by Pamela Ann
“I know its past decent hours to be making social calls, but I knew that you wouldn’t be asleep anyway. I just got an email from one of the execs from the studio. They need a replacement for Samantha Knowles by the end of today.” That didn’t sound good.
I didn’t understand why he was talking to me about it, though. What did I have to do with it? Shouldn’t he be calling casting agents? Or going through actor profiles? I pulled myself out of the pool and scoured for my abandoned jeans. When I finally found them, I stepped into them, not caring how wet my body was.
Without my having to ask for an explanation, he continued, “I’ll get to the point, son. For the last few hours, I’ve been considering other options, however, nothing has suited me quite as this one woman that I have in mind. How would you feel if I cast that pretty Emma as your lead? Her acting was great and, while I could hire tons of other actresses that are seasoned and famous, what captured my attention was the chemistry you two have. I want that crackling magnetism in my film. That’s what I live for—for my kind of movies—that chemistry. That alone could make the film. It doesn’t hurt that she’s not bad to look at, either. She’s beautiful, but you know that already. So, what do you think, Bass?”
What did I think? I wanted to fucking howl. I should send Samantha Knowles a fucking thank you present for handing me this opportunity. Emma with me—for months—in Greece. What could be better? It was fucking perfect!
“I think it’s a brilliant idea. I just have to run it past her, though. I’ll call you before lunch time.”
Martin cleared his throat. “I need to hear from you before nine. If she says no, I need to get the back-ups. But if she says yes, she has to come to the studio as soon as possible. She’ll also have to look for an agent.”
“No worries, I’ll make the steps easier for her.”
“I’m sure you will, child. I’ve never seen you so love-stuck. She’s a lovely woman. You better treat her well.”
I chuckled. “I learned from the best. I’ll get back to you soon. Bye.” Martin laughed on the other end and cut off the call.
“Emma?” I called out. She was on the lounge chair, wearing my shirt as she studied the stars above.
“Yes?” Strolling towards her, I sat on the edge of the lounger and stopped myself from reaching out and touching her legs. “That was Martin. He’s wondering if you’re interested in replacing Samantha in the film.”
She sat up quickly, her eyes popping out. “Shut up!”
I shrugged and smiled at the shocked Emma. “If you say so.”
Emma’s mouth hung open. “Martin wants me? But I fucking suck compared to other actresses. I’m an amateur, what could I possibly offer?” She was excited to be sure, but her doubts were creeping up, full blast.
“Chemistry, he said we crackled with it.” I reached out and stroked her calf, loving the satiny feel of her skin. “Martin is known for picking out fresh faces and he has an eye for making a hit. He thinks you and I will be a hit. That alone proves how much he wants you to be on board. Will you do it, Em? Filming doesn’t start until summer time anyway.”
“Bass, are you crazy? Of course, I want to do it! It’s a fucking Martin Lombardo film. I am not dense, I recognize that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, but what I’m worried about is... I don’t want to disappoint any of you guys. This is major for me. I’m psyched and freaked out at the same time.”
“Baby, look at me,” I asked, waiting for her to do so before I continued, “You’re great. I’m not saying this just because I feel like I should, but you were fantastic. Didn’t we just speak about you following your dreams? Well, this is it. It’s the universe calling out to you and handing you this amazing opportunity. What other fantastic way to debut your acting chops other than being the lead actress in a Martin Lombardo film?”
Yeah, I did want to spend time with her in Greece, that was a given, but I also believed that it would be a great way for her to see if she really wants to become an actress or not. I had thought that she had what it took to make it in the industry. Looks aside, her acting was believable. I had felt her emotions and frustrations when she read her lines tonight.
She was going to do great, I knew it. This was her calling. I only needed her to see it, yet her insecurity was like a massive tsunami in her mind; washing away all her excitement, her faith in herself and her fire.
“I don’t know.” She shook her head and let out a long breath. “Can you guys give me until the weekend to think it over?”
I shook my head, feeling disconcerted at her hesitation. “Martin needs your answer by nine this morning.”
As it turned out, Emma got signed the next day. I had my agent, Barbara, take care of everything for her.
I was ecstatic—over the moon—at the thought of months alone with her, but little did I know that things were just about to shift…
The Waiting Game
Me: You may be out of my sight and far from my reach... but you are certainly never out of my mind... Goodnight, my sweet Emma.
I sent her a text message, letting her know that I was thinking of her.
It was just this morning that she had signed with Barbara, but Emma hadn’t left my thoughts. I went to sleep with a smile, sensing that things might be favorable for me this time.
The next morning, she informed me that she was going to go camping with her friends. Checking the time, I decided to give her a quick call before she left, just in case she might not have any signal in the cabins. Also, add the fact that there was a fat chance that her ex was going to be there, so I honestly wanted her to get reminded of me, in case she forgot. I was hopeless. With a melancholy sigh, I dialed her number.
“Hello?”
“All packed and ready?” I asked as relief coursed through me upon hearing her voice on the line.
She sighed. “Yes, you could say that. Are you all packed for Vancouver?” Emma asked with a heavy sadness.
It pleased me to no end to know that she cared enough to be saddened that I was about to leave the country to film soon. If things went my way, I would do all I could to visit her. After all, Vancouver wasn’t all that far from LA. I could fly in and out during weekends just to see her for a little while.
“I’m not leaving until Wednesday, Em. I still have a few days to pack and stuff. Anyway, I just called to say have a safe trip and I will see you before I leave for Vancouver.”
“Great, I’ll see you then. Be safe and have a great weekend.”
I doubt it would be as fun as hers. “I want to say the same, but I honestly don’t want you to have too much fun with your ex. Just be safe, all right? Do take care, my sweet Emma. Bye.”
“Bye,” she whispered, sounding a little deflated.
Her sad tone got to me. Even after watching some of my retro films in my theatre, her voice was stuck in my brain. When I texted her with a bit of light banter, I was overly excited when she replied almost immediately.
Just like a total besotted fool, I typed my thoughts away.
Me: I know that my life is my own, but if you did ask it of me, then I would be more than happy. I’m leaving for Canada soon and I can’t help but think about you and what happens next. I know it’s too early for you to even think about being in another relationship, but that’s what I want with you... I just want you to know... need you to know that I’m serious about us. When you’re ready, I want to be with you, Emma.
After a couple of hours with no reply, I sent another.
Me: Was that too much at one time? I’ve waited for your response for over an hour now. Emma?
I kept checking my phone, hoping she’d text me, but after the tenth time, I decided to simply send one more message.
“Fuck. I seriously need to chill,” I muttered under my breath as I texted, yet again.
Me: Sorry, Em. I guess that was the wrong thing for me to say. It was inconsiderate even. I merely wanted assurance that you somehow… somewhat… feel the same.
It was already
about midnight and I stayed up late as usual, ignoring all of the dinner and party invitations that were bombarding my phone because I didn’t feel celebratory. No, I was the total opposite of that.
Me: Emma? I suppose your silence is answer enough. That’s all right. I’m not angry, so don’t worry. I won’t mention it again.
The next morning when I saw that she hadn’t replied yet, I decided to cut the ties. Why? Because her goddamned phone rang, so that meant that she got my messages, but decided not to bother with them. So ‘no signal’ wasn’t a feasible explanation.
She was probably back with her ex. Carter didn’t look like the kind of guy who would have given up so easily. No, he’d looked like he was going to do anything to get her back. Men knew men and, when a guy acted that jealous with a woman, he was going to do everything in his power to get her. Top that with the obvious fact that she loved him and then Emma didn’t stand a chance when he was going to go in for the sweep.
She belonged to him, yet it still hurt to know that.
When it came to her, I was risking far too much of myself. It wasn’t her beauty that captured me, it was the way she looked at me; like she was staring into my soul. When she touched me, it felt like she reached inside my chest and grasped my heart with her bare hand.
Emma made me feel.
As scary as those feelings were, I welcomed them because, even in that little time we’d spent together, she became someone incredibly special to me.
She was the unforgettable woman who’d swooped in, changed me inside and out and made a lasting impression as she left a scar in me.
It was very unfortunate that I had to let go. Even with the movie in Greece in the works, I would remain professional.
Since Martin wanted to meet with the both of us again and wanted to schedule a dinner appointment, I had to see her again before Greece.
Even if it was business I was texting to her about, my heart still skipped a beat.
Me: Martin called your phone, but it went straight to voicemail. I’m just letting you know that he made a reservation for six-thirty Monday night at Melisse.
After sending the message, I decided to go for a long shower, needing to clear my head. When I got out, guess what? I had gotten a reply.
Guess this was answer enough; whatever. Opening the message, it read, Thank you. Tell Martin I will be there.
Ha. Fucking. Ha.
I didn’t know what burned more, her not bothering to reply with my rejection or not caring about my feelings at all. What she did was cold; heartless even.
How could someone so sweet and angelic-like be such a cold, unfeeling bitch?
Different skins, different clothes, but underneath it all, women were all the same.
Fuck it, I was going out tonight. Fuck Emma and her being all in love.
The thought of them having sex made me cringe. Did she enjoy it? I thought, but told myself not to bother because I knew what the answer would be.
Bitterness was my sweet companion and I would be damned if I wasn’t going down drunk tonight.
A Hopeless Man Named Bass
Dinner was… awkward.
As much as it allowed me, I tried not to engage in conversation much. Seeing her did so many crazy things in me, and yet, I couldn’t do shit about it because she didn’t want me.
I tried to be polite, I really did, but it somehow all came out wrong. Maybe in Greece this feeling would change after I’d moved on from her.
After Martin signed the bill and decided to leave for the night, he spoke and addressed her, “I will keep in touch, Emma. My assistant, Jack, will contact your agent directly if there are any requirements that are altered or added. If you have any questions, you can call me directly.
“Bass, have a safe flight. I will speak to you soon, son. I have to go to a film screening at Scorsese’s house. Drive carefully, you two.” We all stood up to leave and, with a quick hug, he abruptly left us alone.
Emma and I walked together towards the exit and, when were about to leave, someone addressed me.
“Have a great evening, Mr. Cole. Come and dine with us again, sometime soon,” Alyssa, the restaurant maître d, called out.
Nodding with a smile, “I will. The food was excellent as always. Thank you.” Even if I was completely tense and could barely breathe, I remained courteous. It’s always best to keep what you’re feeling within. Exposing yourself could just give people a reason to use that as a weapon to hurt you, but I had taken a chance at Emma.
Tonight, she looked so gorgeous that I ached. Acting as if I didn’t give a rat’s ass about her was fucking difficult, yet I had to. I had no choice.
Outside, we both handed our tickets to the valet attendant then waited side-by-side for our cars.
I could feel her stare at me, wanting to say something, though she seemed hesitant.
This was it… I was not going to see her for eight months…
My mind swirled with all the possibilities and yet, I couldn’t for the life of me see her go; not just yet. A large part of me wanted to prolong my agony—even if I could get a piece of her—by simply adding a little more to my bank of memories that consisted of her…
It was truly sad, however I caved in to my heart. “Will you stay the night with me, Em?”
Emma tensed, barely meeting me in the eye. “Bass, I don’t think that would be good for either of us.”
She was dating him, but I was still pestering on. Exhaling, I glanced at the ongoing traffic. “I know it isn’t, but I’m asking anyway. I won’t be seeing you until Greece. That’s months from now. I just want to spend time with you.”
Even if it’s going to be for a few hours, I silently pleaded.
She frowned. “But Greece is months from now. I thought we’d stay friends?”
Friends… that word should be banned for heartbroken folks. “I know and we will.” My gaze caught hers, reaching into her, pleading. “I choose not to see you until Greece because it will take a long time for me to get over you and the fact that I’ve been rejected for the very first time. What’s bruised my psyche is that you were the first woman I wanted to have a real relationship with. I just want this night with you, Em. That’s all I ask. If it’s too much, I’ll understand.” Sometimes it was hard to keep the truth in. When she looked upset that I might not keep in touch, I gave in.
Emma was now staring at me, arms folded, lips pressed together with her foot tapping; deciding and weighing the risks of what she was about to do.
“Give me just a second. I need to make a quick call.” She strolled away, out of ear shot, and made a call.
She was calling him, I’d bet my life on it.
Still, even if I was in pain inside, I knew I had to keep it together. So I leaned against her car and waited for her to finish getting permission from the boyfriend.
After her call, she strode towards me with a smile. “I’m all set. I’ll follow you to your house.”
I wonder why she was smiling…
Shaking my head, I said, “That won’t do. You have to ride with me. I’m not letting you out of my sight. I will have someone pick your car up and drive it back to my place.” I held my hand out. “Your keys?” Reluctantly, she handed them to me.
Tomorrow and the rest was his.
Tonight though, she was all mine.
Treading On A Very Fine Exciting Line
“Do you want anything to drink?” I questioned as I strolled towards the kitchen.
“Water would be great, thank you.”
If she was afraid that I was going to ravish her, she should know better. I wasn’t going to press further without her permission, so she shouldn’t stay sober because of that fear. Emma loved her wine, I knew that much. “Do you want wine as well?”
She hesitated before responding, “Um, sure that would be lovely.”
That’s my girl, I thought as I gave her a dimpled smile. “Right away.”
The silence was short lived because my cell phone started ringing. “
Yep?” I answered as I pulled a bottle opener from a drawer and slid it closed. My teeth caught my bottom lip as I concentrated on opening the wine bottle while I was listening to the person yapping in my ear. It was a party invitation, one among many. “I might check it out. Yes, might. Gotcha. Bye.” Tonight was all about Emma.
If she wanted to go, then we’d go.
Emma moved towards the marbled counter and sat across from me, staring openly.
Glancing her way, I told her about the party. “There’s a promotional bash at a club tonight. Do you want to come and party for a little bit with some of my friends?”
The hesitation was back in place again. “Will there be paparazzi lurking around?”
“Yes, they are always around, especially at hot spots, but we can go through the back door and no one will know that you’ve been partying with me.” I knew, again, that this wasn’t for her. She was doing it to protect Carter.
All things considered, she was a considerate girlfriend. She didn’t want him hurt, even if she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She truly loved him, didn’t she?
“It’s nothing personal, Bass. I just…”
I nodded as I poured us each a glass of wine and slid hers carefully towards her grasp. “Carter; got it.”
Emma opened her mouth to deny it, but ended up shutting it and decided to swirl the wine in her glass instead before she took a small sip.
She took a good minute mulling over the decision. I know it was only sixty seconds, but it felt like it was longer than that.
“What’s the verdict?” I raked a hand through my dark blond hair, making it look as messy as I was inside.
“Yeah, I could do with some dancing.”
Her answer lifted my tattered spirit. “Awesome! Let me just get a quick shower then we’ll head out, is that cool?” I gulped down the rest of my wine.
