His brow furrows. “Yeah. What of it?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“We started hanging out a month ago,” he answers, taking his notebook out of his backpack.
“Hanging out?” she asks, sarcasm in full effect.
“Okay, dating. Are you happy?” he asks, throwing his notebook open. “Can we not do this here?”
“You’re the one with the girlfriend following you to class for a kiss.”
“Whatever, Jericho.”
“What, Waters? Can’t take the heat when it’s dished back at you?”
“Maybe,” he mutters.
Arissa purposefully waits for me to sit at a table in Biology, then sits at the one next to me.
“What?” I mouth.
She shrugs with a deceitful grin. Jason sees the open seat when he enters and sits with me. I narrow my eyes at her.
It’s a delicate dance we do, her pushing me towards him while I push him away.
“Can we talk later, Parker?” he whispers.
“I guess so.”
Lawrence Hall takes the seat next to Arissa. He’s a late bloomer, scrawny and short. His orangeish-red hair is bright against his pale skin and the braces on his teeth don’t help his image at all. He’s the complete opposite of Arissa’s type.
Two can play this game.
I chuckle and pass her a note:
You’re the one who chose not to sit next to me.
She crumples the paper, giving me a dirty look.
Jason pulls me into a non-crowded corner of the cafeteria during lunch and Arissa watches from our table. I lean my side into the cold wall with my arms crossed, pretending to study the floor because my stomach is tied in knots.
“Parker, I’m sorry.”
“For what, J? It’s not like we were dating and you suddenly started dating Becky,” I say, eyes still aimed at the ground.
He places his forearm against the wall, setting his free hand on my shoulder. “Yeah, but I didn’t say anything to you or Arissa about her before she showed up.”
“I get it. It’s not like she’s your first girlfriend and it’s not like I can date you anytime soon.” I glance into his eyes, shining like polished amber.
“You know I want it to be you.”
“Yeah, and you can’t wait forever. Life goes on.”
“It’s not like that, Parker,” he says, his hand cupping my cheek.
“Tell me what it’s like.”
“I know I need to stay away from your house and that means three months of not seeing you. Honestly, I was bored.”
“So she’s a plaything?” I wrench my face from his hand.
“That’s not what I mean,” he answers, running his hand through his hair and huffing. “Can you stop being defensive for just five minutes? Please?”
I wave my hand for him to continue.
“I spent the summer hanging out with my friends. I ran into Becky while we were at Swami’s one day and we talked. Before I knew it, we were hanging out every day. Then one day we kissed.”
“Sounds so romantic,” I say, rolling my eyes and using sarcasm to mask the pain.
“Parker, I like her. But I like you more.”
“I’m not the girl for you, J.”
“Then why the jealousy?”
“After all the flirting you do with me I’m not supposed to be jealous even if I can’t date you? Yeah, that’s real fair. Double standard much?”
“You’re not okay with this?” he asks, surprised.
I want to scream, In what world would anyone be okay with this? But I don’t. I can’t cause a scene. “I’m confused,” I say instead. “I thought we sorted this out before.”
“I missed you.”
His mournful tone slams me in the chest, joining with my own. He’s sharing everything with three words, the tone of his voice, and the regret in his eyes. He’s right here. I can reach out and touch him. I can hug him. But he can never be mine. It tortures my soul, ripping me apart from the inside.
I catch a glimpse of someone in my peripheral vision. “Hey, Becky.”
“Hi, Sara,” she returns, a little too cheerful.
“Give us a minute, Bec,” Jason says.
“Okay!” She turns and trots off to the seat where she left her lunch.
“Awkward,” I sing under my breath.
“Parker, I just want you to be honest with me. That’s all. I’m trying to be honest with you.”
“Okay. Honest.” I straighten and poke his chest. “You can’t keep flirting with me and telling me you like me more than Becky, or any other girl you’re dating, and then go back to them.”
“Then let’s go on a date,” he says, like it’s that easy to resolve when he knows it isn’t.
“That will never happen. We’ve been through this.”
“Then the only thing I have left is flirting.”
“No. The only thing left is we forget about all this. You go on with Becky and stop flirting with me.” I leave without giving him a chance to respond, knowing I just sounded the death knell to our friendship. I plop down next to Arissa and fold my arms on the table, letting my head fall on them.
“What happened? I saw Becky interrupted you two.”
“I feel like someone is ripping out my insides, Riss. Make it stop.” The tears I did so well holding back escape unrestrained.
The warmth radiating from Arissa as she wraps her arm around me is like a cocoon keeping me safe from the world.
“What did he say?”
“He likes Becky, but he likes me more.”
“That’s a good thing, Sara.”
I look up at her, tears still streaming and my eyes hot. “Right. Like my parents will let me date. Anyone. Ever.” I swipe my hand across my face. “I’m so confused I don’t know which end is up.”
“He really likes you, Sara. He always has.”
“But I keep telling him I’m not the one for him and he keeps at this.”
“Because he knows you like him.”
She may be right, but it’s an impossible situation. “I just don’t know what to do anymore. This hurts,” I say, laying the side of my head on my still folded arms.
Arissa gazes across the room. “He’s looking over here,” she whispers.
“What?”
“It looks like Becky is being long-winded as usual and he’s checking on you while she’s busy talking.”
“Thanks for that stunt in Biology, by the way.”
“Sorry. You know me. I get an idea in my head and I run with it.”
“You don’t run with it, Riss. You go insane.”
She tips her head down, sticking her tongue out at me. I return the gesture and finally laugh.
We choose two desks next to each other in Geometry when Jason walks in. He claims the desk in front of me without a word. He opens his notebook and writes, hunched over his desk.
Arissa watches him and I wave for her attention. When her gaze flickers to me, I gesture to Jason and mouth, “What’s he doing?”
She shrugs, opening her palms up.
I sigh softly, digging my notebook out of my backpack and setting it on the desk. My head drops in my hand in frustration.
The echo of Jason ripping a piece of paper out of his binder bounces off the walls in the nearly empty room. He sets the paper on my notebook, turning back without a glance.
I read the note.
I’m sorry. I know I hurt you and I don’t mean to. This is a messed up situation. I date the other girls because you keep saying you aren’t the one for me. And I keep flirting with you despite all that because I like you so much.
I stare at the back of his head before penning a reply.
I like you too.
I wish my parents would let me date, but they won’t. And I wish I wasn’t jealous of the other girls, but I am.
I slide it under his right elbow. He looks down and pulls it out.
The other students come in, choosing their seats.
The no
te appears over Jason’s shoulder. I take it and open it.
What do you want me to do?
If I say I want him to leave me alone, I’ll lose half of my friends. If I tell him I want him to break up with Becky, it won’t be fair to him.
I see movement out of the corner of my eye and I glance over at Arissa waving at me.
“What?” she mouths.
I shake my head. “After school,” I mouth back.
The bell rings and I get lost in my head instead of listening to the teacher.
My pen hovers over the paper.
I don’t know what I want other than to not feel this way. I don’t like the thought of not having you as a friend and it’s not fair for me to ask you to wait. I never did before, I won’t start now.
I don’t give it to him right away. No way am I getting caught passing notes in class. It’s not worth the punishment Father would mete out.
I pack my backpack quietly during the last few minutes of class. I jump up as the bell rings and set the note on Jason’s desk as I rush to the door, not wanting to see his reaction.
I tell Arissa about the note on the walk home.
“What are you going to do?” she asks.
“I don’t know.”
Victoria decides to watch TV instead of doing her homework after school.
“Why didn’t you make sure she did it before watching TV?” Mother asks me when she gets home from work.
“I didn’t realize I was responsible for her doing her homework.” I answer.
“Don’t fucking smart off to me, Sara. I’m not in the mood.”
She never is. “I’m not smarting off. I’m telling you that you never told me I was supposed to make sure she did her homework.”
“Well, you are,” she says haughtily. “Since she didn’t do it, you’re grounded for the rest of the week.”
The problem with Jason is bad enough, now I’m in trouble at home because Victoria didn’t do her homework. Where is the fairness in this world?
The last year with Arissa showed me parents who love their child and let her be a child. Each day in my home is insufferable and I want out. So I push back.
“The rest of the week? The first football game is Friday. I didn’t even do anything to get grounded!”
She scowls, pointing a finger at me with her other hand on her hip. “You watch your fucking tone.”
“But I didn’t do anything!”
“Go to your room!”
“Fine!” I storm off to my room and slam the door behind me.
I jump at the loud boinging rattle of the doorstop being hit by my door a few seconds later. Father glowers at me.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks, closing the door behind him.
“I came to my room like Mother told me to.”
“Don’t you ever talk to your mother like that or slam your door again.” He slaps me across my face with enough force to knock me on my bed and a searing pain to cover my cheek. He unbuckles his belt and steps out of his pants.
An invisible weight of misery heaped upon misery presses down on me.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my hand covering my cheek. I should know better than to ask. I know full well what he’s doing.
I think maybe one day he’ll stop when I ask the question.
Me and my far-fetched ideas.
There is no stopping my father.
“Shut the fuck up.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I take my seat behind Jason in English the next morning and find a note waiting on the desk. He doesn’t make an attempt to look at me or turn around.
This is it. I’m losing half of my friends.
I open it and read:
I would wait forever for you.
I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand while I choke down a sob. His sentiment is beautiful and simple, but we can never be. I fish my pen out of my backpack.
I’m not the girl for you.
I slide the note under his elbow.
He writes a quick response, then sets it in front of me. This time his eyes pierce me with an intensity conveying his sincerity before he faces front.
Crap.
Yes you are.
My forehead drops onto my crossed hands and his desk and chair squeaks as he moves.
He lifts my head. “You are,” he murmurs, kisses my forehead, then turns back around as our classmates stream in.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Rose and Andrew take me and Arissa to the second high school football game. Andrew buys us hot dogs and sodas and we head for the metal bleachers, choosing seats behind the band.
“Well, well, well. There are my girls,” Jason says, joining us.
“Hey,” I point behind us with my thumb, “have you met Arissa’s parents?”
“Oh!” He shakes their hands. “Nice to meet you. I’m Jason, Arissa’s eternal tormentor.”
“She needs someone to keep her on her toes.” Andrew chuckles. “I’m Andrew and this is my wife, Rose.”
“Ma’am.” Jason nods at her.
“Don’t ma’am me, young man,” Rose says, feigning sternness before smiling.
“Ooh, now I see where you get it from, Jericho!”
“Are you here alone, or did Mommy bring you?” Arissa asks him.
“I’m here with some friends and Becky. But since I found my girls, I’m thinking about ditching them.” The corner of his mouth quirks into a half-cocked grin as our eyes meet. “Do you have plans for after the game?”
“I’m spending the night at Arissa’s.”
“Do you two want to go to Joe’s Pizza after the game?”
“I thought you were here with Becky and your friends,” I remind him.
“She pales in comparison to you,” he gushes theatrically.
Arissa and I look back with raised eyebrows at her parents and they confer in a whisper. “We’re all going,” Andrew says, adopting a protective tone and posture.
We pick a table by the front window while Rose and Andrew eat in the back, but pay for our pizza and drinks.
“Any fun plans for your sleepover?” Jason asks.
“Why? Do you want to join us?” Arissa quips.
“I don’t think your dad would let me.” He grins.
She pushes her chair back. “I have to pee.”
“Thanks for sharing.”
“Bite me.”
“Ooh. Anytime, anywhere, Jericho.” His fingers slap the edge of the table like a bongo.
I laugh and shove his shoulder. “Are you ever serious?”
“You know I am.” His arm slides over my shoulder and he whispers in my ear, “I do like you.”
Heat rises in my cheeks. It feels good to hear him say it despite the conflicting feelings since school started. And his girlfriend.
“Yeah, but you’re the one dating Becky.”
“I told you, she pales in comparison to you. Do you want to go to the game with me next Friday? It’s an away game.”
“Are you forgetting something?”
He looks at me, confounded.
“Becky?”
“I think I’m at the end of the road with Becky,” he states.
“Why the sudden change, J?”
“It’s not a change in how I feel. I’m just changing what I do about it. You didn’t know what you wanted me to do. And now, I’m asking you to go to the game with me next week.”
I sigh. “How would we get there?”
“I could ask my parents to take us or we could take the bus transporting kids to and from school.”
“I’ll get back to you on that.”
“That’s right. Your parents. Well, let me know.”
Arissa returns, blurting out, “Break it up you two.”
Jason raises his hands next to his head. “I didn’t do a thing.”
She smirks. “Likely story.”
“Jason!” Becky looms over our table, hands on her hips. “You left me alone with your friends!”
&nb
sp; “Bec, I—“
“What kind of person does that to their girlfriend?”
Jason stands, setting a hand on her shoulder and leading her away. “Let’s go outside.”
Arissa and I stare wide-eyed at each other as they head through the door.
“No way,” I say under my breath, looking out the front window.
“What?” she asks.
“While you were in the bathroom he said he was ‘at the end of the road’ with Becky and then he asked me out to the game next Friday.”
“He what?” She stretches her neck for a better view through the window.
Becky’s arms wave wildly about as she yells at Jason outside, then she pushes him with both hands. He steps back, palms facing her in surrender, but she pushes him again. He keeps pedaling back and she keeps pushing him. Becky backs him up against a light post in the parking lot and his head turns towards us. She follows his line of sight and locks eyes with me.
“Shit!” I jump out of my chair and scan for a hiding place.
“My parents!” Arissa shouts, dragging me to their table.
I hide behind Andrew and Arissa hides behind Rose. I sneak a look under the table, watching Becky study the restaurant with narrowed eyes and then storming off to the restrooms.
“Girls. What’s going on?” Andrew asks, keeping his eyes on the restroom doors.
“I’m pretty sure Jason just broke up with his girlfriend and now she’s after me because she thinks he broke up with her for me,” I answer.
“I see. Maybe I need to have a talk with him,” he suggests.
“No!” I grab his shirt even though he’s made no attempt to leave. “He probably did break up with her for me, but he knows my parents won’t let me date.”
“Where is she?” Becky asks, high pitched like a squawking bird.
“I don’t know, Bec. Let’s go outside, you’re disturbing everyone,” Jason pleads.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” The sarcasm in her tone is unmistakable. “I didn’t realize I was supposed to be thinking about everyone else when you left me alone with your friends!”
Family Ties Page 6
