I pulled up Oliver’s schedule and set to work. I had to admit, it was weird working for the guy I was sleeping with, but I was just about managing to balance my duties and my attraction to him without letting one overwhelm the other.
It seemed as well like I was making some strides in other departments, as I was now sitting in on most of his meetings and even offered my opinion a couple of times. Who knew where I might end up at Artemis some day.
Scanning over his schedule for the day, nothing seemed out of place – until my eyes fell on a name I recognized. Kyra Tan. Where did I know that from? I wracked my brain as I tried to place it, and as soon as I did, my stomach dropped to my shoes. That was the woman I had to chase away from reception that time, the one who he’d been sleeping with.
It sure seemed like they were still together when I saw her last. Maybe it was a business meeting? I felt a creeping dread settle in as I looked forward in his schedule for any names I didn’t recognize.
To my horror, I found a dozen women’s names scheduled over the next week or two. I Googled them all along with Oliver’s name and found pictures. Some were pictures of them out together, some just articles noting where and when they’d been seen. These were women Oliver was dating or had dated, and he was seeing them again, their names sitting brazenly on his schedule for all to see. He must have added the appointments the night before. Otherwise, I’d have known about them.
Did he have no idea how this looked? How it made me feel? I felt as though I’d been punched straight in the stomach, my brain reeling from the shock of the blow. I got to my feet. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t.
But then, why did I expect anything different? I had seen the women he spent time with, and they were so different from me. They were smart, successful, beautiful, powerful, and I was just a college graduate who had landed a job as his secretary. I was no one. I was convenient for him, willing to drop what I was doing and scamper off halfway across the city just to spend the evening with him. I had made it all too easy for him to fuck me and had convinced myself his willingness to do so was an indicator that he actually had feelings for me.
All these names and all these appointments told me the direct opposite. He was still seeing these women, and he was doing so publicly, going out with them and parading them around while he kept his encounters with me private. He had convinced me it would be best for both of us if no one knew about our little dalliances.
How in the name of holy hell could I have been so fucking stupid? I wanted to kick myself, furious that I had let myself believe that he actually liked me as anything more than an easy fuck.
I closed down my computer and stared at the blank screen. I put my head in my hands and took a few deep breaths, trying to steady myself. A wave of nausea hit me and I had to swallow a couple of times to keep myself from throwing up at my desk. I got to my feet as soon as the wave passed, and went for the door. My heart sank when I saw Oliver sitting at his desk. He looked over at me and smiled widely.
“Hey,” he greeted me, cocking an eyebrow suggestively, though his flirtation dropped when he saw the look on my face. “Are you okay?”
“I just need…” I scrambled to get out of his office. “I’m just sick. I think I need to go home.”
“Is everything okay?” he asked, concerned. Then he got to his feet, his brow furrowing, and I stepped away from him out of instinct, needing as much space between us as possible at that moment.
“Yeah, it is,” I replied, firmly. “I’ll be back in tomorrow.”
“You want me to call you a cab to take you home? You really don’t look good,” he remarked, shaking his head.
“I’ll be fine, honestly.”
I turned down his offer and headed for the door. As soon as I was out, I felt the tears forming in my eyes and did my best to hold them back before they became apparent to everyone in the elevator alongside me.
I caught a couple of funny looks, but I ignored them, focusing on breathing – in and out, in and out. I could get through this. I could get through this. I just had to make it out of the office, onto the street, and find the train, so I could get back to my apartment and crawl into bed.
And then? What happened then? Did I just try and forget all about Oliver, put him to the back of my mind where he wouldn’t disturb me anymore? Did I tell him outright what I saw and why I didn’t want to hook up with him again, or should I leave it up to him to put the pieces together?
Would he even care? Would he be relieved he didn’t have to break the news to me in person?
Questions danced around my head and made me feel even sicker than I already was. As soon as the fresh air of the street outside hit me, I took a deep lung full and pressed my hand to the wall to gather myself.
I was still getting funny looks from people passing by on their way into the building, but frankly, I couldn’t have given less of a fuck. I felt as though someone had just drop-kicked my heart halfway across the room. What did they expect?
I would take the day to rearrange myself, and then I would walk back in there like I owned the place and remind myself why I got this job in the first place. It wasn’t for Oliver. It was for me. For me.
I kept repeating those words to myself, over and over again, and I finally allowed the tears to fall as I climbed onto the train.
Chapter 22
Oliver
“Are you serious?” Kyra cocked her eyebrow at me, running her finger around the rim of her water glass. She was on some new fitness regimen and had turned down the wine.
I nodded.
“Yeah, I am,” I replied with a shrug. “Is it that much of a surprise?”
“Does this poor, unsuspecting woman know you want to settle down with her?” she teased.
She was taking this better than I expected, but then, after Mona had practically chased her out of the office for me, this couldn’t have come as that much of a surprise.
“I think so,” I replied, relaxing. “And look, you know, I had a great time.”
“Save it.” She held her hand up. “No hard feelings, seriously. As long as you pick up the check.”
“Oh, I see how it is.” I said, laughing and finished up the scotch I’d ordered myself to take the edge off.
It was never easy breaking up with somebody, and I was more inclined to just let the relationship burn out on its own, but this time it was different. This time, I needed to tie up all my loose ends. This time, there was someone to end all the relationships for.
I waved the waiter over to pay, glad that this meeting had been relatively painless. Kyra was last on my list, and now that I had finished things with her, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Almost there.
“Can I ask who she is?” she asked as I handed the waiter my credit card.
“I can’t tell you,” I admitted.
“Well, just invite me to the wedding then.”
She got to her feet, and I did the same. She planted a quick kiss on my cheek.
“Thanks for making this easy,” I said into her ear.
“Thanks for paying for the drinks,” she said into mine, and with that, we parted ways.
I gave her a little time to get ahead of me before I followed her out of the bar where we’d agreed to meet and inhaled deeply the cool air outside. I felt free. Well, almost.
It had been two weeks since I set about ending all the friends-with-benefits and semi-dating situations I had going on with women across the city. I wanted to be with Mona and no one else, once and for all, and the only way I could do that was to make sure there was nothing that could get in the way of it.
All the women I had split with seemed to have taken things relatively well. I didn’t get any martinis tossed in my face, which I had to admit was a relief. Now, I was officially free and single, except for Mona.
She’d been a little distant in the last couple of weeks, now that I thought of it. I hadn’t put it down to much, considering her responsibilities had stepped up at work, but she
was spending less time at my place and we spent most of our time together at the office these days. It wasn’t the most romantic setting, but at least I still got to see her.
She had been ill lately, dashing off to the bathroom fairly often. We hadn’t really had sex, apart from fooling around a few times. The two times she’d slept at my place, she’d flipped over and put her back to me, a far cry from the way she usually draped herself over my body while we were in bed together.
Maybe she was just feeling a little distant because we had less time to spend together? Well, when she found out what I’d done for her, that was going to change. I just had one more person to tell about us before I went to Mona and let her know what I’d done, so that we could be together publicly and officially.
I made my way back to the office, glad I’d had the scotch, even though it was barely past two. I knew meeting with Neil was going to be a nightmare, and I probably could have used another couple of drinks to get up the nerve to explain all of this to him.
Although, a slurring, hammered me wandering into that office to tell him that all the suspicions he’d had about me and Mona were true was hardly going to make things more palatable. I would just have to face up to what was happening like a man.
I arrived back at the office, walking from the bar nearby so I could sober up a little and go over in my head everything I wanted to say. The last thing I needed was to walk in there and trip over my words, coming across as a fool.
I needed to be calm, collected, and deliver the news to Neil in the least confrontational way possible. I knew that whatever I said, it was going to end in a fight, so I might as well at least approach the situation with a calm disposition.
I took the stairs up to Neil’s office, a decision that proved to be a mistake, as I wound up out of breath and red-faced as I waited outside his office while he finished up a phone call. I paced back and forth in an attempt to release all the nervous energy.
This was hellish. Of all the people to tell, I knew Neil was going to be the least understanding, and I was dreading his reaction.
The door opened, and Neil smiled at me warmly and gestured for me to come in.
“Sorry to keep you waiting.”
He sat down behind his desk and clasped his hands in front of him, looking at me expectantly.
“Now, what can I do for you? Is it about the Masterson thing? Are they having second thoughts? Because I thought about this, and-”
“No, it’s not about them,” I interrupted before he could get too far. “It’s something personal.”
“Okay. You need my advice?”
He cocked his head at me curiously and I shook my head.
“Your blessing.”
His face indicated he’d figured out what I was going to say next.
“It’s about her, isn’t it?”
He leaned forward, his voice dropping to a low, venomous tone that made me jerk back in surprise.
“Mona?”
“Yeah, it’s about her,” I admitted, ignoring my natural urge to deny it. “I want to be with her.”
“Oh, you do?”
He threw his hands in the air in frustration, the movement sudden enough to make me jerk back with surprise. “I thought you promised me nothing was going to happen with the two of you.”
I pressed my hands together, trying to center myself.
“Yeah, I did, and I’m sorry I lied to you,” I said as I met his gaze steadily. “But things change. Things changed between us.”
“When did this start? Was it London?” he asked me angrily. “I knew something was different, but I didn’t want to make assumptions, not when you told me on the fucking phone that nothing was going to happen.”
“Yeah, it started in London,” I admitted firmly. “We slept together, and we kept doing it when we came back.”
“I’m surprised you were able to keep it quiet for so long.”
“We wanted to make sure it was sustainable,” I replied, choosing my words carefully.
“Oh, same as it was with Jeannie?” he shot back. “You do remember what happened with her, don’t you?”
“Of course I do,” I assured him, “but it’s different.”
“Yeah, I don’t see how it is.” he spat, getting to his feet and pacing back and forth. “Because to me, it looks like you just fucked your secretary again, after promising me you wouldn’t.”
“I know, I know.”
I ran my hands over my face, hiding briefly before I dove back into it.
I wasn’t used to arguing with Neil. We usually found ourselves on the same team, and being set against him was awkward and uncomfortable.
“So what’s different this time?” he demanded, regarding me with incredulity. “Explain it to me, because I can’t figure it out.”
“Jeannie wanted something more than I could give her,” I explained, as calmly as I could. “You know I wasn’t looking for that with her. That’s why she got obsessed, because she thought I was.”
“And you’re looking for that now? With Mona?” Neil raised his eyebrows.
“I know how it sounds,” I admitted.
“Yeah, you should,” he shot back, sharply. “Do you remember we had to practically bribe her to convince her not to file a harassment suit against us? Do you remember? Because I sure as fuck do. Do you have any idea how bad it could be if Mona decides she wants to pull the same thing?”
“She isn’t going to, Neil, I promise.”
I tried to assure him, but I knew I wasn’t being as forthright as I needed to be.
“And how exactly are you so sure of that? We had to get a restraining order against Jeannie, lest you forget. I had a hard enough time keeping that out of the papers. If you try and pull this shit again-”
“I’m not pulling any shit,” I finally snapped back at him. “I’m…I’m in love with her, alright?”
The words hung in the air between us, heavy and thick with meaning. Neil stared at me for a moment, his mouth hanging slightly open.
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, and I wasn’t sure if it was resignation or indignation in his voice.
“No, I’m not,” I replied, shaking my head.
I was as surprised as he was at the words coming out of my mouth. I hadn’t even thought about that before now, but there it was. I’d said it aloud, and it felt right. Of course I was in love with her.
I swallowed and got to my feet so I could look Neil in the eye.
“I want to be with her, Neil, and I’m doing you the favor of letting you know before someone else does, okay? We’re together now. That’s the end of it.”
“Holy shit, Oliver.”
He shook his head and took a seat, as though he couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.
“You’re sure you are in love with her?”
“I think so.” I nodded, then swiftly corrected myself. “I know so.”
“Fuck.” He shook his head. “Well… I can’t do much to stop you then, can I?”
“Nope,” I agreed, and he looked to the wedding band on his finger.
He’d been married for what felt like forever now, and I wondered if he was thinking back to when he had first fallen for Jennifer, how certain he’d been.
He sighed heavily.
“Get out of here,” he said, waving his hand. “Out! I need some time to think.”
“About what?”
“About how we’re going to spin this in the press.”
He looked up at me out of the corner of his eye and I could see the beginnings of a grin appearing on his lips.
“Thanks, Neil,” I said, and I knew that was all that needed to be said on the matter.
I headed down the corridor and back into the elevator. If it hadn’t been full of people, I would have pulled a freeze-frame air-punch, because all of this felt unreal.
I made my way back to my office and glanced at the door that divided Mona’s office from mine, smiling fondly.
Now that Neil was out of th
e way, there was nothing keeping us from being together for real, at last.
Chapter 23
Mona
I sat in my living room, staring at the package I’d picked up from the drugstore a few minutes earlier. I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this. It felt ridiculous. It felt impossible. It felt so unlikely, but there was no getting out from under the fact that my period was several days late when, normally, I was as regular as they came. That could only mean one thing.
I tried to calm myself. There were lots of reasons my period could be running late. It could be hormonal, or it could be that I’d been stressed lately and not getting as much sleep or food as I perhaps should have been. It could have been any of those things, and yet, ever since I’d got the idea in my head, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was, in fact, pregnant.
It was the kind of story they deliver as a cautionary tale to people getting into the business. Recent graduate who doesn’t know any better lands a low-level job at a prestigious firm. She hooks up with the boss, multiple times. She lets herself fall for him, despite telling herself over and over again that there’s nothing serious going on between them. She gets pregnant and has to give up her career for the baby she will undoubtedly raise by herself.
Ugh, it all felt like such a mess, and I couldn’t believe I’d allowed myself to wander so blindly into this predicament.
When I arrived home, Katya was there, dawdling around before she headed off for her shift for the day. She eyed me with suspicion, and it was clear she could see there was something wrong.
“What’s up?” she demanded, and I looked up at her with my finest, innocent expression.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, look at you.”
She waved her hand in my general direction.
“You look like hell.”
“Well, thanks,” I teased, my voice a little shaky.
She was right. If anyone got up close to me, they could see the bags under my eyes from all those nights spent tossing and turning in my bed and the rumpled state of my clothes. I’d failed to keep on top of my cleaning because it had just seemed like way too much, on top of everything else. But the way I looked was the last thing on my mind.
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