Mail-Order Bride Ink: Dear Mr. Comfort

by Kit Morgan

  … no, that was a fantasy she needed to let go. No doubt they’d say their goodbyes, then he’d head to Denver and she for England. It was time to grow up and leave childish dreams behind.

  She entered through the livery’s side door and stepped into the work area. It was warmer than she expected. She was half-tempted to give the forge a blast of the bellows to keep it that way.

  “Honoria?”

  She jumped. He must've arrived just before she did. “Major? Where are you?”

  She heard the strike of a match. Major lit a lantern, hung it on a nail pounded into a post and turned to her. “Well, this is rather unusual.”

  “I daresay.” My, but he was handsome, especially in what had to be his Sunday best. She realized that if he was here, he wasn't at the concert. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be singing.”

  “I should ask the same of you,” he replied, coming closer. “I find this all very unusual.”

  “You do? Then why drag me out of the church to talk here?”

  “Drag you out? Personally, this could have waited until after the performance. Mrs. King is going to be very upset with me, and so will my brothers.”

  “What? Major, you are making absolutely no sense.”

  He grinned that wonderful grin of his. She hadn’t seen it in a long time and forgot how it made her heart flutter. “What exactly is it you require of me, Honoria?”

  “Require of you? I don't understand – you asked to meet me here.” She pulled the note out of her pocket and waved it.

  “My dear lady, you asked me.” He took a piece of paper from his coat pocket and held it out for inspection.

  She snatched it from his hand, unfolded it and read:

  Meet me in the livery stable after my performance. H.C.

  She gaped at him. “What in … I didn't send this!”

  “But if you didn't, then who did?”

  “That's what I'd like to know!”

  To Honoria’s utter horror, Lucretia Lynch stepped into the lamplight and went straight to Major. “If you wanted me alone, you could have just said so. You didn't need to send a note.”

  Major looked between the two women. “You sent this?” he asked Lucretia

  She snaked an arm around his. “What if I did?” Then she looked at Honoria. “What I want to know is, what is she doing here?”

  “I came because he sent me a note,” Honoria said. “Or someone pretending to be him did.”

  Lucretia glared at him. “Did you?”

  Major sighed. “No, though I wished I’d thought of it. I came because someone pretending to be her sent me a note.”

  “Well, no matter,” Lucretia replied, missing the hint. “But so long as we’re here, why don’t we make the most of it?” She nodded at Honoria. “As soon as you leave, of course.”

  Honoria frowned. The sight of Lucretia latched on to Major was almost more than she could stand, and the urge to find the nearest horse whip and teach the Reb tramp some manners was tempting. But she had to remember why she was there – and staying there. She sighed and stepped closer to the forge for warmth.

  “Are you cold?” Major asked. He pried himself from Lucretia and started to take off his coat.

  “Only a little,” Lucretia said.

  Major turned to her, noted the thick coat she wore and rolled his eyes. He finished taking off his own and went to Honoria. “Where’s your coat? You’ll freeze out here.”

  “Only if I go outside,” she said flatly, then looked over her shoulder. “Which I’m not planning to just yet.”

  He wrapped his coat around her. “Don’t take it off,” he whispered, a hand on her shoulder.

  She glanced at the hand, then at him. There was that intense stare of his, the one that could make her forget who she was. “What are we doing here, Major?” she said.

  His eyes roamed her face, settling on her lips. “I don’t know. But … if you’ll forgive me being so forward, I’m glad I am.”

  She could feel the heat coming off his body and trembled at the closeness. “I … shouldn’t be here. I need to get back.”

  The hand on her shoulder moved to her hair. “Do you really have to go?”

  She gasped as his fingers found their way into her locks. “Major, what are you …”

  “Doing?” he said as his other arm wrapped around her waist.

  “Yes! What are you doing?” Lucretia huffed.

  Major’s eyes flicked to her, then locked on Honoria’s. “Something I should have done a long time ago.” Before either woman could say another word, his lips joined with Honoria’s, leaving no doubt in anyone’s mind exactly what he was doing.

  “Why, I never!” Lucretia screeched. “How … how …”

  “Scandalous?”

  Honoria squeaked in alarm against Major’s mouth as she recognized the voice. Andel Berg? Why was he here?

  Major broke the kiss slowly, tenderly, and gazed into her eyes in the dim lamplight. “Honoria, I’m so sorry.”

  She swallowed hard, not understanding. “For what?”

  “For not doing that sooner.”

  Lucretia groaned in disgust. “Oh for Heaven’s sake!”

  “Indeed,” Mr. Berg said in all seriousness. “This behavior can’t be tolerated!”

  Honoria, her mind still in a kiss induced fog, finally gave the giant her attention. “What?”

  “You, young lady, have been compromised!” he pointed a long finger at her.

  Honoria blanched. “What?!”

  Mr. Berg spun to Lucretia. “Run for the preacher!”

  “I’ll do no such thing! It’s obvious this was all planned!”

  “Really?” Mr. Berg said in innocence. “How can you tell?”

  “Because, er … I …” She turned to Major. “Why did you ask me here? What was this note all about? And why is she here?”

  “In order: I didn’t. I don’t know what note you mean. And while I don’t know why she’s here, I’m glad she is – and I wish you weren’t.”

  “This is ridiculous!” Lucretia hissed. “Wait until my father hears about this!”

  “He already has,” Mr. Berg said, taking out his pocket watch and flipping it open.

  No sooner had he done so than Mr. Lynch burst through the doors at the other end of the stable. “Lucretia! What has he done to you! Someone call for the preacher!”

  Major moved in front of Honoria as if to protect her from the newcomer.

  Mr. Berg smiled. “My thoughts exactly. He should come right away and see to this whole nasty business.”

  Mr. Lynch pointed a finger at Major. “I demand you make things right by my daughter.”

  Major stepped away from Honoria and raised a single eyebrow. “Your daughter?”

  “That’s right! You’d better do the right thing!” He turned to Mr. Berg. “Were you a witness? Did you see what happened?”

  Mr. Berg gave him the tiniest hint of a smile. “Indeed, sir, I did.”

  “That settles it, then! She was compromised, wasn’t she?” Mr. Lynch went on.

  “One could say that.” Mr. Berg calmly turned toward the nearest door.

  “Fetch that preacher!” Mr. Lynch cried. “There’s not a moment to lose!” He pulled a gun and aimed it at Major.

  “Whoa!” Major placed himself in front of Honoria again. “There’s no need for that.”

  “You’d better make sure he stays put,” Mr. Berg told Mr. Lynch. “We’ll go fetch what’s needed.”

  Lucretia rolled her eyes. “Daddy! Don’t you see what’s …?”

  “Come along, Miss Lynch,” Mr. Berg said, grabbing her arm and pulling her toward the door.

  “Unhand me, you brute!”

  “Now, now, Miss Lynch. You don’t want to see your father have to shoot Mr. Comfort.”

  “Shoot him? Why …” But Mr. Berg hurried her out the door before she could finish.

  Mr. Lynch cackled. “Now we’ll set things to rights, you … you scoundrel!”

&nbs
p; Honoria, her wits returning, glanced between the two men. “Huh?”

  Major eyed the gun in the other man’s hand, then looked back at Honoria. “It’s all right. Everything’s all right.”

  “Everything is … well, confusing at the moment,” she said, her mind still on his kiss.

  “Things will all be made clear, trust me.”

  “I don’t … that … hmmm …” A memory began surfacing in her mind. Could it be? If so, the next thing to happen would be …

  Sure enough, people started filing into the stable – including her parents. Honoria’s father took one look at Major obviously protecting her and gasped. “What are you two doing in here?”

  She peeked around Major’s shoulder at him. “Frankly, Papa, I think you’re about to find out.” Then she began to giggle.

  “What’s so funny?” Major hissed back at her, then finally turned around, ignoring Mr. Lynch’s weapon. “Care to explain it to me?”

  “In a minute I won’t have to,” she replied, still giggling. She knew how this story went – she’d heard it before, many times. Oh, Andel Berg, you stinker! “Please don’t go to Denver. And please, please don’t marry that Lynch woman.”

  “Honoria, I wasn’t going to do either. As far as Miss Lynch, I never was.”

  She stopped laughing and gaped. “You weren’t?”

  “Not in a million years.” Major sighed and, ignoring the gasps of the onlookers, pulled her close. “Honoria Cooke, it seems we’ve had a misunderstanding.”

  “It seems we have.”

  “Unhand her, you blackguard!” Harrison yelled above the crowd.

  Now Honoria had a wicked grin on her face. “It’s too late, Papa – the blackguard corrupted me when he kissed me!”

  “Kissed you?!” Harrison said, his voice cracking. Several of the townsfolk expressed outrage – or delight.

  Major rested his cheek against her head. “Oh Honoria – please, please don’t go to England. Stay here.”

  “I’d need a very good reason to stay.”

  “There’s every reason if we’re to be married,” he replied.

  The stable went silent, despite more and more people making their way in. Harrison’s mouth slowly fell open. “What did you say, sir?”

  “Oh, you heard him clear as a bell,” Sadie replied, having finally caught up with her husband. She was smiling hugely, and Honoria knew she had gotten the idea too.

  Before Harrison could answer her, Mr. Berg shoved his way through the crowd, pushing a flustered Rev. Josiah King in front of him. “There – there’s the culprit! You know what to do!”

  Preacher Jo glanced up at Mr. Berg, who winked. “My, my, Andel, but this seems oddly familiar.” He looked at Major and Honoria. “The livery stable is becoming a popular place for this sort of thing.”

  Major was still confused. “What is going on?”

  Honoria started giggling again.

  “It seems you’re getting married,” Preacher Jo said. “At least this time it’s not in the middle of my supper.” He glared at Mr. Berg again. “Though I certainly would’ve preferred it hadn’t disrupted the Christmas singing. Right in the middle of ‘Silent Night,’ ironically enough …”

  Mr. Lynch snorted in disgust. “What are you all talking about? This man compromised my daughter! I demand he marry her!”

  “Your daughter?” Preacher Jo said in surprise. “By all accounts, he’s compromised Miss Cooke here.”

  Harrison screeched, tried to move forward through the crowd – and almost fell over due to Sadie’s hammer-lock on his arm. “Unhand me, wife!”

  “Can someone get me a rope?” Sadie asked. Several townsfolk laughed as a furious but embarrassed Harrison subsided.

  Mr. Lynch started to wave his gun around. “You people are all witnesses!”

  “Sure we are,” Mr. Dunnigan called as he wormed his way to the front. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Mr. Lynch smiled and nodded in triumph, not grasping that his daughter was nowhere in sight. “Let’s get on with it, then!”

  “Ye heard the man, Preacher Jo,” Mrs. Mulligan called out. “Get on with it.”

  “Oh very well, but then it’s back to the church before the children eat all the cookies!” More laughter.

  Honoria looked at Major, who still didn’t seem to be catching on. Did he know the story of the Bergs’ wedding? Probably not – she’d have to tell him later. “Were you serious about wanting to marry me?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Well, no time like the present.”

  Major grinned that grin.

  Mr. Lynch blanched. “What’s this?”

  A huge hand grabbed his shoulder. It was one of the Bergs’ guards, quite tall and broad, with his face hidden by a plaid scarf. “Take Mr. Lynch to his daughter, will you?” Mr. Berg instructed. “You’ll find her in the church office being entertained by Mr. Kiggins and some of the children.”

  “What?!” Mr. Lynch cried. “What are you doing? Let go of me! My daughter is supposed to be marrying this man! It was all arrang … er … I mean …”

  Mr. Berg stopped the guard holding poor Lynch and bent to his ear. “Mr. Lynch, I think you should probably stop talking.”

  “Afore ya incriminate yerself,” Sheriff Tom Turner clarified. “His Highness informed me of yer shenanigans.”

  “But perhaps,” Mr. Berg continued, “you and I can meet later over some pie and discuss it.” He turned to his men. “Take him away.”

  As Mr. Lynch was hauled off, even Irene Dunnigan looked impressed. “Now that there is how a king acts.”

  “Prince consort,” five people corrected – including Mr. Berg.

  Preacher Jo glanced around before turning to Honoria and Major. “Tell me, do the two of you really want to get married in here?”

  Major continued to hold Honoria close. “It hardly seems dignified to wed in a stable.”

  Honoria looked up. “Major dear, since when do I care about dignity? Besides, it was good enough for the future queen and prince consort of Dalrovia, so it’s good enough for me.”

  “But …”

  “My daughter …” Harrison declared, then swallowed hard. “… can get married wherever she pleases.”

  She pulled away from Major and ran into her father’s arms. “Oh Papa, thank you!”

  “It seems you’re bound and determined, sweetling. I might as well let you have your head and see what transpires.”

  “You won’t be sorry, Papa, I promise.”

  Major watched the two and smiled. He glanced over at Mr. Berg. “So what did you find out about Archibald Lynch?”

  “For one, that it may not be his real name,” Mr. Berg replied. “It seems he’s a busy man, and probably a wanted one. Sheriff Turner and I hope to find out over pie.”

  “But why was he picking on Major?” Honoria asked, returning to her now-fiancée’s embrace.

  “We think he was under the impression the Comforts were still in possession of their titular plantation, and thus their fortune,” Mr. Berg explained. “It’s the only logical explanation.”

  “But as we all know, I’ve nothing to offer a wife in that respect,” Major said. “All I do have is my honor, my integrity, a willing heart, my fear of the good Lord and these two hands. If you’ll have them.”

  Honoria smiled. “Yes, yes I will!”

  “About time,” Wilfred breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Now that that’s settled, let’s get back to the church,” Preacher Jo said.

  “To marry us?” Honoria asked.

  “No, because I’m hungry. You can get married later!”

  Honoria sighed. “Well, at least I won’t have to stand on a bucket …” Everyone – even Major, though he didn’t get the joke – laughed as they headed out into the night.

  Epilogue

  Christmas Day 1877

  “Do you, Honoria Alexandra Cooke, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Preacher Jo asked. It had been decide
d the night before that Major and Honoria should be married the next day, and the couple had agreed to it.

  Honoria was wearing her mother’s wedding dress, her aunt’s veil and couldn’t have looked lovelier. She opened her mouth to speak, then turned and looked at her parents in the first pew. Harrison met her gaze, tears streaming down his face. She smiled and turned back to Major. “I do.”

  “And do you, Major Quincy Comfort, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

  Major was decked in a suit loaned to him by Colin Cooke. Though out of fashion, Honoria thought it made her new husband the handsomest man on Earth. He smiled as well, glanced at his brothers and back, then said, “I most certainly do.”

  “Then by the power vested in me by Almighty God and the state of Oregon, I now pronounce you man and wife!”

  An unfamiliar wail sounded from the back of the church. All heads turned as Mr. Berg’s guard, the one with the plaid scarf, whipped a handkerchief out of some hidden fold of his Dalrovian cloak and blew his nose.

  Preacher Jo stared at him a moment, shrugged and got back to work. “Mr. Comfort, you may kiss the bride.”

  Major lifted the veil from Honoria’s face. “Don’t mind if I do,” he said, took her in his arms and kissed her soundly.

  “Ohhhh,” came a loud sigh from the back.

  Preacher Jo rubbed a hand over his face. “Who is that?”

  Major glanced at the back of the church. “I have no idea, but he’s certainly … vocal.” He drew Honoria closer. “I say we give him something to remember.” Before she could protest, he tipped her backward and kissed her again.

  “Oh! Ohhhh my!”

  At this point no one knew where to look: at Major and Honoria, or the cloaked dramatist in the back. Mr. Berg, at this point, was looking as perturbed as Preacher Jo.

  Thankfully Major broke the kiss and faced the congregation. Everyone cheered as the couple started down the center aisle, headed for the Christmas supper with all the trimmings being held at the hotel.

  “I say, Andel, but where are the Lynches’?” Colin asked as they stood to follow the happy couple out of the church.