I should confess. Kat needs to know how I feel about her. She’s entering into this thinking that we are just friends when we have become so much more. But I chicken out once again. Every time I come close to telling her how I feel, nothing comes out. The fear of losing her sets in, making me numb on the inside.
Is there ever a good time to tell your best friend that you are in love with them? Probably not.
Chapter 6
Junior Year
Kat
Between our hockey schedules and schoolwork, we had to wait three weeks to plan our sex date. I still can’t believe I had the nerve to ask Dean to take my virginity. But it should be Dean. When I’d asked him, the question rolled off my tongue, confirming I was making the right decision. Still, I am so damn nervous my palms are sweating.
The elevator ride up to our hotel room was quiet and awkward. Long periods of silence between us never meant a thing—until today. Even Dean looked anxious from the moment we parked in the garage. In fact, he still does. I know he has reservations about sex affecting our relationship. I do, too.
Dean has trouble with the card key to our room, jamming it into the reader several times before the light turns green. He pushes open the door, and we step inside.
“It’s not the Peninsula,” he says, dropping our bags on the floor, “but it will have to do. I wish I could afford a better hotel, something more like what you are used to.”
Dean worked extra shifts at the pizza shop on campus to afford this hotel. He used his mother as an excuse for the overtime, but I know I was the reason. And I feel bad because I have the means. Everything comes so easy to me, while Dean has to bust his ass to get it. He never lets me pay for anything on principle alone. His mother raised him well.
I place my palms on his chest. “We have a view of the Camden Waterfront out our window. The setting doesn’t matter. All I care about is that I am here with you.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and smiles. “I’m glad you asked me instead of some stranger. You were right about regretting my first time. Mine was an older woman I barely knew. I wish it had been with someone I love. I wish it had been with you, Kitten.”
His words bring tears to my eyes that I desperately fight to keep at bay. He wipes them away with his thumb, before leaning in to plant a kiss on my lips.
Nervous about getting naked in front of Dean, I suddenly feel vulnerable. But it’s the good kind of nerves that get the blood pumping and my heart pounding. His peck on the lips turns into him lifting me up and pressing my back against the wall. I hook my legs around him and wrap my arms around his neck.
As Dean explores my mouth with his tongue, his hands roam, tracing over every surface of my body. Every kiss makes me wet in anticipation, his touch causing my body to tremble with need. I have never wanted something so much in my entire life.
For a split second, I had regretted asking Dean to have sex with me, mostly out of fear that he would turn me down. But this is hands-down the best decision I ever made. We share everything, so why not our bodies? Over the past few years, I have formed a bond with Dean that no one can break.
Once our lips separate, I have trouble breathing. My head buzzes from the high Dean has provided me. A beat passes between us, where Dean studies my face, before setting me back on the ground. He tugs at the seam of my shirt, and I raise my arms as he pulls it over my head, throwing it on the floor behind him.
Dean takes his time undressing me, and with each piece of clothing he removes, he kisses every inch of my skin. By the time I’m naked, my body is on fire, fueled by nerves and adrenaline. Dean doesn’t waste time discarding his jeans and sweater. I watch him intently as he slides his boxers over his hips. He’s the first naked man I have seen in person.
I suck in a deep breath, all too aware of how his body makes mine respond. Between his chiseled arms, well-defined shoulders, and his massive cock, Dean has me out of breath and desperate for what’s to come.
I bite down on my bottom lip when he moves in front of me and slides his hands onto my waist, staring into my eyes with greed.
“Dean,” I moan.
He answers with his actions. Once our tongues collide, I know deep down that choosing Dean was the best decision. Lost in the moment, I run my hands over his chest, making my way to the rest of him. So much passion, fueled by sexual tension and hunger for one another, flows between us.
When he comes up for air, I don’t want our lips to separate. Dean backs away from me, out of breath. Overcome with emotion, my chest feels tight. I have been nervous for a long time about this moment. But Dean makes it easier. Being with him is right.
I stare into his eyes, and my mouth opens wide, as he reaches between my legs. He rolls the pad of his thumb over my clit before he slips his fingers inside my wetness. Leaving a trail of kisses from my neck to my breasts, Dean takes his time exploring my body.
He sucks on my nipple and tugs on it with his teeth, forcing a groan of pleasure from me. As I come undone, I grab hold of his shoulders to stabilize myself, my body writhing beneath him. It takes me a few seconds before I can function again.
I watch as Dean brings his fingers to his mouth and licks my juices from his skin.
“You taste good, Kitten,” he says with a wicked grin that reaches up to his denim irises. Then, he does something I least expect and moves forward to lift me up and into his arms.
Dean carries me over to the bed and kisses me, the taste of myself still on his lips. “You are so beautiful, Kat,” he says. “I love you so fucking much.”
On occasion, Dean tells me he loves me. But hearing it tonight, of all nights, stirs up so many emotions inside my chest.
“I love you, too, Dean,” I whisper.
With his hand on my back, he lowers me onto the mattress, acting as though I will break. I love how careful Dean is with me. After seeing him up close, I have my concerns about the pain. Part of me is terrified, while the other part is excited to share this with my best friend. I hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship. Apart from my family, Dean means more to me than anyone.
He positions himself between my legs, and I suck in a deep breath, preparing myself for his size. After seeing him run through the halls at school naked, I knew going into this that Dean is well endowed. But this is my first time. The nerves come creeping back.
He plants soft kisses along my jaw, making his way to my mouth. “Are you still on birth control?”
“Yes,” I mutter.
“Good.” I feel the smile on his lips.
We had talked about this night for weeks. Despite his reputation as a manwhore on campus, Dean has only been with a few girls, all of which he used protection. He spends more time with me than anyone else. I know everything about Dean. And I want to experience my first time without any barriers between us.
I close my eyes and wait, hoping it will get better before it gets worse since I have no idea what to expect.
Dean runs his thumb along my jaw, forcing my eyes open. “Kitten, I’ll take it slow. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I trust you, Dean.”
He reaches between us, giving himself a few strokes, before he rubs the tip along my folds, coating his skin with my juices. My body sets on fire from the adrenaline that rushes through my veins.
Once Dean inches himself inside me, my mind goes blank and my body numb from the pain. I tilt my head to the side and shut my eyes but only until the hard part passes.
As promised, Dean moves slowly, the tension lessening with each movement. He fills me all the way, causing me to cry out. I dig my fingernails into his shoulders and bite down on my bottom lip, my body tingling from all the pleasure points Dean hits at once.
“You okay, Kitten?” He stills, awaiting my response.
“Never better,” I croak. “Keep going.”
He quickens his pace, my moans turning to screams. While still gentle, he’s rougher than before, but I encourage him to continue. As my body relaxes, working in a rh
ythmic motion along with his, Dean lifts my right leg over his shoulder, sliding deeper inside me.
Staring up at him, I bite my lip harder to take my mind off the pain. We fall into a rhythm, with my body relaxed and more intune to his. He sucks in a deep breath, his chest rising and falling with each groan that escapes his lips. I have never seen him so focused before, his eyes full of hunger and determination.
My muscles tighten around him, just as Dean picks up the pace. I come undone beneath him, detaching from reality. Chills shoot straight through my body, followed by a wave of heat that spreads from my cheeks to my toes.
After I come again, it’s not long before Dean collapses on top of me. He kisses my lips before rolling onto the mattress next to me. Neither of us can speak, still out of breath. I rest my head on his chest, and Dean hooks his arm around me. We do this normally, except we snuggle with our clothes on.
“How are you feeling?” He strokes my hair with his fingers.
“Different,” I joke.
“I hope I didn’t hurt you.”
“I got used to you,” I confess.
He sits up enough to cup my face in his big hand. “How about we take a shower together?”
“Good idea.” I smile. “We can have sex in there, too.”
He laughs. “You’re addicted already, huh?”
I nod. “Uh-huh.”
Dean helps me up from the bed. He grips my waist, hoists me over his shoulder, and carries me to the bathroom, smacking me on the ass. I squeal from the tremor that shoots down my leg.
The night has only begun, and it has been perfect. Dean was not lying when he said it would be special. We crossed a line tonight. So many feelings cloud my judgment, making it hard for me to distinguish between them.
Our first kiss was only the beginning. Sex was the start of something else, though I have no idea how to navigate the new aspect of our relationship. And how will Dean feel about us in the morning? Does this make me a puck bunny? The thought causes me to cringe.
Dean sets me down on the bathroom floor to turn on the shower. He checks the temperature with his hand.
Once Dean’s hands slide onto my hips and his tongue into my mouth, I forget about all the questions running through my head. They no longer are significant enough for me to care. Getting lost in this moment with Dean is all that matters.
Chapter 7
Senior Year
Dean
We have this game in the bag. When my team stepped onto the ice today, there was never a doubt in my mind.
Maintaining possession of the puck for the last few seconds of the game, I move left and past my opponent, switching to my weak side. My teammates bang their sticks against the players bench, the sounds echoing from a distance. A beat passes where I freeze-frame my surroundings, taking a mental picture so that I can relive this victory forever.
Ten, nine, eight seconds.
I dodge the man to my right and pass the puck to Theo to take the shot. He makes it in time, the goal horn blaring as the game ends. Once again, the Strickland Senators are the NCAA Division I men’s ice hockey champions. All year, my team prepares for the Frozen Four, and for the last three years, we have earned the bragging rights that come with sweeping everyone in the league.
I skate over to my teammates to celebrate another title. Slapping them on the back, I pull each player into a hug and take in this moment.
With less than one month before I graduate from Strickland University, this is my last year as team captain and one step closer to going pro. The NHL draft is a few months away. A few scouts were in the stands for my performance today. After another killer season, they should make some room for me on their rosters.
I take turns congratulating each player on my team, saving Tucker and Theo for last. We couldn’t have won several years in a row without their talent.
Tucker clamps his hand on my shoulder, while Theo greets me on the other side with a slap on my helmet.
“We did it, bro. Another championship.” Theo flashes a smile at me and wipes the sweat dripping off his forehead with the back of his hand.
“That shot off the post will go down in the record books for one of the sickest in NCAA history,” Tucker adds.
I shake my head, laughing. “I doubt that. Watch me do something like that in the NHL and then maybe people will talk about it.”
“Stop being so modest. You’re a shoe-in for the Draft,” Tucker says, releasing me from his grip. “Dad even mentioned you last week.”
His comment catches my attention. Now that their father, Nick Baldwin, is a commentator for the NHL Network, he has more of an inside scoop than when he was a player. Tucker’s words bring a goofy smile to my lips. Hoping you have a shot at the NHL is one thing but having Nick confirm those beliefs is another. And hearing news like this on a day like today makes it even sweeter.
“Nice,” I say, nonchalant, even though I am beaming on the inside.
After growing up the way I did, I need a break. And so does my mom. She could use the signing bonus right about now. The tuition at Strickland University is on par with most prestigious schools but slightly cheaper than Ivy League. Even with my hockey and academic scholarships, it is not cheap to stay in Philadelphia. Soon, I hope to have enough money that my mom can stop working, and we never have to deal with another bill collector again.
The other team gathers at center ice, forming a line to slap our hands and my guys follow suit. I nod in the direction of the players, and Tucker and Theo are at my sides, as we skate over to congratulate our opponents on a game well played. While I knew we would win, there were a few plays made by the other team that had me doubting a three-peat. But only for a split second.
It’s hard enough to win a championship once, let alone three years in a row. The last time this team strung that many victories together was when Nick Baldwin was the captain. Coach Bryant was even here back then.
After I smack the last player’s hand, I skate over to the bench where I find Kat waiting for me. Kat pushes her blonde hair behind her ears and walks toward me, reaching up to wrap her arms around my neck.
She kisses my cheek. “You did it, Dean. Congratulations! I am so proud of you. You were unbelievable today.”
I strip the gloves from my hand and drop them onto the ice so that I can stroke her jaw with my thumb. “Thanks, Kitten. I couldn’t have done it without you cheering me on in the stands.”
Kat slides her hands down my arms, takes a step back from me, and pins me down with her bright blue eyes that pop against her pale skin. “I was sending you positive vibes the entire game.”
A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. “Well, I felt them.”
Kat has been my rock for years. Whenever doubt creeps into my mind, Kat kicks its ass. If I want to run through a few skating drills before a big game, Kat meets me at the rink. The same goes for me. I would do anything for Kat. She is my only weakness.
But I still have a problem. My love for her has only multiplied over the years. She acts as though causal sex between us on occasion is normal when I want all of her. I want her to be my girl. But we are parting ways soon. With college almost over, Kat will go back to Chicago to work, and I’ll move to whatever city I play hockey.
“Dad wants to take everyone out for dinner tonight. Wanna come with us?”
“Nah, I don’t want to interfere with family time. You barely see your dad as it is with how much he travels for work.”
“No, you have to come.” She pulls on my arm and shakes me. “Duke and Austin even drove down to celebrate.”
Duke and Austin are the eldest of the Baldwin brothers and both NHL players. And intimidating as fuck. Between Duke and Austin, I don’t know who’s bigger or full of more rage. Of the two, Austin is more down-to-earth but just as overprotective of Kat as Duke. Her brothers are the reason we are not together. Theo and Tucker would kill me if they knew I had sex with Kat on more than on occasion.
I remove my helmet, laughing. “Is that s
upposed to be the selling point? Duke is the least friendly person I have ever met.”
She nudges me in the arm with her elbow, a big fuck you grin on her face. “My brothers can be a bit—”
“Overbearing,” I finish for her. “Crazy.”
“No, silly.” She laughs. “They are not that bad. Duke and Austin would make most men want to run, but you are not most men. Plus, Dad insisted that you come with us since your mom couldn’t make it.”
As much as my mom wanted to watch me play in person, she couldn’t afford the trip. The flight alone would have cost her close to one month’s rent payment, not including the hotel and other expenses. I worked as many hours as I could between hockey and school at the pizza shop on campus, but it wasn’t enough money.
I sigh at her words.
“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that.” Kat hooks her arm through mine and pulls me closer. “If anyone should have been here, it’s your mom. But look at the bright side. You will be able to afford to fly her to every game you ever play once you get in the NHL.”
Squeezing her at my side, I dip down to kiss her on the forehead. “At least I had one of my good luck charms with me.”
“You can be such a mushball sometimes.” She gives me a crooked grin that reaches up to her eyes.
“It could be worse,” I counter.
“Right, I could get Dirty Dean, and we both know I don’t like him one bit.”
I snort. “I’m not dirty. Whoever came up with that name is a dick, and I should whoop their ass.”
“I hate to break it to you, but you kinda earned that name, Dirty Dean.” She says it again to taunt me.
“Just be thankful you don’t get to see him that often.”
“Only when you’re drunk, thank god. I couldn’t handle it if you were like that all the time. You’re so touchy-feely when your alter ego comes out to play. And you like to get a little too…naked.” She eyes me up and down as if she likes what she sees—because I know she does—but her face gives away nothing.
More than Friends Page 3
