by Taylor Hart
Zane had all kinds of equipment on his boat. He’d helped Tyler get equipped with fins, and had shown him the proper way to wear the goggles and breathing tube. Then they’d both gone in, where the water wasn’t too deep next to the boat. At first, Tyler had trouble figuring out the snorkel apparatus, and Zane had patiently swum next to him and helped him learn. Now, both of them were snorkeling together side by side.
When Sarah went to the edge of the boat and looked down on them, she saw Tyler pointing at certain things and Zane nodding and pointing out other things. Something inside her chest felt loose, and she almost wanted to cry. For Tyler to have this, a male that clearly loved the same things he did, was amazing. The fact that it was Zane? She didn’t know what to think about that part of the equation. She was still suspicious, though. There was something he wasn’t telling her.
Looking out over the coastline, she reveled in this moment. He’d taken them to a part of the beach that wasn’t public. She didn’t know where they were exactly, but it felt like they were the only people in the whole world. The coastline was white sandy beach. When she turned to look out at the ocean, it felt like it went on forever.
Once again, she realized how little she really knew about Zane. She thought about how he’d taken a knife to the leg last night and didn’t bat an eye. She scoffed, thinking how Jeff would have lost his mind over it. He would have applied a million things like antibiotic creams and essential oils because he was so worried about infections—though only after a trip to the emergency room.
Abruptly, she felt the boat rock and looked over to see that both of the boys had emerged. Tyler, looking delighted, lifted something clutched in his hand so she could see. “Mama, look! A conch shell.” He giggled.
Zane put Tyler’s mask on his head for him and pulled his own off so it looked like their masks were sunglasses on their head. Zane pointed to the shell. “There’s a little guy still living in it.”
Tyler laughed. “Eew!” He threw it.
With a chuckle, Zane said, “Well, you probably just scared the little guy, too.”
Tyler asked, “Why was there something in it?”
“It was his home.”
“Oh.” Tyler smiled and turned back to her. “Mama, come get in with us. There’s a million things down there. Come see!”
Zane shifted his gaze to meet hers, and her heart rate kicked up. The man was completely ripped, and he had scars across his chest and arm. He did look like he could be cast as a superhero, and it did funny things to her stomach. “No, no,” she said, her voice too squeaky to her own ears.
“Mama!” Tyler begged. “You never get in with me, please!”
She was caught. She didn’t get in the water very often.
Zane winked at her. “I did promise you I would teach you to snorkel.”
His smoldering look made her want to get in. “No,” she said quickly, nervous.
Tyler was like a shark in the water, sensing her hesitation. “Please, Mama, please! It will be the funnest day ever!”
There it was. The reason all moms did things they thought better of—they wanted to make it “the funnest day ever” for their children.
She thought about the red one-piece she’d packed in her bag. She wished she would have bought a new swimsuit. Hers was a bit faded. “Okay. Give me a minute.”
Sarah rushed downstairs and changed, feeling self-conscious about being in a bathing suit in from of Zane. Not that she thought she looked bad, but she was still nervous.
Nonchalantly, she went to the bin and found the snorkeling gear in perfect order. She’d noticed again how persnickety he was about everything. The equipment he’d brought to her house had been stacked and carefully organized. His sailboat, the place he lived, was immaculate.
Quickly pulling out the equipment, she thought of the only other time she’d snorkeled—on her honeymoon in Hawaii with Jeff. His parents had tried to make the start to their marriage good. Actually, the honeymoon had been great. They had snorkeled a ton and laughed and almost forgot that Zane was between them. Too bad when they’d come back, it had been all she could think about that first year.
Shaking herself from the past, she returned to the deck and climbed over and onto the beach. Zane and Tyler were snorkeling a couple of yards away. Zane emerged, sliding his mask up over his head, and watched as she slowly scooted into the water.
Suddenly, like magic, a wide grin flashed across his face. “Let me help you.” He trudged toward her and she laughed, knowing she looked ridiculous. “I find it easier if you stick your fins on when you’re in the water.”
She was finally at a place where she could stand in the water, and her fins broke free of the sand. Zane helped her along, and as was the trend when he was near, the tension and chemistry barometer spiked.
She put on her mask, and he reached out to help her in. In return, she did something she hadn’t done in a long time—she willingly took his hand.
For the next hour, she found herself getting a refresher on the basics of snorkeling. They examined shells and other random things underwater. A watch, different-colored rocks, amazing fish.
Zane taught her and Tyler how to hold their breath so they could dive deeper. It was a blast. Zane took both of them a bit farther out, and they dove down to check out a gold coin. Tyler grabbed it with Zane’s help, and when they got to the top, Zane buoyed him up in the deeper water while he examined it. Sarah was amazed at the way Zane treaded water while holding Tyler like it was nothing. Tyler was oblivious, oohing and aahing over the coin the whole time.
When their eyes met across Tyler, it felt like everything had changed. It was like he was meant to be with them, and now it was undeniable.
When they got back to the sailboat, they dried off, and she got the sandwiches for them. Tyler was a nice buffer because he wouldn’t quit talking the whole time. She knew he was tiring out when he kept rubbing his eyes.
As they finished, she told Tyler she wanted him to go below deck and stay out of the sun for a while.
“Can I keep this coin, Zane?” Tyler asked excitedly.
Zane grinned at him. “It might be pirate treasure. I would definitely keep it.”
Looking like he’d just won the lottery, Tyler went below deck. She followed, and he kept talking while she made sure he showered off and put his dry clothes on. Then she put him in Zane’s bed and told him to rest just for a bit.
“I don’t want to. I don’t take naps anymore.” Before he got out the last word, his eyes were already closing.
Feeling a bit tired herself, she quickly showered and put on a soft, yellow sundress. She needed to work for a bit. She didn’t want to disturb Tyler, so she went above deck.
Zane was putting all the snorkeling gear away. She noticed all the food was cleaned up too.
She waited at the top of the stairs, watching him. He’d pulled back on a T-shirt but still wore his swimsuit, and he’d put on his Top Gun sunglasses again. His hair wasn’t in the band, instead loose and drying in the sun. Her heart fluttered. Boy, was that man attractive. Stop! Stop! Stop! she told herself.
He looked up. “Hey, is he asleep?”
She nodded. “Thank you,” she said, sounding stilted. “That was fun.” She hurried away, retreating to the little table on the deck beneath the shade. “Is it okay if I work for a bit?”
Zane was fine with that. He even grabbed his own laptop and sat next to her.
She tried to pull up the internet, but after ten minutes, she realized she couldn’t get connected.“I can’t access the hot spot out here,” she complained.
“Oh, yeah, you can’t. Sorry.”
She sighed. “You told me I could work out here.”
He lifted his hands. “Sorry.”
“How are you working?” She gestured to his laptop.
He shrugged. “It’s a private connection.”
“You can’t let me on for an hour?”
“Nope. It’s a secured network that no one else is allowed
on.”
Sitting back, she thought about everything he’d said about his job. “So you, a private investigator, have a secure network that no one else is allowed on? Says you?”
His expression tightened and he copied her crossed arms. “Right. That’s why it’s secure—because no one else gets on.” The way he said it was a bit pigheaded.
She briefly wanted to say something rude, but she thought of how great he’d been to her and Tyler. It’d almost been so normal with them, and she was lucky to have him. Still, she couldn’t stop herself completely. “Right.”
Tugging off his sunglasses, he focused on her. “What do you want to say, Sarah?”
As much as she didn’t want to accuse him, she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “It doesn’t make sense that you just showed up at the coffee shop that day. Right when I’m having all these break-ins. Yeah, I know you were in the military, but you still act like … like …”
“Like what?” he demanded, cocking an eyebrow.
“Like a spy or something. I saw you the other night talking on your phone outside. And then that woman.” She felt embarrassed, but she had realized it wasn’t Zane’s girlfriend. At least, she hoped it wasn’t. “I don’t know what you really do, but I know you’re not telling me everything. What is going on?”
“I told you. I have other clients,” he said, shrugging. “Newsflash: you’re not the only person in my world.”
His tone stung, and she looked away, pretending to focus on her screen.
He shut his laptop. “What, Sarah? What? You think it’s easy for me to just give up all this time for you? I have things I have to do too.”
This made her feel like a pity case. She stood. “Fine. You …” Her mind was spinning with how insistent he’d been that they “get away from the danger” at the house. “You were the one who insisted on us coming here. Please, don’t let me interrupt your life.” Tears fully came into her eyes, and she hated it.
“I don’t …” He trailed off. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
It was weird, this conversation. It felt untrue. The way he’d said he was so busy made her feel like he was covering something again. She sighed and wiped beneath her eyes. “Zane, just tell me the truth.”
“What do you mean?” His voice was soft.
“Before all of this, before the last seven years, I was always truthful with you.” She thought about the past she hated. “Do you know how hard it was for me when you came back from the dead, and I was pregnant?”
His lips pressed into a thin line. “Please, tell me how hard it was for you.” He said it like he’d had it worse than she did.
She hesitated, but she had to get this out. “I loved you, Zane.” Her hands were trembling, and she put them together to stop it. “I know you might not think I did because of what happened, but I did. It broke me. When you were there, back from the dead, standing in front of me, kissing me like—” She squeezed her eyes shut for a second and ignored the tears. “—like you always did. Like you had since prom. Like you loved me.”
He blinked, then leaned forward on the table, looking resigned. “I did love you.”
She sucked in a breath. “I loved you too. Even though it totally sucked to tell you the truth about me and Jeff, I did. I took full responsibility for our stupid actions, and believe me … I’ve paid, Zane. I paid for that mistake for a long time. But I want you to know I wouldn’t take it back. That night with Jeff, losing you, any of it.”
His head snapped back toward her.
She pointed to the stairs. “I have Tyler, and if that was the cost, then he was worth it.” She knew her words sounded harsh. “And that’s the truth.”
Zane didn’t say anything for a long moment. Then he let out a sigh. “You’re right. Tyler is worth it.”
That was not what she had expected. She knew he meant it, though, and she was glad he would acknowledge that.
They both stood like that for a minute, staring in each other’s eyes. It was strange that this older version of him was becoming more and more familiar to her.
“Tyler is worth everything.” Zane spoke slowly, like he was reaching a long-sought truth. “I didn’t think I believed anything before you showed up in my life again.”
She wanted to press him for more, but she waited.
“What I’ve been through, the things I’ve done and seen had only led me to believe there couldn’t be anything. There definitely couldn’t be a God up there, blowing up my friends, letting terrorists run rampant.” He clenched a fist. “Letting bureaucratic bull crap run our country.”
She hadn’t expected him to talk like this, but she realized that he was different now and … he had seen terrible things.
“But after seeing you sitting in that coffee shop that day, getting to know Tyler, and feeling how that kid just—”
“Adores you,” she filled in for him.
A grin washed over his face. “Yeah. It’s weird, but I adore him, too. And I realized that I don’t have all the answers, but maybe … Maybe I didn’t survive for nothing, when a lot of my buddies didn’t. Maybe …”
“You survived for us,” she said quickly, a bit mystified by this realization.
Turning to her, he brushed a hand down his face. “Maybe.”
Her heart kicked up a notch and she knew that it was true. But confusion clouded her mind. “Tell me the truth, Zane. Tell me what all this is. Tell me.” She threw her hands up, willing the puzzle pieces to go into place.
He stood, clenched his hand into a fist, and walked to the side of the boat, staring into the ocean and studiously avoiding her gaze.
She sensed she was right. There was more than he’d been telling her. “Please, Zane. Just tell me how you’re involved. How you just showed up in my life again. How it all goes together. It’s driving me crazy.” She reached out and touched his forearm, sending a familiar zing through her skin.
He looked at her lips, then shook his head and pulled his arm away. “I can’t.”
So she was right. There was more. She now felt like an animal floundering in red water, looking for the shark that was still hungry for blood. “Zane, I need to know. This is my life and my son’s. What is happening?”
He still looked out, ignoring her, seeming like a wall. A brick wall.
“I deserve to know, Zane. I deserve at least the truth from you.”
His jaw clenched. “I have to keep you safe, but keeping you safe doesn’t mean telling you everything.”
Her hackles rose. “Fine, then just take me back. I’ll hire someone else. I can’t take this.” She stormed back to her laptop and shoved it into her bag. “I’m done with all the secrecy.”
He hadn’t moved.
“I’m serious. Please take us back. Then I’ll pay you—”
“I don’t want money.”
She continued. “I’m not going to lie. It will be hard for Tyler to have you here and then not here, but I’ll figure this out, because obviously we can’t trust each other. I know I broke the trust first, but you broke me too.” She stalked toward him, and all her pent-up anger bubbled near the surface. “I missed you. Jeff missed you, and there was all this tension between us. It was hard. It was never the same. Sure, we played house. We grew up. We raised Tyler. I loved Jeff in a different away. But—” She broke off, still trembling, and turned away. “I never stopped loving you, and I hated myself for it.”
His hand took hers, pulling her back to face him. They stared at each other, and he looked like he had decided something. “Sarah, it wasn’t easy. I—” He rubbed a hand over his hair and looked miserable. “I … I can’t do this. I’m too close to this. It was a mistake to involve me.”
“What?” she pressed, feeling like a reporter needing the story, like he was the key to all the strange things happening to her. “See, what? What, Zane? Who involved you?”
Still nothing.
“Fine. Don’t tell me.” Her whole body shook with anger. She kept her voice l
ow as she turned away from him. “I am leaving. I can’t stand the secrets.”
Zane didn’t let go of her hand. “You’re not leaving.”
They were close. Absurdly close. She felt his breath on her face, smelled the salt water on him, saw the determination in his eyes. It cut her to the bone. This man had always had this effect on her. As much as she hated it, she knew he was right. She wouldn’t be leaving.
“Then tell me the truth,” she said, standing firm. He would not blind her, seduce her, obstruct her view of what was happening.
Before she could agree or protest or pull away, his arm snaked around her waist and pulled her flush against him. He looked wild and angry and confused. “I …”
“Tell me,” she challenged, almost against his lips.
“I can’t. You don’t understand.”
At this point, Sarah didn’t know if she was using her feminine wiles to get information, or if it was all the attraction. Electricity sparked in the air when she was around him, and she was a lightning rod, just waiting, begging for it to hit her. Or maybe there was spite in it. She couldn’t say, but she pushed her lips against his.
Initially, he pushed her away from him. “No.”
She laced her hands around his neck and pulled him in, confused, torn, and completely certain. She wanted him. She didn’t want to lose him again. She pressed her lips to his.
It took some time, but she felt the exact moment he gave in to her. His arms pulled her closer, and she felt his desperation. He deepened the kiss, and she responded. It felt like soaring, flying, like both of them were lost in their own world.
Finally, he lifted his head. His gaze seared into her soul. “I don’t want to have secrets from you either.”
