Tiny waves lap the shore teasingly. I’m here, come and get me. Come on. Come get me. I dare you.
I’m nestled between his legs, leaning against his torso with his arms around me.
“I need to talk about something,” I say, just above a whisper.
“What about?”
“Us. Sex.”
“I’m intrigued. Tell me more.” His cheek tightens against the side of my head.
“What’s it like for you when we get carried away?”
“I feel like I’m on fire and the only way to put it out is to let it burn hotter until it burns out. What about you?” he asks in return.
“Like a violent storm and I need every inch of me connected to you to ride it out.”
His warmth leaves my back and he scoots in front of me. “What was it like with your father?”
I inhale sharply.
He slips his fingers between mine. “You’ve talked about what he did and how you felt emotionally, but not physically.”
It’s true. I never talked about how it felt, thinking it was a foregone conclusion. “It was painful. Every touch was rough. He squeezed my nipples hard. If he restrained me, it was tight. His penis was like a battering ram.”
He slides in closer. “I will never be like that.”
“I know. You’re so unlike him. It’s just hard to drive him out of my head because he was in there for so long. When Mom had the talk with me and Riss, the day he raped me the first time, she told us what it’s like between for who love each other. I know my view is skewed, but I want she talked about. I want that with you.”
His half-cocked grin appears and he plays with the charms on my bracelet. “I do too. When you’re ready, I want it all with you.”
“All?”
“I think about us having a life together. A house. Kids-”
“Kids?” I never thought about having kids because I never thought, or dreamed, of a future.
“Yeah. You know, little rugrats running around who grow into sullen teenagers hating our guts.”
I laugh. “You think they would hate our guts?”
“Total stereotype.” The left corner of his mouth quirks up.
I run my fingers into his hair. “I love you, J. I still don’t think I deserve you sometimes, but I’m grateful you love me back.”
“Always and forever,” he murmurs, drawing me in and leisurely exploring my mouth with his tongue.
Yes, always and forever.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
I spent the months since Manny’s conviction and my last session finding normal. Living my days with school, family, Hunter, and Jason with no anxiety about my biological family and what horror would be waiting for me next. The only forms of excitement were at football and basketball games, going to parties, and the weekly cookouts to keep our families connected.
With all the normalcy, there is no missing prom this year.
Damian arrives in the limo we’ll share and Jason drives over in his car. They wear all black: shirt, tie, suit, socks, and shoes.
Arissa’s tea-length dress is layers of lapis lazuli satin and georgette with spaghetti straps. It sets off her dark red hair and sapphire eyes.
My red chiffon dress drapes at the neckline with off-the-shoulder sleeves and sweeps out from the waist to a handkerchief hem.
Andrew takes pictures with a camera and Arissa’s, Damian’s, and Jason’s phones. Jason texts two of the pictures to Alana on the ride to the hotel.
The hotel is in chaos when the limo pulls up in front. Cars and limos all over the driveway. People everywhere. Camera flashes going off every five seconds.
The Hotel Del Coronado is massive in its sprawl. The stark white building contrasts with the deep red roofing and the Pacific Ocean in the background. I feel like I should be wearing white linen instead. Jason weaves his fingers through mine while I take it all in and then we follow Damian and Arissa through the hotel. His friends and teammates shout hello to us as we make our way to the ballroom and onto the dance floor.
Ellie Goulding plays through the speakers and he pulls me into his arms, his body leading mine. I respond to him in tempo with the thumping rhythm, anticipating his moves. He spins me around and our bodies counter one another. His smile widens and I smile back.
I feel like a complete novice when it comes to dancing, despite the hours spent copying dance moves on videos with Arissa. Jason has a way of making me not care about it. Of making me let go and being myself.
He leads me to an abandoned table after a Matchbox Twenty ballad ends. Arissa and Damian join us.
“Having fun?” Arissa asks.
I nod, smiling. “Are you?”
“Most definitely!”
Jason drags his chair next to mine and sits sideways, wrapping his arms around me and drawing me closer. I lean into him and sigh.
“Get a room!” Damian yells over the music.
I flip Damian off without looking at him. The oft-used joke rubs me the wrong way tonight. It’s prom and that means expectations I can’t fulfill.
Jason gives me a small squeeze. I rest my his shoulder in response. “Let’s go for a walk,” he says.
We stand and he takes my hand, lacing our fingers together.
“We’re going for a walk,” he tells Damian and Arissa.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Damian jokes.
“That doesn’t leave much, man,” Jason quips.
Damian winks at both of us and I roll my eyes at him.
We walk through the hotel to the beach. I remove my sandals and Jason carries them for me as we stroll on the sand. No destination. No hurry.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“All the innuendo, I guess.” I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t pay any attention to Damian. You know how he is.”
“I know.”
“I think it’s easy for him to forget about what you lived through because the trials are over and we don’t talk about how it still haunts you around him and Arissa.”
Haunting visions of Simon, his voice. It’s not persistent like it once was, but it’s there. A third string bench warmer waiting for its chance to join the fray.
“Parker, I don’t expect you to sleep with me just because it’s prom and everyone thinks you’re supposed to.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, resting my head on his shoulder.
“Yes.” He kisses my hair.
The limo drops us off at home and Jason and Damian follow us inside. Arissa and I retreat to our rooms as they remove their jackets and head for the TV room. I change into a plain red shirt and grey pajama pants, then join everyone downstairs.
My breath hitches when I find Jason sitting with his arms on the back of one of the sofas and his ankle resting atop his opposite knee. Three buttons are undone on his shirt.
A small quiver rushes through me.
This is the boy who loves me unconditionally. The boy who dated other girls and always came back to me. Messed up and damaged. Beautifully broken.
I know I want him, but I don’t know how to get rid of the demons of my past to give myself to him.
“Who’s ready for movies?” Arissa singsongs, shouldering past me, breaking my reverie.
Jason catches me ogling him and smiles, patting the seat on his left.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
Arissa and I climb out of the back of Dad’s Cadillac dressed in our navy blue graduation gowns.
“We’ll see you two after the ceremony,” Mom calls.
We wave as Dad leaves to find a parking spot, then head to the gym to get in line for the processional onto the football field.
“I can’t believe we’re graduating.” Arissa says, eyes gleaming and smiling bright.
I grin. “I can’t either. It seems we were walking to school together for the first day of high school not long ago.”
“It feels like yesterday.” She smiles and hooks her arm through mine.
We reach the gym and Jas
on and Damian burst through the doors running. They pick us up and swing us around as we scream for them to put us down. They giggle like little kids. Jason sets me on my feet, pecks me on the cheek, and pulls out his phone.
“Smile for the camera, Parker.” He places his face next to mine as he hits the button.
“Here, let me get one for you guys,” Arissa offers.
Jason hands her his phone and wraps both arms around me. He plants a kiss on my cheek again as she takes the picture and I close my eyes, laughing.
“That was so sweet. I want to puke now,” she says dryly, giving Jason his phone back.
“Let me get one of you and Damian.”
She narrows her eyes at Damian. “No mushy stuff.”
He nods. “No mushy stuff.” He stands behind her and wraps his arms around front, resting his chin on her shoulder.
“Awwww,” I coo.
“Bite me,” she says after Jason takes the picture.
“Sometimes it’s hard to remember you weren’t always sisters,” Damian states.
“We were always soul sisters,” Arissa says.
“Adoption just made us for real sisters,” I add.
The boys walk us into the gym and Arissa and I take our place in the lineup. A stupid grin stays plastered on my face. Noise emanates from everyone around me, excited about graduation. Family members scream from the stands as we file onto the football field.
I rise with Arissa and the rest of our row when it’s our turn to take the stage. Everything is a blur. It’s as if graduation is real and a dream at the same time. Classmates I barely know cheer for us as we walk by. Arissa steps off the makeshift stage and I step on, shaking hands with Mr. Croft and taking my diploma.
Mom, Dad, Hunter, the Waters, and the Rivens meet us on the field after the ceremony and take picture after picture.
We head to Jason’s for dinner and Alana has everything ready for us when we arrive. “It smells wonderful, Alana,” Shelly gushes.
“Thank you. I didn’t want us to have to do any work when we got here. I let the slow cookers do all the work.”
Jason takes Mike out back and sets him up at the picnic table. Alana takes him a plate and drink and stays with him while the rest of us fix ours. I sit next to Mike and Jason sits on the other side of me. Mike puts a hand on my forearm and leans in. I meet him halfway.
“You look lovely today, dear.”
I rub his shoulder and smile. “Thank you.”
“If I weren’t married and you weren’t dating my son…”
“Mike!” I laugh and nudge his elbow.
“Dad, would you kindly hit on women your own age?” Jason asks.
“I will as soon as all the pretty ladies join us.”
“What about pretty ladies?” Shelly asks, taking a seat.
“You look lovely tonight, Shelly,” Mike says, his eyes glimmering with his smile.
“Why thank you, Mike.” She smiles. “You look rather dashing in your suit and tie.”
“It’s my lady killer attire,” he announces, running his hand down his tie with a goofy smile. He’s gained weight since last summer. His smile only accentuates his healthy glow.
Alana sets her plate down. “People want to eat, not get indigestion.”
Everyone roars with laughter.
“Good one, sweetheart.” He winks at Alana.
“Just keeping you in check, dear.”
Mike raises his cup once everyone is seated. “Congratulations to our graduates. May your lives be fruitful and lived with passion.”
We tap our cups together. His toast is not lost on me. And judging from everyone dabbing the corner of their eyes with their napkins, it’s not lost on them either.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
The heat beats down from the sun as I lie prone on Jason’s blanket at Moonlight.
“Are you ready to go?” Jason asks, sitting up next to me.
“No way. I like it right where I am.”
“We’re going to be baked.”
“Fine by me,” I respond dreamily.
He lays on his side with his head resting on his outstretched arm. “We only have a few weeks before I start school.”
“Are you serving me a reality check?”
“Yes.” He grins.
I groan. “And here I was, having such a wonderful time.”
“Parker, I’m going away to school. Aren’t you going to miss me?”
“Every hour of every day, but it’s not like you’re going out-of-state. You’ll be two hours away.”
“Two hours is a big difference from how far we are from each other now. Come with me.”
I push up on my forearms, gaping. “Are you serious?”
He props his head up with his hand. “Totally.”
“J,” I pause. “I’m comfortable right now. No major turmoil for me to deal with. I’m not ready to make a big change like that. Besides, I just started working for Dad.”
He frowns.
“You know I love you. I just need to take care of myself first.”
“You’re right. I know. I was hoping you’d throw caution to the wind for once.”
“Throwing caution to the wind is not my specialty.”
“You just need some practice,” he teases.
“Maybe. But not now.”
He sighs, laying his head back on his arm.
I close the door to Arissa’s room and flop onto her bed.
She glances up from her desk. “What’s up?” Her journal is open in front of her.
“He wants me to go to L.A. with him.”
“What did you say?” she asks, her interest piqued.
“No.”
“Aw, Sara,” she says in a tone like I lost my most prized possession.
“Am I crazy, Riss?” I ask, rolling to face her and pulling a pillow under me.
“Certifiable,” she jests.
“I’m serious.”
“You’ve been through a lot. I can understand why you don’t want to go with him. Then again, what do you have to lose by going?”
I drop my face into the pillow for a second, then look at her again. “I don’t know. I had so much going on for so long that I like the status quo.”
“How did Jason take it?”
“He’s upset, but he’s not pushing me to change my mind.”
She drops her pen on the open journal. “Typical.”
“I feel bad, Riss.”
“Sis, don’t feel bad for making a decision that’s best for you.”
“I know. But do you realize this is the first time we’ll be separated since the Foster Hell fiasco?” Maybe two hours is a big difference given all the time we spend together.
“I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess I’m spoiled that Damian and I aren’t going anywhere.”
“Lucky you.”
“Hey, this doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind later.” She moves over to the bed and sits next to me. “Things change.”
I groan in frustration.
“You two still haven’t had sex yet, have you?”
“No.”
“Wouldn’t it be awkward to sleep with him in the same bed without sleeping with him?”
Only she would think of something that ridiculous and semi-funny. But I don’t laugh.
“What’s going on with that anyway?” she asks. “You never talk about it.”
I roll onto my back. “I talk about it with J.”
She pouts and flashes puppy dog eyes at me. “You know you can talk to me about it too.”
“I don’t know if you’d understand.”
“But Jason does?” she asks, eyes narrowing.
I get that she feels slighted, but she doesn’t understand my point of view. “You’re my sister. He’s my boyfriend. My issues with sex affect him directly, not you.”
“You do have a point. How far have you gone?”
“First base.”
“That’s it?”
“Simon raped me for two
years. It’s not easy retraining my brain to accept sex as not being about pain and suffering.”
I watch the snap of insight change her facial expression. She throws her arms around me. “I’m sorry. I never thought of it that way.”
Demons of my past, be gone.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
Jason shuts the trunk of his car and moves to the driver’s side where I load a box into the back seat. “Last chance to change your mind, Parker,” he says, leaning against the car.
I shut the door and straighten up, facing him. “Not going to happen.”
“Can’t blame me for trying.” A weak smile crosses his face.
“I don’t want this to be the thing that comes between us. I’m just not ready for it right now.”
“I know. I’m making light of it because I miss you already.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and kicks the ground with toe of his Vans. “I’m going to say goodbye to my parents.”
“It’s sad that Alana’s not going,” Arissa states.
“Mike can’t go and she can’t leave him here alone,” I remind her.
“Doesn’t make it less sad. He shouldn’t have to do this alone.”
I fight against my chest’s attempts to heave from the sorrow. Mike and Alana should be going with him, but the trip would drain Mike’s energy. It’s not fucking fair. He’s doing this on his own. I can’t even follow him up because I’ve never driven that far on my own.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Arissa teases, punching Jason on his shoulder when he returns.
He covers his shoulder and feigns pain. “Ow!”
“Wuss.” She smirks.
He grins. “You’re going to miss me, Jericho.”
She throws her arms around him for a moment. “Yes, I am. But don’t let it go to your head.” She turns to me. “We’ll wait for you in the car.”
Jason cradles my face in his hands and brings his lips to mine. I open up to a fervent kiss as I wrap my arms around his waist. He breaks off and enfolds me tight in his arms.
“I love you so, so much, Parker.”
“I love you too, J.” I inhale his scent in a long, deep breath to keep a part of him with me.
He kisses the top of my head and releases me. His red-rimmed eyes brim with tears as he climbs in the car. He grinds the heels of his hands into his eyes. I press my palms on the car and peer inside. He rolls down the window when he drops his hands in his lap and sees me.
Family Ties Page 26
