by Pamela Ann
I love him so fucking much it hurts.
I think my heart started to crack from then on. That smile he usually gave me—the kind where it showed how much I meant to him—might be the last he’ll ever give me after I tell him the news.
I lovingly looked at him and smiled back. “I’ve missed you, too… very much.” I started to get choked up, knowing what I was about to tell him would make or break us. Yet, I knew I had to. I had to tell him the lowdown of what happened at the doctor’s office.
Harry softly chuckled against my neck before he started kissing it. He was still buried deep in me, but it was obvious that he was starting to get hard again. I was ready for another round, always. “We have to talk… it’s very important…” I trailed off as he started to slide in and out of me. Fuck, he felt so good.
“Can it wait until after we finish? I can’t help it if I always want you. You’re so beautiful, baby.” His hand found my breasts, roughly caressing them. “I love these,” he rasped out as he started to pick up his pace. “I love you.” He growled as he went in and out of me.
My betraying body responded to his lovemaking, but I knew I had to do it now. Although the idea of waiting appealed more, I simply couldn’t wait to spill the news any longer. I needed to tell someone, now. “It can’t wait… I have to tell you…” I paused and shut my eyes, but Harry seemed to be too occupied with his rapid strokes to hear me. “I’m… pregnant.” I waited a few more seconds for it to dawn on him, but he was still fucking me.
Did he not hear me at all? Goodness gracious!
“I’m thirteen weeks pregnant!” I yelled at him, loud enough for him to hear me through his labored pants and grunts. That did get his attention.
“For fuck sake, are you serious?” Harry looked incredulous.
Dead serious. Like I would joke about something like being pregnant? Fucktard!
“Yeah, because I have a sick sense of humor, idiot. Of course I’m serious!” I spat back at him. He immediately looked stony before he pulled out of me and got up, pacing. As he paced he took care of the condom, throwing it in the trash bin.
“Fuck! Fuck! Becka is pregnant! You’re pregnant! Fuck! Becka will kill me. Shit, your entire family will murder me—your father will be the one to stab me first!” He purposely knocked the vase on the foyer’s table over before he started to cuss and pace about again.
Granted, I expected him to freak out, though I didn’t see him acting all paranoid. I gathered myself up and fixed my clothes before I walked to where he stood. He needed my reassurance and I needed him to calm down before we could discuss things like rational adults.
“You have to get rid of it. There’s no other way to fix this and solve the problem. That baby will be the end of me—end of us—and my marriage.”
Yeah, I was always the second place. I knew that, but it hurt every time he chose to remind me. “What if I want to keep it? We could move and live somewhere, just you and me, and our baby.” I suggested mildly. The idea never occurred to me before… but now that I think about it, it made perfect sense. I wanted to be with him. I loved him without a doubt, I’d give up everything just to be with him.
Harry glared at me like I suggested the most horrid thing. His dark eyes sliced me in two. “Don’t be stupid! I will be taken out of my parents will if I do. I stand to lose more than you do.” He inched closer to me, eyes hard. “Prove this love you speak so highly of, Trista. If you truly do love me, you will do this for your family and me. I will arrange everything. All I need you to do is say yes.”
I stood there frozen. Torn between my child and the man I loved, but deep down, I knew he had a point. My family would disown me. Or, they would hate me and I would never live it down for the rest of my life. The shame, the humiliation that it would bring to my family, would be hard to endure. Harry impregnated cousins, a few months apart. How does one fathom the idea? It was inconceivable.
“Give me a few more days to think about it,” I murmured not looking at him.
My response got me another menacing glare. “You have until Sunday. I will have everything set up the following day to get rid of it. This is fucking serious, Trista. Think of Becka and what this will do to her. If it comes down to it, I will choose my marriage over this. I never wanted this to end, but it’s inevitable now.” Harry walked off towards where he left his pants in the foyer. He quickly dressed and stood a few feet behind me.
“No, don’t say that…” I was crumbling inside, but he didn’t seem to care. My tears flowed and I couldn’t be bothered to wipe them away. I was beyond caring. I wanted to scream, yell and reason with him, but his cold-hearted demeanor stopped me. He already made his point clear. His family comes first. I simply couldn’t compete with that.
“Expect my call on Sunday. I will not speak to you until then.” Harry stood there for another minute before he sighed and walked out of the cottage.
I felt betrayed by him. I understood what I needed to do, but what I couldn’t fathom was his harsh treatment of me. For the very first time, I really felt like a mistress. Harry’s sex puppet, something to be used and abused until it was time to be thrown out.
I had no clue how long I stood there, silently crying. There was no one to blame except me. Being a mistress was always a disadvantage. Every woman knew that. It didn’t stop me, though. The temptation was too hard to resist. Harry’s seduction was difficult to refuse.
At the end of it all, I stood at the losing end. No matter how you looked at it, I was irrevocably defeated.
Chapter 2
Present
Trista
“Carter and I will be there in thirty. You better get your stinky ass ready!” Lindsey enthusiastically spoke on the other end.
“Yes, Lindsey, anything else?”
“Yes, doll. Bring your fantabulous self because we’re going to Greece to frolic with hot European men. See ya!” Lindsey hung up the phone, but I held it against my ear for another minute before I placed it on the table.
I’m all packed and ready.
This trip was planned a month ago, before Emma left to shoot a film in some private Greek Island. I really was ecstatic that Emma was doing her thing and a month ago, nothing could’ve stopped me from going to see one of my best friends.
But that was a month ago. A couple of days after Emma left, my life crumbled before me.
When I heard a knock on the door, I distractedly went for it. I was momentarily taken aback when I saw Carter standing outside looking fresh out of the shower. “So you’re taking us to LAX, huh?” I asked while I studied his frowning expression. I liked Carter… back before he broke Emma’s heart.
“Yup, where’s your luggage, Tris?” He asked glancing about the living room when I let him in.
“It’s in my bedroom. Lemme go get it really quick.” I strode inside my room and was surprised that Carter followed me.
Okay. I paused and looked at the infamous playboy again. He was acting rather odd. What gives?
“I need a favor,” Carter murmured out of the blue.
I knew it! He wouldn’t have gone all the way in my room if he didn’t need something. This favor would be about Emma. This douche bag, womanizing jerk wants something and I sure as hell won’t do it. He had caused enough damage to my friend. “If this is about Emma, you can forget about it, Carter. Let her go. You’ve done enough damaging shit.”
He suddenly looked offended at my unexpected retort. Possibly because I was never mean to him, but when he cheated on my friend in the nastiest way possible, that’s where I drew the line.
Carter handed me a white gift bag. “Tris, you know I would never ask you if this wasn’t so important. I love her and I just want you to give this to her.”
“Carter, I don’t know about this.” I bit my lip as I eyed the item he was holding. Whatever was in it, it contained bad juju.
He exhaled a breath as he gripped the bag. “Promise, I will owe you one, Tris. Just this once, that’s all I ask.” Carter suddenly l
ooked a little unsure. I saw him run his fingers through his hair a few times.
Well, maybe he should’ve thought it through before he decided to get down and do the nasty with Cece, Amanda and her trio of skankerettes. “Let it go, Carter. Emma’s doing her thing now. Besides, I don’t want to be on Bass Cole’s bad side, either. I mean they live in the same house… they may even be sharing the same room. Why would I risk that? What’s in the bag anyway?”
Carter’s eyes bulged out. “Live in the same place?” He screeched. “FUCK! Fuck! Mother Fucker!”
Yeah, buddy, that would be you aiming at yourself.
Sighing, I moved towards my table and got my tote. “Let’s go.”
When I spun around, I was surprised to see Carter… a little messed up? The hurt was so obvious on his face, I suddenly felt bad for him. “Carter?” I threw an empty water bottle at his direction.
It went past him. Though his eyes flicked toward it, it didn’t change his state. I huffed out loud and waited for him to snap out of his idiotic, trance-like state. I should be a little considerate. After all, hadn’t I gone through the same crap four weeks ago? Yeah, Carter and I are in the same boat on this one. I guess I should be a little sympathetic.
We were both, after all, cheaters.
Funny, how admitting that now doesn’t hurt any longer. I felt numb inside. I hoped being around my friends would help me get through the hell that I made for myself. How I wished Amber was here. She would help lighten up the mood, her dumbass jokes always worked like charm.
“Do you think Bass will be successful this time?” Carter asked, breaking my own thoughts.
“Carter, LISTEN. The last time… Emma was super, hella, head-over-heels in love with you. After that kinky debauchery you pulled, though, I can’t answer that. Bass and Emma are like fireworks. They spark up and explode. Do you honestly think for a second that for the last month nothing’s been going on? Come on, dude. You’re smarter than that.”
“Fireworks… how would you describe Em and me, then?” Carter looked up and his dark depths caught me off guard. Sure, I grew up with this idiot, BUT I admit… there are times I get caught off guard… speechless… when it comes to his hot-o-meter.
“You and Em were like a ticking time bomb… hot and explosive… but it has a limit.”
“I got her back after Bass almost got to her. I can do it again.” He sounded so sure of himself, too. Whatever, dude.
“Sure, now, can we go? I feel weird doing heart to heart with you.” That granted me a smile. He begged me again about the stupid gift. Blah.
“Fine! If shit hits the fan, I am blaming you, Carter! And you owe me BIG time.”
Carter grinned at me sheepishly. “Thanks, Tris. I knew I could count on you.”
“Whatever. Now move your tight ass out of my apartment before your crazy sister starts looking for us.”
After five minutes, we were out of my place. Lindsey ran into my arms when she caught sight of me. “God! I have missed you, doll! Are you ready to rock and roll with the Greek gods?” Lindsey held me tightly, released me and pinched my cheeks.
I admit, seeing my friend again made me feel good inside. I needed some light inside the darkness that I was in. Even a flicker amidst the dark hole was enough to suffice.
Lindsey didn’t say much until we were on the freeway. “What was that in the white paper bag?” she directed the question to her brother, who just happened to tense up at her unexpected inquiry. I was seated in the back, so I just sat back and watched the siblings interact. I was going to let Carter handle this shit. He was the one who brought the damn thing, not I.
“It was nothing, Linds. Stop prying.” Carter answered her sharply, telling her that the subject was not open for discussion.
Like that would really shut his sister up.
“Better be nothing, Carter. I don’t think I need to mention it again that Emma is better off without you. You fucked up, five times in one go, bro. She’s better off.” Lindsey looked at his brother with a determined stare. Carter stuck to driving without glancing at her.
I was sure the man got the point. “Linds, that’s enough. I think your brother knows the extent of his fucked-up-ness. We all give him shit for it.” I managed to voice out. We were all protective of Emma. Even the guys that we were friends with are all giving Carter shit for it, too. He deserved what he got.
Carter gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white. “Emma might be with Bass now, but how long will that last until he dumps her? If you guys think I’m dirt because I get tempted from all the girls that throw themselves at me, then imagine the kind of treatment a Hollywood actor gets. He will end up hurting her.”
Lindsey snorted and shook her head. “Yeah, I get that. Emma gets that, too, but it depends on the guy. Bass might be a playboy like you, but he will definitely focus on our girl. He’s that kind of man, Carter.”
Yeah, just stab it where it hurts, chica.
Bass was the hottest piece of yumminess, but I agreed with what Lindsey had just said. If anyone saw how that golden boy looked at Emma—like he was seeing the sun for the first time—his eyes glowing in awe and fascination, they would see that he only had eyes for her. That same fire was alive in Emma’s eyes, too. It was crazy to describe it like that, but that’s how it was with them, honest. If you watch them long enough, you get burned from the heat they exude.
The awkward silence stretched out and I didn’t want to ponder my own demons that were on a temporary leave in my mind. “Where’s Brody?” I absentmindedly asked.
“Probably fucking someone Carter already plowed through.” Lindsey paused, “if you need a run-through, let me update you. After Cece got deflowered by my dear brother. She had a threesome with Brody and Cooper. This all happened when we were in high school. That didn’t change the fact that her venom expanded that far beyond that. Fucking gross bitch. You and your friends Carter… are seriously nasty. You need to get yourselves checked.”
Carter snapped at those last words. “I can guarantee you that I’m clean through and through.”
“I already knew about Carter and Cece,” I murmured. Cece was in love with Carter and she didn’t hesitate to grab the opportunity when Carter was drunk. Cece thought Carter would take her seriously afterwards, but when he treated her like nothing happened, Cece got desperate. She hooked up with Carter’s friends to ‘hurt’ him, but it never worked. I was completely convinced that to this day, Cece was still obsessed with Carter.
Lindsey stabbed the radio button on and switched it to KIIS FM, not wanting to talk any longer. We rode quietly until we got to LAX.
With all of stuff out of the SUV, Carter rounded the car and gave me a hug first. “Don’t forget to give her the present, please,” he whispered in my ear, pleading. “Thank you. Take care and have fun, Tris.” He murmured before kissing my forehead.
Carter then went over to his gloating sister and gave her a bear hug. “I feel like you’re leaving me or something. Weird right? I’m going to miss your annoying butt, Baby Sis’.” Carter pulled out a credit card from his wallet, handing it to Lindsey. “Here, shop your heart out. I don’t want you to spend any of your money. Make sure you pay with this when you guys go to London and wherever else you guys are going.”
That gesture sure made Lindsey happy. “Yay! You’re the best! I love you, Big Bro’ Man. Thank you!”
“I love you, too, Linds. Now you girls be careful and always stay safe. No going home with random men, got it? Or I’ll haul both of your asses back home.” Carter gave us one more hug before he started to back off and head back to where his car was.
We started to drag our luggage inside to check-in, but we heard him, he was yelling from his window. “Hey! Don’t forget to tell Emma that I’m still crazy about her. Bye girls!”
We both rolled our eyes at him. “He’s one hopeless man,” Lindsey muttered, smiling.
It really was too bad that he cheated because he and Emma would’ve been great togeth
er. It’s impossible to compete with Bass in the picture now, though. I mean, how would Carter win against a man who was so devoted to Emma? Bass took her seriously, and Carter simply did not.
All checked in and through the security check, we still had one hour to burn until boarding, so we were both seated with our eyes stuck on our iPads, reading, when my phone beeped.
Was it him? He knew I was leaving today. It must be him. With my heart beating wildly against my chest, I checked. My heart sunk that it wasn’t him, but I was a tad happy that it was Amber, instead.
Amber: Hi doll. So sorry I haven’t been in communication. But I should be home in a month. All I have to do is go through a treatment facility in Phoenix. I don’t know why it’s that big of a deal. My parents didn’t think it was, so I don’t know why my grandmother is. Guess, I’ve really shaken the wrong matriarch this time, huh? It’s my only chance to get back to school. Grandma won’t let me go back until I finish. I will be checking out of the hospital tomorrow and will fly out there afterwards. Please don’t call. I don’t feel like talking, but I love and miss you guys.
Hospital? “Fuck, what the hell happened!” I freaked out. My eyes reread the message again, just to make sure I got it right. It was still the same and I was left completely confused.
“What? What are you talking about?” Lindsey jumped at my sudden freak-out.
With tears in my eyes, I shoved the phone at her so she could read it herself. Her eyes quickly scanned it, “Oh, fuck! Damn it, Amber!” Lindsey stood up and I saw her press the call button. She started to pace until she got the voicemail. “Listen up, stop being a sissy and not taking any of our calls. We’re all worried about you. I can’t believe you always do this to us, each and every time. Damn it, we love you. Talk to us. Trista and I are leaving for Greece to visit Emma. Just in case you don’t know, she’s in a movie with Bass. Yeah, she’s with him now, just in case you didn’t know that, either. When you’re done getting your shit together, come back home. You’ll hear me bitch you out some more, but that should be expected. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I bitch you out because I do. Over and out. Bye.” Lindsey sunk back onto her seat and flicked my phone back to me.
