She’d started coming on Tuesdays after Eric stopped going to work; Brenda had taken it upon herself. She usually turned up late afternoon, when she was done with her cleaning jobs, and she ran the hoover over his carpets. His sister checked in his kitchen cupboards too, he’d seen her; like she couldn’t trust him to keep some food in. But Eric bit his lip and let her get on with it, because he knew the worth of Brenda. He’d been through some low times, alone times, when he first left home and then even more so after his wife died, and his sister had always stuck by him. Even in the face of their father’s protests.
Eric had learned much from those times, mostly to steer clear of arguments. It was why he didn’t see family. Wan a they reasons anyhow. A myriad of them. A mob, a pack, a knot, that chafed now at the back of his throat. Too tight tae unpick. Not today: not at a party, Eric decided.
Brenda and Malky had pulled out all the stops for this one, and folk were having a fine time, pushing the tables aside for dancing. Eric abandoned the search for his fags, and then Brenda nudged his foot and she started putting names to all the faces, leaning in close to make herself heard above the jukebox. He’d already caught sight of Graham, red-eared and smiling fit to burst, pint in hand at the far wall, in amongst the young folk. A big chip off the family block, Eric thought, just like he was himself, and all his sister’s sons. Brian was part of the group, and Malky Jnr. too, and Brenda said Graham had brought along a couple of work pals. She pointed them out: two boys with bullet heads that Eric had marked down as bandsmen. He’d been keeping a wary eye out for likely suspects since he arrived, but he knew things had gone quiet on that front for Graham, so maybe there were none invited. Thanks be. Brenda had told him that was another reason to be grateful for Lindsey, and his sister’s talk was always so full of her on Tuesday afternoons, Eric asked:
“Where’s that girl, then? Where’s the bride?”
Only to catch sight of her just then himself. A quick young thing, slipping out from between the revellers; a slender pair of arms, wrapped around Graham’s waist, pulling at him to come away from the wall and dance. Lindsey was all pink-cheeked from carousing, laughing as she tugged her new and too-shy husband to join in. Graham was never built for moving, but he looked happy too, all give-away blushes, and Eric couldn’t help himself but watch as the girl scooped a young boy onto her hip: russet-haired, fine-boned, the image of his mother. So this was Graham’s new family. A young wife in stockinged feet, with her dress hitched up, wedding shoes discarded, and a son with the same bright-faced look, like he’d been whirled about the room a few times.
“I’ll fetch her over,” Brenda told him, and she was up before he could make a grab at her to stop, calling Lindsey away from the dancing. Eric felt himself standing; he hadn’t come here to intrude, or make himself a nuisance, and his throat was so tight with nerves as the girl came over, his legs just had to follow suit. Then he put out a hand in greeting, only to find that Lindsey had her hands full.
“I know who you are,” she smiled, shifting her boy higher. “You’re the clever one. My Graham’s clever uncle.”
Was that what the family said about him?
“Aye, Eric’s our prodigy, so he is.” Malky was back with the drinks. “An he’s puttin in a rare appearance, so we’re makin the most. Gies a hand here, wid you, pal?”
Tray in hand, Eric gave a quick glance back to the dancers, and saw more arms had come to pull Graham deeper amid his wedding guests.
“He’ll survive.” Lindsey smiled again, seeing Eric watching. And then Brenda was shuffling them along the bench, until they were all squashed together around the table: Lindsey next to Eric, with her boy on her lap, and Malky on a wee stool opposite, doling out the coasters. He’d bought two drinks for everyone.
“Saves goin up tae the bar again.”
So Brenda gave the girl her spare half, and they all said:
“Cheers.”
“Aye, cheers. The bride an groom.”
And Lindsey laughed:
“Aye, me and Graham.”
She was one of the family now, all official, and she clinked all their glasses, Eric’s included. Not a bad feeling, being included in this circle, so Eric took a good sip of his pint, because he thought a drink might help his throat. He had to clear this ache, join in a bit; Lindsey’s smiling made him want to. Then Malky leaned across to tell them something he’d heard at the bar. It was something about the tab, which Eric couldn’t catch above the rest of the noise, so he tilted his head, straining a bit, and saw that Lindsey’s young boy was watching. Wee Stevie; how old was he? Coming up for five, must be. He was looking at Eric with his grey eyes, keen as blades, same as his mother’s. What’s he been told about me? Did the boy know how he’d been wronged? Did anyone?
Eric gave Stevie a nod, by way of introduction, and he searched his small features, but he found none of Graham, none of his own family in them. No one at the bar looked like Lindsey, or her son. No one else at the party. It was a one-sided affair, Eric thought: none of the girl’s folk were here, and she must be smarting, surely, somewhere under all her smiles. Lindsey was just next to him on the bench, watching the dancing, so even if his nerves still chafed, Eric cast about for conversation.
“Naebody came tae my weddin either.”
Out it rasped, though he hadn’t meant to say that. Even if he’d been thinking it all along: of his Franny, and those few good years they’d had, and how Papa Robert wanted no part in that happiness. Lindsey blinked at him, bright-cheeked, nonplussed, so then Eric had to go on:
“My Da forbade it, aye?”
He’d said Eric had gone too far from him. The words felt harsh in his throat, and they must have been loud, because Brenda turned, and gave him a look.
“I came. I saw you married.”
“You did, right enough,” Eric yielded, hoarse. He wanted to cough, but all eyes were on him, Lindsey’s included, so he tried a smile instead. “My sister there, she braved wrath an retribution. It was a brave person that went against the will ae Papa Robert.”
Eric was trying to make light, but it didn’t work. So he shut up then, abrupt, embarrassed at himself, croaking on about ages-old stuff, that ages-old argument.
I have nourished and brought up children and they have taken against me. Papa Robert had carried on like Eric had betrayed him, broken faith with all his kin. He’d seen himself as the forsaken patriarch, like something from the Old Testament, and everyone had bent to his will, save Brenda. But the look on his sister’s face told Eric this was neither the time nor the place to give vent to all that. So he nodded her a promise: he’d try hard at stopping his tongue. Best to keep those scratches shut in.
Brenda turned back to Malky, and they picked up where they’d left off. Lindsey kept her eyes on Eric’s face, though: sharp, but not put out, just like he’d caught her interest now.
So he tried to think what he could ask, how he could steer the talk onto safer ground. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that, about his wedding, but at least he’d said something, and Eric found he felt better for it: his throat wasn’t half so sore now, and he took a sip of his lager, then another. I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart. Psalms, that was from Psalms. That Papa Robert had liked sung; one of those hundreds he could recite. Eric knew it wouldn’t do to recite one now. His hand went back to his pocket for his fags, only then Lindsey spoke:
“You live round here. Am I right?”
She pointed, out the pub windows, up the Maryhill Road, and then she told him:
“Brenda says I should come round one time with her. After we finish here on a Tuesday.”
Eric knew his sister had taken to bringing Lindsey cleaning; ever since Stevie had settled at school, so the girl could save for the wedding. Brenda told him it was double the hands, but they got through more than double the work, so they’d taken on a couple of extra pubs. This place was one of the newer ones, and Lindsey had talked the landlord into a good deal on a hire for the party. Eric
glanced at her, thinking she was a sharp thing all right; much sharper than Graham, from what he remembered of his nephew. And then it occurred to him that she’d been angling for an invite. So unused to family, to company, he couldn’t spot a friendly gesture any more. Or find a ready response.
Stevie was getting restless, stuck in the corner with the old folk, so Lindsey gave him a couple of coasters to shove about the table, and Eric sat and watched the pair of them, because they were a picture, Lindsey and her son. Peas in a pod, there on the pub bench.
One of the coasters landed on the floor by Eric’s feet, so he picked it up, and found it was blank underneath. He needed to do something now—try a friendly gesture in return—so he dug about in his pockets again, this time for a pencil. Eric drew a quick sketch for Stevie to guess, because he used to do that with Brenda’s boys, years ago, when they still came with her for a visit. He could draw things on demand, and it had kept his nephews happy on their afternoons off Drumchapel. So when Eric finished his picture, he pushed it under Stevie’s nose, waiting until he’d worked out the lines:
“Dog.”
Stevie pushed the coaster back, and Eric smiled and started drawing afresh.
“Bus.”
Now the boy smiled as well, catching on: he was meant to guess before the picture was done. Eric remembered how much Graham had liked this game, and that he’d kept visiting with Brenda the longest: until he’d joined the band, almost. Eric had known him best of all his nephews, and he’d enjoyed their days together well enough, even if Graham wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box. It might be nice if his boy came round instead, once in a while, so Eric told Stevie:
“I used tae play this wae your Da.”
Even if the child wasn’t interested, not really; his focus on Eric’s pencil, his deft young mind watching the lines, turning into something.
“Drum!”
Stevie guessed right, first time, but then Eric saw how Lindsey’s eyes turned to the coaster: too swift. Might be best to draw something else. Change the subject again, steer clear of the sore points; when would he learn? The small cardboard square was full of his scribbles, so Eric took the one from under his glass, and he told her:
“I used tae draw for wages, so I did. Out at wan ae the Greenock yards; I drew ships that never sailed, never got built. The Koreans do it now. They were glad tae retire me anyhow.”
Lindsey narrowed her eyes at him, like she was trying to decide if he was serious now, or having her on. He wasn’t bitter, all hung up on yesterdays; Eric didn’t want her thinking that about him. So he concentrated a moment on the lines he was making. He was trying a drawing of Lindsey, and he’d finished her face and hair, so now he moved on to her arm, holding her son. She was holding Stevie back, because he was leaning forwards on her lap, watching the pencil, wondering how this new picture was taking so much longer.
“That me?”
Stevie looked up at Eric, his wee mouth open, delighted:
“That’s me, aye?”
Eric nodded:
“It’s you an your mother.”
He handed Stevie the coaster, and the boy blinked at it, dead pleased. It seemed like Lindsey was too, smiling down at his picture, so Eric thought it had worked, his small gesture. And maybe he could get better again, at being in company.
“You’ll have tae come by someday, like you said. Come an visit.”
The words were out before Eric knew it. Lindsey gave him a nod, like that was decided, and then Eric sat back on the bench, thinking how easy that had come, easier than he’d thought. He didn’t know what it would be like, having family in the house after all this time, but he’d wanted to say it, and it was said now.
7
Lindsey’s days were so full now she was married, of Stevie and cleaning jobs too, it felt like she was either with her boy or mopping someone else’s floors, or getting on buses, on to the next house. The wedding was paid for, but she’d kept working. She and Brenda had jobs all over town and the West End, and Lindsey had to fit them all around Stevie’s school hours, so some days she just took him with her; even if the teachers frowned, she wasn’t going to turn down good earnings. Lindsey had started putting a bit aside, on the quiet, to buy a proper bed for her and Graham, or something better maybe, if she was earning enough for the loan repayments.
It was the times when she stopped, in the middle of all that rush, that’s when Lindsey thought about Eric. On the bus, stuck at the lights, or when she put Stevie to bed at night; she lay curled about her boy, waiting for him to drop off, and thought about things the old man had said. Naebody came tae my weddin either.
Eric had said she should come round, and the news had Brenda raising her eyebrows.
“You must ae made some impression.”
She told Lindsey it would do her brother no end of good, and she was happy to sort out a Tuesday.
“Soon as I’m back on my feet, hen.”
She’d been laid up with a chest cold since the wedding, but the thought of a visit had Brenda cheered, and patting Stevie’s cheeks:
“I’ll take you tae my brother’s. Another uncle tae add tae your collection.”
Stevie’s ears pricked up whenever Eric came up in conversation: he liked hearing talk about the old man who did the pictures. Lindsey did too, even if she didn’t know what to make of him. She’d kept the coaster, with the drawing of her and Stevie, and she couldn’t decide if Eric was shy, or maybe just on his own too much.
“What if we all go? All together?”
She put it to Graham, one evening on the sofa, after the working day was over:
“You could come along too, with me and Brenda.”
Only Graham pulled a face, like he wasn’t too keen:
“Eric’s clever, aye. He’s no the easiest, but. You might ae noticed.”
Lindsey had done. But she didn’t mind that. So she said:
“He’s different, in any case.”
She’d asked Graham already about Eric’s wedding, but it was before he was born, and he couldn’t remember too much about his Auntie Franny either, because she passed away ages back, before he even started school. So all Lindsey knew so far was that Eric’s marriage was cut short, and he never got to have kids either, but it had started to make sense of him. It had got Lindsey wondering too: what the old man did with his days now, all alone.
It was November and cold that first Tuesday she went to visit. She kept Stevie off school, and took him cleaning with her and Brenda, bundled into his big coat so he wouldn’t get chilly at the bus stops between jobs.
They finished with time to spare, and went for tea and rounds of toast in a Maryhill cafe, only Brenda didn’t eat much, just wrapped her hands about her mug. She still had that cough, it was taking her forever to shake it off, and she told Lindsey:
“Aw my get up an go, hen. It’s got up an left me.”
Brenda made out she just needed a sit, before they walked on to Eric’s, but from the look of her parked on the bench next to Stevie, Lindsey thought she just wanted to stay there, her big shoulders folded about herself.
“We’ll go. You go home.”
She pushed her bus fare into Brenda’s palm, and kept on pushing, until she took it.
“Ach, you’re a good girl.”
Lindsey smiled at her:
“I know I am.”
She cut through the back streets, off the Maryhill Road, letting Stevie dawdle so they wouldn’t turn up too early.
It was all tenements here, but good ones: the old and proper kind, red sandstone. Not grand like the ones she cleaned in Dowanhill and Hyndland, but not flung up or breeze block either, like the ones on the scheme. Lindsey knew from Graham that Eric lived in a bought house, and she looked about herself, thinking he’d earned his way out of Drumchapel, so it could be done. The steps here were worn from years and feet, and the paintwork ancient on the sashes, but she didn’t mind that, it made the places homely. So Lindsey took her time, but they were still early buzzing at
Eric’s close door.
The old man was all smiles and surprise, coming out of his flat to greet them up the stairs, while Lindsey explained about Brenda, and how they’d finished ahead of themselves.
“We can come back later. I can take Stevie to the swings, maybe.”
“Ach, don’t be daft.”
Eric ushered her inside, but then he stood with her, awkward in the hallway, like he didn’t know what to do next.
“I meant tae have everythin ready. Tea set out.”
He was still smiling, but like he was embarrassed now: not the best host, creases deep in his old brow.
“It’s just that I was in the middle ae somethin, aye?”
Eric gestured though the living-room doorway, to a table thing by the window, and he told her:
“I get caught up sometimes.”
Brenda had been careful to let Lindsey know how her brother sat and drew most Tuesdays, while she cleaned around him. You mustn’t mind if he does that when we visit. He doesnae mean it tae be rude. So even if it felt like a strange thing to do, Lindsey told him:
“I’ll give the rooms a hoover while you get yourself sorted. I promised Brenda I’d do that anyhow.”
She watched him go back into the living room while she hung up her parka, and she saw how the table thing was like a low cupboard, sort of, but folded open so the lid made a desk, and Eric had paper and pencils laid out. Lindsey had guessed he was in the middle of a drawing, but she couldn’t see what it was of. The old man had sat down with his back to her, and now he was bent over the papers; only just back at his desk, and already caught up again. Stevie was pressed against her leg, tugging at her, wanting to go and look, but Lindsey put a hand to his head: in a minute, not just yet. She helped him out of his coat sleeves, and then she couldn’t think what else to do, except get on with cleaning.
Eric’s house had a smell, but not a bad one, just like fags and the yellow soap he kept in the toilet. His flat was a first floor and dark at the back, and Stevie stuck close to Lindsey through the rooms, eyes wide, like he’d never seen anything like it.
The Walk Home Page 5
