by Dom Testa
Rather than put any punctuation on her suggestion, she looked over at Gina to indicate that she was finished. Gina said, “Gap?”
“Well,” he began, then chuckled. “Maybe now you all want to vote for ‘none of the above.’” A chorus of nervous laughter greeted this.
“I appreciate what Hannah had to say about my plan, and I will start by echoing the same sentiments about hers. It’s an interesting idea, and might very well be the way to go. But I guess I go back to the faith I mentioned earlier. I believe that our shields are strong enough, and the basic science behind them is sound enough, to protect us from the damage. Dropping out of our flight path, however, is not a choice I would make. There are too many unknowns. For one thing, we have no proof whatsoever that the bruise is flat; the wormhole could just as easily have ruptured space, exploding outward in all directions. If that’s the case, we would still be in the same position, but without the benefit of the added protection I’m proposing.
“There’s another potential problem,” he added. “Her solution might be quicker, but dropping below the galactic plane could potentially expose us to additional sources of radiation, such as gamma rays. We’re shielded somewhat within the cocoon of the Milky Way.”
He could see the crew’s faces contorting as they wrestled with the two choices now placed before them. Each had pros and cons, and each came with a price tag.
“Before we walk out of here,” Gap said, “I would like to thank Hannah for her opening comment about working together, regardless of the outcome. I think you can count on that from both of us.”
There was a smattering of applause which slowly built into a crescendo. Hannah and Gap met at the center of the stage and shook hands, then walked down the steps and took their seats in the front row.
“Thank you all for your attention tonight,” Gina said to the crowd. “You have plenty to think about. However, I think it’s fair to say that both candidates are strong choices. If anything, you should feel good that the ship is in such capable hands. Take some time to consider everything you’ve heard, and then get a good night’s sleep.
“Tomorrow is the first election day on Galahad. Good luck to the candidates, and good luck to us all.”
20
Lita had never seen the Dining Hall so empty in the morning. It puzzled her, because, if anything, she had expected the room to be packed. Traditionally, during times of stress, people chose to gather around food, to exchange ideas and provide support. For some reason, the crew of Galahad had chosen to spend their first election day on their own. She thought it over and decided that the second election forum had shifted the crew’s collective mind-set. The poise and style exhibited by both Gap and Hannah had instilled a renewed sense of purpose; the usual gossip and chatter had been replaced by a thoughtful respect of their mission, and their destiny.
This crew, Lita decided, had grown up.
She watched Channy stroll into the room, exchange greetings with a handful of people near the door, then pick up a glass of juice and an energy bar, and wander back to Lita’s table.
“Dead in here,” Channy said.
“Yeah,” Lita said. “I would have stayed in myself, but I thought it would be better if the Council was visible today.” She laughed. “Guess it wouldn’t have really mattered.”
“Tell me about it. The gym was like a ghost town. Wasn’t even worth getting up early. Of course, getting up wasn’t a problem, really; I hardly slept last night. You?”
Lita shook her head. “I couldn’t shut my mind off. The funny thing is, it wasn’t about the election, or the radiation problem. I spent most of the night thinking about Triana.”
Channy sipped her juice. “Why is that, do you think?”
“I think the election is making everything hit home for me. In a way it was easy to pretend that Triana wasn’t really gone, that she would walk in and join us for breakfast like she used to do. Now we’re electing her replacement; that’s a little too real, you know?”
“Stop it, you’re gonna make me cry again,” Channy said. “I’m trying to get through today without having a breakdown.” She quickly took another sip of juice, blinking hard. After looking around the room, she said, “I voted first thing this morning. I didn’t want to have to think about it anymore today. Too draining. What about you?”
Lita smiled at her. “No, I wanted to come down here and just relax a bit. It’s been such a bizarre week. I’ll head back to the room when I leave here and take care of it. So…” She swirled her own glass of juice. “I guess last night must have made some kind of impact on you since you were so quick to cast your ballot.”
A sly smile crossed Channy’s face. “Let’s just say that I’d made up my mind by the time I went to bed. And I know I shouldn’t tell you how I voted, but—”
“No,” Lita said. “I don’t want to know. And don’t hint, either. I really don’t want to know.”
“Oh, you’re horrible!” Channy said with a grin. “I’m about to burst.”
“Go back to the gym and work it out with some sweat. Now.”
Channy laughed. “You’re no fun.” She reached out and touched the charcoal-colored stone that hung from a simple silver strand around Lita’s neck. “Hey, this is gorgeous. How have I not seen it before?”
“It was a gift from Alexa.”
Channy gawked. “Alexa?”
Lita related the story of her visit with Katarina, then said, “Alexa kept it tucked away in a box, but I felt like I could honor her by wearing it. Since Nung loves to work with jewelry, I asked what he could do with it, and this is what he brought to me.”
“I love it,” Channy said. “I’m gonna have to get Nung to make something pretty for me, too.” She stood up. “All right, off I go. Let’s get together tonight after the results are posted, okay?”
“You have a date.”
Channy walked out of the Dining Hall, and Lita fell back into her thoughts of Triana. How would she vote? Which candidate would Triana think was the best choice to lead the crew? Gap brought Council experience and good people skills. Hannah brought fresh ideas and a razor-sharp mind for solving problems. Which one would Triana feel should be her replacement?
Lita’s head was down, and it took a moment for her to realize that she had company again. Looking up, she was startled to find Bon staring down at her with his cobalt-blue eyes.
“Oh” was the first sound that escaped from her. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you walk up.”
“I’d like to get the translator back from you, if you don’t mind.”
Lita blinked. “And good morning to you, too.”
“Right.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “I know a lot of people have a hard time handling your personality, Bon, including me sometimes. But other times—like right now—it’s exactly what I need. Thank you.”
He grunted. “Let’s talk about the translator.”
“What makes you think I have it?”
“Are we really going to go back and forth like this? Wouldn’t it save time to just go get it and give it back to me?”
Lita drummed her fingers on the table and found it hard to scrub the smile off her face. “Okay. Yes, I have the translator.”
“Of course you do. As soon as I found out that Gap didn’t take it, I knew it had to be you. The only thing I don’t know is how you knew where to look for it.”
“Really? Think about it,” Lita said.
Bon stood above her, staring into her eyes. A moment later he nodded once. “Alexa.”
“She was one of my best friends, Bon. Girls talk, you know?”
He remained silent and motionless for a moment, then pulled out a chair and sat down across from her.
“I know you pride yourself on being cool and in control,” Lita said. “But not everyone is like that. Alexa cared for you a great deal. She wanted to open up so much to you, but never felt like you reciprocated. She wanted someone to talk to about all of those feelings, so she turned to me. I d
idn’t know exactly where the clearing was, but I knew enough to figure it out.”
Bon pursed his lips. “So this is a critique of how I handled things with Alexa?”
“No. You are who you are. But I think you regret how you handled things with her. For that matter, I think you regret how you handled things with Triana. I don’t know what it was, but something was going on between you two. So no, I’m not going to criticize you; with both of them gone, I can’t imagine anyone on this ship more tortured than you. I cared for them both, but at least they knew that.”
He turned his head and stared across the room. Lita wondered if it was just the play of the lights, or if his eyes were truly moist.
Finally he looked back at her. “Let’s talk about the translator. Are you going to give it back to me?”
“Let’s wait until the election is over and we have a new Council Leader. That was my position in the first place. Unless you want to tell me what you’re trying to learn from the Cassini.”
She thought he might argue with her, but apparently he understood that it was pointless. “All right,” he said, and stood up.
And that was it. He spun on his heel and stalked out of the room. Once again Lita had an entire section of the Dining Hall to herself. She took a sip of juice and gazed across the room.
Bon was reluctant to open up to anyone, it seemed. And yet he was willing to allow the Cassini access to his mind, to his thoughts. It was easier for him to form a connection with an alien intelligence than with someone he might actually have feelings for. Why? Was it safer for him somehow?
She rested her head on one hand and glanced back at the door. What was Bon looking for?
* * *
Gap had suggested that Hannah meet him near the window on the lower level, but that spot held too many painful memories for her. Instead they met in the deserted Conference Room. It was a few minutes past noon.
“Thanks for coming,” he said.
“Sure.” Hannah took a seat at the table. At first Gap considered walking around to the other side so they could face each other, but he elected to sit next to her.
“I heard that we’ve had two more shield failures today,” Hannah said. “How long this time?”
“Both about two seconds,” Gap said. “They’re fairly regular now. If your theory is correct, little pieces of us are being sliced away each day.” He shuddered. “Ugh, what a thought. After reading that post from your friends, I’m sure everyone on the ship is having the same nightmares about it, too.”
A shadow crossed Hannah’s face. “Listen, those were not my words. You understand that, right? I had nothing to do with that post. I would never endorse that kind of fearmongering. And I would never question … well, let’s just say that I have no doubt about your leadership skills.”
Gap smiled at her. “I know that. But apparently some of your supporters do. Know who it was?”
“No, but I think I have an idea.”
There was silence for a few moments before Gap filled the space. “Even if their description is true, what really makes it strange is the fact that we don’t feel any different, you know?”
“Yes, but the ship is … different today,” Hannah said. “I don’t know if you’ve been out much, but there’s a strange feeling in the air.”
“Yeah, I noticed it, too. It’s never been this quiet.”
She nodded. “Makes me wish that the day would rush by. I don’t know about you, but I’m mentally exhausted.”
Gap agreed. While she was talking, he couldn’t help but stare at her. Something was different in the way she carried herself, the way she talked. When they were together as a couple she’d been relatively shy and reserved; their energy had been polar opposites. Now there was no doubt in his mind that Hannah had changed. She wasn’t necessarily more outgoing, but she exuded a confidence that he’d never seen before. It came across as strength.
Was it a result of the election? Had the forums, along with the vocal support of so many crew members, bolstered her self-image? Or was it more than that? He wondered if it might have been the breakup itself that had shifted something within her. Or …
Or could it be that Hannah was involved with someone else? What if her head had been turned by someone new, and the rebound had instilled a shot of confidence?
Gap realized with a start how much that shook him. Since their split he had considered talking to her, trying to mend their differences, perhaps even trying again; he hadn’t considered the possibility of her moving on, of her falling for someone else.
Stop it, he told himself. This isn’t the time to worry about that.
Almost a minute of silence had passed between them, and Hannah raised her eyebrows. “So, you wanted to talk about something?”
“Oh … yeah, I did. Well, nothing major, but…” He smiled sheepishly. “Listen, all I wanted to do was have a moment with you in private to wish you good luck. You’ve impressed everyone on the ship. Especially me.”
“Thank you,” she said, looking down, a touch of the old Hannah surfacing. “This has been exciting, but also…” She seemed to search for the right word. “Difficult. For a variety of reasons.”
He stared at her again. “Care to list them?”
Hannah took a quick glance at him, then back at the table, then turned and gazed out the Conference Room’s window into space. For a moment she seemed lost among the stars.
“It hasn’t been in my nature to get up in front of people and try to lead,” she said. “I’ve generally liked to stay behind the scenes and do the research. So this was a difficult transition.
“It’s also difficult because thoughts of Triana keep popping into my head. I had so much respect for her, for the job she did, for the way she handled all of the emergencies that we’ve faced since we left Earth. And I wondered, am I capable of filling her shoes? Do I have the same strengths that she had?”
“You don’t need to have the same strengths,” Gap said softly. “Each person leads in their own way. You have your own strengths, you know.”
“That’s sweet of you to say, but I’m sure you’ve had the same thoughts,” Hannah said. “I almost felt … I don’t know, unworthy. Unworthy to try to follow the job that Triana did. I mean, whoever takes this position will automatically be judged by the way Triana led this crew. It’s been hard coming to grips with the fact that I might soon be under an incredibly strong microscope. As the week has progressed, though, I’ve begun to realize that anyone would feel out of their league. Triana must have battled the same feelings; why should I be any different?”
Gap understood completely, but said nothing.
“And it’s also been challenging on a much more personal level,” she said. She turned her head from the window and looked into Gap’s eyes. “It’s been hard going up against you, Gap. Because…”
Her voice trailed off, and her shoulders slumped. As strong as she had seemed a minute earlier, she now seemed emotionally burdened. Gap wanted to reach over and put a hand on her shoulder but thought it might seem condescending.
“Because why?” he said.
She kept her gaze focused on him, something that she might not have pulled off a month or two ago. “Two reasons. First, I’ve had to promise myself that this would never be about striking back at you for the way things ended. And I won’t lie; that’s been tough. But I’ve kept my focus on the position itself, and the fact that there’s more to me than you ever were aware of. Yes, you hurt me, but I won’t let that define me. I’m worth more than that. I’m aware of it, and the crew is slowly becoming aware of it. When I started this I think I really wanted you to be aware of it, too. Now I’m not sure that’s as important to me anymore.”
Gap felt as if he’d been pushed backward. He fought to keep his composure, willing himself to not show weakness in front of her.
Nodding slightly, he said, “And the other reason this has been difficult?”
She paused a moment before answering. “Because I still care abo
ut you, that’s why.”
He felt his breath catch in his throat. Although he might have thought about it, he never thought he’d hear her say it. There was another long moment of silence. Finally, he reached over and placed his hand on top of hers.
“And I still care about you, Hannah. This … this has been hard for me, too.”
What happened next surprised him. She suddenly pulled her hand out from under his and stood up. “But I don’t want to feel this way,” she said. “Do you understand me? I fight with this every day. I’ve told myself that I need to move on, that you’re not right for me. Anyone who would dump me the way you did…” Her eyes narrowed and she pointed a finger towards him. “I don’t want to feel this way. And I can’t even believe I told you that I cared.”
She turned and took a few steps towards the door, then turned back to face him. “I’m sure this gives you some sort of satisfaction, and that makes me even more angry at myself.”
“Hannah,” he said, standing and taking a step towards her. “No, don’t say that. It doesn’t give me—”
She put a hand on his chest to stop him. “Forget I said anything,” she said. “Just forget everything I’ve said in the last minute. Thank you for the good-luck wishes. Same to you.”
It looked as though she wanted to add something else, but it never made it out. She cut off what sounded like a sob, pulled her head back high, and gave him a defiant look before striding out of the room.
21
By now you know what a keen observer I am when it comes to human interaction and psychology. If you don’t know it by now, go back to the first volume, start over, and read every word up to this point until you say, “Oh yeah, that Roc is a keen observer.”
Or save yourself some time and just concede the point.
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I’ve noticed how difficult it can be for some people to confront others when they discover the truth about them.
