by Pamela Ann
Since Nikki made herself known tonight, things might be turning back to normal.
I woke up later that night disgruntled, as if someone was choking the life out of me, but after a few deep breaths, I tried to remember what I was dreaming about. I closed my eyes, replaying it again in my mind.
There it was… the flashbacks began. I was dreaming of the lemon grove, that last night in Aspasia, the ruins and Emma. Everything seemed so real to me. I could taste her on my tongue. My hands could feel the softness of her skin. I could hear her laughter. Most of all, I felt her in my heart, beating and still very much alive.
Did it ever end?
Images of her beneath me, writhing and gasping my name as I plunged into her was so erotically vivid that I felt my cock spring into an instant hard-on. My hand reached down to stroke it, while my mind remembered everything. I remembered how wet she always was, always urging me to fuck her harder, her screaming my name as she came apart in my arms. At the same time, my cock was ready to explode as my strokes became ferocious. “Emma!” I growled her name as I came into my hands.
Panting as I slid off the bed, I moved towards the bathroom to wash-up.
“FUCK!” I growled again before returning to bed. “Fuck!” Even after all that tension with Nikki, she should’ve been the one I was thinking about.
But nope, it was always going to be her.
The love of my life haunted me every night. She was so wretched that even in my sleep, she constantly left me a gift of arousal to remember her by.
Damn you, Emma!
Damn you to hell and back—back into my arms again.
Chapter 20
A few days later…
“When I miss you, I don’t have to go far… I just have to look inside my heart because that’s where I’ll find you.”
- Author Unknown
Bass
I was in the hotel lobby, about to go to the bar to enjoy a cold drink, when I saw Nikki heading towards the elevators.
“Hey!”
“Hey, yourself! What can I do for you?” I asked politely, a little amused at her flushed face.
It seemed that Nikki blushed a lot around me. It was cute and it made me warm to her a little more.
I saw her hesitate for a second before blurting out her intentions. “Feel like drinking tonight? I’ll have desserts and games. Say, meet me in hour in my room?”
Ah, she hasn’t given up on me yet. After a few days of exchanging hi’s and hello’s, she was giving in.
“Sure. See you in an hour.”
She bit her lip before giving me a satisfied smile. “See you.”
We were filming a romantic comedy. A genre I tend to do once a year, if the script was great. Nikki actually was playing the best friend of the main lead, Britney Mantel. Her boyfriend, who I never met, was too paranoid into thinking that I was going to steal his girlfriend that he demanded her not to talk to me at all, which was fine by me, I barely knew the actress. Besides, she wasn’t even my type, blonde with a girl-next-door look. Blondes, I didn’t do much. Brunettes and inky-dark haired women did it for me. If they had a sexy accent, more points for them.
That’s why that picture of Emma with dark hair and dressed in that latex suit fucking killed me for days. I was actually a click away from hiring a jet to fly over to Santa Barbara and steal her away.
That image of her was still present in my mind when I knocked on Nikki’s room an hour later.
“You’re here! I was thinking that you weren’t going to show up,” she squealed before flinging her arms around my neck. I felt her smell me before letting go.
We ended up watching a movie and for the entire duration I was aware of her trying to get close to me. I had done this so many times that I could be an expert when it came to these things. I would even bet my entire bank account that Nikki was going to take it a step further tonight.
She wanted me that much.
An hour and half later, I was proven right.
“Bass,” Nikki moaned as her lips made contact to the base of my neck. When I didn’t stop her, she became emboldened. She started to leave soft kisses around my neck while her hand ran along my chest.
Nikki was breathing heavily while I sat there, wondering why I wasn’t turned on at all. “What are you looking for in this, Nikki? Just sex or something more?”
“Both.”
Something more was out of the question. Sex was still questionable.
Nikki was a sweet woman and I didn’t want to hurt her, but I knew with these things, I just had to be honest. A woman needed to know what she was getting herself into. “I can tell you now, Nikki. I’m not capable of loving you or anyone, for that matter. I don’t have a heart to share because it died awhile back.” It was buried along with memories of Emma, Greece and that damning island where I declared my love to her.
Nikki gasped, her hot breath stopped hitting my neck while her hands slowly touched my chest, where my heart rested. “Your heart still beats, Bass. It’s still alive. You can choose to let me in.”
“True, it still beats, but you will find an absent eerie sound.” I was dead inside. Just like the rest of me, I wore my scars proudly.
Love wasn’t for me. I was allergic to it after my first taste.
“Sex with me is okay then?”
Honestly? I hadn’t had a clue. “I haven’t decided yet. Why?”
“I really like you, Bass. We could start with sex, then we can go from there.”
“I’ll think about it, Nikki.”
“Why do you need to? Don’t you find me attractive?” She sat up and looked into my eyes.
Need you ask me the question? I wanted to ask, but instead I gave her a thoughtful look. Nikki was gorgeous, but she already knew that. “I do. I’m attracted to you, but I don’t know if I want to have sex with you yet.”
Nikki didn’t know how to respond to that. Her eyes glued on my chest before she gave in, reached out and caressed it over my shirt. “How much time do you need to decide?”
Forever. “I don’t know, Nikki.”
That. Pissed. Her. Off.
She then faked a headache and excused herself towards her bedroom. Nonchalantly shrugging, I left her room without guilt.
B
A week later, we were at a club along with the rest of the actors, when I spotted a woman who sort-of looked like Emma when her back was turned. It was sad, but I just wanted to be close to her.
Her name was Madison. “Turn around, I like to dance and watch you at the same time,” I requested when we got to the dance floor.
For a good thirty minutes, I had almost convinced myself it was Emma, right in front of me. It really was a downer when she decided to face me. I couldn’t even blame the alcohol for my sporadic madness.
“Don’t you think it’s my turn to dance with you?” Nikki glared at me before giving Madison a poisonous look.
“Sorry, Bass. I wasn’t aware you were here with someone.” Madison simply looked like she didn’t know what to do.
Funny, I wasn’t with anyone. “This is Nikki. Nikki, this is Madison.”
Nikki pouted before she greeted Madison abruptly. “Dance with me, please.”
“Nikki…” I repeatedly sighed.
It didn’t surprise me when Madison decided to excuse herself as Nikki became extra clingy. Was this really her or the alcohol talking?
“What do you need me to do to make you want me, Bass? Get on my knees and blow you? Do you need me to strip naked and offer myself to you? You have to tell me because I can’t sleep at night without thinking about you.”
“You’re drunk, aren’t you?”
“I am, but I’m still telling you the truth.” Those big brown eyes studied me before she gave a helpless sigh. “Maybe I should just go to bed and sleep this nightmare off. I can’t believe someone’s rejected me over and over again after I practically offer my body on the table.”
“It’s not you, that’s the problem. I apologize. You’re beautifu
l, Nikki. I’m sure there are a lot of men who would want you in their bed.”
“Yeah, but it isn’t theirs I want to be in. It’s yours.” Pressing her temples, she gently shook her head. “I’m going to take a cab back to the hotel. Tell the rest that I wasn’t feeling well.”
“Wait… it’ almost three in the morning. You can’t go alone. Let me take you back. I’m feeling tired, anyway,” I offered, feeling like the worst person at the moment.
“Fuckin’ A. Why do you have to be so nice and so fucking gorgeous, Bass!” she declared in irritation before spinning on her heels and leaving me to follow her out.
Nikki ignored me the entire ride back. Since my mind was busy with other things, it suited us both fine.
Now back at the hotel, she became bitchy when she saw me follow her to her room. “I can walk to my room alone.”
“I know you can, I want to make sure you get there. Why are you being so difficult, anyway?” Giving her an assertive glance before looking away.
She groaned like a fishwife and ungracefully walked faster towards her room.
Her childishness was amusing and I couldn’t help laughing at her enraged face. “Lighten up, Nikki. You can’t be seriously mad at me?” I was teasing her, but she took it the wrong way.
“Lighten up?” she yelled before groaning with frustration as she stopped outside her room and hunted down her keycard. “Lighten up? Go to hell!” She kept on yapping as she furiously shoved the card into the small slit and yanked her door open.
“Hey! I was very clear with you in the beginning, Nikki!” I called out as I caught the door before it closed and strode inside her bedroom.
She was taking her shoes off, almost hitting my knee when she threw it in whatever direction. “Fuck off, Bass. Just because most women in Hollywood swoon like a bitch in heat when you’re around, doesn’t give you the right to be so mean.”
Was she joking? “I’m mean? I was being truthful. There’s a difference between the two, Nikki. Get your shit straightened up before you throw shit at me.”
“YOU! STUPID FUCK!” She launched herself at me. “You—” Nikki was about to say something before she crashed her mouth into mine, kissing me.
My heart was telling me to put the brakes on as her kissing started to get deeper even though I wasn’t responding. “You drive me fucking crazy,” she murmured against my lips before taking it again. My indifference started to break when her hand trailed south, cupped my balls and started stroking my cock through my jeans.
FUCK.
“You want me,” she whispered, breaking our kiss. She then started to slowly pace backwards, eyes on me as she started to untie her dress. When it dropped on the floor, she brazenly took off her bra and her underwear. “I’m all yours, Bass,” she spoke as she strode towards me again, in her naked glory, on display for my perusal.
I stood there, contemplating what to do.
“No more running away, Bass.” Nikki painfully crushed my balls before grinning as she took care of my jeans.
My hands gripped her wrists, stopping her from pulling my boxers off. “You’re drunk, Nikki.”
“Am I?” she teased as she dipped her head and playfully bit the head of my cock over the thin cotton.
Son of a gun. A wretched groan came from me.
“Let’s make a deal. Let me blow you off, then you can decide if you want to fuck me afterwards?”
Did that deal make any sense? It didn’t, but I ended up nodding my head anyway. In a quick succession, she had me on my back, on the bed while I watched her.
Nikki playfully played with the boxer garter before pulling it down. “God, Bass. This is the biggest I’ve ever seen!” she gasped with delight.
My heart was going crazy when I felt her start working her mouth, sucking my cock greedily. It didn’t take long until I submitted to it and I had my hand behind Nikki’s head, pushing her down more to take all of my length even though it looked like she couldn’t go any further. I wanted her to suck me harder while her tongue stroked me everywhere like how Emma did it, but it wasn’t even close to that. It still felt good, though.
When she finally came up for air, drooling, with a large cat-like grin on her face, I made a decision.
“Condom in my wallet, Nikki. I don’t fuck without one.”
B
The sound of my vibrating phone on the side table woke me up. I tried to reach out for it, but the arm around my waist kept me from doing so. Flashbacks of Nikki and I having sex last night turned me cold. I untangled her clingy body from me, grabbed my phone, and strode towards the bathroom.
I turned the tap on and splashed it over my face, breathing heavily. I took a few deep breaths before I grabbed the face towel and wiped my face with it.
The realization of what I’d done hit me. Hard.
I really did it. I was moving forward, but I somehow felt more dreadful. The weight in my chest was still there, rotting like a corpse.
Leaning against the sink, I checked the email message from Barbara.
It was the schedule for Blasphemous’s promotional tour.
Emma.
I was going to see her soon. In eight weeks time… I was going to see her again. Would I be able to survive it? The thought of seeing her smile made me feel like crying. As if my fingers had their own mind, it took me to one folder that I’ve avoided for months on end. For a long time, I contemplated if I should delete it or not, but when the time came to execute the plan, I always detracted and left the folder alone.
My possessed thumb pressed on the folder “E” and immediately a new screen popped up, playing a video.
“Stop that! I’m naked!” She giggled as she tried to take the phone away from me.
“It’s just us here. Now, be nice and smile for the camera. Now say, Bass, I’m crazy about you.”
She bit her lip, blushing profusely, but instead of looking into the camera, she was looking directly at me. “I love you.”
It seemed that I turned it off right after she said that. I don’t remember doing it. Then again, all I could think about was kissing her after she said those words. I remembered thinking how lucky I was to finally have her say it. Then everything went to shitters.
Why was this happening to me?
Guilt about sleeping with Nikki was something I shouldn’t be feeling. I’m sure she already went straight back into Carter’s arms. I probably handed her right back to him. For all I knew, she could be engaged already.
It sucked to be stuck in the past, when all I wanted to do was move on and forget about Emma. I was just beginning to realize that people did move on after heartbreak, but the memory was always going to be there. In your heart and in your deepest, darkest desires, it shall forever remain.
Never meant to be forgotten.
It was there to haunt you.
It was there to remind you that you were once granted the feeling of that complex gift, the true meaning of connecting of the souls.
Love. You experienced it. You lived it. You died with it.
Chapter 21
“You left behind a broken heart and happy memories too, but I never wanted memories. I only wanted you.”
- Author Unknown
Emma
“Are we going to see you tomorrow, angel?” Flo, the nurse, asked me sweetly before giving me a big, motherly hug.
She called me angel because she said I looked like one. I doubted it, but she was just sweet like that. “You bet. I’ll try to get something from the pastry shop. I think it’s time we experiment with your sweet tooth.” I waved her another goodbye before entering the elevator.
Flo was a tall, African lady from Nigeria, who had a penchant for Krispy Kreme. Even with all the evident weight she gained from the divine donuts, she still kept on going. She told me that once you reach her age, not a lot of things mattered, only the things that you loved. So, her donut indulgence went on and somewhat rubbed off on me.
Thank goodness, I had Shiva and the pole classes to kee
p me in shape.
I was actually out in Palm Desert for two weeks of filming and had barely just gotten back two days ago. It was a short, small part, but I had fun anyways; so it was definitely worth it.
“Home, sweet home,” I said, gathering my purse and locking my car before letting myself inside.
What greeted me was a huge, shocking surprise. Lindsey, Amber and Trista were glued to their seats in the living room, watching a recorded interview of Bass. I was a few feet away, facing their backs, so they didn’t know I was here.
Bass was dressed in black jeans and a black, long-sleeve shirt with the sleeves pushed back, making his arms look even more noticeable. He looked so good… and happy. My insides ached when he smiled at the audience while the camera zoomed in, capturing it superbly.
“So, you and Nikki, huh? How’s that going?” The comedian host grinned at him.
Bass made a secretive smile before answering her. “Good. It’s good. Nikki’s an amazing woman. She’s—”
“Talented?”
Everyone laughed in the studio. “Yeah, she certainly is a talented actress.”
“Yeah?” she pressed on.
“Yep.” Bass wasn’t giving any bits away, so she went to another subject.
“One of your anticipated movies, Blasphemous, is coming out early this summer. I heard that the studio is going to make an announcement to warn the audience to bring an extra pair of underwear.”
Bass laughed, whilst running his fingers over his hair. “No, I didn’t know about that.”
“They sure will.” She cleared her throat before looking serious this time. “America is curious and we want to talk more about Emma Anderson. I think everyone saw that GQ spread, right? Whooof!” She started fanning her face. “She’s hot. I want to talk more about that hotness. Is she really that gorgeous in person or is it all airbrush and Photoshop?”
Oh, fuck! I thought with dreadful panic as I watched Bass tense a bit when my name was mentioned. “Nah, it’s all real. She’s naturally beautiful.”
