It takes at least an hour for this process to unfold. After, I’m herded into a group of around ten adults, plus two children. A monster of a prison guard stands in front of us, his tan shirt stretched tight across his belly.
“May I have your attention, please.” He barks, using the rhythm of a drill sergeant. “Visitors may only embrace and kiss inmates briefly at the beginning and conclusion of the visit. In between times, visitors and inmates may hold hands across the table. This is the only contact permitted between adult visitors and inmates. If you attempt to make any more contact than stated, your visit will be terminated immediately. Do you understand?”
The others murmur they do, but I don’t say anything. Lack of contact is not going to be a problem for me.
We follow the prison guard out of the processing centre, through a secure barbed-wire enclosure and into the prison’s main yard. Then he leads us through another secure door and into a huge room where tables and chairs have been set out. I look around for Harriet, but only visitors appear to be seated at the moment.
A guard sits high on a podium, his beady eyes scanning the room, while others pace the floor slowly, eyeing the visitors up and down. I notice surveillance cameras everywhere; hardly surprising, but it makes me feel self-conscious.
An officer stood at the door checks our passes and directs us to tables. I’m glad to be seated at a small table tucked away in the corner.
At the far side of the room is a long table with a few children’s toys that look like they’ve seen better days, a Monopoly box, a Yahtzee box, several copies of the Bible, the Koran and the Torah as well as various children’s books. In the corner are two vending machines; one serving hot drinks and the other stacked with candy, snacks and cold drinks.
There’s a shift in the room as the door opposite our entrance opens and several prisoners walk through looking like extras from Orange is the New Black. One girl’s face is covered in tattoos, and another scowls as she peers around the room. I make sure not to catch anyone’s eye.
Harriet is the fourth person to be brought out.
She hasn’t spotted me yet so I have the luxury of watching her unobserved. She’s lost weight. Her jumpsuit hangs off her and her face looks pinched and drawn. Not that I’m concerned about her.
As soon as she sees me, her face lights up. She says something to the guard and points in my direction and they walk over.
She heads for my side of the table and I shrink back in my seat, shaking my head. She’s mistaken if she thinks I want to hug or kiss her.
Her face drops and she steps back before slumping down on the chair opposite.
“Remember ladies,” the guard says, leaning between us like a referee. “Only holding hands is permitted.” She looks from me to Harriet, nods and then walks away.
I tuck my hands under my legs.
Harriet clears her throat. “Thank you so much for coming, Em. It’s really good to see you.”
I give her a small nod.
“So, how have you been?”
“Fine.”
Silence hangs between us. I have no intention of asking how she is. All I want to do is to find out what’s so important she had to call me in.
Harriet scratches at her face. “Mom said she hasn’t seen much of you lately.”
I shrug. “I’ve been to see her a couple of times.”
“Twice in four weeks…. Come on, Em, you have to do better than that. I’m relying on you to make sure she’s okay now I’m not around.”
I dig my fingernails into my palms. “Like she’s always been there for me, you mean?”
“She’s ill, Em. You have to take that into consideration.”
“Oh I have taken that into consideration, I can assure you. Anyway, she’ll be fine. She was telling me Dominic’s wife hasn’t got long left to live, so she’ll have him all to herself soon.”
Colour rushes to Harriet’s cheeks. I knew that would sting. She presses her lips together and inhales deeply. It’s a few moments before she speaks again. “So, what about you, are you still working at O’Shea’s?”
I nod.
“With that boss who thinks he’s God’s gift to women?”
I’m not going to dignify that comment with a response.
She leans forward. “Did he bring you here today?”
I narrow my eyes. “I didn’t come here to talk about Nate….”
Harriet slumps back in her chair and we sit in uncomfortable silence again. Her eyes flit around the room and settle on the vending machines. “How about a coffee?”
I shake my head. “Not for me.”
“Well I wouldn’t mind one. Have you brought any money with you?”
“No.”
“Oh.” She sighs. “You need to remember to bring some next time….”
I lock eyes with her. “There won’t be a next time, Harriet.”
Her jaw drops.
“Do you really think I want to be here?”
“Why wouldn’t you….”
“I only came to find out what you had to say that was so important. That’s it. So, I’d appreciate it if you could get to the point so I can hurry up and leave.” I chew the inside of my cheek and look around the room. Anywhere but at her.
She sighs. “I’m not a bad person, Em. Maybe I did a bad thing, but that doesn’t make me a bad person.”
“You did more than one bad thing….”
Her forehead creases. “I only did one bad thing that affected you. And I did it for a good reason.”
“You killed my dad. How can you possibly justify that?”
She holds my gaze. “Karma.”
I don’t speak. I’m expecting her to carry on talking, so I can begin to understand why she did what she did. But her mouth stays closed.
I screw my face up. “Karma?”
She nods. “You do know what Karma is, right?”
I can’t even bring myself to answer.
“Karma is the belief that every act done, no matter how insignificant, will eventually return to the doer with equal impact. Good will be returned with good; evil with evil. My dad was evil, Em. He didn’t hang around for five minutes after Mom got pregnant. That’s when her illness first spiralled out of control. That bastard’s responsible for her being so messed up.”
“What about my dad? He did nothing wrong. He was a good man and he loved you like you were his own….”
“I got rid of him because he was selfish. He split us up by refusing to let you come here. He should have realised you didn’t belong with him. You belonged here with us.”
I shake my head. “You don’t get it, do you? He didn’t stop Mom taking me to California to spite her. He stopped her taking me because he hated the thought of not seeing me anymore.”
Harriet narrows her eyes. “But he should’ve been thinking of you. He should’ve realised you’d be happier with us.”
“No, Harriet….” As I speak my voice gets louder. “I wouldn’t have been happier because I’d have been devastated leaving him behind.”
The guard who escorted me in walks over, folds his arms and looks down at me. “Keep your voice down, ma’am.”
I frown. “Sorry.”
Harriet glares at him as he walks away.
“What about Dominic – you tried to frame him for Dad’s murder. He didn’t deserve that.”
“Dominic’s cheating on his sick wife, isn’t he? He’s hardly a good man.” Harriet slinks back in her seat. “You need to understand men are all the same. They all hurt you eventually.”
“So, what about you, Harriet? What happens when Karma catches up with you?”
She wrinkles her nose.
“You’ve murdered two people. Will those acts return to you with equal impact?”
She looks around and her lips twist into a crooked smile. “What do you think this place is? A holiday camp?”
I look down at my hands. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.
“Are you starting to se
e things from my side now, Em? How I only killed my dad because of what he did to Mom and how I only killed your dad because of what he did to you….”
I look up at the clock and wonder how long I’m stuck here for.
“Do you want to hear why I tried to ruin Nate’s business?”
Not really.
“It was because he was greedy. He wanted you for himself. He was dragging you away from us and we’d only just got you back. How is that fair? He hadn’t been missing you for the last five years like we had.”
She leans back in her chair making it creak. “I thought I could just leave the bad reviews and put him out of business so you’d have to leave him, but that didn’t work, did it? So, I decided to step up my game….”
My eyes flick up to meet hers.
“This is why I asked you to come here. This is what I need to tell you.”
“So, spit it out then,” I say, bracing myself for whatever she’s about to tell me. “What do you mean by step up your game?”
She leans forward, places her palms flat on the table and spreads her fingers. “I can’t tell you exactly what I’m planning. That would be stupid. And please understand I don’t like keeping secrets from you. But this is my insurance. I need to know you’ll stop seeing him, and I need to know you’ll keep coming here to see me.”
My pulse increases. “You can’t do this, Harriet. You can’t start throwing around threats against Nate. I’ll tell the prison staff, or the police, or whoever I need to….”
She shrugs. “I’ll deny everything.” She flicks her eyes over to the nearest guard. “Anyway, what have I got to lose?”
“You’re crazy if you think you can control my life like that.”
“No, I’m not. If I was on the outside, I’d go to the ends of the earth to protect you, Em.” She looks around her. “But I’m stuck in this shithole, so I need you to sort out a few things for yourself. I need you to jack in your job at that café and I need you to tell Nate to stay the hell away from you. Promise me you’ll do that.”
I shake my head. “No.”
“You have to promise me....”
“I’m not doing that.”
Her face goes red. “Are you having trouble understanding me? He won’t be safe.”
I narrow my eyes. “You don’t get to control my life anymore, Harriet. You can’t mess things up for me now you’re in here.”
“If you stay at that café with Nate, then you’ll be responsible for what happens to him. You don’t want that on your conscience, do you?”
I shake my head, a blanket of calm wrapping itself around me. “Nothing is going to happen to Nate.”
Veins pop up on her neck. “It will. I’ll make sure of it.”
I stand up and catch the nearest guard’s eye. “Can I leave now?”
He looks at his watch. “The visit’s over?”
“No,” Harriet says. “Sit back down, Em.”
“I’m afraid it is.” I ignore Harriet and direct my comment to the guard. “She’s started making threats against my friend.”
He nods and makes a ‘come here’ motion to another guard who walks straight over.
“Em, what are you doing?” Harriet’s eyes dart between me and the guard. “You have to at least promise you’ll come back and visit. Apart from you and Mom, I’ve got no one.”
I nod. “Which means you have no influence on the outside world. I’m going to carry on working and living at O’Shea’s. Nate will be perfectly safe and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
The guard stands in front of Harriet. “Stand up.”
She ignores him and glares at me. “If you don’t leave him, I guarantee he won’t be safe.”
“Stand up,” the officer says, louder this time.
I shake my head. “Nate will be fine.”
She jumps out of her seat. “I’ll put a hit on him.” Spit flies from her mouth as she shouts. She tries to lunge at me across the table, but the guard is too quick for her. He grabs her, pulling her sideways and drags her to the ground. The other guard pins her down and I watch as, kicking and screaming, they manage to cuff her and put her in leg restraints.
Between them, they pull her up into a standing position. Her face is scarlet and she’s panting with rage. “You said you would never let anything come between us again. You promised, Em.”
“Yeah, well, you kind of changed the rules.”
The guards start moving, dragging her away from me towards the exit. She twists her neck as far as she can to face me.
“Don’t you dare go back to him. Do you hear me?”
I look away. I’m done talking to her.
Her shouts and protests reverberate around the four walls until she’s removed from the room and the door slams behind them.
I try to ignore the looks from the inmates and visitors as I’m escorted out of the room and back to the visitor’s centre where I go through the tedious formalities to exit the prison. During the process, I reflect on my visit with Harriet and I’m hit with several realisations.
I’ve realised as much as I love and miss my dad, there is nothing I can do to bring him back. Sometimes the grief brings me to my knees – I can’t see that stopping anytime soon, but I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and live the best life I can, in honour of him.
God, I wish he was here to meet Nate, he’d have loved him.
I’ve realised my relationship with my mom is not healthy, and it’s not my fault. But I understand she’s ill and it’s not her fault either. It’s going to take time and patience on both sides for us to find a way back together.
And I’ve realised it’s time to let go of my toxic past.
When I’m back outside in the California sunshine, I see Nate bent over the front of his car, tinkering with the engine and I smile to myself.
I creep behind him, wrap my arms around his neck, press my face into his skin and inhale his aroma. His hands still on the engine as he twists to face me. Amusement flickers in his eyes but there’s a question mark in his expression.
I take a deep breath. “Despite my best intentions, it appears I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you, Nate O’Shea.”
He pulls his head back and several emotions flicker across his face. Just as I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve misjudged the situation he smiles, creating those magic dimples as he bends forward and meets my lips full on.
The End
Soul Protector
by Amanda Leigh Cowley
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B005CNGEGY
When you look in the mirror who do you see?
Gracie believed she was a regular girl living a regular life.
She didn't know she possessed the power to infiltrate people’s minds.
She didn't know that power would endanger her life.
She didn’t know she would fall in love with her abductor.
And she had absolutely no idea what a Soul Protector was
…until now.
“What a cracking book! Absolutely loved it! An exciting, interesting, fabulous, paranormal romance.” – Kim the Bookworm
“The pacing of the story is swift and engaging, leading us through Gracie's personal tumults as she falls farther into the SP world where she belongs.” – Stephanie Judice, author of Rising
“It has been a long time since I got so into a book that I had forgotten how it feels- I was going to bed an hour earlier to read it!” – S J Daley, London
Stay in touch:
www.amandaleighcowley.com
https://www.facebook.com/AmandaLCowley
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The Cold Hard Truth: A Gripping Novel About Secrets and Lies Page 20
