“Oh God,” she murmured against my ear, her breath hot and heavy as she guided my hand into the dip just below her breast. She murmured it again as she ground her pussy against my thigh. Then, just as suddenly as the attack had started, it stopped.
“Oh God!” She moaned as she clamped her hand over her mouth and ran from the room. An instant later, I heard the toilet lid crash against the cistern followed by the sound of retching.
“Lys, are you okay?” I asked, grabbing her tea from Phoebe’s bedside table and going in search of her.
I found her in the main bathroom washing her mouth out.
“Are you sure you’re happy about this?” she asked.
“About you being sick? Absolutely not. But about the rest . . . Lys, I couldn’t be happier. I know I said I didn’t want kids, but I was a fucking idiot. I can’t wait to meet that little one you’ve got growing in there.” Even as I said the words, it really struck me. She was growing a life. My child.
Holy fuck.
My heart skipped. I’d always thought Alyssa was beautiful. But right in that moment, even with her cleaning up after herself, she was more radiant and powerful than I’d ever seen her. She was a fucking goddess. My fucking goddess. “Fuck, I love you,” I said.
She chuckled. “Ever the romantic. It’s no wonder I fell for you.”
“You’re really okay?” I tried not to sound worried, but even I heard the concern in my voice.
She offered me a reassuring smile and a nod. “It was a lot worse with the twins. But maybe it would be a good idea to keep that cup away from me.”
I left her to go sort out some breakfast for us all. If kissing me made her sick, I could only imagine what the smell of bacon and eggs would do.
When I hit the bottom of the stairs, I was reminded of the dwindling days in our little house. A year ago, we were in Browns Plains planning her move to be with me in Sydney, and now we were in the midst of our move back to our hometown. Only this time, we had a shit-ton of my furniture to sell. We’d already arranged with Mum to rent her house since her tenants had moved out a few months earlier and it was sitting vacant. She’d been going around to clean it as often as she could, but had no desire to live there again. Too many memories, she said.
In just under three weeks, we’d pack up and head home. Despite saying goodbye to a house at least three times bigger than Mum’s, and having to sell the majority of my collection of cars because the cost of shipping them all to Queensland was going to be too high, I was the happiest I’d been in years.
CHAPTER THREE: ADJUSTMENT PERIOD
“I CAN’T BELIEVE this will be our last session together, Doc.”
I sat in the tub chair and put my feet up on Dr Henrikson’s coffee table—just because I knew it bugged him. If it was going to be our last session, I wanted to make it a memorable one. Christmas and New Year’s had come and gone with a visit from Alyssa’s family. Despite the slight strain in the air, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d worried it might have been.
The small breakthroughs I’d had with her father, Curtis, and brother, Josh, over the previous twelve months continued to ease the tension between us all. The fact that Alyssa and I were still happy and together after living together for twelve months in Sydney and were celebrating nearly six months of wedded bliss probably helped too. It probably would’ve solidified our bonds to tell them about the baby, but Alyssa was dead set on keeping it quiet until after the twelve weeks. Which meant it was easiest just to wait until we got settled in to our new home. We hadn’t even told Phoebe yet.
Dr Henrikson’s gaze cut to my feet and he raised a brow but didn’t say anything. “It doesn’t have to be our last session.”
“Are you fishing for more money?” I laughed.
He gave a small chuckle. “You know I’ll always be available by phone if you need me. And my office will always be open to you should you need it.”
“I know, Doc, but honestly, I feel so fucking great. It’s not like it was even a few months ago either. It’s not like I have to be at Lys’s side to feel calm. I just feel like I’m in a good place in my life. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m shit scared of some of the things I’ve got coming up. I mean, what the fuck do I know about running a race team? But despite that, I kinda feel like I’ll be okay with it all.”
He smiled at me in a way that told me he was genuinely happy with the progress I’d made.
“Who would’ve guessed the little shithead who walked in here five years ago trying to kick his burgeoning ice and weed habit would’ve been sitting here today ready to face the world as a fucking entrepreneur.”
He chuckled. “Well, I did always have hope for you, Declan.”
“Except maybe when I flipped out on you.” It was almost easy to look back at that time with a laugh. How had I ever thought trying to hide away from my feelings for Alyssa was a good idea?
“Even then. Although, I will admit a part of me worried you’d return to your habits.”
I glanced at my hands and frowned. “Do you still worry that?”
He gave me a stern look. “You have an addictive personality, Declan.”
“Are you saying you’re addicted to me?” I laughed. It was too easy to be laid-back and jokey. “I know I do, and I know I’ll have to battle against it forever. But for now, my new addiction is my family. And life. Not just Alyssa, but all of it. The good and the bad.”
“I’m glad to hear that. And how is the lovely Alyssa?”
I fought my grin. Because we’d scaled my appointments right back, I hadn’t had the opportunity to tell him the good news yet. “She’s pregnant.”
“Well, that explains the mood,” he replied, a grin on his lips. “How are you feeling about that?”
I couldn’t fight the smile on my lips, not that I wanted to. “Over the fucking moon.” I spent the next little while talking about Alyssa, about her symptoms and our plans. By the end of the session, I was feeling even better than I had going in.
“Keep in touch, won’t you, Dec?” He offered me his hand.
“Sure thing.”
“And don’t forget the tools you have to help with difficult situations.”
“Never. Thank you, Doc, for everything.” It was a genuine thanks. If it wasn’t for him, for his willingness to do phone sessions and his slightly unconventional approach, I don’t think I would have survived beyond my first few months at Sinclair. I definitely wouldn’t have Alyssa back in my life.
He extended his hand. I stared at it for a beat, thinking about all this man had done for me. A handshake wouldn’t cut it as a goodbye. So I hugged him instead.
When I stepped back, Dr Henrikson blinked in surprise, but recovered quickly. “Happy moving.”
“Thanks again, Doc.”
When I got home, I found Alyssa and Phoebe packing up the last of Phoebe’s clothes into a suitcase. I couldn’t believe we’d be getting into two cars and driving home in the morning. Alyssa was going to drive my Monaro, and I was taking the Prado with the trailer in tow. It meant those two cars at least could come with me. My Impala and Fairlane—the two cars I was keeping from my collection—were already on their way to Brisbane.
I gave Alyssa a questioning gaze, silently asking her if we were going to tell Phoebe about her baby brother now that we’d had the twelve-week scan and knew that the baby was a healthy little boy. Although it would usually have been a little early to tell for certain, apparently our son liked to show off and gave the doctor a very clear view. I couldn’t help my laughter when Alyssa had rolled her eyes and muttered something about him being just like his daddy.
She nodded and smiled. “Phoebe, honey, can you come sit with me and Daddy for a bit?” she asked, patting the bed.
Phoebe grabbed her dolly—the one “Santa” had brought for her—and hopped onto her bed between Alyssa and me.
“You know Mummy and Daddy love you very much, don’t you, sweetheart?” Alyssa started.
Phoebe looked at me and Alyss
a and nodded. Her smile was so sweet and her cheeks strained with how wide her smile was.
“Well, we’ve got a little more love coming into our lives soon.” Alyssa cupped her cheek.
“What d’you mean?” Phoebe asked.
“Mummy’s going to have a baby.” I smiled. Alyssa’s eyes, full of love, met mine. Reaching behind Phoebe’s back, I squeezed Alyssa’s hand hoping she knew I was still ecstatic about the news.
“You’re going to have a little brother,” Alyssa said.
Phoebe nodded but kept playing with her doll. “Will he have to stay in the ground like Emmie?”
My heart stopped and Alyssa gave a half sob. When I glanced at her, I could see the tears building in her eyes. But so much worse was the panic hidden below that. Suffering through what she had with the twins was part of the reason she hadn’t wanted more kids.
I stroked my thumb along the back of Alyssa’s hand, letting her know that this time would be different.
“No, baby girl,” I said. “He’ll be able to come and live with us. You’ll have to help us take good care of him when he comes home, and help Mummy out as much as you can until then.”
“When’s he going to come?” Phoebe bit her bottom lip and gazed toward the door expectedly, as though someone was about to come and hand us a baby right then.
“Not for a while yet, honey,” Alyssa said, stowing away her tears. “Maybe around your birthday.”
“I get a baby brover for my birthday?” Phoebe’s eyes lit up.
“We can’t promise he’ll be here on your birthday.” Alyssa laughed. “He might come before or after.”
“I like babies,” Phoebe said. “Like Noah. He was bigger now than last time we saw him, though.”
“Babies do that,” Alyssa said with a hint of sadness creeping into her voice.. “They grow bigger and bigger until they’re all grown up before you realise it.”
“When I’m growed up, I want to have lots of babies.” Phoebe grabbed her doll and laid it on her arm like she’d been shown to hold Noah.
“How many is lots?” My voice wavered as I raked my hand through my hair. Her innocent words made me think of her growing up. Of boyfriends and the possibility of her heart being broken by some jerk. Of her having a family of her own—of her giving me grandchildren.
“Sweetie, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Tears fill Alyssa’s eyes.
“Why not, Mummy?”
Alyssa blinked repeatedly. Her voice cracked when she said, “Because it might not be safe for you to have babies. Remember we’ve talked about Emmie’s gift, and how it’s inside your tummy and you have to take lots of care of it to keep you healthy?”
My stomach twisted at the way Alyssa was speaking. I hadn’t witnessed one of the conversations she was talking about, but just the way she said the words chilled my blood.
“I hate Emmie’s gift,” Phoebe said with a pout. “I can’t do anything because of it. Why’d he give it to me?”
“Because you were very, very sick, and it made you better. And if you don’t take care of it, you might get very sick again.” Alyssa’s face became ashen. Her eyes, overly bright with unshed tears, showed me a depth of emotion I was unaware of.
I rubbed my forehead. Wasn’t Phoebe out of the woods? Hadn’t she gotten Emmanuel’s kidney and that’d made her fit and healthy again? Outside of the routine of medications she had to have, and Alyssa’s tendency to be overprotective when it came to germs, Phoebe was completely normal. Wasn’t she?
“But I wanna have lots of babies to play with,” Phoebe whined.
“Maybe you’ll be able to.” Alyssa rubbed Phoebe’s back. “But you need to make sure you speak to your special doctors first, okay? Like we do with everything new.”
Phoebe hung her head and muttered, “Yes, Mummy.”
She had only had a few specialist appointments during the time they’d lived with me, but Alyssa had generally taken her alone, telling me that it was just a routine visit to check medication levels. Despite that, I’d insisted on going to the first one. It had been exactly what she’d told me about and certainly hadn’t gone over new information.
“Lys—” I cleared my throat before continuing, unable to speak around the golf-ball sized swell in my throat. “Can I talk to you a minute?” The words left as I headed for the door, not waiting to see if Alyssa was coming.
“Sure,” she said before turning to Phoebe. “Just finish packing your toys into that box like I showed you, okay?”
A moment later, Alyssa was following me.
“What the fuck was that about?” I asked.
“What?” Alyssa’s bravery faded and the tears welled in her eyes before slipping down her cheeks. She knew exactly what I was talking about. I lowered my voice. “That shit about telling Phoebe she couldn’t have babies.”
Her mouth mashed into a hard line as her brow dipped. “I don’t want to fill her with false hope.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I clutched my hair and turned away from her.
Alyssa wiped her eyes, and then blinked at me, as if she couldn’t figure me out. Finally, realizing her error, she sighed. “Sometimes it’s easy to forget you weren’t there for all the warnings.”
My heart stopped beating and my blood froze in my veins. “What warnings?”
“Even with a match as good as Emmanuel was, a donated kidney won’t last forever.”
“What’re you saying?” I knew what she was saying, but my mind rejected it.
“Nothing.” Alyssa shook her head. “She might be one of the lucky ones.”
“But?”
“But the survival rates of a childhood kidney transplant recipient aren’t pretty. Things like pregnancy put a strain on the body, especially on the kidneys. It’s not impossible, but it’s something she should only do with proper monitoring. I’d rather train her to make sensible decisions now than have her do something stupid later.”
My mind focused on the words “survival rates aren’t pretty.” How could Alyssa not have told me this sooner?
My throat tightened, making the words difficult to say. “Are you trying to tell me she’s going to . . . she’d going to die young?” Fuck, I’d given up Dr Henrikson far too soon. I didn’t have enough tools in my emotional toolbox to deal with this information.
As if she could see the betrayal and blame building in me, Alyssa reached her hand out. “I’m sorry, Dec. It’s not like I deliberately kept you in the dark. You try to fill her life up so much, like at Easter and Christmas. I figured you’d looked into it and knew.”
I swayed and struggled for air. “I just wanted her to be happy. I wasn’t making up for anything. How am I supposed to deal with this?”
Alyssa wrapped her arms around my waist. “Just keep living our lives the way we have been, Dec. That’s how you deal with it. Because then she’ll have the best life she can whether she lives to be twenty or a hundred and two.”
Twenty. It struck me in the gut. She could be gone by twenty?
Fuck! Just minutes earlier, I’d imagined Phoebe with boyfriends and a possible family. How the hell was I supposed to deal with the information that I might have to plan her funeral instead of enjoying grandkids?
I drew out of Alyssa’s embrace and paced again on shaky legs as my breath grew shorter. There wasn’t enough room in the tiny hallway. I could’ve sworn the walls were closing in tighter. Fuck!
“There’s no guarantees in any of this.” Alyssa stood in front of me, grabbing my shoulders so she could look in my eyes. Clearly she’d seen my panic and was trying to draw me back from the ledge—just like I had with her fear of going through another pregnancy. “As I said, she might be one of the lucky ones. Us Reedes always have a bit of luck on our side, right?”
Panting, I nodded, willing to let her soothe away the worry with her earnest gaze and gentle caress. She was right. There were no guarantees in life. The way I’d been heading before I found my way back to my family, I could’ve easily
killed myself before I was twenty-five. Fuck knows I’d come close to it often enough. My body shook as I pulled Alyssa into my arms and rubbed my hand over her back as I reminded myself of all the ways her statement was true. The number of accidents that should have killed me. The fact that we had our second chance. I swallowed hard and nodded again, willing to convince myself that everything would be okay. I let the panic sink back to the depths. Stressing wasn’t going to help anything.
“Let’s just get ready for the move, shall we?” Alyssa grabbed my hand and led me back into Phoebe’s room to help her pack.
CHAPTER FOUR: HOME SWEET HOME
THE DRIVE FROM Sydney to our new home in Browns Plains—the one that was my parents’ old home—took two days in the end.
I’d thought the previous move had taken a long time, what with the regular potty breaks for Phoebe. This time, it wasn’t Phoebe’s walnut-sized bladder but Alyssa’s. Although she blamed the baby, I didn’t see how that would be the case. She kept telling me that he was only a few inches long, so I didn’t see how such a small thing could cause such an extra need to pee. Still, we stopped almost every hour for Alyssa to pee, and nearly as often for her to be sick.
We spent the night in Coffs Harbour once again. Partly because we’d set off so late after having breakfast with our friends. Eden and Morgan were ecstatic to learn about the baby. The other part was because I didn’t like the idea of Alyssa driving alone at night.
“Where’s my baby brover now?” Phoebe asked. “Can we get him sooner than my birthday?”
It was clear she’d been digesting the news over the last day and was ready to talk some more about it.
“He’s too little at the moment. He needs to grow some more first, so he’s somewhere safe and warm where I can look after him,” Alyssa said.
Declan Reede: The Untold Story (Complete Series) Page 138
