by Pamela Ann
There was nothing worse than living in your memories. Knowing that you’d rather close your eyes and transport yourself in that time capsule where you were the happiest, instead of living the emptiness that life was ruled by without that person in your life.
I missed Emma.
I missed her so badly that I hadn’t touched her drawers or any of the things that she had brought to my place because I still expected her to come back. Some thought that this was crazy, Brody most especially, but honestly, no one would understand if I told them that Emma still loved me. It was true, yet I doubt she’d ever admit it out loud. I really believed the only people that knew it were me, her and Bass.
Fuck yeah, Bass knew. A man would only be paranoid when he felt something was off; intuition was a powerful thing. Hollywood’s pretty boy was walking on eggshells. From the last time I saw Emma, it was obvious that something was making her sad. Her smiles, though bright, didn’t quite reach her eyes. They were dull with a lot of sadness.
Waiting sucked, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, right? So I’d just sit back and wait. I already was a pro at that.
Hopefully I’d carry on with my cross without tripping along the way. ‘Cause the road was seriously getting rocky and bumpy, and a man could only go so long without losing his mind.
Chapter 15
Emma
We were in our separate walk-in closets, although we usually went back and forth, checking each other out when dressing up. It was one of those cute things we both did. Besides, it always made getting ready so much more fun when you had an audience.
“Babe? Have you been working on your thighs? They look so much bigger—thicker…” I murmured, cupping his ass with both of my hands.
Tight.
Toned.
Hard.
Just the way I liked them. “Oh my God,” I gushed.
“Maybe I did put some extra attention on that area. I know how much you love thighs, and I wasn’t going to let you ogle other men because your man doesn’t have ones that are appealing enough for you,” he ground out, kissing me. “Not happening under my watch.”
He was crazy and I loved every ounce of his mental ass. “I love kissing you and all…” I gasped for breath before he plunged his tongue into my mouth again. “But we have to go and find our dog.”
“I could kiss you all day long, Mrs. Bass Cole.”
Mental. Sexy. Ass. Did I mention how I loved this man? Because seriously, he was giving me major palpitations. “You better watch out, ‘cause you know I’ll boss you around. Still want to marry me?” I was grinning, watching him through my lashes while feeling dozens of butterflies flittering about in my stomach.
“Nah.” He shook his head before licking his bottom lip back and forth with the tip of his tongue. “I think I’ll stay single.”
Oh yeah? “Coward.”
His eyes sparked fire. “Wench.”
I stuck my tongue out, walking out of his closet as I yelled out, “Chicken shit.”
He followed suit, towards my direction. “Basswhore,” he bellowed after me, laughing.
“Damn straight I am, and I’m proud of it.” I wore the best serious face I could muster, knowing quite well that I was his ultimate numero uno fan. The man caught up with me, spinning me around so we were facing each other. “Basswhore through and through.”
Grinning, he dipped his head and nuzzled my neck. “I love my Basswhores, most especially the President of my loyal club,” he whispered as he cupped my ass with both of his hands, squeezing with gusto.
So this was how our morning started, loving and playful, like we usually were. It made me think of our days in Aspasia. It was just us with nothing in between. There were no other problems back then. Our bond had been strong, I’d felt it in my heart that it was. When you added on other twisting factors in the equation, though, I hoped that I would be sane enough to survive it. Because honestly, even though I might be losing my mind at times, memories like those fed my soul.
It was, after all, memories that made life worth living and re-living, wasn’t it?
Once we were in his car, I drew up my list of locations. First, since it was a Saturday, I wanted to check out Petco before going to see the local pounds in the area.
I thought love at first sight only happened with another human being, but when I saw my dog, it surely was love on the spot. He had that look of sadness in his eyes that truly reached out to me, as if his eyes were communicating to me to take him away and shower him with love and comfort. He didn’t bark or paw the cage like the others did. He simply sat there, quietly eyeing the people that came and saw him.
“I think I’ve found the one,” I whispered next to Bass, who seemed to be interested in my choice of pet as well.
“Then let’s get you our dog.” Bass kissed my forehead before going off to find someone to assist us. Not once did I leave my dog’s side, already feeling like an over-protective mother.
The canine was about two-years-old, a mixture of Black Labrador and a Bloodhound with both combined coloring of deep amber and ebony.
An hour later, after paying for the shots and other paperwork to be filled in, we were back home with our new dog and bags full of doggy accessories. One would think that I would be the one going haywire with shopping, but Bass outdid me on this one. He simply picked whatever his eyes and hands reached.
“Honestly, Bass, I don’t think a dog needs three beds!” I tsk-tsked as I rummaged through the crap pile that he had just dumped on the couch while he went and took the dog next to him, sitting together across from me.
“One in our bedroom, another in your bedroom in SB and one for the kitchen, just in case we’re having guests and he feels like taking a nap.” He scratched the dog behind his ear while I watched him close his eyes in pure delight. “Right, buddy? A man needs to rest once in awhile,” he cooed, using his baby talk voice.
There were times that Bass liked to overdo things, though I guess, this was his dog, too. So I supposed he felt the need to spoil him rotten, to make him feel comfortable.
“What should we name the dog?” he asked while I piled all the dog food on the side.
I paused a moment, noting that I missed this big detail. “I don’t know.” Seriously, I didn’t get to this part yet. How the heck did I miss this important part of getting a dog? I wondered as I ran through all of the cute dog names in my head.
“How about we name him half of you and me?” Bass suggested, breaking into my thoughts.
Half him and half me? Huh? “Like what? Emba?” I grinned, saying the name to the dog. I think I saw him flinch. I laughed harder. “I think he doesn’t like it one bit.”
“Come on; we need a man’s man name.”
Okay. “How about Sparky?” The name was cute and easy to remember.
He snorted, half laughing. “Seriously? That’s not manly.” He stood up, carrying the dog in his arms. “How about Gus?”
“Gus,” I said, trying the name out, and I found myself liking it very much. “Gus it is.” My attention went to our newly named dog before I kissed his head. “You definitely need a good ole shower, Gus.” He had some kind of off smell, nothing overpowering, but the smell sort of lingered on your skin.
Bass placed him on the floor before he whistled and directed the dog to follow him to the bathroom for a bath. Surprisingly, the dog ran towards him, already acknowledging him as his owner.
We spent the rest of our Saturday together with Gus. We watched movies with him, dined with him resting on his comfortably doggy cot and then he slept right on our feet when we were sleeping on the bed. Bass and I were doing pretty well with Gus, but it also brought me to thinking that he would also be a great father if that child did turn out to be his.
Which brought me to my other dread—Nikki’s upcoming ultrasound tomorrow. Even though Bass was out like a light, Gus snoring and twitching in between us, I was wide-awake with my thoughts, praying that this newly expanded family would stay strong and
could take on any storms that came our way.
As much as I wanted to stop the time, the day came, bright and sunny; the polar opposite of what I felt inside.
All day, I managed to mask my worries, pushing them to the back of my thoughts while I tried to silently reassure myself that it would all be okay. Yet things started to get shaken up when I entered our bedroom with Gus behind me and saw that Bass had just come out of the shower, and was about to get ready.
“What time is the appointment?” I casually asked, sitting right on the foot of the bed while I merely watched him. Gus jumped up and joined me in my ogling.
“At six pm,” Bass responded, walking towards his closet with a low-hung towel loosely around his hips.
My eyes were glued to him. “Are you guys going to meet there?”
Bass sent me a quick look before continuing to walk into his wardrobe haven. “She wants me to pick her up. She said she’s nauseous and can’t focus on driving.”
Red flags were waving at me.
Standing up, I strode towards him with my arms folded underneath my breasts, fuming about this newfound information. “Well, she’s bullshitting you. You know that. Don’t be stupid.”
Bass had his boxer-briefs on as he casually dried his hair with the towel then sighed loudly and threw the towel in the laundry bin. “Some pregnant women tend to be nauseous their entire pregnancy.” He glanced towards his clock, checking the time. “Nikki could be one of them.”
Bull fucking shit. “What the heck do you know about pregnancy?” I grated back, about to pop a vein because I was beyond angry.
Gus, out of nowhere, appeared and decided to sit right in between us before he made a sad whining sound. We both watched him and then Bass responded to me. “I read up online, trying to learn about stuff and the lot.”
This would have been okay, seriously, but what the heck? I was getting more pissed off because I could see Nikki winning—winning over this situation—but most of all, winning Bass over because HELL, he was researching stuff. That was a major deal.
“What the fuck do you need to learn about pregnancy for? It’s not like you’re with her every goddamned day!” Were they still talking daily? Fucking shit.
He gave me a cutting glare. “I’m not and I don’t intend to spend my days with her. I just think it would be good to know these things.” He started getting ready as he put his over worn jeans on before putting on a plain white, V-neck shirt. “If you have something else to say, don’t reel it in. Say it.”
My chest was rising up and down, heaving as if I had run miles while I tried with all my might to calm the hell down. Looking away, I whispered, “I hate feeling like this.” My voice shook. “I hate feeling like a mad, jealous woman because you’re experiencing this with another woman.” Glancing towards the tensed Bass, I continued with my acerbic tongue, barbed with hate, “You’re engaged to me—ME—and not that stupid bitch.”
He stared at me, taking time before responding back. “I know I’m engaged to you.” Bass moved closer. “But do you?”
Of course I fucking did. What the hell? His question pissed me off some more. I snorted, lashing out at him, hard, “Why did you have to fuck her and knock her up?” I screeched, almost face-to-face with him. “Why did I have to be holding the small end of the stick? Hell, had I known this was the shit Nikki was going to put me through, I should’ve had sex the way you two were going at it!” I spat out, hating him and Nikki together. A small part of me was telling myself to slow down and breathe—yet the evil was spreading fire and I was aflame with it.
Bass’s blue eyes darkened before me, grinding his teeth together as he looked at me like I was a wholly different woman. “Is that what you’re feeling? You’re feeling like you got gimped from some orgasms with Carter?” He moved closer, staring me down.
“I wish—but I didn’t go through it. Now, I wish I had.”
His nose flared, eyes deadly, cold and frozen. “How do I know that you were telling the truth? For all I know, you two could’ve done it. I mean, we both know how easily tight you are, so it would be hard to tell.” He whispered these words in such a hair-raising tone that it distracted me for a little bit.
Only for a flashing moment because the next words I spat out truly pushed his buttons some more. “Too bad that they haven’t invented a Lying Vagina Detector test.”
Bass reddened from anger then he looked to the side and took a few steps back, looking off. “I don’t want to continue this conversation like this; we’ll talk again when you’re not acting so jealous.” He eyed me for a second. “I have to go.”
He looked so lonely, sad and worn out from our fight. The man who had come out of the shower minutes ago looking so refreshed was the polar opposite of that now. I wanted to reach out, hug him and tell him that I didn’t mean any of those words, but Nikki’s face surfaced in my brain, thus spiting me some more.
“Yeah, go ahead and be with that Russian whore.”
Bass came up to me, tensed as ever, hoping to kiss my lips, however I avoided it, so he got my cheek instead. “I’ll be back.”
“Have fun playing family.” I was relentless, but shit, I was going through this crap, too. Not to mention that the ugliness of it was eating me alive, consuming me whole.
Bass paused, taking a few deep breaths before resuming his walk towards the door with his hands in his pockets.
This thing—this demon inside me—was eating me alive. I wanted him to ignore her until the testing could be done. It was hurting me to see that he was even talking to her, but what fucked me the most was how comfortable Nikki was in calling Bass any time of the day because she was feeling blue, dizzy, bloated and all the other shit she could call upon to use.
Could he not see that I was deteriorating inside? Could he not see how anguished I was when this subject was brought up? I knew I made a promise that I was going to accept it, but saying the words and going through the process were both different.
My actions were selfish. He told me that he was completely mystified about this whole Nikki and the baby ordeal, but I couldn’t help how I felt. Reeling my feelings in and pretending that I was okay about it would be a complete lie.
How much more could I endure before Bass finally saw how pained I was inside and finally succumbed to my wishes to stop entertaining that Russian woman? Or would it all be too late to save me, us and our future together?
Chapter 16
Emma
Three hours later, he finally came home, barely acknowledging me. However, his indifference didn’t stop me from interrogating him.
Three hours with Nikki alone, together. I needed more info.
Rounding the kitchen counter, I stood against it, looking at him as he greeted Gus with a smile; not me, but the dog. Great.
“How did it go?” I casually asked, but I barely looked it.
“Good,” he nonchalantly responded.
His lackluster answer pushed the wrong buttons. “What took you such a long time to get back?” I had waited, noting the ticking time while I thought the worst as each hour had passed. I mean, how long did it take to get an ultrasound anyway? According to Google, not that damn long that it would take three hours. So this man better begin talking or I was going to make him; or try to anyway.
Bass was still petting Gus, who was now on his back while he scratched his tummy away before muttering a response. “Nikki was begging me to take her to dinner.”
He took her to dinner. While I sat here, counting down the time, worried while I conjured up all the bad scenarios in my head. Seriously, and now he told me that he took her to dinner? Hell to the no.
“You fucked her, didn’t you?” I accused him, knowing that something big might’ve happened. Hell, didn’t he despise Nikki as much as I did? So for him to spend all these hours with her, there had to be a valid reason other than the bitch getting hungry. If he was cheating, he better come up with a better excuse because I wasn’t going to let it fly. No I fucking wouldn’t.
>
“Emma—”
“Fucking answer me, Bass!” I bellowed, adamant to get my answers.
He looked at me for a long time, shaking his head. “I am a lot of things. When people call me on it, I don’t deny it,” he spat out, looking at me with disdain. “But there is one thing I know I’m not, and that’s a cheater. So don’t go start comparing me to him. I’m never going to do the things Carter did to you.”
Carter…I didn’t remember ever feeling like I was being stabbed a hundred times while alcohol was poured over me, stinging and burning my existence. “I know. What you’re doing is far worse.”
“Wow,” he whispered, getting up while shaking his head. He breathed deeply through his nostrils before looking at the wall. “Wow.” He nodded and then left Gus and me, heading straight towards the front door again. He exited and slammed it shut, making the walls vibrate and echo around me.
I could hear his car being gunned hard as he drove off, leaving me all alone with my fear and heartbreak to console me. After months of being happy, this was the first time I had cried with the fear of losing what I had fought so hard to have.
Clutching my engagement ring, I silently cried and held it close to my heart, praying that my fears would subside. That, when tomorrow came, things would resort back to normal.
~E~
I was woken up by a drunk Bass at two in the morning as he stumbled into the nearest accent table before he finally found the switch that flooded our bedroom with soft lighting.
My heart reached out to him, knowing that I had played a major part of him putting himself in a stupor. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier; all of the hurtful things I’ve said. Most of them I didn’t mean. I was hurting and I wanted to inflict pain.”
“Go to sleep, Em,” he said, not looking at me.
He had to listen, at least. “Bass, please, let me explain.”
He sighed, letting his head fall as he squeezed the bridge of his nose before speaking, “I fucked up. This is all on me.” He breathed in and made a long, grumbling exhale sound. “I know. Each time I look at you, I know.” He started walking towards the bathroom, murmuring in his wake, “I’m sorry for all of this. This is all on me, Emma. All on me; so go to sleep.”
