I met her eyes and caught her chewing her lip before her mouth broke into a smile almost as wide as mine. The lyrics that timed Alyssa’s slow march down the aisle were perfect. We’d found the song on a Shrek soundtrack of all things, but the words had never been more fitting.
“I love you,” I mouthed to her, causing her smile to widen even further.
“See, Daddy!” Phoebe shouted. “I told you Mummy was beautiful!”
I agreed with her, laughing a little before setting her down onto the ground, readying my arms to accept the second most important person in my life. Ruby quickly called Phoebe over to her side.
Each second of the minute or two that it took Alyssa to walk toward me felt like it stretched on forever.
Finally, she reached my side and Curtis’s rough hand passed her soft one to me. He wrapped his hand around our joined ones. At any other wedding, the moment would have been the perfect opportunity for the father of the bride to whisper words of encouragement, or give his final blessing, but this was our wedding, so of course, Curtis whispered, so quietly only I could hear, “If you hurt either of them . . .”
I met his eye, refusing to let him ruin my perfect moment. “I won’t.”
That said, I turned back to Alyssa, the one person who deserved my attention the most in this almost-perfect moment. The guests, Curtis, everyone else could go to pot. As long as I had Phoebe and Alyssa close to me, everything would be perfect.
The song finished and I couldn’t help but smile through the nerves that had built steadily again as the room quietened, but only because I didn’t want to fuck anything up. I wanted the day to be perfect for Alyssa.
The celebrant began by welcoming our guests, and as he did, Alyssa blushed brightly. I wondered if it was the first time she’d even realised they were present. She glanced across everyone, tears springing to her eyes as they met back with mine.
I grabbed her other hand and held them both tightly, unwilling to let go now that I was so close to having my dreams fulfilled. Even then, with every eye in the place on us, it was impossible to completely quell the nerves. Oddly though, I wasn’t nervous about what I was about to do. No, instead it was a desire to not fuck something up accidentally that made my hands shake. I barely paid attention to the celebrant as he said all the required bullshit.
Finally, it came time to say my vows. We had agreed—despite my unease with the idea—to write our own. Unfortunately, I had to read mine first. Begrudgingly, I released her hands and unfolded the piece of paper on which I had unleashed my heart. A better man may have been able to memorise the words, but I was more concerned with getting them right than knowing them by heart. My hand shook so much it was hard to read them.
“Alyssa.” I had to stop as my voice quivered. I cleared my throat and tried again. “In my life, I have faced the unexpected and made many mistakes. Through my trials, I have learned that you are my safe place to land. You are my heart’s keeper, and despite the pain it caused you, you treated it with care throughout our separation.
“From this day on, I choose you, my sweet Alyssa, to be my wife. To live with you and laugh with you; to stand by your side, and lie in your arms; to bring joy to your heart, and warmth to your soul; to bring out the best in you always, and, for you and our daughter, to always be the most that I can be.”
As I spoke the words, the rest of the room disappeared. There was only Alyssa and me. I was making her an earnest promise, one I never wanted to break.
No, that I wouldn’t break.
“I promise to laugh with you in good times, to struggle with you in bad; to console you when you’re downhearted; to wipe away your tears with my hands; to comfort you with my body; to mirror you with my soul; to share with you all my riches and honours; to play with you as much as I can until we grow old and, still loving each other sweetly and gladly, our lives come to an end.”
I folded the piece of paper back up and slid it into my tuxedo pocket. I clasped one of Alyssa’s hands so she could feel the truth in my words. As it always did, her touch steadied my nerves, and I managed to give her a tender smile.
Alyssa took a deep breath then launched into her vows. She kept her hands steady and her eyes on me as she spoke.
I could feel my eyes burning with emotion as she recited her words.
“I choose you, Declan, as my best friend and my love for life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, and my tenderest care. Through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to always be faithful to you.
“I promise to love you completely, to commit to you fully, and to support you absolutely. I pledge to respect your unique talents and abilities, and to lend you strength for all of your dreams.
“Today, I join my life with yours, not merely as your wife, but as your best friend, your lover, and your confidant. Let me always be the shoulder you lean on; the rock on which you rest; the companion of your life. From this day on, you shall not walk alone. My heart will be your shelter, and my arms will forever be your home. As I have given you my hand to hold, I give you my life to keep.”
I squeezed her hand gently and she smiled as a tear ran down her cheek.
Refusing to relinquish my hold on her, I guided our joined hands up underneath her veil and swiped gently at her tear with my finger. The crowd watching us no longer existed. I was in my own perfect bubble with her. Time stretched on endlessly and I didn’t want it to end. I vaguely heard the minister saying something, but I was no longer listening to him. It wasn’t until I heard a titter from the crowd and felt Flynn nudging my back that I realised something else was needed.
With a flutter of nerves, I turned to Flynn. He was holding out Alyssa’s wedding ring. I grabbed it off him carefully, not wanting to drop it and look like a tool in front of everyone. When I twisted back to Alyssa, she offered me her left hand. I repeated what the celebrant said as I slid the plain gold band onto her ring finger. “To marry the person you have set your heart upon is a joy unparalleled in human life. Alyssa Celeste Dawson, take this ring as a sign of my faith and my commitment to our love, and share this joy with me today.”
Alyssa pushed a wedding band onto my finger as she repeated the same promise.
I turned back to Flynn and he passed me another piece of jewellery. I ducked down onto one knee and motioned for Phoebe to come back over. It was maybe a little unorthodox, but I wanted to show my commitment to her as well as Alyssa.
When she was in front of me, I looked her in the eye. “Phoebe, you are the light of my life. I promise to always be the best daddy in the world. I will do everything that I can to make you proud of me. I will protect you, cherish you, and support you in everything you choose to do in your life.
“No matter what happens from this day forward, I will always be your daddy, and I will always hold you high in my heart. You mean the world to me. I promise you that I will always love and honour your mummy, and I will always be there for both of you. I am proud to be your daddy.” I grabbed her hand gently, wrapping the little gold bracelet around her wrist. “I love you, my baby girl.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek before skipping off to show Aunt Ruby her new jewellery.
I stood back up, seeing tears flowing down Alyssa’s cheek unchecked. With a smile on my lips, I wiped them away softly. She leaned against my hand and the moment was fucking perfect.
The next words of the celebrant were without doubt the best words I had ever heard.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
I eagerly grabbed the corner of Alyssa’s veil and lifted it off her face, resting it onto her back. I placed one hand on her nape, snaking the other around her waist. I pulled her in to me, twisting at the last second to dip her as my lips hit hers. I moaned against her as I realised this was the most important kiss of my life—our first kiss as a married couple.
I lifted her back up and set her on her feet, softly kissing her plumpe
d-up lips once more.
Ruby and Flynn each took one of Phoebe’s hands and led her back down the aisle. Alyssa and I followed close behind, accompanied by a chorus of cheers.
“Are you happy?” I asked Alyssa quietly. It was a ridiculous question considering the smile plastered widely across her features, but I had to be sure.
“Deliriously.” She turned to me and her eyes were flooded with tears. “I never dreamed . . .” She trailed off but she didn’t need to finish. I understood.
I refused to let go of Alyssa’s hand as we met the photographer at the entrance. She shut the doors behind my wife so we could get some photos on the grand staircase and beneath the chandelier. Finally, we went through the doors to the waiting limo. It was only a short distance to the Botanical Gardens, but I didn’t want anyone to get sweaty between the wedding and the reception.
Once we reached the gardens, the photographer arranged a series of photos. We spent almost two hours in various poses, smiling and laughing together. It was actually kind of fun, but I hated the fact that Morgan couldn’t be there and that Flynn would be smiling out from our wedding photos instead. Because Eden had stayed back to look after Morgan, it felt as if our lives in Sydney had no representation at all.
As the sun started to set and the city lit up, we walked to the Goodwill Bridge and had a few more photos there against the backdrop of the river and Southbank.
After the photographer was satisfied that we had captured enough memories, we headed back to the limo and drove to the Suncrest Hotel. The photographer got a few more photos in front of the entrance before we all headed back upstairs to the ballroom. The room was closed off—all of our guests were already inside.
We waited as the photographer went ahead, closing the door behind her. Before I knew what was happening, I heard the emcee announcing Ruby and Flynn. They walked in together to a round of polite applause.
Then the emcee started our chosen song for our introduction. “And now,” he said. “It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, Declan and Alyssa Reede.”
My stomach twisted and my heart leapt hearing her name alongside mine in such a fashion.
I tugged Alyssa forward into the room filled with our family and friends.
Without warning her what I was going to do, I dragged Alyssa into the centre of the room and spun her around gently. It was all I could do not to spin her right back out of the door and to our suite in the hotel.
After one more kiss in front of everyone, I led Alyssa over to the bridal table and pulled out her chair for her.
The emcee took over proceedings, instructing the room that any time anyone clinked their glass with a spoon, Alyssa and I were supposed to kiss. This of course led to immediate glass clinking, especially from the boys in my pit crew team. I leaned over and kissed Alyssa’s cheek. There was a general cry that I could do better than that, so I guided Alyssa’s lips to mine and kissed her with every ounce of passion I could muster.
The emcee then went on to explain the order of events before announcing the food was due to be served.
“Thank God,” Alyssa murmured beside me.
It was barely a minute later that our meals were laid in front of us. Alyssa dug into her food almost the instant it was set in front of her.
“I haven’t eaten since breakfast,” she explained to me between mouthfuls that were neither ladylike nor matched her picture-perfect appearance. It only reaffirmed my desire for her. “I’m famished,” she finished.
I cast my eyes around the room at our family and friends. I watched, smiling, as Ruth and Mum doted over Phoebe down one end of the table closest to the bridal table. I was dumbfounded to see my father sitting at the table farthest away from us. I didn’t know who had invited him, but I was shocked as shit to see he had actually turned up. Although I didn’t really want him there, I was thankful that at least his skank Hayley wasn’t with him.
Overall, the dinner was great and the service was impeccable. The night was passing as fast as the wine was flowing. Before I knew it, it was time for the speeches. I glanced anxiously at Curtis, knowing he was first up to the plate. I also knew that there was no one to give a speech on my behalf.
Fuck. My. Life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: PROS AND CONS
AS THE EMCEE introduced Curtis, Alyssa placed her hand over mine in a soothing gesture. She must have noticed the tension in my body, because she gave me a small knowing smile when I looked at her. She was a vision in white, and the reminder that she’d agreed to be mine forever just a few hours earlier helped to relieve a little of my anxiety. Nothing Curtis could say would take that away from me
Even that thought wasn’t enough to force me to relax enough to keep from gritting my teeth as I watched Curtis take the wireless microphone though. He staggered a little as he reached for it.
“I can’t believe my little girl got married today,” Curtis started. It almost sounded like he was choking on his emotions or that he was drunk; I couldn’t work out which. “But then, this is what she wanted. She has always been stubborn when it comes to getting what she wants. When she was little, she would dig her heels in about almost anything and once she’d chosen a path, it was all but impossible to stop her.
“The first day she saw Declan, her first day at Browns Plains Primary, she came home and told us about her hero. When we’d asked her what her hero had done, she responded that he picked her first for a sport. From that day on, Declan became a near-permanent inclusion in our family. If he wasn’t at our place, she was at his. Back then, I always thought this day was a foregone conclusion. Everyone thought so. It was easy to see their devotion for one another. I thought nothing could ruin it.
“But then he left her.”
His statement hung in the air like a bad smell, and he allowed it to fester. Ruth reached over to him, grabbing his jacket and whispering something, but he just dismissed her with a wave of his hand.
He took a sip of his drink and people were starting to wriggle in their seats uncomfortably by the time he started again. “I remember everything about the night he left. I can still see it all as clear as day. It was a Wednesday night. They’d fought the weekend before. Alyssa had called him regularly to try to talk it out. Everyone assumed it was only a matter of time before they were back together again. Like always. Every night that week, I heard her sobbing herself to sleep. I remember so clearly wishing I could comfort her but knowing I would never be able to.”
He stopped, taking another swig of whatever he was drinking. Drunk was starting to beat out choked up with emotion in my mind. Why had anyone thought it was a good idea to let him give a speech?
“She went out that night, to meet Declan, and when she came back, she was different. She was hollow. The daughter I’d raised was gone, leaving a mere shadow in her place.”
I could see the mortification on Alyssa’s face, and I wanted to stand up to stop him from saying anything more, but I wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t make it worse.
“This isn’t the speech Mum wrote for him,” Alyssa muttered. “He promised he’d read that one.”
Even as she spoke, Curtis continued, “The look on her face when she came home that night.” He shivered. “I never want to see that look on anyone’s face again for as long as I live. For weeks after that, she would barely even move. The first time she showed us any real emotion, anything solid to demonstrate that she was still alive, was when she told us about the baby. Babies . . .” he trailed off. Ruth tried once more to grab the microphone off him, but he pulled it away and continued talking. Because of the shifting microphone, his voice blared louder than ever as he said, “I blame Declan for everything she went through after that night. Everything she lost, he owes to her. I never want to see my baby girl shattered like that again. Now, I propose a toast: may Declan never again break her heart so utterly and completely again.”
Utter silence followed his toast, but the emcee picked it up quickly.
“Join me in a toast to the br
ide and groom,” he said as cheerfully as he could manage under the circumstances. “May their joys be as bright as the morning, and their sorrows but shadows that fade in the sunlight of love.”
At his words, everyone stood and toasted.
The emcee looked almost afraid as he said, “And now we’ll hear a few words from the groom.”
I swallowed deeply and stood. The words I’d prepared were useless in the face of Curtis’s speech, so I decided to speak directly from the heart. I took Alyssa’s hand as I raised the microphone to my lips.
“Alyssa, I’ve made stupid choices over the years, but I’m not an idiot. I know I hurt you, and you know I will never forget how deeply.
“I will forever regret the pain I caused you, and I will always mourn with you what we both have lost.
“But through our separation, I have come to better understand the depth of my love for you. I understand what it is like to live apart from you, so I will never take you for granted. What I said in my wedding vows was 100 percent true. If I ever forget a single word of them, please remind me.
“You and Phoebe mean the world to me, and I will never hurt you. You are the keeper of my dreams and the guardian of my soul. You hold me safe from all the troubles which threaten to overtake my mind. I can never thank you enough for what you have done for me with the simple act of agreeing to be by my side for the rest of my life. I love you. I know my toast was supposed to be directed at my new family, but I can’t toast to that.” I pointed in Curtis’s direction. “So instead, I propose a toast to you, Alyssa. You and Phoebe. You are my life, my love, and my family.”
There were murmurs around the room after the toast.
I passed the mic down to Ruby who was being introduced by the emcee. I wasn’t sure which way her speech was going to go. I just hoped the Declan bashing didn’t continue. I didn’t know how much more I could stand before I just shouted, “Fuck the lot of you,” and whisked Alyssa off to our suite.
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