by Pamela Ann
“The night I left your blankie, I wanted you back, but you looked happy with him. I thought he was the best for you because I couldn’t make you look like that, you were somehow unhappy with me.
“I knew you’d be in Milan. I knew I shouldn’t see you, but I caved in, thinking that I could stand watching you from afar.
“The lies I told myself were laughable because, when I saw you, not once did my eyes stray, they were stuck on you. I was enraged about your poor choices, but somehow, when you are in my arms, when I’m with you, I’m fighting a battle that is unattainable. I knew that you would always be my downfall. The only woman that could bring me willingly to my knees.” He paused, breathing hard, seeking for my hand.
“You don’t know how many times I fought with myself that night, almost begging for you to return to me, but after what you put me through, I couldn’t do it. I wanted you to want me as much as I’ve wanted you. I wanted you to come to me—fight for me—because you felt the same. When I saw you step out of my elevator, I thought you had come there to tell me what I had longed to hear, but you’re a very stubborn woman. You never make it easy.
“When I made you tell me you love me, it gave me immediate happiness—completeness—but after a few minutes, that feeling faded away because I knew I’d asked it of you. Those words weren’t meant with your heart. I never wanted to marry Claudine, but when she threw that ultimatum, I used it to my benefit, hopefully to make you see and realize that you might feel something for me other than sex.”
He pulled away from my shoulder, meeting my teary sight. “You see, I’ve never stopped loving you. I don’t want to marry anyone else because you’re the only wife I can see—the only one I want. I know we’re divorced, but you’re my wife. Your scars and wounds are mine to heal. Your love is mine to nourish. Your tears are mine to turn into laughter, and your fears—together we’ll overcome.”
My tears were unstoppable, so was my love for this very man.
Dimitris held his hand over his heart. “You’re here because I said those vows and meant them. I vowed to cherish you. Love you, forever. That’s you, yineka mou.” He kissed my hand, choked up. “I’m yours.”
“Mihi es et tibi sum.” You are mine and I am yours.
“I love you, Dimitris Kosta.” I took his hands, kissing the insides before kissing each finger, sealing it with my tears. “Mihi es et tibi sum.”
A month later…
I was ushered into the room, still weary from my six-hour flight from Los Angeles when I saw a figure come towards me.
The man of my life.
“I thought you’d never get here!” Dimitris exclaimed, lifting me off my feet, squeezing the life out of me as he kissed my neck and face. “Three weeks without you was unhealthy.” He nipped against my ear, growling as he did so, making me squeal with delight. “I need some sustenance. We only have a weekend to ourselves, yineka mou.”
“I kind of like this… if you’re always like this each time I see you—crazy and can’t get enough of me—then I’m not complaining.”
“Tell me this after we’ve had our weekend, you might be changing your mind,” he uttered before kissing me senseless.
Separate countries and different continents wouldn’t stop us from making this work. We were bound by our love.
No matter our schedule, we would make it work because what else was there in life other than falling in love? It was the entire purpose of our being, testing our limits to how much pain and suffering we could endure. The best gift of all was finding that profound love—the kind that shifted the earth and quaked the ground. The kind that breathed you in and let you fly—soar higher than possible—freeing you from your past.
Love taught me.
Love freed me.
Love was healing me.
This world was ours. For I was his and he was mine.
Together, we existed. Together, we dominated. Together, we conquered.
Home, I was definitely home.
Mihi es et tibi sum.
~Lindsey & Dimitris~
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
— Sam Keen
Torn Series:
Scornfully Yours (Emma #1) out now
Scornfully Hers #1.5 (Carter) out now
Frayed (Trista) out now
Blasphemous (Emma #2)
Scorned (Lindsey)
Fixated on You (Emma #3)
Crushed (Amber) September 30
Chasing Series:
Chasing Beautiful (out now)
Chasing Imperfection (out now)
Chasing Paradise (out now)
Lily’s Mistake (out now)
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Much love,
Pamela Ann
FIXATED ON YOU
TORN SERIES BOOK #5
Pamela Ann
Fixated on You
Torn Series Book #5
Pamela Ann
Copyright © 2013 by Pamela Ann
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
Interior book design by
Bob Houston eBook Formatting
ISBN: 978-14937168-9-0
Acknowledgements
Writing Emma’s book was more difficult than expected. I suppose, saying goodbye to my loves was never going to be easy…
I just want to give a thousand thanks to my beta readers: Josie Melendez, Cami Hesnault, Kimberly Rinaldi, Kimbery Harris, Manda Gammons, Jen Joanisse, Ashley Suzzane, Melissa Gill, Joni Payne, Jodie Stipetich and Kirstie Hicks, you ladies have been outstanding. Josie, I love your in-depth feedbacks =)
And to my pimps: Sherry Galloway Studdard, Tiffany Marie, Ana Carvelheiro, Toni Hanks, Rosabel Herrera, Carrie White, Cookie Pacheco, Elena R. Cruz, Elouise Lewis, Renee Mckinney, Yvette Paz, Valerie Weber Sheroke, Candy Rodal, Angie Dornin, Dawn Vickers, Lisa Petty, Elizabeth Holmes Meltzer, PJ Duddy, Brandi Franklin, Stephanie Erickson, Lindsay Bzoza, Jessica Lamb Martini, Kelli Spear, Stephanie Romig, Nikki Cole, Julie Yoder, Pamela Duddy, Nikki Booklover, Christi Bissett, DeAnna Hill, Louise Sherman and for the rest that I can’t name at the moment in my street team, thank you so very much. I appreciate all the effort you guys have done for me.
Playlist
Let It Be Me Ray LaMontagne
Wrecking Ball Miley Cyrus
Up To You Chris Brown
Secrets One Republic
Say One Republic
Counting Stars One Republic
Hold On, We’re Going Home Drake
Can’t Take My Eyes Off You Lauryn Hill
What Goes Around Comes Around Justin Timberlake
Not Over You Gavin DeGraw
9 Crimes Damien Rice
Dreams The Cranberries
A Thousand Years Christina Perry
Pictures Of You The Cure
Eyes On Fire Blue Foundation
You Fisher
All In Lifehouse
Uninvited Alanis Morrissette
Don’t Speak No Doubt
Absolutely Zero Jason Mraz
A Lemon
Out of lemon flowers
loosed
on the moonlight, love's
lashed and insatiable
&n
bsp; essences,
sodden with fragrance,
the lemon tree's yellow
emerges,
the lemons move down
from the tree's planetarium
Delicate merchandise!
The harbors are big with it-
bazaars
for the light and the
barbarous gold.
We open
the halves
of a miracle,
and a clotting of acids
brims
into the starry
divisions:
creation's
original juices,
irreducible,
changeless, alive:
so the freshness lives on
in a lemon,
in the sweet-smelling house of the rind,
the proportions, arcane and acerb.
Cutting the lemon
the knife
leaves a little cathedral:
alcoves unguessed by the eye that open acidulous glass
to the light; topazes
riding the droplets,
altars,
aromatic facades.
So, while the hand
holds the cut of the lemon,
half a world
on a trencher,
the gold of the universe
wells
to your touch:
a cup yellow
with miracles,
a breast and a nipple
perfuming the earth;
a flashing made fruitage,
the diminutive fire of a planet.
~Pablo Neruda
Prologue
Emma
I thought the greatest hurdle of love had already happened, but it wasn’t done yet. No, far from it.
You see, my heart had led me to loving two men. As much as I wanted to keep both, I had to choose one, the one I couldn’t live without.
I never had been a fickle woman, nor did I strive to be one—but Carter Mason happened, then Bass Cole came along right after. Both men were passionate, relentless, stubborn, and did not easily give up on anything they loved.
Carter was the first man I fell hopelessly in love with. He was also the first man to break my heart and shatter my defenses.
Bass, on the other hand, made me feel things. Emotions that were so profound that I simply ached with or without him. Yet even with the intensity we both shared, he still managed to break me—killed me—and turned me inside out.
For months, I was traumatized. My heart was endlessly battered. I was still reeling and healing from all the pain and abuse before another blow hit me. The news simply terrified me. The worst was yet to come. However, no matter what happens, no matter what they say, Bass held me like no other man could. He made me feel like flying; soaring through air, lit up like fireworks. The Aurora Borealis—multicolored and shining in the sky—was how he made me feel inside—glowing, burning, shimmering with love. Ignited with passion so intense, we crackled with it after just a mere gaze. He weaved me into his heart, cast a luminous spell that had me bound, and hopelessly captured my heart by loving me without fear. There was nowhere to run except into his arms.
I was his breath of life, and he was the only man that could make me feel all hot and all cold in a flash… Yet even then, one should always ask oneself, how strong was this love?
The test of will has yet to knock on my door. I knew, with every fiber in me, that it was one trial that was going to bend and break me. It could even kill me.
Would I choose to stay and fight, endure all the pain that it would bring, or would I walk away, admitting defeat.
Chapter One
Emma
I was fidgeting with my seatbelt when the pilot’s voice spoke through the speakers, announcing that we were about to land. My silly grin was in place; I simply couldn’t hold it back. Excitement coursed through me as I thought of seeing Bass very soon.
This visit was planned, but what he didn’t know was that I was coming in a day early. Bass was out in Vancouver filming the last KOC movie, and I hadn’t seen him in two weeks.
To some, fourteen days might not be that much time apart, but to us, it had been a big struggle. Each night, we fell asleep on the phone together. We were inseparable even if we were in different countries.
The best thing about getting back with Bass was falling in love with him all over again. Tomorrow we were hitting the two-month mark since our reconciliation and things were almost perfect… almost; if you didn’t include Nikki in the picture.
Thinking about her was depressing. I could feel my mood dip at the thought of what she represented in my life, so I had to shove thoughts of her aside and focus on what I came here for, Bass.
Deplaned and approximately an hour and a half later, I arrived on set. The best thing about being his known girlfriend was that I didn’t have to introduce myself. People already recognized me. So when an assistant named Mark showed me where to go, I kindly told him that I could easily find it without him following me.
It might sound lame, however I wanted this moment to be shared by us, without an audience, if I could help it.
From afar, I could see that they had just finished shooting a scene. Everyone was moving around, chaotic and buzzing to get things going for what was next.
I finally spotted him with people. From the looks of it, he was giving a short, informal interview, probably from one of the celebrity gossip news shows that went on everyday right about dinnertime.
The man was Bass Cole. He looked every bit of the sought after actor that everyone wanted to work with. He could do drama, romantic comedy, action—anything—basically he checked all of the above. Recently, he was dubbed as the next Leo DiCaprio—acting wise. A major feat for any actor in the industry.
Yes, he was gorgeous to look at, even more so when he was all naked, hot and making love to me. I loved seeing the dark intensity those eyes showed each time he took me. He might be The Bass Cole to the rest of the world, but to me, he was simply Bass, the man who loved me unconditionally.
At that moment in the interview, it looked like he was asking a question when something must’ve caught Bass’s attention, causing his eyes to scour the crowd, looking for someone. He responded with a smile, but managed to look confused as he tried to search for someone… still.
Who was he looking for? Now my curiosity was beyond piqued. My confidence started to nosedive when I began to think about Bass hooking up with someone on the set. I mean it was possible…
I was nervously biting my lips, hoping for the feeling to ebb away as I waited for his interview to be over with when his eyes roved towards my end, still searching. It was then when he found me. Our eyes locked on each other. I started to become nervous when I saw the burning intensity of his gaze, giving me massive heart contractions.
Then he smiled. With his eyes still locked on mine, barely glancing towards the interviewer to excuse himself before he came running towards me. Yes, the damning man ran while I stayed rooted to the spot, bubbling with excitement and happiness, before he picked me up in his arms and kissed me for the world to see.
Both of my hands cupped his face, kissing him with the same fire and hunger that took over our bodies. I was almost in tears because the kiss held so much meaning; damn, it was scary to hold this kind of happiness because the last time I felt this way was in Aspasia before the tsunami of bad luck came crumbling down on us.
When I pulled away, we were both panting loudly as we grinned at each other. “Surprised?”
His eyes held me mesmerized. “You have no idea how glad I am that you’re here.” He held my hand and kissed it softly before tucking it close to him.
“Why don’t you finish up with that guy and I’ll just wait in your trailer? Or I can head straight to your hotel room and unwind for a little bit?” I suggested, feeling a little guilty for interrupting him mid-interview.
He shook his head, gazing at me as if he couldn’t get enough of seeing me up clo
se. “No, I’d rather you stick around.” Bass grinned, pulling me close to his chest. “I want you to meet the people I work with. We’re all going to a restaurant afterwards for dinner. Hope that’s okay?”
“Whatever makes you happy, boss,” I quipped back playfully.
His smiled disappeared while his eyes caressed my face, penetrating me with those magnetic eyes that made me stop breathing all together. “You make me happy, Emma, more than anyone.”
Why did he get so serious all of a sudden? Was something the matter? “Everything okay?” His expression was nagging at me.
“It is now.” He kissed my forehead before guiding me towards the tent. “Hungry?”
For you… I am. Always. “You bet.”
Bass halted his steps, now looking at me with a big frown on his face. “Wait, so what happened to the audition that you were supposed to go on tomorrow? You cancelled it?”
“No, I didn’t cancel.” I shook my head. “I called Barbara and begged if she could pull something off and get me the audition a day early. My power of convincing people seems to be working well,” I said, winking at him. “So, she called me last night, telling me in her stern voice that if I don’t show up at eight-forty five the next morning in the studio, I could kiss this audition goodbye.” It was for a chick-flick movie that my agent arranged for me.
