by S. Nelson
He opened his mouth to respond, but someone beat him to it. “Chambers. No women or nonmembers allowed inside their sacred meeting room,” a beautiful woman mocked, smiling big while her eyes raked over me. She seemed rather friendly, so why did a twinge of jealousy grapple with my good senses?
Placing her hand on Jagger’s shoulder, she shoved him out of her way, bringing her hands up in front of her and signing, Hi. I’m Sully.
My smile widened because there was someone besides my family—and Jagger, of course—who I could communicate with. She obviously wasn’t deaf, or mute, so I wondered how or why she knew sign language. Was she a teacher for the hearing impaired? Or was it because of someone in her family?
I’m Kena. Nice to meet you.
You as well. Jagger has told me a lot about you.
“Yeah, and you’re not supposed to use any of it against me,” Jagger cautioned, smiling as soon as his eyes connected back with mine.
Continuing to smile at Sully, I hoped she hadn’t seen my unease bridled underneath my façade. The day had been trying enough, and it was still early. Whatever was going on between Jagger and me—or wasn’t going on between us—bothered me. Add that asshole with his comments, and I was ready to go home.
“Sully! Where are you, woman?” a man hollered, striding across the room until he came to stand behind the black-haired female. His tone indicated he’d been frustrated, but as soon as he touched her, he seemed to calm. The man was very attractive, his blue eyes quite entrancing. Unnervingly so. Circling his arms around Sully’s waist, he pulled her close and kissed her neck, taking a few extra seconds before he raised his head in our direction. “Who’s this?” Apparently he was a right-to-the-point kind of person.
“Kena. Jagger’s girlfriend,” Sully answered, instantly making me even more uncomfortable. Not so much because I didn’t like the title, but I knew for sure Jagger would rebuff the statement, hammering home our odd situation for everyone.
But he never made the correction. Instead, he put his arm over my shoulder, the heat from his hand resting on my skin burning me up. I squirmed, my body suddenly engulfed with a blush I couldn’t control, no matter how hard I tried. Ever since I’d met Jagger I’d started to slowly come out of my shell. His attentions for me brought out some of my hidden confidence, but being surrounded by people I didn’t know, I started to revert back to my old shy self.
And it only got worse when more people filtered in.
“What do we have here?” Stone shouted as he approached, carrying a baby girl, the sight so precious . . . yet odd. It was strange to see someone like Stone, a tough-looking guy whose skin was covered in more ink than Jagger’s, cradling a baby to his chest, making funny faces and noises every few seconds. I assumed the baby was his, but maybe not. Maybe he loved kids so much he snatched one up right from under an unsuspecting woman’s nose. “Hi, Kena,” he said, before handing the baby to Sully. I watched the interaction, Sully’s expression tugging at my heartstrings, even though I didn’t know her at all. But it was hard to miss the look of longing clinging to the gaze she fixated on the child.
Another female’s voice cut through my thoughts, bringing my attention to someone strolling up to our newly formed group.
“Hey, babe,” Stone greeted. “I think Riley needs her diaper changed.” He smirked, kissing the blonde woman on the mouth quickly, but passionately.
“So you handed her to Sully?” she admonished, slapping his arm in mock annoyance. “Why didn’t you just do it?”
“Because I did the last two. It’s your turn.”
“I’d be happy to do it,” Sully interrupted, shifting the attention back to her. Watching everyone’s interaction helped reduce my pang of anxiety—until they turned their attention back on me, of course.
“So . . . this must be Kena,” the blonde said, stepping forward and pulling me in for a hug. She’d surprised me, but I appreciated her kindness. “I’m Adelaide. Sorry, I’m a hugger,” she chuckled.
“As long as your hugs are directed only toward females, we’re all good,” Stone griped, the look on his handsome face showing he was riling her up.
“Don’t even start,” Adelaide grumbled, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Turning her focus solely on me, she asked, “So, Kena, tell me. Why is it that Jagger has kept you hidden until now?” She flicked her eyes toward the guy in question before looking back at me.
I had no idea what Jagger had told his friends and what he’d decided to keep secret, so I shrugged, not knowing how else to respond. Honestly, I’d thought Adelaide had asked a damn good question, one I was curious about myself, even if he’d given me some lame-ass reason.
“Well, she’s here now,” Sully shouted over her shoulder, walking down a hallway with the baby. My eyes followed her because I wasn’t quite sure where else to look.
“Yes, and we’re going to take full advantage,” Adelaide said, smacking Jagger’s arm off my shoulder only to replace it with her own. “Any woman who can get Jagger to settle down is a keeper in my book.” Again I blushed, hating how much everyone kept referring to me as his girlfriend. But I wasn’t about to correct all of them right then, causing more of an uncomfortable scene than necessary. I’d talk to Jagger later, begging him to tell these people we’re just friends, even though the thought killed me. I wanted to be so much more, but apparently he didn’t. Or did. What he’d told me conflicted with the way he’d been acting ever since we arrived earlier.
“Don’t scare her, Addy,” Stone said, coming to my defense and stealing his woman from my side.
“Oh shush,” she muttered. “Kena, are you free tomorrow? I have to pick up something I ordered for Jagger’s place, and it finally came in. I’d love to hear what you think, seeing as how you probably spend a lot of time there.” Her smile was infectious, and for a few moments I allowed myself to live in a world where Jagger and I were together, and this was just one of many conversations I’d had with people who obviously cared for him.
So that’s why your apartment looks so nice? She helped you decorate?
“Yes, she’s the reason my place looks so good,” Jagger confessed, grinning at Adelaide before turning his heart-stopping smile in my direction. All I wanted to do was throw my arms around his neck, pull him close and kiss him silly. But of course I couldn’t—or wouldn’t, to be more accurate.
“So are you? Free, that is?” Adelaide repeated.
What could it hurt? I nodded.
“Great, I’ll get your number from Jagger and I’ll text you tomorrow.”
Sully re-entered the room right then, heading straight for our little circle.
“All done,” she stated, passing the baby to her mother. “Well, I’m starving, so I’m going back out to grab some food.” Turning toward me, Sully affectionately touched my upper arm. It was great to meet you, Kena, and hopefully I’ll see more of you. Maybe we can hang out sometime.
Adelaide and Sully had been so nice; it was a shame I’d probably never get the chance to forge any kind of friendship with them. I feared my visits to the club were not going to be too often, today being a special occasion because of the cookout. But I told her what she wanted to hear.
I’d love that.
Once everyone had disappeared outside, I found the perfect opportunity to tell Jagger I wanted to leave. I’d loved meeting more of his friends—well, most of them—but I was tired, still reeling from all the emotions pinging back and forth inside me.
Can you take me home now?
He looked shocked. “Why? Is it because of what Breck said before? Don’t pay any attention to him.”
It wasn’t just what he’d said. It was everything. My uncertainty about what was going on between Jagger and me, being overwhelmed with the sudden intrusion of his friends, although they were lovely, the heat, my hunger, my sudden headache. The list could go on and on, and all I wanted to do was go home and lie down. Maybe dissect Jagger’s behavior toward me today.
I raised my hands to respon
d when a group of men entered, their laughter and shouting ensuring Jagger and I wouldn’t be having any sort of conversation in front of them.
My gaze was still locked on the strangers who’d entered our space when Jagger intertwined his fingers with mine and led me down the same hallway I’d seen Sully walk down before.
He ushered me into a bedroom, closing the door and locking it behind him, the click forcing my heart into my throat. When I dared to look at him, knowing full well something was about to happen, I did my best to stay strong. The pull he had over me was palpable, desire wrapping its arms around me and urging me to fall into his embrace. To allow his mouth to claim me.
“Kena.” He said my name on a groan, as if I’d been torturing him simply by being in the vicinity. Moments passed in silence, me standing in the center of the room while he remained by the door. All but a few feet separated us, yet it felt like miles. The way he looked at me confused me. His eyes devoured the very sight of me, promising me endless hours of pleasure, but his body language remained on reserve, fighting the urge to walk to me and do God only knew what. His conflictions were contagious, and I knew right then I needed to leave.
I didn’t think my heart would be able to handle another letdown.
Kena
I want to go home, I repeated. He took a step forward, forcing me to retreat.
“Why are you putting distance between us?”
Because you’re being cruel. You’re confusing me, saying one thing yet doing another. You’ve told me we can’t be together because it’s not safe, yet you take me to meet your entire club.
“I told you it’s—”
I cut him off before he continued spewing his pathetic excuse.
Then you get all possessive when your buddy says something to me, although I thank you for putting that ass in his place. But still, you act like I’m yours, when in fact the opposite is true. Either be with me or don’t. I can’t take the back and forth, the stolen moments between us before you act like we’re nothing more than friends again. We both know we’re more than that, but I fear it’ll be too late when you realize you let me slip through your fingers.
I witnessed his inner struggle. The frown now apparent on his face, the quick breaths to gain some sort of semblance of control, the way his hands fisted and relaxed over and over again. Finally, when I figured he’d made some sort of decision, he stalked toward me and drew me into his arms, slamming his mouth over mine before I could even think to react. To prepare myself for some sort of sexual onslaught.
Our kiss became frantic, holding on to each other as if we’d simply slip away otherwise. There were so many things I wished to say, but there was no way I wanted to pull my hands from his body. Winding my fingers into the strands of his hair, I tugged harshly, my excitement getting the better of me. He moaned, apparently more than a little turned on. The evidence of his excitement pressed against my belly, no mistaking what else he wanted to do with me.
Jagger took a step forward, forcing me back. Much like before . . . minus the space between us. He kept advancing, making me retreat until the edge of the bed stopped me. The gentle yet firm caress of his tongue made all my thoughts jumbled, halting all rationale.
I was lying on my back before I could protest, Jagger’s body covering mine completely, his mouth stirring up all sorts of sordid desires. We’d only had sex once, but it was enough to know how amazing he’d felt deep inside me, throwing me into wave after wave of immense pleasure.
I certainly had my reservations, but the way he nipped my lips and swept his tongue through my mouth to taste me excited me. The way his breath mixed with mine as if we were one thrilled me.
Nothing less than exhilarating.
“I need you so much,” he growled, trailing his hands down my body, slowly lifting the bottom of my shirt and ghosting his fingers over my heated skin. I squirmed beneath him, trying to dispel the effect he had on me, but it was useless.
I thought he would’ve moved his hands toward my breasts, giving me more time to consider the idea of stopping him, but instead he popped the button of my shorts, pulled down my zipper and tugged at the waistband of my panties. His fingers disappeared inside, running through my swollen folds all while he continued to ravage my mouth with his dominance. Slipping a finger inside me, I inhaled a sweet breath before biting his lower lip at the shock of the sudden, yet welcome, intrusion.
“Fuck!” he groaned. “You’re drenched.” Taking his time, he pleasured me, crooking his finger inside me and hitting that perfect spot. Widening my legs, I’d accidentally trapped him, making it so he couldn’t move his hand. He chuckled before withdrawing his finger. Switching positions, he knelt at the foot of the bed, gripping my shorts and trying to drag them down my legs. But I stopped him, my hands on his persistent.
“What’s the matter?”
I had to let go of him in order to respond, so I only hoped he’d allow me to answer before continuing to try and undress me.
I don’t think we should do this.
“Why?”
Because I don’t think it’s a good idea. Given the circumstances.
“That we’re at the clubhouse?” He truly looked confused.
No, not that. Well . . . yes, that. But more because of the fact that we aren’t together.
“Yes we are,” he stated matter-of-factly, looking at me as if I’d gone crazy.
Maybe I was crazy. His back and forth certainly confused the hell out of me so badly I couldn’t even think straight. Had I missed something? Had we gotten back together and he hadn’t told me? When he hadn’t corrected the girlfriend comment from his friends, was that when it happened?
Instead of giving in, I disputed the entire concept, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted the words he’d spoken to be the truth, but the little voice inside my head told me to stop hoping for such things.
Jagger, we’re not together. You broke it off with me, remember? Then you wanted to be friends. Only friends. Until you deem it safe to bring me back into your world and out in the open. But technically, I’m not yours and you’re not mine. Not in the way that counts.
Placing one hand on his chest and the other on mine, directly over our hearts, he said, “This is where it counts.”
While the sentiment made me well up with a whole new batch of emotions, I knew he’d never see our situation from my point of view.
I’d planned on some elaborate speech, but all I could come up with was, It’s not enough.
His face fell and all I wanted to do was comfort him, when in reality I was the one who had been the most affected by his decisions. It seemed that way to me, at least. While I’d witnessed his affection for me every time he looked at me, touched me, kissed me, it was my heart breaking every time he averted his eyes. Or withdrew his hands from me. Or broke the intoxicating connection between us by removing his lips from mine.
I’d meant to remain strong, but when Jagger rose from the bed and held his hand out to help me up, a lone tear escaped the corner of my eye. I tried to quickly wipe my sadness away before he saw. But it was too late.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he soothed, pulling me close and wrapping his strong arms around my trembling body. And it was then I allowed Jagger to witness my frailty, sobbing until I was sure I’d released every last tortured heartache. He never said another word the entire time he comforted me, simply stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head every now and again.
After what felt like forever, I managed to calm down. Pulling away from his embrace, I fastened my shorts and flattened my slightly twisted shirt.
Reaching for my hand, he said, “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
We re-entered the large common area when I saw Braylen and Ryder come in from outside. As soon as she saw me she rushed forward, frowning at what I was sure was my disheveled state.
“Are you okay?” She didn’t even give me a chance to respond before she seized my free hand and ripped me away from Jagger, draggin
g me clear across the room. “What happened? Why were you crying?”
I’m fine. Really. It’s just a little too much all at once. Being here with all these people. Dealing with Jagger and our feelings for each other. Not being together but being together. I don’t know. I lowered my hands because I knew I wasn’t making any damn sense, her drawn features proving as much.
“Men!” she exclaimed, sneaking a peek at Ryder when he wasn’t looking. I’d thought for sure she would’ve pummeled me for information, but luckily she didn’t press. “Do you wanna leave? We can veg out at home if you want.” While I appreciated the offer, I knew damn well my sister didn’t want to leave Ryder yet, so I let her off the hook.
Jagger is taking me home. We were actually on our way out to find you to say good-bye when you came in.
“Are you sure? Because if you don’t want to go with him, I’ll take you. Just say the word.”
Thanks, but I’ll be fine.
A swirl of activity erupted, giving Jagger and me the perfect opportunity to escape without too many questions. More so for him than me.
As I lay in bed later that evening, I dreamed of a life where Jagger and I could be together without issue. Praying someday that we’d get back together, forging ahead into what I knew would be a great life together.
Little did I know we’d have to travel through hell first.
Kena
My phone dinged, shoving me away from the remaining shadows of sleep. Turning my head, I noticed my alarm clock read 10:08 a.m. Stretching my limbs before sitting up in bed, I couldn’t believe I’d slept so late. Normally, I was quite the early riser. Although, ever since becoming involved with Jagger, I’d noticed all my old habits flew right out the window. The very thought of our predicament drained me, no doubt pushing my mind, as well as my body, into total exhaustion.
Hence the late hour. Or rather, it was late for me. Braylen, on the other hand, could sleep until noon if I’d let her. Swiping the screen, I saw I had a text message from an unknown number. Curiosity took hold, so I opened it and started reading.
