He smiled mirthlessly. “On the salary I’m paying you that would have taken quite a while.”
“But it was a start, and Rebecca has been so happy here. Each day I thought of moving on, but I couldn’t. For just a little while I wanted us to be normal, to live like normal people and actually have a life.”
“And eventually you would have left.” His voice was strangely flat.
“Yes.” The admission escaped her softly, like a mournful sigh. “Unless somebody spooked me, I’d intended to stay until spring. But it looks like your Samuel is bringing spring a little early this year.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Why didn’t you tell me all this before?”
Her cheeks warmed. “I was afraid. I know Broderick has probably offered a sizable reward for information about my whereabouts.” She looked around the room. “You aren’t exactly living in the lap of luxury here.”
A muscle in his jaw ticked ominously. “And so you assumed I could be bought?”
She sighed, recognizing his rising anger. “Cameron, I’ve lived the last several months of my life so afraid. Trust isn’t something that has come easily to me. I’m telling you this now because I know the man you are, I believe in your character.”
“So what are your plans? To keep running? Keep looking over your shoulders? Keep dragging Rebecca from place to place, school to school?”
Defensive anger rose inside her. “I don’t have any other alternative.”
“Sometimes you have to face your monsters, Alicia. It’s the only way to be rid of them.”
“I can’t,” she whispered with despair. “I just can’t risk it. The price of losing Rebecca is too high for any sort of a gamble.”
He studied her face, his gaze steady as if memorizing it forever. “Then you’ll have no life, no future, nothing for yourself.”
Alicia’s heart constricted painfully. She’d already faced that reality...the pain of loving Cameron and knowing nothing could ever come of it. “That’s the price I pay to keep my daughter safe.”
“It’s one hell of a high price.”
“She’s worth it.”
He nodded his agreement.
There seemed to be nothing left to say between them. Alicia sank down on the sofa, depleted from the emotional turmoil of dredging up her past, aching with the fact that no matter how deeply, how completely she loved this man, there was no future for her here...or anywhere.
Cameron joined her on the sofa, sitting close enough to her that their thighs touched. “Surely this Broderick and Ruth have skeletons in their closets, something you could use as leverage against them.” His hand absently played with a strand of her hair.
“If they have skeletons, they’re buried deep.” She closed her eyes, trying to remove herself from the sweetness of his touch.
“Maybe you just haven’t dug deeply enough.”
Alicia frowned, a nebulous thought working to become clear. Something niggled at her brain...a distant memory, an unfinished thought...but it refused to surface fully formed. And in any case, Cameron’s touch on her hair, his thumb rubbing along the side of her face made any serious thought difficult.
She leaned her head over to his shoulder, her hand falling on his thigh. She felt his muscles tense beneath her palm and her heart quickened in response.
It was crazy to want him now...with the knowledge that she would probably be leaving within the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. And yet when she looked into his eyes, she saw the same craziness shining there.
She moaned with what she thought was protest, but as his lips claimed hers she realized it hadn’t been a protest at all, but rather an agreement to the unspoken question in his eyes.
She opened her mouth to his, eagerly encouraging him to claim her with fire, brand her with flames of possession. She wanted him to make love to her one last time...a final memory she could carry in her heart as she moved from place to place, from town to town.
Cameron clutched her to him, as if he, too, needed one last chance to hold her, caress her. His lips left hers, blazing a trail along her jawline, burning their way down her throat.
She dropped her head back, her hands tangling in his hair as his mouth pressed against the hollow of her throat. Tears begged to be released...tears of immense joy mingling with tears of aching sorrow.
Her love for Cameron filled her heart. He was all she’d ever dreamed of, both for herself and for Rebecca. She wanted to tell him, wanted him to know that she hadn’t believed in passion and love-ever-after until him...but the words refused to come. What was the point?
It was enough for her to know of the love that burned within her heart. It wasn’t necessary for him to know, especially when if he wanted more, she couldn’t give him more. She couldn’t give him anything but tonight.
As his hands slid up her back, his fingers deftly unfastened her bra. “Not here,” she said, knowing it was possible Rebecca could awaken and stumble downstairs. “In my room. In my bed.”
He nodded and stood, then held out his hand to her. Together they walked up the stairs, their hands linked as if they were one. When they reached her bedroom, he undressed her, then hurriedly took off his own clothes.
The room was chilly and they slid beneath the blankets, their bodies instantly finding each other and sharing body heat. Alicia reveled in the feel of his naked body against hers, the tactile pleasure of his hairy chest against her bare breasts, his strong, masculine legs rubbing along her sleek, slender ones.
She pressed against him, her body conforming to the contours and planes of his. They fit together like interlocking puzzle pieces, no gaps, no space...a a perfect fit.
His hands cupped her breasts, fingers teasing the taut nipples. She could feel the calluses on his palms, a remainder of his present life as a hardworking rancher.
Her fear when she’d learned he was a bounty hunter now seemed distant and unreal. She should have known that Cameron wouldn’t betray her, that if nothing else, his love for Rebecca would prevail against any lure of money.
She moaned as his tongue found a swollen nipple. He teased with his tongue and teeth and she splayed her hands in his hair, loving the feel of the silky strands tangling around her fingers.
As his mouth found hers once again, she tasted desperation, knew it was her own. Unless it snowed forever, tonight would probably be the last time she would feel Cameron’s body against hers and taste the heat of his mouth. Tonight would be the last time she’d feel his hands caressing her skin, the last time he’d possess her body and soul.
When he finally entered her, she released a cry of joy and anguish. The joy of his possession was tempered by the agony of knowing that like the color of her hair, and the comfort of her previous life, Cameron would be one more sacrifice she’d have to bear.
Cameron stood at the bedroom window and stared out into the winter wonderland. It had stopped snowing and the clouds had parted to expose the moon.
The lunar light sparkled on the crusty snow, creating a postcard-perfect picture, but Cameron found no beauty in the stillness of the night.
He wished for raging winds and blowing snow, for blizzard conditions and roads slick with ice. He raked a hand through his hair and sighed, confused with his thoughts, bewildered by his emotions.
He turned from the window and looked at the woman sleeping on the bed. In the pale moonlight that seeped through the window, her sleeping features were painted in a silvery light. Her dark hair spilled onto the pristine pillow beneath her. Her lips were reddened, still slightly swollen from their kissing. She looked positively beautiful.
He cared about her...deeply, but it wasn’t love. It couldn’t be love because he’d promised himself he’d never, ever love again.
Once again he slid a hand through his hair, wondering how long it would be before the roads were cleared. How long before snowplows made paths for easy traveling? How long before Alicia and Rebecca left him?
Pain shot through him as he thought of b
eing alone once again...of eating meals without Rebecca’s chatter, of not seeing Alicia’s smile each and every day.
He leaned his forehead against the window, the glass frigid against his skin. He’d miss them. He would miss Rebecca, and God, how he would miss Alicia. He would miss the way she hummed in the mornings, the way her laughter made him want to laugh, too. He would miss how her eyes sparkled when she looked at him, and the scent of her that filled each corner of the house. But, he wouldn’t ask her to stay. He couldn’t.
There was Samuel to consider. Cameron truly didn’t know what to expect from the man. He’d thought he’d known Samuel once, believed he’d known the heart and soul of his old friend. But, all that had transpired proved him wrong. He hadn’t known Samuel at all, and couldn’t know what to anticipate if and when the man found him.
If, as he suspected, Samuel was coming for revenge, then Cameron didn’t want Rebecca and Alicia anywhere near. He would never be able to live with himself if he knew that his past had in any way harmed Rebecca and Alicia.
Even if Samuel wasn’t an issue, Cameron wouldn’t ask Alicia to stay. He couldn’t ask her to risk Rebecca’s well-being just so he could have a live-in lover. And he certainly wasn’t prepared to offer her any kind of permanent commitment.
He turned back and looked at her, remembering how she’d appeared when he’d first met her. Tense...hollow-eyed, exhausted...a month or so on the road and she would once again look like that.
Swiping a hand down his face in frustration, he wished there was something he could do to help her, a way to solve her problem so she could finally find peace, and a home and stability for herself and her daughter.
Monsters. They were everywhere. His was Samuel, a man he’d trusted and loved, a man who’d betrayed him. Alicia’s monsters were in-laws, cold and autocratic and threatening to take away the one thing that mattered to her. Funny, that both of their monsters coveted something they had.
Again he turned back to the window and stared out into the arctic night. He wondered what had happened to Ginny. Where she had gone? If she had ever fallen in love and married?
He was surprised to discover there was no pain associated with thoughts of her. The pain had ebbed to nothing but a distant memory of an event that seemed oddly disconnected with him.
The ache in his heart had nothing to do with Ginny. He knew the ache was for Alicia. He thought of the trust fund money sitting in his account... enough to mount a custody battle defense, enough to possibly even the odds against Alicia’s in-laws.
Hell, when the money had been embezzled by his sister’s first husband, Cameron had written it off, assumed he’d never see it again.
When he’d received a portion of it back, he’d decided to keep it in the bank and build the ranch without it, the old-fashioned way with hard work and sweat. It sat in an account, doing nothing except drawing a little bit of interest.
Would she take it? Would she take the money and slay her monsters? Or would she keep running? He’d like to think she’d take it and defeat Broderick and Ruth Randall, stop running and build a life for herself and her daughter.
Of course it would be a life that didn’t include him, but if he knew they were safe and happy, then it would be enough.
It would have to be.
He had his own problems to work out, his own monsters to defeat. He couldn’t think beyond Samuel. He scanned the landscape, wondering when Samuel would come. He knew his old partner well. Samuel was almost phobic in his dislike of snowstorms. But, now the snow had stopped and soon he knew Samuel would show up.
“Cameron?”
He turned at the sound of Alicia’s sleep-heavy voice. “Yeah?”
“Is everything all right?” Worry gave her voice a husky edge.
“Everything is fine.” He left the window and went back to the side of the bed.
“Is it still snowing?” He felt her tension.
He hesitated a moment. “Yes. It’s still snowing.” It was a little white lie that hurt nobody. She sighed in relief. He slid back beneath the blankets and pulled her into his arms. “Go back to sleep,” he said softly. And like an obedient child she closed her eyes, instantly falling back into the arms of slumber.
Chapter 12
“But I don’t want to leave,” Rebecca cried, her eyes filling with tears. ”I like it here. I don’t want to go anywhere else.”
“Honey, I know you like it here, but we have to leave.” Alicia placed an arm around Rebecca, trying to comfort her daughter while her own heart broke in half. “We knew eventually we’d have to leave here, that this wasn’t our forever home.”
“But ’ventally isn’t here yet,” Rebecca exclaimed, wiggling out of her mother’s embrace. “I want to stay here. It’s nice here and I have lots of new friends and I love Sugar.”
“We’ll find a place with another horse, one you’ll love as much as Sugar,” Alicia promised. Surely there were other ranches in other places where housekeeping help was needed. “And you can make new friends wherever we go.”
Rebecca looked at her mother with tear-filled eyes. “But I love Mr. Lallager and we won’t find another one of him.”
Alicia drew Rebecca back into her arms and held her close, trying to stifle the tears that burned at her own eyes. “No, honey, no we won’t,” she agreed softly.
She’d known this moment was coming the instant she’d gotten out of bed and seen the sun shining brightly. The snowfall had stopped and a warm front had followed.
Throughout the morning the snow had begun to melt beneath the warming rays of the sun and by noon Alicia had been able to hear in the distance the sound of snowplows clearing the roads.
By three o’clock Wally had called to tell her that her car was ready to be picked up. Knowing to put off the inevitable for another day would only make things more difficult, Alicia had instructed Rebecca to start packing, that they would be leaving in an hour or so.
“Do we really have to go, Mommy?” Rebecca sniffled and swiped her eyes with the back of one hand. She looked so miserable, Alicia’s heart broke yet again.
“Yes, honey, we really do.”
With a sigh far too big, far too grown-up, Rebecca began packing her stuffed animals into their box. Alicia left to find Cameron to see if he would take them to their car.
He had already left her bed when she awakened that morning, and while the sun melted the snow, he’d been aloof and distant, as if they’d already gone from his mind, from his heart.
She found him in his study. Papers were strewn before him, but she had a feeling he wasn’t focused on them. Surely he had to be thinking of Samuel, of the monster he would face all too soon.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you would mind taking us into town to get my car.”
“When?”
“As soon as we finish packing.”
“So, you’ll be leaving today?”
She nodded, a wind of despair blowing through her. Why did he have to look so damned handsome? Why did his eyes have to glow with that light that both thrilled and weakened her? She had slept in his arms last night and today she would tell him goodbye forever. She wondered if pain could cause death...because surely she hurt enough to die.
“Alicia...” He stood and picked something up from the top of his desk. “I want you to consider going back to Dallas, going back and trying to resolve this mess you have.”
“No.” The word shot out of her sharply, without hesitation. “There is no resolution and I refuse to risk losing Rebecca.”
He held out a check. “Maybe this will help you find some resolution.”
With trembling fingers, she took it from him. She looked down at the amount, shocked as she saw the zeros that followed the fifty. “I...I can’t take this.” She looked at him in surprise.
“Please. I want you to have it, to fight for your daughter.” He smiled at the disbelief that still crossed her face. “Don’t worry, it’s good.” His gaze caressed her face. “Take it
, Alicia. Take it and solve the problem, then if there is anything left, build a life for yourself and Rebecca.”
Tears blurred her vision. His gesture of generosity only made her love for him ache more intensely in her heart. “Why? Why would you want to do this for me?”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and for a moment stared out the window. “I never really considered the money as mine. When my parents died, they left Elena and me a sizable trust fund. It was stolen, then recovered a couple of months ago. It’s just been sitting in a bank vault growing dust. I want you to have it.”
“But you could do so much with it here. The house needs repairs, and the barn is in dismal shape. This kind of money would go a long way in building the kind of ranch you want.”
He smiled. “But I’ve always been a stubborn cuss. I prefer to build my ranch the hard way, like men have done for years and years before me. That’s why the money hasn’t been used already.”
She shook her head and held the check out to him. Her fingers trembled. “I can’t take it, Cameron. I have no intention of going back to Dallas. It isn’t just Broderick’s money I’d be fighting, but also the power and influence that goes with the good old boy system of justice. Even with this money I couldn’t win.”
He shoved his hands deeper in his pockets. “Keep it in case you change your mind.” He walked closer to her, so close his nearness created an ache deep inside her. “You can’t run forever, Alicia.”
But that’s what she intended. To run forever, or at least until Rebecca was old enough for Broderick and Ruth’s manipulations not to matter.
She looked at the check once again, and suddenly her love for Cameron was too great, far too enormous to keep silent. “I’m in love with you, Cameron.” The words seeped out on a whisper. “I love you.”
Code Name: Cowboy Page 14
