by Tina Beckett
It was much like the home he’d grown up in.
Why had he and Janice done so little of that? He wasn’t sure, but it made him wonder if there hadn’t been a crack in the foundation of their relationship even before Marina had come along. Her death had just split it wide open and exposed it for what it was.
Looking back, he wondered if he should have taken his ex-wife’s advice and kept some of his daughter’s belongings. Instead, he had little more than a few ragged photos and several age progression images. Which was what his so-called plans had originally involved this evening. He’d been going to search for them until he found them, and then he was going to shred them.
And that made him a coward. Because the only reason he’d come here was to avoid doing something he probably should have done long ago. Because thinking of all the might-have-beens had eaten at him for the last five years.
And yet here he was, spending time with a family that highlighted everything he’d lost. Wasn’t that adding torture to torture?
He didn’t know, but it was too late to back out now. He could feign an emergency at the hospital, but he’d already committed to staying for the movie and he wasn’t willing to throw the invitation back in Rachel’s face after she’d seemed so happy that he’d changed his mind.
He felt a little ludicrous sitting on a couch with a family he didn’t really know, watching a film and eating popcorn. But it was ludicrous in a good kind of way. He ate a bite, and then another, and watched the crazy antics of the characters on the screen. In the end it was a movie about falling in love, just like a million other movies he’d watched over his lifetime. But this time it was different somehow.
Daisy stretched out and pushed her socked feet against the arm of the sofa, forcing Lindy over until her leg was pressed against his. “Sorry,” she whispered, trying to pull away.
Except she couldn’t. And he was against his side of the couch with nowhere else to go. The temptation to slide his arm around her came and went without incident. But not without a trickle of awareness that went almost unnoticed at first. Almost. But not entirely.
She might be sorry, but he wasn’t. At least not yet. Right now he was enjoying that low steady hum. The one that lingered just below the surface of his mind, waiting for permission to grow and become bolder. Zeke had no intention of granting that permission, but it was nice to imagine what might happen if he did.
The banter between two of the characters made Daisy chortle loudly. Lindy gave a choked giggle in return. “Sorry,” she whispered again. “She loves this movie, especially the sword fight.”
“Sword fight, huh?”
He couldn’t hold back a smile. And suddenly the hum grew in intensity, egged on by her whispered words and how they were meant for his ears and his alone. Despite being in the middle of her parents’ living room, it was as if they were cocooned in their own little bubble of a world. He could see her folks sitting in their chairs, facing away from them as they watched the movie, but they were like so much background noise. As was Daisy, despite her laugh.
Was he the only one who felt it? Or did Lindy sense it as well?
He hoped so, because he was going to feel incredibly stupid if he was the only one who was getting an emotional buzz out of her proximity.
Then a slight sonorous noise came from beside him. He glanced at Lindy, wondering how she could have fallen asleep. But it wasn’t her. It was Daisy. She was lying half across her mother’s lap, mouth open, making tiny gargling sounds. He chuckled. A second ago, the child had been wide awake.
“Told you,” Lindy whispered again, and his innards ratcheted another notch tighter.
“Yes, you did.” He kept his own voice just as quiet, not wanting her parents to turn around and see them with their heads close, talking in quiet whispers. Heaven only knew what kind of ideas they would get from that.
Heaven only knew what kind of ideas he was going to get.
And that continued pressure of her thigh against his wasn’t helping matters. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to give them some concrete evidence that he’d rather they not see. The physical attraction was there without a doubt, but Zeke had no intention of letting it go any further than that. Because juxtaposed against the sweet, sweet press of her leg was the reality of Daisy and how it made him ache for Marina. And would likely continue to make him ache with the passing of years.
Someday he was going to have to face throwing away those age progression pictures he’d made. But today was evidently not the day.
“How long is this movie?” he asked.
“We’re about halfway through. Everything okay?” She again tried to shift her leg away, but Daisy’s feet were still firmly planted against the arm. It looked like she wouldn’t budge.
“Fine. And don’t worry about moving her.”
“I thought you might be getting claustrophobic.”
He was getting something, but it definitely wasn’t claustrophobia.”
“No.” On the other side of the attraction issue was the sense that it felt right having her against him, and Zeke didn’t want that at all. Because it wasn’t “right.” None of it was. It was an illusion that would go up in a puff of smoke as soon as they were back in their respective homes.
At least that’s what he told himself. It was the only thing currently keeping him sane.
Time to concentrate on the movie. Then he realized that Harold’s head had canted sideways, and a sound louder than Daisy’s assailed his ears. He glanced at Lindy and she nodded. “Yep. He always falls asleep. I think that’s where Daisy gets it from.”
And that did it. Zeke put his arm around her, and Lindy melted against him as if she’d been waiting for that all evening.
Had she?
All too soon, the couple got their weird, but happy, ending and he unhooked his arm, pulling it back to his side before they got caught and had to give some kind of explanation. As it was, no one noticed.
Rachel was too busy shaking Harold awake. He grumbled and acted like he’d been watching the film all along. Lindy giggled. “Something else that happens all the time.”
Okay. And that was his sign to get up.
In a minute. His right leg had fallen asleep from the way they’d been sitting, but he hadn’t wanted to make her move. He still didn’t.
Lindy’s mom stretched. “Why don’t you all stay the night?”
His gut seized. What was she saying? She wanted him to spend the night with Lindy and the rest of the brood?
As in the same room?
“Mom, Zeke has his own house.” Lindy smiled to take the sting out of it. “And so do I.”
“Yes, I’ll take Daisy and Lindy home and then head back to my place.”
“Are you sure?” Rachel insisted.
Lindy saved him from answering. “Yes, we are, aren’t we, Zeke?”
Well, she didn’t save him entirely.
“Lindy’s right on my way so yes. Thank you for the hospitality, though. And the popcorn.” He held up his mostly empty bowl. “Where do you want me to put this?”
“I’ll take it.” Rachel held her hand out. “And thank you for coming. We’re really glad you changed your mind.”
Zeke stood, pushing his khakis down over his legs.
Harold nodded and shook his hand, grip firm, even after falling asleep. “Come back any time.”
“Thank you, sir. I will.”
Lindy was still sitting on the sofa, pinned beneath Daisy’s slight frame. Rachel moved forward as if to help, but Zeke got there first. “Here, let me take her.”
He hefted the child into his arms, surprised that someone so small could feel so solid. It was good. Felt right.
There were those words again. Words he needed to banish from his vocabulary.
Lindy stood, stretching her back. “I think my whole right side is asleep.”
The same thing he’d thought about his leg. It made him smile. “This little thing cut off your circulation?”
“You try holding her for a two-hour movie and see how you feel afterward. Although I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
He remembered those days. In fact, the memories of those days had helped him get through the worst of his grief.
“Are you sure about driving us home? I’m sure one of my parents could.”
“Like I said, it’s on my way. And it’ll save your mom a trip there and back.”
Lindy switched the car seat from Rachel’s car and installed it in his while he held Daisy. “I’ll give it back to her tomorrow when she picks us up.”
He lowered Daisy into her car seat and carefully buckled her in. Despite the passing of years, he still remembered how to secure a child in their seat.
They were soon on their way, getting onto the highway.
“Thanks again, Zeke. I hope we weren’t too boring for you. I’m sure your Friday nights are normally much more exciting.”
“Not really. My plans weren’t with friends, just myself. I had some things I wanted to catch up on. But that can happen another time. The movie was cute.”
“It’s a classic. Kind of slapstick humor, but it grows on you.”
Kind of like having her beside him had grown on him. A little too much actually.
She leaned back and stretched, the act making her breasts jut out. “I have about a thousand kinks in my spine.”
He swallowed, hoping he wasn’t about to get a kink in something else. Having her plastered against him had been the best kind of torture. His nerve endings hadn’t completely recovered. Maybe they wouldn’t until she was out of the car.
“You’ve been on your feet most of the day, then had the question and answer session and then movie night. It’s no wonder.”
“Hmm...and your day has been so much lighter?” The words came with a smile and raised brows.
“Okay, we’ve both had a full day.”
“At least I’m off tomorrow. You?”
“I am as well. I try not to work Sundays if I don’t have to.”
She turned to look at him. “You go to church?”
“Sometimes. My taking off Sundays isn’t for religious reasons, though. It’s more personal.”
When she tilted her head, he knew he was going to tell her, although he wasn’t exactly sure why. Maybe it was the time spent at her parents’. Maybe it was the arm he’d draped around her shoulders. But right now he felt connected to her in a way that made him trust her.
“Marina died on a Sunday. It’s been long enough ago that I could probably work now, but it’s just become a habit. So I’ve continued it.”
A sense of relief whooshed over him when she didn’t react in a way that made him feel ridiculous. Instead she covered his hand with hers as it lay on the gear shift. “I think that’s a great idea. We all need rest. And it kind of makes her day sacred and ensures she’s remembered. I think Marina would like it.”
“Thanks.” A lump formed in his throat that had nothing to do with his daughter’s death. Lindy had endured her own tragedy and yet she was able to see past it to other people’s suffering. Maybe he should try being a little more like her.
She glanced behind her to the back seat. “I can’t believe she’s still asleep. I hope this doesn’t mean she’ll be up at the crack of dawn. I wouldn’t mind sleeping in for once.”
An image of Lindy waking up slid into his mind. Brown eyes blinking open, a slow smile on her face as she peered up sleepily...
At him.
And there it was. The stupidity that he couldn’t seem to shake. With each instance it seemed to embed itself deeper into his brain, making it harder and harder to shake.
Hell, he was a surgeon. Shouldn’t he be able to cut it out, the same way he was going to dissect the mass in Tessa’s stomach?
That was evidently beyond his purview. He could operate on real people, but not on himself.
He suddenly realized Lindy was looking at him—waiting for an answer to her statement.
“Daisy’s had a pretty big day. We all have.”
They arrived at her house a few minutes later. When he started to get out of the car, she said, “I can get her.”
“I’m sure you can, but it’ll be easier if I help. Plus we have the car seat.”
“Oh, that’s right.”
Exiting the vehicle, he opened the passenger door and undid the straps of Daisy’s car seat. “Do you want me to get her or the seat?”
She hesitated. “You decide.”
“How about if you unlock the door and I’ll carry her in and then come back out and get the car seat?”
“Are you sure?”
He was already lifting the sleeping child out of the seat. Lindy watched for a second, then suddenly spun around and headed up the walk, digging in her purse for something. Probably her keys.
By the time he got to the door, it was standing open, with Lindy beckoning him inside. “It’s this way.”
He followed her into the house and down a hallway. She turned on lights as they went. Then she opened a door and pressed a switch, but the lights must have been on a dimmer switch because the room didn’t erupt in a blast of light. Instead it was soft and muted. He saw a toddler bed over to the right and headed there as Lindy pulled down the covers.
He padded over to the bed and carefully laid Daisy down. If this had been Marina, he would have kissed her goodnight. But it wasn’t, and it wasn’t for him to tuck her in. He took a step back and let Lindy do the honors. And just as he would have expected, she leaned down and kissed her daughter on the forehead before tucking the light covers around her. She put a finger to her lips.
Ha! He wasn’t about to say anything, so no worries there.
She tiptoed out of the room and shut the door behind her.
“Is she a light sleeper?”
She smiled. “No. That girl could sleep through a hurricane, I believe.”
“That makes it nice for you.”
“Yes. She’s always been a good sleeper, even as a baby.”
Then she shut her eyes. “Sorry. You don’t need to hear about that.”
“About what?”
“Nothing. Can I get you some coffee? A glass of wine?”
“No wine. A beer would be nice, if you have one.”
“I do, actually, although it’s light. Is that okay?”
“That’s actually perfect, since I’m driving home.” Light beer had a lower alcohol content than the regular version. Those calories had to be cut from somewhere, didn’t they?
“Why don’t you sit in the living room while I get them? I could use a glass of wine to unwind.”
Instead of going into the other room like she’d suggested, he followed her into the kitchen while she popped open the refrigerator and emerged with a long-necked bottle and some wine.
“Do you want yours in a glass?”
“Nope. I’ll drink it straight up.”
He waited for her to get a wine glass down from a tall glass-fronted cupboard and then took the bottle opener she handed him. He popped the top on his beer and the contents of the bottle made a satisfying hiss as the carbonation was released. He took a long pull and followed her into the other room.
“I haven’t finished furnishing the place.”
She was right. The living room consisted of a sofa, a coffee table and a television set.
Which meant he was going to have to sit next to her. Again. But at least he wouldn’t have a child shoving them against each other.
He’d already been desensitized to her proximity during the movie. Right?
Somehow he didn’t think so. But rather than looking like a coward for standing while she sat, he eased himself down onto the sofa, grabbin
g a coaster and setting his drink on it.
“Nice place.”
“My parents helped me find it.” Her lips twisted, and she took a sip of her wine, kicking her shoes off and tucking her feet under her. She turned toward him. “Actually, they helped me in a lot of ways. They offered to let me keep living with them until I could get back on my feet, but their house is small, and I thought I’d be in the way with Daisy. They love her dearly, but I felt they needed to be able to have some semblance of privacy, although she still takes up a lot of their lives. It’s worked out, though.”
He picked up his beer and took another slug, the brew tasting good as it went down. “So you like your job at the hospital?”
“I love it more than you can know.”
“Oh, I think I already know. If it’s anything like the way I feel about surgery, then it’s irreplaceable. It has its drawbacks and heartbreaks, but for the most part I couldn’t ask for a better life.”
There was a photo of her and Daisy on top of the television. Lindy was in a hospital gown and she was holding Daisy in her arms. There was no sign of her ex. Maybe he was the one who’d taken the shot, although he couldn’t imagine Lindy wanting to keep the picture if that was the case.
He could remember his ex holding Marina when life had been simple and still filled with happiness. But in the end they just hadn’t been able to cope with the loss as a couple.
A thought came to mind. “I got a text during the open house about Tessa’s surgery. It’s scheduled for Tuesday. Do you still want to be on the roster?”
“Yes. Please.” She wrapped her hand around her bare feet and tugged them in closer.
Her toes were tipped in some kind of silvery glitter polish that he hadn’t noticed when she’d first taken her shoes off. It was not a color choice he would have expected her to wear, and he found himself fascinated by the way the flecks of color caught the light. “Interesting choice in nail polish.”
She glanced down and smiled. “Sometimes I like to be a little wild and crazy. Just because I can.”
