I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, frustrated. There was no way she was going to accept this marriage gracefully. The Kat I had known had never taken anything she didn’t really want, and I could tell in her eyes that the last thing she wanted was to be with me after I had hurt her so badly. I wanted to prove to her that I was back for good, that this marriage would mean everything to me and that I wanted her so badly it hurt sometimes. I’d been with other women but it was never like it had been with Kat. She was the one, my soul mate, the love of my life. And I wanted her back.
I waited in the foyer of our opulent home for my mother to return from her shopping trip. I knew she felt neglected by my father, who was always working and hardly had any time for either of us. She showed up loaded with bags and I took a couple of them from her to carry into the kitchen. I sat down and watched as she pulled her things out to show to me, chattering happily. I was not particularly close to my mother but I did enjoy seeing her happy, so I listened as she talked on about where she’d gone and what she’d bought.
She sat down when she was finished and really looked at me for the first time. I must have looked beat up, because she asked, “what’s wrong?”
I told her about the marriage and about Kat, too, and went on about how I’d hurt her and how there was no way she’d take me back. I explained to her why I’d done it and she looked at me sympathetically, then reached forward to ruffle my hair like she had when I was a child.
“You’ll get her back,” she said with a confidence I couldn’t seem to possess. “You’re a nice young man. She’d be a fool to say no.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so, mom. Kat’s stubborn. I don’t deserve her, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting her every damn day.”
“So you’ve got to prove to her that you’re worth going back to. And you’ve got to start by explaining to her what went wrong.”
“If she knew the truth about me, about what I’ve done…” I said, trailing off.
“She’d understand. She knows what family is like,” she said, then grimaced. “And it was your father who made you do this. He didn’t give you a choice.”
I sighed, unsure of what to say next.
“Ask her to give you a week. Just a week to prove that you love her.”
I thought about it and decided that it might be a good idea. I’d have to see how she reacted at the wedding first—there was no getting around that. We would be married, whether she liked it or not. It pained me to know that she had no choice, that it was probably the last thing she wanted, but we both knew our families were too powerful to say no to regarding this. We had both put off marriage for too long.
I just hoped she’d give me a chance.
Chapter 3: Kat
I did not intend to get married. I bided my time, forming an escape plan. I would disappear somewhere they would never find me; I’d tell neither my father nor Gray where I was going and hope that my hiding place was secure enough.
I avoided Gray as much as possible during the wedding preparations, telling him that I found it to be bad luck for my groom to see me too much before the wedding. Little did he know, I had paid an informant—a personal friend of the family that I knew I could trust to keep a secret—and he had found bad news about my soon-to-be husband that cemented my plan to disappear. I had wanted to know what he’d been up to in the years since I’d seen him. I found out two things: that he was violent and dangerous, a hitman for the Petrokov family, and that there were rumors that he’d frequently taken out his monstrous aggression on the women he dated. The last bit of information made me wince in an almost physical pain. He really was no longer the man I’d loved before. It was all the more reason to run away—I refused to be his punching bag. I would not let him destroy my body as he had my heart and soul.
The day of my wedding, of my escape, came more quickly that I had imagined it could. It was, perhaps, the fact that I was dreading it that made it go by so fast. I looked in the mirror once I’d put the dress on. It was almost a shame that I wouldn’t be going through with the wedding. The cut of my mother’s dress draped flatteringly over my curves and the contrast between my dark skin and that pale white lace was gorgeous. I had never felt so beautiful.
As my bridesmaids helped me get ready, there was a knock on the door. My maid of honor, Hallie, answered it.
“You’re not supposed to be here!” I heard her say, then I turned around to see Gray standing in the doorway, his gaze caressing my body. His eyes found mine and held them. I felt my heart flutter in my chest; he still affected me as he always had, and the thought of that made me hate myself.
Gray disregarded Hallie and brushed past her into the room. He approached me, closing the gap between us, and took my face in his hands. He studied my face for a moment and I did not move, couldn’t move, not when his touch and his look spread a fire through my body that I could not control. He tilted his head downward and captured my mouth in a kiss, taking my bottom lip between his and sucking on it gently. I kissed him back despite myself, all of my thoughts gone in a rush of passion. He tasted like sweet mint and his mouth was so sweet on mine that I almost forgot what I was planning. I wanted nothing in that moment but for our kiss to continue on and on until my thirst for him was quenched. After a moment, he pulled away and I opened my eyes to see that his were hot with longing.
“Kat,” he said in a soft voice. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”
I remained silent, my heard still pounding.
“I cannot wait for you to be mine again.”
Those were his parting words. I was speechless. Finally, I cleared my throat, said to my friends that I needed some time alone to think and relax my nerves. What they didn’t know was that there was a secret passage from my room to the garage. I changed quickly into a practical long-sleeved shirt, a pair of jeans and boots, then grabbed the bag of essential items that I had already pack—a few pieces of clothing, some money I had stashed away, and food for the journey—that I had hidden in the back of my closet. Before anybody noticed that I was taking so long, I crept through the passage and out into the garage. I started my car and backed out quickly, then took off down the street like my life depended on it.
I went to the bus stop and left my car there, buying a ticket for the fastest bus out of the city. As we pulled out of the station, I watched as the only home I’d ever known disappeared behind me in a cloud of exhaust.
Chapter 4: Gray
The day after the wedding was supposed to take place, I started my search. It wasn’t that I was going to demand her to marry me, to carry her away against her will. If she was adamant about my letting her go, I’d leave and never come back. But I knew in my heart that I had to try. I’d felt empty standing at the altar, knowing she’d never come. I felt empty just thinking about never seeing her again. I was good at finding people—hunting down targets was part of my job, but I knew that once Kat had put her mind to something she would be thorough about her plan. It wouldn’t be an easy task to find her, but I would do everything in my power to do so.
I didn’t find her car when I combed through the parking lot of the airport. It was possible she’d hopped on a flight but I doubted it—the Kat I remembered was terrified of heights and flying. Everywhere we’d gone when we were younger, we drove. We’d always taken long road trips, stopping occasionally at motels along the way when we felt it’d been too long since we’d touched each other in the way we wanted. Those were the best days of my life and I felt I needed them back. There was no salvation for me without Kat, no joy in my life without her sweet smile. During my search, my heart was perpetually sunk low into my stomach with the fear that I would never see her again. In the years that we’d been apart, I’d managed to put a sloppy bandage over the gaping wound that had split open when I’d left her. I had still thought about her every day, wondered what she was up to, even when I was with other women.
I remembered one particular day when we were on a long stretch of
empty interstate without a car to be seen for miles. There was no motel, either, and so when the urge got too hot we pulled over and made love in the backseat of my car, the windows steaming with our breath. After, she laid on top of me, catching her breath while I stroked her hair. It wasn’t the first time I had told her that I loved her, but it was the moment that I realized that my heart would be hers forever.
I thought about that day, about all of our days together, and the idea of being able to repeat them drove me to search for her even harder. I went to the bus stop next and my heart leapt when I saw her car parked outside. I peered inside of it and saw that she had left nothing behind; it was empty and bare, devoid of any sign that Kat had ever been there. I went inside and showed her picture to the employees, asking each one of them if they had seen a girl there yesterday. None of them would tell me. They told me it was against company privacy. Even when I pushed them, they didn’t budge. Normally, people were intimidated by me even when I wasn’t trying. I think this time they saw the look in my eyes and felt more pity than fear, which wasn’t a great motivator in trying to get them to answer my questions.
I didn’t give up. I watched the bus schedule for the next few weeks, trying to detect a pattern in the routes. I followed each one I found and came up empty-handed, until I noticed that one particular bus left for a small town once every other week. I was growing increasingly desperate and I decided to try it, even if it meant having to stay for a week or two to wait for the bus to return to that particular town. I had long given up answering my father’s phone calls and had avoided visits from Kat’s father as well. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to tell me, what he wanted me for, but I didn’t have time to find out. The longer it took me to search, the further away she could be getting. I didn’t even know if she was in the state anymore. So I kept up my search.
I took the bus the next Monday, my fingers tapping anxiously on my legs as I waited for it to arrive at its small-town destination. I prayed that this was it, that I’d find her there. I prayed too that she would give me a chance to make it up to her, to prove how much I loved her. It had now been a month since she’d been gone and my hopes were almost dying.
When we arrived at the town a few hours later, I stepped off the bus and began to walk to stretch my legs. There wasn’t much to the place—ten or so residential streets and one long drag of businesses in buildings that looked like they hadn’t been updated since they’d been built years ago.
It was pure luck that made me stumble upon her. She was walking along the street, tying an apron around her waist. The pale pink dress she was wearing contrasted perfectly with her skin tone. I watched her from affair as she entered a diner at the corner of the block and decided that she must work there. I watched the place for close to an hour before deciding to make my move. I thought it was best to show myself to her in public so that she wouldn’t be afraid that I would hurt her. The thought of her fear made me cringe inwardly. I would rather die than hurt her and I would kill to keep her safe.
I watched through the window for a moment as she moved and smiled at her customers, looking carefree but somehow strained at the same time. I would go in and talk to her, and hope that she’d give me a chance.
Chapter 5: Kat
I found a small rural town to settle in the next state over from where I was raised, at least a nine-hour drive from home. I felt safe there, practically in the middle of nowhere. I was paying week-by-week for a small motel room that smelled like cigarette smoke and dust. It was comfortable, though I had been used to a certain opulence all my life. I found that I enjoyed living on my own without maids or my father’s lectures. Independence felt good to me, and I relished each moment I had to myself. At the same time, I was lonely, but I hoped that in good time I could make friends. I began to think that I could settle down permanently in the little town I’d found at the end of the bus stop. It wasn’t much, but it was mine.
I still dreamt of Gray, only now it wasn’t the skinny boy I’d fallen in love with, but the man who had kissed me so sweetly before I ran away from him. In the dreams, I kissed the scar on his cheek, kissed his lips and memorized every tattoo, every line of his body. Part of me, a small part, regretted running away from him. I knew it was silly, but seeing him, looking into his eyes, had awoken a passion in me that I thought had been killed years ago. Still, I knew he was dangerous, knew that I had done what was best for me in the long run. I was safe now, and that was what was most important.
I’d gotten a job waitressing at a small diner within walking distance of the motel. It wasn’t much, but it paid enough to keep me fed and I still had my savings besides. Mostly, I’d taken it as an excuse to leave the room in which I was staying. The customers were mostly friendly and generous and my boss was a kind old woman who had hired me despite the fact that I had no real work experience.
One evening I was working and the door opened. I look to see who it was in the doorway, started to greet them before I saw that it was Gray. He eyed me and took a seat at a booth near the door. He was dressed cleanly in nice pants and a crisp white button-down shirt, rolled up to his elbows so that only the tattoos on his forearms were visible. My heart leapt at the sight of him at the same time as my stomach roiled in panic. I’d had a feeling that they would find me but I had no idea that it would be so soon. I plastered a smile on my face as I approached his table, not wanting the other customers to see my distress. I prayed that he wouldn’t cause a scene but I had no idea what to expect.
“Good evening,” I said in a slightly choked voice. He looked up at me and studied my face with a certain heat in his eyes that affected my body in the most distracting of ways, then a polite smile crossed his face.
“Evening, ma’am,” he said, closing his menu and laying it down on the table in front of him. I relaxed then, getting the message that at least he was going to pretend that he didn’t know me. He wasn’t going to cause a scene. Relieved, I played along.
“What can I get for you?”
He ordered, holding my eye. I bit my lip while he watched me, surprised at my body’s reaction to seeing him. I could convince myself that it was the lingering menu of the intimate dreams I’d been having about him but the truth was that the chemistry between us was as palpable and powerful as it had always been.
I brought him his food a few minutes later and he ate in silence while reading the local newspaper of the day. When he was finished, he left cash on the table along with a very generous tip and shot me one last look over his shoulder before leaving. My mind was in turmoil when he left. All at once I was relieved that he hadn’t caused a scene, I was also slightly bereft to see him go. It seemed that he was just checking up on me, maybe just to let my father know that I was alive and well.
I thought about him for the rest of my shift, my mind a jumble of desire and satisfaction, sadness, and relief. I took off my apron and left it in the cabinet before cashing out my tips and leaving for the night. As I began to walk home, somebody took me gently by the arm and pulled me into a dimly lit back alley about a block from the motel. Before I could scream and call out for help, I looked at my abductor to see that it was Gray. He gently pushed my back against the wall and stared at me with those beautiful eyes. I was incapable of speaking; he was so close and he smelled like aftershave and I couldn’t stop looking at his mouth, at those sensual lips. He took my hands and laced our fingers, then pinned them against the wall as he leaned in to kiss me. My lips parted immediately for his tongue and he tasted mine in soft strokes. My mouth responded to his and I was tasting him back with more passion that I thought I had left in me. My body was aching with desire, hungry for him, and when he pressed his hips against mine I felt the hard ridge of his erection pressed against my belly. He broke the kiss just as I began to melt against him, putting his lips to my ear.
“Why did you leave?” he asked. “Why did you leave me?”
I pulled away from him, my breathing still heavy, heart still racing.
“I can�
��t be with a man like you,” I told him, almost regretfully. “I know what you’ve done, the people you’ve hurt. I know how you treat your women.”
He looked down at his hands, sorrow passing over his face.
“I have never hurt a woman,” he said, and his voice was soft and so earnest that I had to believe it was true. “You know me, Kat. Know me better than anyone. It breaks my heart to hear you say that.”
“I don’t know you. Not anymore.”
“So give me a chance,” he said. “One week. I love you. I have always loved you.”
But I wasn’t convinced. He had left me. He was a violent, dangerous man. He wasn’t the man I had so desperately loved before. Gone was the sweet young man who’d brought me freshly-picked flowers every time he saw me, who’d stolen my heart and then destroyed it irreparably. My father may have thought this marriage was a good idea, but I knew better. I refused to let him hurt me again. So I shook my head, turning my face away and blinking back tears.
He put his hand to my cheek and turned my face to his, kissed me softly on the mouth.
“I’m begging you,” he said in a low, sad voice. “Please. One week. I’ll prove to you that I’m worth it. I want you so bad, Kat—just give me time to prove it.”
I was surprised to hear such a large, tough man beg for anything. I wanted more than anything to have him back, to see him again as I saw him before, but I was afraid of being hurt. I stared into his eyes and emotion overcame logic. I nodded and a look of pure relief spread across his face.
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