would be worse.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: LIFE’S A PARTY
“SO, DID YOU get the information we needed?”
Morgan chuckled down the phone. “Oh, I got it all right. Eden is surprisingly talkative when plied with some alcohol and some of my particular brand of torture.”
I smiled to myself as squeals of glee echoed from the backyard, reminding me of the party in full swing—the party I was taking a quick breather from. Watching through the window, I saw Alyssa herd the screaming mass of children around the jumping castle, trampoline, and bubble machine. As if she could feel me watching, Alyssa’s head tilted up to glance at the window. I gave her a smile and a small wave, and though she smiled back at me, it was obvious she was exhausted.
Knowing I had to finish up so I could relieve her before long, I tried to concentrate on the call because Morgan was talking again, running through some of the details about timing and shit for Alyssa’s hen night that he’d been able to find out from Eden.
Once he’d given me the information, and we confirmed our own plans for the night, it didn’t take very long for the conversation to steer off onto compl
aining about Hunter, who was snapping at Morgan’s heels in the championship. I was torn between wanting Sinclair Racing to win the team trophy—which meant both Morgan and Hunter needed to rank as high as they could—and wanting Hunter to come dead last in the series. Of course, I had no real control over the situation, so I just had to grin and bear it either way.
Morgan and I finished our little anti-Hunter rant and said our goodbyes. After all, there was no reason for a drawn-out conversation, as I’d be seeing him later that evening. He probably could have come around sooner, but had volunteered to stay away from Phoebe’s party so as not to put extra stress on Alyssa. Secretly, I suspected it was more that he wanted to stay as far away from the horde of screaming children as possible. Instead, he would be coming around after the kids left—for my part of the birthday celebrations.
Before heading back to the party, I made another call—to Danny. It was that call, the one Alyssa had begged me to make, which was the real reason I’d been allowed a moment away from my party hosting duties, but I’d wanted to take the opportunity to call Morgan first while Alyssa had been otherwise occupied.
When I dialled Danny’s number, I launched straight into an explanation of what I wanted—or more specifically, the request Alyssa had asked me to make. She wanted to give someone the chance of a lifetime with a visit to see the inner workings of a race team. Not surprisingly, Danny had listed out a series of rules and requirements that would need to be met for it to be possible. I agreed readily, knowing the reason behind them instinctively. Once we’d set everything up, I said thank you and goodbye to Danny before heading back down to rescue Alyssa from the rampaging horde, collecting a few stragglers lost in the house on my way.
Eden—who was in the kitchen helping out our latest arrival, Flynn—called out as I passed to let me know that it was time for cake. I had to laugh when I saw Flynn fanboying over Eden. His obsession with all things Sinclair Racing had been off the chain since he arrived in Sydney, and I hadn’t seen Eden anywhere this morning without him glued to her side.
Initially, I’d been a little surprised when Alyssa had told me that Flynn was coming down for Phoebe’s birthday. She’d sprung it on me just after my time in Tasmania—time that would have been nicer if I’d spent it in Hell.
Declan Reede: The Untold Story (Complete Series) Page 120
