by Tara Pammi
It had been the same for the last three months. He would send the papers to her and she would send them back, unsigned. Without a reply.
Nathan clenched his teeth, the emptiness he had been fighting for months sucking him in. “Find her number for me.”
A few minutes later, Nathan punched in her number and waited. His heart leaped into his throat, his pulse ringing very much like the peal of the phone on the other line.
“Hello?” her voice came across the line, and his stomach lurched. Just hearing her voice was enough to drive him into that crazed, out-of-control need to see her, to touch her, to hold her close, to wake up to her face.
“Hello?”
Stepping back from the sunshine, Nate leaned against the brick wall. Took a deep breath. “Why the hell aren’t you signing the papers, Riya? What do you want now?”
The line was silent for a few seconds. And her face popped up in his mind’s eye, her expression stricken as she had left him that night.
“I... Nate, how are you?”
“I’m alive, Riya.” He heard her gasp and ignored it. At least now there was no need to pretend. “And if I weren’t, you would be the first one to—”
“Bastard.”
This time, he laughed, chose again to ignore the cutting pain packed into the single word. “Cut the theatrics and tell me why you’re refusing to sign away the estate.”
“I decided that it should be mine. That I don’t want to part with it, after all.”
Disbelief roared in his ears. And he let a curse fly. “Have you finally decided to listen to your mother, then?”
“I figured it was mine every which way it counted,” she continued smoothly, as though he hadn’t just insulted her and this thing between them, as though she wasn’t tying him up in knots.
“And how did you come to that impossible conclusion?”
“Robert, who’s my father as far as I’m concerned, deeded it to me with love. I’m strong enough to accept my right over it now. Of course, that’s thanks to you. And more than that, I figured it was mine because it belonged to the man I love with all my heart.”
He felt as if a fist had jammed up into his chest. He couldn’t breathe as her words sank in. There was no hesitation in her voice. “You’ve lost your mind,” he said, pushing the words out through a raw throat. “Gone over the edge.”
“Actually it’s the opposite. I’ve realized that my happiness is in my hands. Not Jackie’s or Robert’s or even yours. That I have to believe that I deserve love. That I have to risk pain to fight for it.” Now she didn’t sound that put together. “Admit it, Nate. If I asked you for it right now, you wouldn’t fight me. You wouldn’t deny me.”
His butterfly was getting reckless, coming into her own. Despite the ache in his heart, he smiled. “Why would I do that?”
“Because you love me.” She waited, as though she wanted him to feel the full impact of her outrageous announcement. “You can put thousands of miles between us, you can cut all connections from me, you might never even see me again. But you think about me all the time. That estate, that massive fortune of yours, that faulty but generous heart of yours...they are all mine.”
“You sound very sure, Riya.”
The sound of her laugh pierced through him. “I think I know you as well as I know myself now. I realized that I won’t ever have to work a day in my life again and still live like a princess. Because one of the richest and the most wonderful man in the world...I belong to him now. How’s that for security, huh?”
She sounded confident, even brazen, but he could imagine the tears in her eyes, her hands fisting at her sides as she forced the words past that beautiful mouth. “But the thing is, I would rather risk my heart for another moment with him than have all the security in the world.” He heard her suck in a breath. “That estate is the best waiting place for me when I come back.”
With every word she said, she was twisting his insides, unraveling him. And beneath his rules, his honor, his revulsion for fear, Nate saw something else. As if he had been sitting in the dark all this time, mistaking his cowardice for his guts.
He asked the question he knew he shouldn’t. “Waiting for what?”
“For you to come home.” The ache in her voice was as clear as the ache in his own heart. “For you to come back to me.” And she was crying and unraveling, right along with him, even though there were thousands of miles between them.
He rubbed his eyes with his fingers, a stinging heat prickling behind them. Her words gouged a hole through the emptiness he felt. “That’s never going to happen, butterfly. You’re wasting your precious life. You want a stable life with a steadfast man who’ll be with you for the rest of your life, remember? Me? I could be gone any time.” His own cheeks were wet now and Nathan didn’t feel ashamed or afraid, only ache.
“Yeah, well, you ruined all my plans for my life, Nate. Now I want something else.”
“Yeah? What?”
“A decade, a year, a day, or even another moment with the man I adore. With the man who showed me how to live, and love. With the man I’ll love for the rest of my life.”
He heard her grasping breath, the catch in her voice. Heard her tear-soaked voice as if she were looking at him with those beautiful brown eyes.
“I love you, Nate, with every breath in me. I have been a coward all my life. I was a coward even that night. I let you walk away. But not anymore. I deserve happiness and so do you. My life is empty without you, Nate.”
How he wanted to believe her; how he wished he had the courage to be the man she deserved. Because that was what he was lacking. Not the robust heart, not a body that would live for a century. But the courage to grab the love she offered, to trust her love and his, to risk his heart.
Whatever it was that was holding him back now, protecting his heart, this was fear.
He was in that moment he had dreaded his whole life. Fear and pain. And yet it was of not seeing Riya ever again, of not waking up to her, of not seeing her wide mouth split into a smile at the sight of him, of not holding her tight until they couldn’t breathe.
“I’m waiting for you, Nate.” She was crying now, in soft sobs and broken words. And the pain that caused him was more than any he had ever felt, hurt deeper than any other fear that he didn’t want to feel.
“I think I’ll always wait for you.”
And then she hung up.
* * *
Riya sank to her bed in her hotel room, her breaths coming jerkily. Grabbing the edge of the T-shirt she had taken from Nate that night, she buried her face in it. Every inch of her was still vibrating at hearing his voice. Her fingers hurt with how tightly she had fisted them, how she wanted to touch him, feel his arms around her.
Had he known that she was falling apart? How much it had cost her to say what was truly in her heart, even knowing that it might never change his mind? How big a risk she had taken by binding herself to him, by giving him her heart?
But to this new Riya whom he had brought to life, nothing less than what she wanted, what she deserved was acceptable.
Without him, nothing in the world meant anything to her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NATHAN FOUND HER a month later on a beach in Ubud, Bali, in one of the villas RunAway owned, sitting on the deck that offered spectacular views of rolling hills and valleys. The villa was the utmost in privacy and comfort. It perched atop a valley overlooking a lush river gorge.
It had been his very own slice of paradise. When Jacob told him that a request had come in from his property manager that a woman named Riya Ramirez, who’d claimed to be his close friend, had wanted to use it, he had laughed for a full minute. The woman was relentless, stubborn, manipulative, and he loved her for all of it.
And yet, with the setting sun casting golden shadows on
her striking face, it was loneliness that enveloped her now. And it clawed at his heart.
It had taken him three weeks to consolidate his worldwide holdings, to find and hire efficient managers where he needed, to fight the voice that whispered no every second of the day.
But there had also been one that kept counting the time down, telling him that he had wasted enough as it was. And he realized, if he had lived without fear, he had also lived without joy for too long.
Once he had decided, it had taken him a week to find her, and every minute of waiting to hear more had been excruciating. Until the stubborn woman herself had sent him a clue.
Did she love him that much? Would she have stopped at nothing until she got through to him? Could he always prove himself worthy of it?
Feeling a knot of anxiety, he clenched and unclenched his fingers.
She was dressed in a sleeveless, floral dress that rippled around her knees with the breeze.
“Riya?” he said, unable to say anything else past the emotion clogging his throat.
She was off the lounging chair and deck before he could blink. Standing before him with her hair flying in her face before he could draw another breath. Her chest falling and rising, her mouth pinched.
And the love in her eyes undid Nathan as nothing had ever done. “I love you, butterfly,” he said, and she swayed, a gasp falling from her lips. Threw herself into his arms like a gale of wind. Knocked the breath out of him, knocked him off his feet.
He buried his mouth in her neck, filling himself with the scent of her.
Her arms wound around him so tight that he laughed. Pulling her head back, she glared at him. “I’m never letting you go, ever. You even talk about leaving me again and I’ll chain you to myself.” A shudder swept through her in direct contrast to the bravado in her words.
“I love you so much, Nate. I’ve missed you so much. Every day, every night, wherever I want, I thought about you. It hurt so much that I wanted it to stop for a while. It felt like—”
“Like you were missing an essential part of yourself?” he said, and she nodded.
He tasted her in a rough kiss, needing the fortification, needing tangible proof of her taste. She clung to him with just as much desperation.
“Do you know what you’re signing up for, butterfly?” he said, when his desperation had blunted, when his heart beat normally again. When the shadow of a lifelong fear clasped him tight. “It would kill me much sooner to see—”
Her palm closed over his mouth and she shook her head. “I do feel fear, and sometimes I can’t breathe thinking of this world without you. But I’d rather fight that fear every day than live another moment without you. I’ll do it, Nate. I’ll only ever try to be your strength. And all I ask is that you give me the chance. To love you, to be loved by you, for as long as possible, that’s all I want.”
Clasping her hand in his, he dragged her to the edge of the deck and looked out into the valley and beyond. Turned her toward him and dropped onto his knees.
“I love you, Riya, with every breath in my body, with every beat of my faulty heart. I was so lonely before I met you. I thought I was protecting you by walking away. When you called me, when you so bravely put into words what you felt for me...to hear you say what I felt for you, to hear you tell me you chose to love me even as you were afraid, it made me realize I wasn’t living, merely existing. You’ve taught me what it is to be brave, butterfly.”
Riya kissed him, tears stinging her cheeks. Running her hands over him greedily, she clung to him, fear and joy all bubbling inside her. Her biggest risk had paid off and her heart stuttered in her chest. “All I want is to be by your side for the rest of our lives.”
His eyes shining with unshed tears, he kissed her temple. “Will you be my wife, butterfly? Will you tie yourself to me, then?”
Riya nodded, the small doubt in his tone doing nothing to abate the intensity of her own love. He had come for her; he had shown her his heart. It didn’t mean years of protecting himself from fear and hurt would be gone this very second. But she was strong enough for both of them. “Yes.”
He dragged her into the cradle of his arms, his lean frame shuddering. “That’s the sweetest word I’ve ever heard, Riya.”
For the first time in his life, Nathan felt joy, and he felt complete. With the woman he loved with him, there was no place for fear.
Only love and utter happiness for the rest of his days.
EPILOGUE
One year later
HIS BREATH HITCHING in his throat, every inch of him thrumming with anticipation, Nathan turned around and froze.
With the blue sea and white sand as her background, Riya stilled beneath the arch that was decorated with sheer white lilies and cream-colored silk.
Her gaze met his, her mouth wreathed in a shy smile; she was waiting to see his reaction, he realized.
The red sheer silk sari she wore wound around her striking figure, baring her midriff, inviting his touch. When he had looked at the huge yard of the material and frowned a week ago, she had patiently and laughingly explained to him how it worked, and how much fun she was having with her aunt teaching her how to wear it.
And that she was learning it for him, she had said with a wink.
He was glad she did.
The silk draped over her left shoulder and hung behind her, hiding and showcasing her beautiful body. Her long hair flew in the breeze, but it was the glittering expression in her eyes that arrested him.
He couldn’t breathe when he remembered her tears when they’d learned that her father had passed away a few years before they’d tracked him down. He had held her all night, her pain as much as his. And the smile in her eyes, when he’d told her about the aunt his PI had located... the only blood relative of her father still alive.
All his wealth and power, he had truly appreciated it that day. For it had brought such happiness to the woman he loved.
He mouthed, I love you and tears shimmered in her gaze as she walked toward him.
* * *
Her heart racing as if toward some invisible goal, Riya rubbed her fingers over her face. She blew out a breath, a shadow of fear marring her perfect day.
Beneath the cliff on top of which the villa sat, the sea was dark blue, the horizon where the sky met the sea not visible. It was the most beautiful place she had ever seen.
The wedding on the beach had been her dream come true. Robert, Jackie and her aunt, and the staff from the estate, Riya had never felt more loved or cherished.
And in between all of it was the man she loved.
It had taken all these months for Nathan to believe that she truly wanted this—that she wouldn’t change her mind, that she would never stop loving him, that she would never let herself be driven by fear.
And now the truth she had realized just this morning.
Wrapping her arms around herself, she battled both excitement and fear.
She turned when the door of the main bedroom in the villa closed with a soft thud.
Nathan stood leaning against the door, and the raw heat in his eyes instantly sent an answering tremble through her. She wondered if she was betraying herself, if the small thing she had learned this morning was written on her face.
“I don’t want you to wear a sari again.”
“What?” She ran her hands over the silky folds, distracted by his expression. “You don’t like it?”
“As your husband, I command you not to wear it in public,” he added with a possessive glint in his eye, and she laughed.
“I’ve been waiting to say that since I saw you walking down toward me.”
He caught the edge that trailed over her shoulder with one hand and tugged hard. And the silky soft material came undone around her and ripped at her waist.
He tugged until Riya was caught in his arms.
“You look utterly gorgeous and scandalously sexy in it. And I don’t want any other man but me to see that.”
He buried his mouth in the curve of her neck, his hands settling around her bare midriff. “Nate, wait, I want to—”
“It’s all I’ve been wanting to do since I saw you, Riya. Please don’t deny me.”
Forgetting her own words, she pushed into him and sank her fingers in his hair.
As he whispered words that made her core pulse with spiraling need, his long fingers climbing up her midriff toward her breasts encased snugly in the blouse.
He groaned and pulled the hooks that held it together with a strong tug and Riya gasped as she heard the blouse rip at the hooks. With impatient fingers, he pushed the cups of her bra down.
She shuddered as his abrasive palms covered her breasts, the aching, tight nipples rasping against the roughness. Rubbing her buttocks against his hard body, Riya loosened the petticoat and let it pool at her feet.
His palms moved over her waist and then her thighs. When he picked her up and placed her on an exquisitely crafted sofa table, she laughed and gave herself over to the dark passion lighting up his eyes.
Their lovemaking was swift, desperate, coated with the awareness that they were now joined in the holiest of bonds, exalted by the promises they had made to each other. Sweat cooling on her forehead, she leaned her head against his chest, the superfast rhythm of his heart comforting under her palms.
She kissed the taut skin of his pectorals, breathing in the musky scent of him.
“You always do that,” he said, his words a gravelly rasp against her senses.
Looking up, she smiled, her arms still around him. “What do you mean?”
He pushed sweaty tendrils of hair that stuck to her forehead. “Check my heart. Every time after we make love, you put your face to my chest as though you want to—”
Shaking her head, she put her fingers over his mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize that I did that. I didn’t mean to make you feel—”
