by Lesley Crewe
“I have a class at three, so I’d better go,” he said.
“Will we do this again?”
He hesitated and then nodded. “Sure.”
Kay kissed him lightly on the mouth. “I like you, David.”
He watched her as she walked away. There was no doubt she was as spectacular from behind as she was coming towards him, but immediately Lila popped into his head like a splash of cold water. Whatever he did, he couldn’t escape her. The sooner he got home the better. He knew he couldn’t live like this for much longer.
There was one more event he had to work before he went home to Cape Breton for the summer. His dad had lined up a job for him with the highway department, and the sooner he started the more money he would save.
David saw Mr. Hanover at the dinner. He wondered where Kay was, but it was just as well she wasn’t there; he certainly didn’t need any more complications in his life. Thankfully it was a relatively short evening and David got to leave around ten-thirty. When he walked out of the building, Kay was sitting on the cement fence that edged the perimeter, dressed casually in slacks and a blue sweater set.
“Hi, David.”
He thought about walking right by her, but knew that was unkind, so he stopped. “Hi. Why are you here?”
“To see you.”
“It’s late. You should be getting your beauty sleep.”
“I don’t sleep very often. It’s a curse.”
David put his hands in his pockets. “So, what’s new?”
“I’m finished for the year. You?”
“Yeah, I’m leaving for Cape Breton in the morning.”
“I’ve never been to Cape Breton. Is it nice?”
“Very.”
“You’ll have to show me around sometime.”
David nodded but didn’t say anything.
Kay jumped off the fence. “I can tell you’re annoyed with me. I’ll say goodnight.” She started to walk away when he pulled her arm back toward him.
“I’m sorry, Kay. I’m always apologizing to you for my awful manners. I’m not usually rude to people.”
She looked at her arm and he released it.
“David, do you think I follow men as a rule? I can assure you it’s always the other way around. I’m trying to let you know that I think you’re special and I’d like to be with you. It’s obvious you’re having a hard time, but I won’t be made to feel as if I’m being a nuisance.”
What was he doing? Here was someone who wanted to be with him. Lila might be lost forever and he needed a girl at that very moment to tell him he wasn’t a terrible person. David gathered her in his arms and kissed her with everything he had. She responded in kind. He didn’t care who was around and neither did she. David only thought how wonderful it felt to have a woman in his arms. At one point they stopped kissing but kept their foreheads together, both of them trying to catch their breath.
“Do you have to go home?” she whispered. “My dad can get you a job anywhere in the city. We can spend the summer together. Wouldn’t you like that?”
He kissed her again so she’d stop talking. Reality seeped in nonetheless. He finally pulled away.
“You’re a great girl…”
“But…?”
“I have to go home. There’s something I need to fix.”
“I’m guessing it involves a female.” Kay ran her fingers through her hair to try and straighten it a little. “I get the picture. I’m making a fool of myself.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I’m thinking aloud, David. I don’t need your opinion. Have a great summer.”
She walked away.
When David got home, the first thing his mother said was, “Have you been ill?”
“No. Why?”
“You look terrible.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. “I know there’s something wrong. Don’t dismiss me.”
“Apparently I have an ulcer.”
Now his mother was on a mission, just like the secret missions she’d send him on when he was a kid, like the time he had to go over to Aunt Muriel’s kitchen to find out what type of cake she was entering in the Fall Fair, or the time she’d made him take the wine bottles out of the Butts’s garbage can so she’d have evidence of their neglect of Lila.
David knew from past experiences that she wouldn’t take this mission lightly. She’d find every recipe available that would be easy on his stomach, which was much appreciated—except that he’d then have to hear about where she found it, whose recipe box it originated from, and the life history of the person who gave it to her.
His father also gave him a concerned look at the table, while he and Mom ate fried haddock for supper and David had a plain omelet. “Did you eat a lot of spices when you went to India? Maybe that’s what started your ulcer.”
“We ate tinned food mostly. Once a month they’d fly in steaks, but we had no refrigeration, so we’d eat it all at once. The first time someone put a rare steak on my plate I thought there was something wrong with it. Mom cooks hers to death.”
“Hardly to death, David. I prefer mine well done.”
“You like everything well done. When I cut into my fried egg and the yolk seeped out I didn’t know what it was. The guys gave me a hard time for weeks.”
David could tell his mom wasn’t pleased with him—she was known far and wide for her cooking—but he could tell Dad was enjoying the exchange. He made it up to Mom after dinner when he put his arms around her waist while she was washing the dishes and kissed her on the cheek.
“You’re the best cook and the best mother in the world.”
“Remember that.”
David picked up the dishtowel and started to dry the dishes. “How’s our Annie?”
“I think she’s in love. She denies it, but her face glows when she talks about him.”
“Who’s this bozo?”
“Henry Pratt. He’s a doctor at the Glace Bay General and he’s thirty.”
“He’s a dirty old man! I’m going to have to speak to her.”
His mother took her hand out of the soapy water and poked him in the chest. “You’ll do no such thing. He’s good for her. Annie rides roughshod over anyone younger. Heaven knows I’ve seen my share of broken hearts in this house, but not one belonged to Annie, just the boys who tried to date her.”
David dried all the dishes and put them away. He sat with his parents for a bit, making small talk, and then said he was going to bed.
“Dad, can I borrow the car tomorrow? I thought I’d go out and visit Lila and the baby. I haven’t seen them yet.”
“Sure.”
“Oh, Lila will be pleased,” his mom smiled. “That baby is adorable. I feel like a grandmother when I hold her.”
David wished them goodnight and took his broken heart up to bed. He lay awake for most of the night, rehearsing a thousand times what he would say to Lila, but he couldn’t remember any of it in the morning.
The drive to Round Island was a blur, and he sat in the car outside the house for quite a while before he got out. When he knocked on the door, Eunie answered as expected, and was so pleased to see him. After giving him a big hug she took him by the arm and led him into her bedroom. There in a wooden crib was a little pink baby. She was sucking her thumb in her sleep. He couldn’t see her clearly because his eyes filled with tears, but he kept his head down so Eunie wouldn’t see.
“She’s a little darling,” Aunt Eunie boasted. “She’s so good to go to sleep, and hardly ever cries.”
“What’s her name again?”
“Caroline Eunice,” Aunt Eunie said proudly. “Wasn’t that thoughtful of Lila? I bless the day she came to live with us. She is our daughter in every way.”
David wanted to touch Caroli
ne, but didn’t dare. He didn’t have the right. Not yet, anyway.
“Why don’t you go up and see Lila?” Aunt Eunie said. “She gets so lonesome for company. I’m sure Caroline will be up from her nap before you leave. Wait until you hold her!”
David walked to the stairs like he was headed to the gallows. Eunie went ahead of him, opened the door, and called up the stairs. “Lila, there’s someone to see you.”
This was it. He went up the stairs and stood at the top, then turned to look at her, propped up in bed. He was shocked by how small and frail she looked, dark circles under her eyes and such pronounced cheekbones. If she was doing better now, what state had she been in before? And it was all because of him.
She didn’t say anything, just watched him stand there in his misery.
“What must you think of me?”
There was only silence.
“When I found out…it’s my fault…all of it. I almost killed you. I don’t know how to apologize for that other than to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I will regret my actions for the rest of my life, but just now I looked at Caroline and I can’t believe that she wasn’t meant to be. She’s beautiful, Lila. She’s as beautiful as you are and I love you both so much. You have to believe me. We can raise her together and watch her grow up. Please forgive me. Please.”
“Caroline isn’t yours.”
The floor tilted and the ceiling came down to greet him. He put his hand out and grabbed the bookcase to stay steady. He tried to formulate a sentence but couldn’t speak. The dizziness and nausea he’d become so familiar with rushed through his body, and he bent over to keep it down. Slowly he stood up again and tried to breathe calmly.
“I know you’re upset with me, Lila, but don’t do this. Don’t keep Caroline away from me. We’ll present a united front and tell our families the truth about us. Only then can we move forward.”
“You’re not the father, David. We can’t present a united front because there is no us. We were together once, and on the grass, no less. Is that a relationship? Neither of our families needs to know anything. You’re going to live in Halifax and become a lawyer, and I’m going to stay here and raise my daughter. We’ll see each other at the occasional family get-together.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m lying about what?”
“That child is mine. You’re just trying to punish me.”
“Think what you like.”
David approached her bed. “You made me believe you wanted me at Christmas, and yet the whole time you were hiding the fact that you were having my baby. Do you know how I felt when I discovered everyone knew about it but me? I felt betrayed, Lila, like I’d been stabbed in the back. Not to mention the fact that you never told me about your bad heart. It’s like everyone’s been privy to your inner world but me.”
“Why should you be? Even if you love me to your dying day, I’m under no obligation to love you back.”
He shook his head. “Okay, you’re doing a great job of making me suffer, and I deserve it. I get that. But this is me, Lila. I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you. I’ve wanted to marry you my whole life. I’ve waited for you my whole life. I declared my love for you before I left to join the air force. I kept your lock of hair with me overseas. When I came back we discussed our future plans…”
“You discussed our future plans, not me. You informed me that we would travel the world and come back to Round Island with our children in the summer. But you never asked me what I wanted or if I liked the idea of seeing the world and leaving my home. I’m happy here. I don’t want to leave.”
“What are you so afraid of? This place isn’t going to disappear the minute your back is turned.”
“You don’t care what I think. It’s what you want. You expected me to be here when you got back, as if I have no life other than you, as if I’m here waiting to be told what to do. I know I’m not the fighter Annie is, but I deserve respect.”
David was confused. “But you told me you loved me.”
“What do I know about love?”
He closed his eyes and tried to get his emotions under control. He didn’t want to fall apart in front of her. “I’m sorry. Clearly I’ve been living in a fantasy world.”
Then he opened his eyes and stepped even closer to her. “But I know that child is mine. You can deny it forever, but I know she’s mine. And the fact that you won’t acknowledge her as such says more about you than it does about me. I hope you can live with yourself when she asks you some day who her daddy is.”
He turned around and walked down the stairs. Then he slipped into Eunie and Joe’s bedroom and placed his hand on his daughter’s back. “I love you, Caroline. Someday you’ll know who I am.” He hurried into the kitchen, where Eunie had tea poured and a lemon loaf waiting to be sliced.
“Thought you might like a snack,” she smiled.
“I hate to disappoint you, but I really have to get back. I’m supposed to start a new job today and I’ve taken too much time as it is, but it’s been wonderful to see you and Lila and Caroline. I’ll be busy this summer, so I might not get out as often as I’d like, but I’m sure Mom will keep me informed on the baby front.”
“Are you sure you don’t want…”
“Positive.” He hugged Aunt Eunie before she could say anything else and quickly left. She waved from the door.
“Goodbye, dear. Thanks for stopping in.”
David got in the car and drove to the bungalow. He unlocked it, went inside, and sat on the couch, trying to ignore the bile in his throat. His first thought was to leave for Halifax that day and get as far away as possible from Lila and the baby, but he knew he’d be miserable on his own, the campus empty of students during the summer. At that moment he needed his mother’s food and her comfort and his dad’s reassurance that he was a good person at heart and that he didn’t mean to be such a loser and ruin everyone’s life. And he needed his sister. Even if he couldn’t tell her about Lila and the baby, he wanted to soak up her good cheer and to-hell-with-it attitude.
He was only twenty-one and already weary of life.
* * *
When David left her, Lila stayed very still. She knew Aunt Eunie would come up and ask why he had left so soon. Eunie soon did, in fact, bring up a tray with tea and a couple of slices of lemon loaf. She put it across Lila’s lap.
“Here you are. It’s too bad David couldn’t stay, but he’s starting a new job. He’s such a nice boy, and he was obviously moved by our little angel. At one point I thought he was crying. Men are such babies.” She cocked an ear. “Is that Caroline?”
“I think so.”
“I’ll get her bottle ready and you can feed her.”
“I’m really tired. I think I’ll have a nap, and I can feed her at dinner.”
“Fine by me. Do you want me to take the tray away?”
“Please.”
Aunt Eunie grabbed the tray and went back downstairs. Lila turned towards the wall and buried her face in the pillow.
She was only eighteen and already weary of life.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
1948
Annie refused to meet Henry’s mother for two and a half years. As far as Mrs. Pratt was concerned, Henry was a confirmed bachelor. Now that Annie was nearing her graduation from nursing school at the Glace Bay General, she let down her guard. Annie would never admit it to Henry, but she was conscious of the fact that if Henry’s mother had met and hated her, it would have strained the relationship she had with Henry at the hospital. There was enough drama on the wards without a heated argument in the linen cupboard about what his mother did or didn’t say.
She also knew that Henry was running out of patience.
“I was born in 1916. During the Great War! We’ve had a Second World War since then. Just how long do you think I can wait to start a family of
my own?”
They sat together on a park bench near the hospital to quickly gulp down a sandwich during their fifteen minutes of free time.
Annie licked a dollop of tuna salad from her finger. “It’s entirely your own fault. If you hadn’t fallen madly in love with a young ingénue, you could at this very moment be sleeping with a wrinkly old woman in her thirties.”
“You are the antithesis of an ingénue, my love.”
“Do you want me to meet your mother or not?”
“Come to dinner on Saturday night. I’ll pick you up at around seven.”
Annie made a face. “Seven? Are you aristocrats? Normal people eat at five.”
“I know my mother. When she finds out I’m bringing a girl home, she’ll be beside herself. Expect at least six courses.”
“Oh, God.”
Henry wasn’t the only one impatient for something to be decided or announced or at least given consideration. Annie’s mom was bugging her to get engaged. That way no one else could steal Henry from under Annie’s nose. But as Dad reminded Mom, if anyone attempted to do such a thing, Annie would release the hounds herself.
Annie was more nervous than she cared to admit about meeting Mrs. Pratt. From what Henry had told her, a lot of people withered in her presence. Grown men had been known to avoid her in the street. After trying on three different outfits, she settled for a sleeveless white and navy polka-dotted dress and wore a navy sweater over it in case the weather or Mrs. Pratt got chilly. She also wore heels instead of flats, just to make a point.
It was a nice spring evening and Henry showed up at six forty-five. Mom knocked on Annie’s bedroom door to tell her he’d arrived.
“He looks nervous.”
“Does he?”
“That’s always a good sign. It means he wants his mother to approve of you, and he’s terrified that she won’t.”
“I can’t wait for this to be over.”
