by Liz Gavin
“Forgive me, Great Mother. I have failed you yet again. I am your vessel on this realm and as such I should never doubt your ways. Nevertheless, when the time came for Caddaric to go I despaired and fought the inevitable, like I always do.
Please, give me strength to control my own weak heart and wisdom to understand your signs and courage to do your bidding.”
The wind picks up around me making the dry leaves and little twigs swirl. Faint whispers come in the breeze. A thousand gentle fingers move over my body caressing, soothing me.
“Oh, Mother, you are too kind and never abandon me. I promise to serve you faithfully and perform my duties accordingly from now on.”
The wind blows stronger, molding my clothes to my body, covering me in dry leaves. I feel faint and when I open my eyes, I’m not in the sacred grove any longer. I’m lying on a sunny field, there’s a gentle breeze blowing from the distant line of apple trees, bringing the sweet smell of their flowers in full bloom. I stand up, fast, when I recognize my beloved isle of Avalon.
Looking around me, I see the Lady of the Lake standing just a few feet away. I go to her and bow. The Lady pulls me up by my shoulders, smiles serenely and looks me in the eyes. I’m sure her eyes can read my soul.
“Stand up, Rowen, my child. Don’t cry. You should rejoice over your successes instead of mourning what you perceive as failures. Your wards look up to you and seek your guidance because your advice is wise. The villagers worship the Great Mother according to the old traditions because they follow your leadership. Despite being so young, my beautiful Rowen, you are wise and your people respect you.”
I’m touched by her words. I never expected the Lady of the Lake herself would answer my prayer and come to talk to me, to comfort me.
“You are too kind, my lady. I’m honored and, although I think I don’t deserve your comfort, I thank you.”
“I speak only the truth, Rowen, as all true servants of the Goddess shall do. Now, you won’t like what I need to tell you. You’ve always been loyal to your vows and I count on that loyalty to see you through the task I need you to undertake.”
“You frighten me, my lady. What do you need from me? You know I would never deny you, or the Great Mother, anything.”
“I know that, my sweet child. You won’t say no, but you will hate me for what I’m about to ask of you.”
Very few times in my young life have I met the Lady and fewer times has she sounded so ominous. A shiver of pure terror runs down my spine and my body shakes. In a flash, I see this lifetime before my eyes. The Lady has amazing powers so it’s no surprise to me when she talks about my life as if she could read my mind.
“As a child you were outgoing, social and creative. You loved to sing and dance, especially around the Beltane and Samhain bonfires. You had an innately optimistic and enthusiastic view of life. You inspired and motivated those around you. And these qualities led you naturally to the Goddess.
When you came to the House of Priestesses to be trained in the old lore, you developed a deeper concern for the greater good and acquired an idealistic vision of the world. With time and experience, you’ve learned to be more realistic but you’ve never lost the ability to put the community’s needs ahead of your own.
Nowadays, you’re insightful and sensitive and take great pride in your skill to create effective, harmonious relationships since it’s essential to perform your duties as the spiritual leader of your village.”
“My lady, I know I project an image of independence and self-assurance that draws people to me and gives them a sense of security and stability. That is why they trust me and follow my lead. I also know this is the Gift the Goddess has bestowed upon me and I use it to fulfill my duties. But only the Great Mother knows my heart, my doubts, my fears, and my insecurities.”
“Yes, child, She knows your heart as She knows you better than yourself. Therefore, believe me when I tell you She came to me in a vision and commanded me to assign you this task because She knows you are the only one who can save us all.”
I control another wave of panic in order to reply to the Lady.
“I could never hate you for doing the Goddess’s bidding, my Lady.”
“You are to conceive a child in the Great Marriage on the next Beltane festival.”
If she had stabbed me with a knife it would not hurt so much. I am speechless, paralyzed, stunned. But my head is spinning with thoughts colliding inside it. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to claw her eyes out of their sockets, but most of all, I want to run and hide. Only, there’s no hiding from the Great Goddess. It takes me so long to recover my ability to speak that the Lady of the Lake holds both my hands in hers, shaking them gently.
“Rowen, my dear, I know you heard me. Say something.”
“So be it,” my words come out as a faint whisper because I’m choking on unshed tears.
“Is that all you have to say? Don’t you want to know why She has asked you to do that?”
“That is irrelevant, isn’t it, my lady? She is the All-wise and I am her lowly, faithful servant. There is no point in asking anything if I’ll do exactly as I’m told. In the end, it doesn’t really matter.”
“Following someone blindly is a mistake, Rowen. Even if one is following the Goddess. We shall serve Her better if we rationally and consciously make the decision to do so. There are six months ahead of us for the preparations and this encounter is going to take its toll on both you and me. Our realms are drifting apart and your visiting me here today will leave us spent. I have the power of Avalon to help me heal, you don’t. I shall visit you again some other time, my child.”
Before I can say anything, the Lady of the Lake, the shores of Avalon and the apple trees in bloom fade away and I am lying on the ground of the sacred grove once more.
Looking up and analyzing the sunlight coming down through the branches, I know it’s late afternoon and I must go back. But my body refuses to obey my head and I stay a little longer absorbing the energy that emanates from the forest ground, trying to rein in my scattered thoughts and composing myself before summoning enough courage to face my fellow villagers.
The morning starts like any other in my little island with the annoying exception of a stubborn warrior named Eochaid. I manage to salute the Sun as I always do but before I finish breakfast the man is at my door.
“Good morning, my lady. Are you ready to show Tìr Iodh to me?”
“No, although that won’t stop me from showing it to you. Besides, I can’t take you around the whole island, there’s no time for that but I’ll show you around Dùn Mòr Bhalla.”
When we start walking the almost deserted streets, Eochaid surprises me with his intelligent questions and sincere interest. He asks me about the families, their businesses, the crops and the cattle we grow on the island.
“We grow wheat, barley, oats and rye, mostly. There are fishermen, obviously, but we also have cattle to feed us and to provide wool, hide and leather.”
I point the different farm lands for each crop and cattle as we pass them by although they all lay bare after the recent harvest. Some animals can be seen scattered around the gentle hills and we spot the fishermen’s boats in the distant sea.
“How was your harvest this year?”
“The Goddess has blessed us once more with an abundant harvest. Our Samhain celebration was wonderful.”
I choke a little at the memory of my dear Caddaric’s arms around me on Samhain night and the sweet lovemaking with shared then. It was just two nights ago but it already seems an eternity. I forget the warrior beside me and my surroundings as always happens when I think of Caddaric.
Eochaid brings me back to the present when we are deep into the woods. He touches my arm and I jump at the shock his hot hand sends through my body. The reactions he provokes in me are starting to annoy me. I frown and look at him.
“What, warrior?”
“Why do you keep calling me that, my lady? What have I done to upset you?�
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I think of a long list of things he’s done so far that have disturbed me deeply but I manage to keep them all to myself.
“Because you are a warrior and it’s a good thing I always remember that. Warriors are untrustworthy, rude men who take what they want, when they want it and how they want it regardless of the consequences. I know. I’ve seen your kind in action more times than I should have and the results were never any good.”
I know I’m being unfair to Eochaid but I don’t care at all. His touch has disturbed me more than I want to admit to myself let alone to him.
“You are an intelligent woman and I’m sure you know not all people are the same. I don’t know what kind of warriors have crossed your path in the past but it’s not fair to judge one by the actions of another,” his expression is difficult to read but he sounds angry and even a little hurt.
My sense of justice prevails over the turmoil of my emotions and I halt in the middle of the tree lined path. I raise my hand and signal him to stop too. I take a deep breath and the air leaves my lungs in a soft sigh before I’m able to speak.
“I know, sir, and I apologize for my behavior. It’s just that your arrival has been so sudden and everything I’ve ever known has been thrown upside down overnight. I think I need time to adjust to the new reality. On the other hand, I do have very painful memories of war times and the peace I have here in Tìr Iodh is the one thing I treasure most of all. I guess I’ve been reacting this way because I feel you and your men will threaten our peaceful living.”
He looks me in the eyes and I know he’s sincere when he answers me.
“Rest assured, my lady, that we have come to Tìr Iodh to keep Dùn Mòr Bhalla safe from any threats. We don’t bring danger nor harm to you or your fellow villagers. I cannot measure how much your memories hurt you and would never try. But I can show you not all warriors are the same ruthless, insensitive men.”
Eochaid leans down towards me and I don’t know why I don’t pull back or move my head away. He’s not holding me in any way other than with his gaze. His dark blue eyes never leave my green ones. He even stops, for a second or two, inches away from my lips. And, still, I don’t move away. I stand there, frozen to the ground, waiting for his touch. Our breaths mingle and his lips close upon mine. It’s a feathery touch, a brush and I still don’t do or say anything. Eochaid runs the tip of his tongue over my lower lip as if he’s asking permission to go further. I don’t give it but I don’t deny it either. He pulls away still looking me in the eyes with a questioning expression. He raises an eyebrow but I keep my reactions in check and merely look back at him.
“Why do you deny the attraction between us? I cannot be the only one who felt the energy circulating between our bodies every time we touch. Am I so repulsive, my lady?”
“You must know quite well you are not a repulsive man, so don’t try to tease me, sir. As for the reactions my body might have had under your touch, they are only physical responses and have nothing to do with the way I feel about you or any other man, for that matter. A woman may feel desire even for a man she despises.”
I sense I went too far the second the words come out of my mouth but by then it is too late to take them back. As true as they might be, they are also cruel for I have no real reasons to despise the man standing in front of me other than the fact that he does make me feel things I don’t want to feel.
He steps a couple of feet back as if I had slapped his face. I see his nostrils flaring and the effort he makes to keep his anger in check. After all, he’s trying to prove he is not ruthless.
“You try my patience, my lady, but I won’t fall in your trap. I refuse to mistreat a woman even if she’s asking for it. On the other hand, I’d be delighted to prove you’re wrong about your reactions to me.”
This time Eochaid is not so gentle when he pulls me against his hard body. His hands circle my waist and I can feel his erection through the layers of clothes. I also don’t stand still like before. I thrust, twist and claw at him trying to get free.
“Let me go, sir. You’re hurting me.”
“No, I’m not. I’m hurting your pride, only. I’m sure no other man has ever held you like this.”
“No wise man has held me against my will, you mean.”
“A little cat fighting can be fun, too. Let me show you.”
He pins my hands behind my back and molds his body against mine as he swoops and captures my mouth. This time he’s far from hesitant. Eochaid bites my lower lip, invades my mouth with his rough tongue and slides it against mine. I gasp and spurt and bite down his tongue.
“Ouch. You are a feisty little thing, aren’t you? I’ll have a lot of fun breaking you, my wild filly.”
“Oh, sir, you are wrong in so many levels that you have no idea. Now, let go of me or I’ll curse you and you’ll regret it until the end of your life.”
“You need to be able to speak to do that, High Priestess.”
Before I can reply, he seizes my mouth again only this time he is gentle, sweet even. He swirls his tongue around mine and pulls my lower lip between his teeth as he brings my body flush against his. I’m surprised to notice his member is bigger than before. I didn’t think it would be possible. He’s taking his time tasting my lips. I know he’s coaxing me into trusting him and lowering my guard. I stop fighting because my movements only brought our bodies closer together but I refuse to kiss him back. When he notices I stopped struggling, Eochaid splays his big hands, one over my lower back and the other between my shoulder plates. He holds me closer and rubs his crotch against my softness. I can’t hide the shudder that rakes my body.
Eochaid moves forward until my back is resting against a tree trunk. He presses one thigh between mine and pins me to the tree with his weight. Without interrupting the kiss, he lifts the hem of my tunic with one hand and cups my breast with the other. My legs go wobbly below me and I only manage to keep standing up because I don’t need them to do that. I keep my arms straight down my sides and refuse to hold or caress him in any way. The warrior is hell-bent on proving his point to me so he ignores my lack of enthusiasm as his fingers move up my inner thigh, slowly until they find my mound. He hesitates for the briefest moment before pressing a finger on my hard nub. I gasp and he releases my mouth to look me straight in the eyes, certainly hoping to gloat over his success. He pulls away completely when he sees the silent tears rolling down my face.
“What’s wrong, my lady? Have I hurt you? I didn’t mean to.”
“You haven’t hurt me physically but you assaulted me nonetheless. What did you expect? That I would throw myself at you, laughing and carefree? That I would fall at your feet?”
“I don’t understand why you deny me. You are not married, so you’re not betraying anybody. You are young, healthy and beautiful. Why does the touch of a man make you cry?”
“The fact that I’m not married doesn’t mean there isn’t another man. I would betray him if I allowed you to go any further, sir. I’m an honorable woman. I’d never willingly betray Caddaric’s trust like this,” I’m sobbing so hard now that my body shakes but I can’t control it.
Eochaid embraces me, careful not to hold me too close this time, and speaks to me as he would do to a child.
“Calm down, now. Stop crying, my lady, please. There’s no reason for that. I hate to see a woman cry. I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m sorry, sir. I can’t help it.”
When I pull myself together, he releases my body but holds my stare.
“I don’t understand what you said, Priestess. You are not married but you said you are involved with a man. Who is he?”
“Caddaric is a Druid. We have been together for many lifetimes, ever since I can remember. I love him with all my heart and so does he.”
“But if that is so, why does the Lady of the Lake wants us to conceive a child at the Great Marriage? Your beloved Caddaric certainly is from the right bloodline, maybe even better than mine, to help her restore the Ol
d Ways. Why me?”
“What are you talking about? How do you know about that? I was alone in the Sacred Grove when she came to me?”
“She crossed the gap and came to me during the last Beltane celebrations. It took me a long time to convince the High King to let me come here with my men. I wanted to be here for the Samhain festival, as I told you yesterday, because I thought it would be the best way to introduce myself to you, such a powerful High Priestess. But you know how it turned out. And now you tell me you are betrothed to a Druid. It doesn’t make sense. How could she be wrong about it?”
He paces while he speaks. Then he halts, turns to me and his eyes are alight.
“You said she came to you as well. So I’m not wrong about it. And neither is she. What did she say to you?”
“The same things she said to you, apparently. Except she forgot to mention who you were and that you had just arrived,” my words are dripping with bitter irony but I don’t care. I’m furious.
“You still haven’t explained to me how you got to be involved with a Druid without the Lady of the Lake knowing about it.”
“Oh, but she knows about it, sir. It’s a long story best left for another day. It’s getting late. We need to go back to our duties.”
“This isn’t over yet. But I agree we must return.”
Eochaid punches a tree trunk hard in frustration before we walk back to the village. I take a deep breath to calm down and pray he doesn’t find out the whole truth about Caddaric any time soon or I’ll be in trouble with this persuasive man. For some moments there, I seriously considered returning his kisses and surrendering to the delicious feelings he aroused in me. Only the memory of my sweet Caddaric kept me from doing that.
I toss and turn. Sleep still eludes me. I cry some more and finally drift into a deep slumber. I’m standing on the shores of Avalon once more. Only this time it’s Caddaric who welcomes me. I hold him tight before kissing his lips. When I reach down for his robe sash, he holds my hand and, intertwining our fingers, brings it up and kisses it.
