by Stuart Woods
“Yeah. When I got ashore I took a cab here.”
“Why, Herbie? What would you like me to do?”
“I would like to be divorced,” Herbie replied. “Will you handle that for me?”
Herbie had won the lottery a couple of years before, and he had paid Stone a million-dollar retainer to handle all his legal affairs, and not a few of his personal problems.
“Of course,” Stone said. “Maybe the best way to start would be to send me the papers Stephanie asked you to sign. Do you still have them?”
“Yeah, they’re somewhere in my apartment.”
“Well, grab a cab, go home, get out of those clothes, take a nice hot bath with a glass of brandy floating in it, and when the brandy is all gone, get out of the tub and fax me the papers.”
“That’s the best advice I’ve had all day,” Herbie said. With some difficulty he got into the sodden overcoat, and Stone walked him to the door.
“And, Herbie,” Stone said, “don’t let anybody you don’t know into your apartment. Tell the doorman to be on the lookout for strangers who want to see you, and don’t hesitate to call the police if the two guys show up.”
Herbie nodded and ran for a cab.
Stone stepped into Joan’s office. “Herbie just took a dip in New York Harbor,” he said.
“He told me.”
“How much of Herbie’s retainer is left?”
“About half a million dollars,” she said.
“I don’t suppose we can just write him a check.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“He’s faxing over some divorce papers from Stephanie.”
“I’ll bring them to you when they come.”
Stone nodded and went to his desk. He returned some phone calls, and then Joan buzzed him.
“Herbie’s on the phone,” she said. “I’ll bring in the papers.”
Stone picked up the phone. “The fax just arrived, Herbie.”
“I know, I just sent it.”
Stone took the papers from Joan. “Hang on while I take a quick look through them.” He did so. “Okay, they’re pretty standard. She wants you to admit to adultery and agree to a divorce.”
“Adultery? I didn’t do any adultery.”
“It doesn’t matter. New York is the last state with no-fault divorce; it has to be for cause, the usual choices being adultery, cruelty, or mental cruelty. There’s a move afoot in the state legislature to change that, but it hasn’t happened yet.”
“How about stealing a billion dollars and running?” Herbie asked. “Is that a good enough cause?”
Stone thought about it. “Well, it wasn’t your billion dollars, was it? I’m not sure if stealing somebody else’s billion dollars is grounds for divorce.”
“It’s gotta be,” Herbie said. “I mean, if she had stuck up a liquor store and had gone to prison for it, wouldn’t that be grounds?”
“Yes, I suppose so, but, Herbie, if you want the quick way out of this, it’s to just sign the papers, and it will soon be over.”
“I’m not having it said in the papers that I committed adultery.”
“All right, how about this? I’ll draw up a petition for divorce claiming that she’s the adulterer. You can sue her, instead of the other way around.”
“I like that better,” Herbie said.
“Wait a minute, she’s still on the Pacific island, isn’t she?”
“As far as I know.”
“Then it would be very difficult to serve her with the papers. Let me call her lawyer and see if we can work out something.”
“Stone, what about the division of property?”
“Well, you’re both entitled to equitable division of your assets, but you were only married for a couple of months before she left, the property you each owned before the marriage is exempt, and neither of you would have had time to accumulate much in the way of assets during the marriage.”
“How about the billion dollars she stole? That was accumulated during the marriage, so isn’t it a marital asset?”
“Well, now I’m stumped, Herbie. I think there would be a lot of problems with that. First of all, she’s obviously put the money out of reach of the government or anybody else, so even if we won the case, you’d never be able to seize the assets.”
“Maybe not, but it would be fun to win it.”
“It would be an expensive process, Herbie.”
“I still have a big credit with you, don’t I?”
“It would be throwing good money after bad.”
“But satisfying.”
“Herbie, let me talk to her attorney and see what we can work out. I’ll get back to you after Christmas.”
“Why after Christmas? How long could it take?”
“People have a way of disappearing from their offices around the holidays, and I’ve got houseguests on my hands. You met one of them this morning.”
“Well, okay.”
“I’ll speak to you after New Year’s.”
“Wait a minute, you said after Christmas.”
“Nobody’s back in the office until after New Year’s. It’s just a fact of life, Herbie. Bye-bye and Merry Christmas,” Stone said cheerfully, then hung up before he got a response.
Joan was leaning against the doorjamb, laughing.
“Oh, shut up,” Stone said.
“And Merry Christmas to you, too!” she said, and went back to her office.
6
Stone and Peter arrived at Elaine’s slightly before Dino and Ben, so they had a good view of the boys as they entered.
Ben was dressed in black leather jeans and a jacket and a black T-shirt. What appeared to Stone to be some sort of satanic symbol hung from a chain around the boy’s neck. Like his father, Ben was of slight stature, but wiry. Introductions were made, and the boys shook hands solemnly, if not warily. They all sat down.
Ben gazed across the table at Peter’s tweed jacket and necktie. “You always dress like that?” he asked. “Or just when trying to impress adults?”
“Most of the time,” Peter replied, glancing at a menu. “The girls seem to like it.”
Stone and Dino exchanged a glance and rolled their eyes.
“I’m staying out of this,” Dino said.
“As am I,” Stone replied.
Peter nodded at the metallic object on the chain around Ben’s neck. “Isn’t that the Egyptian symbol for sexual impotence? Why are you advertising?”
Ben laughed in spite of himself. “He’s cool,” he said to Stone.
Stone and Dino stopped laughing long enough to order booze for themselves and sodas for the boys. Ben and Peter launched into a comparison of their schools and the girls available at each. They agreed that there was a dearth of such companionship, just as their respective headmasters had intended.
“I’m getting out in June,” Ben said.
“So am I,” Peter replied.
“What are your plans, college?”
“Not yet,” Peter said. “I have a plan, though.”
“Something you don’t want them to know about?” Ben asked, nodding at Stone and Dino.
“Pretty much.”
“Come with me,” Ben said. He got up and went to the bar, carrying his soda, and Peter followed. They entered into an intense conversation.
“Maybe this was a good idea,” Dino said.
“I think it was,” Stone said. He told Dino about their afternoon and the meeting with Leo Goldman, Jr.
“So the kid’s graduating from high school at sixteen? And I thought Ben’s getting out at eighteen was pretty good.”
“It is, Dino.”
“Trouble is, I don’t know if he’s mature enough to handle college. I’d like him to do something else for a year, but he’s not ready to be shipped off to Europe, either. What’s Peter going to do?”
“I haven’t the faintest idea,” Stone said, “but I think he’s telling Ben right now. Maybe he’ll get around to telling me later.”
“Where’s Arrin
gton?”
“In the hospital.”
“Not the cancer thing again, I hope.”
“She doesn’t seem to be sure; they’re running tests. She’s supposed to call me tomorrow.”
“She looked fine a year ago in L.A.”
“She sure did. Peter thinks she’s just tired. She’s been building her new house in Virginia, and that’s hard work, even if you’re not wielding a hammer.”
“I guess.”
The two boys returned to the table and looked at the menu. “What’s osso buco?” Peter asked.
“Try it; you won’t be sorry.”
“Whatever you say, Stone.”
Ben spoke up. “It’s an animal leg with sauce. I’ll have it, too, Pop.”
“How many times I have to tell you,” Dino said, “don’t call me ‘Pop.’ ”
“What’s the matter with that?” Stone asked.
“It’s what I called my old man.”
“Oh, okay.” He looked at Ben and shrugged.
Their food arrived and dinner continued with two different conversations going on: one between Stone and Dino, the other between the two boys, who seemed to be speaking in code.
“You want a date tomorrow night?” Ben asked Peter, suddenly breaking into English. “My girl’s got a hot friend.”
“Sure,” Peter said.
“We’d better wait until we hear from your mother tomorrow,” Stone said. “She may have plans for us.”
“Okay,” Peter said. “Can I call you tomorrow, Ben?”
“Yeah, sure. I’m staying at the old man’s.”
“Don’t call me ‘the old man’ either,” Dino said.
“I’m running out of names,” Ben said. “How about Pater?”
“Not unless you want a fat lip.”
“How about ‘hey you’?”
“That’s better than Pater, but still not good enough for you to get money out of me for a date tomorrow night.”
“Gee, Dad, thanks! I didn’t know you knew I was broke.”
“You’re always broke,” Dino said.
“Can I have the car?”
“Take the subway; you can’t afford to park, and I’m not having my car towed.”
“Awright, awright, Dad.”
Stone spoke up. “And you might remember that neither of you is of drinking age.”
On the way home in the cab Peter talked excitedly about Ben. “He’s really a great guy, in spite of the bluster.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Actually, he’s a lot like Dino.”
“I guess he would be, wouldn’t he?”
They arrived at the house, and Stone went to his study to check the answering machine for messages, while Peter wandered around the room, looking at books and objects. Stone was writing down a message when he looked up and saw Peter holding a framed photograph of Stone’s father, staring at it intently. He put the phone down.
“Who’s this?” Peter asked.
“That’s my father,” Stone said.
“Funny,” Peter replied, “he looks very familiar.” He sank into a wing chair across from Stone.
Stone steeled himself; he knew the question that was coming, and he didn’t want to answer it. “So what’s this plan of yours for after you graduate?”
“It’s like this,” Peter said. “I know I can handle the courses in college, but at sixteen, I’m not ready to be in a freshman class where everybody is two or three years older than I am.” He paused. “For one thing, no attractive girl is going to give me the time of day.”
“That’s an interesting observation,” Stone replied. “Have you considered an alternative?”
“Yes. There’s a prep school on the Upper East Side of Manhattan called Knickerbocker Hall.”
“I’ve heard of it, of course,” Stone said. “What attracts you to it?”
“It’s performing-arts oriented, and they have a good film school,” Peter said. “I could study film, then, in two years, I could enter a good university as a junior.”
“You’ll still be only eighteen,” Stone pointed out.
“Yes, but I’ll look older. I’ll have achieved my full height by then and filled out some, and I’m already shaving. I’ll lie about my age to the kids at Knickerbocker, though the administration will know my age, of course, and I’ll continue to do that in college.”
“Have you given any thought to where you want to go to college?”
“I think I’ll want to go to the Yale Drama School.”
“Are you interested in acting?”
“No, but I’m interested in actors, because that’s who I want to work with. And they have a director’s program. I already know a lot about film, but I want to learn about the theater, too.”
“That sounds like a very good plan to me. Do you think your mother will let you go to a boarding school in New York?”
“Knickerbocker isn’t a boarding school,” Peter replied, then sat silently while he let that sink in.
Stone got it almost at once. “Well,” he said, “I’ve got plenty of room here.”
“Thank you,” Peter said. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
“You knew I would, didn’t you?”
“Not until just a moment ago,” Peter replied. He held up the photograph of Stone’s father. “When I saw this.”
Stone took a deep breath. “Do you have any questions, Peter?”
“All my questions have been answered,” Peter said, “some of which I’ve been asking myself for a long time.”
“Has your mother talked to you about this?”
“No, and if I got too close to the question, she adroitly changed the subject. Did she make you promise not to tell me?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you haven’t,” Peter said. “I suppose you could say my grandfather told me.” He looked at the photograph again. “I wish I had known him.”
“So do I,” Stone said. “You two would have gotten along famously. You’d have liked your grandmother, too. She was a painter; I expect you got your artistic bent from her.”
“There’s something else,” Peter said.
“What’s that?”
“I want to legally change my name to Barrington, for a number of reasons.”
Stone blinked. “What are your reasons?”
“We’ve just talked about the first one, but from the time I entered boarding school I’ve been very uncomfortable with the name Calder. I’ve learned not to like being the son of so famous a movie star. When they know that, it colors every conversation, warps every friendship. I don’t want to go through my life that way, especially in film school or in the film business.”
“Your reasons are sound,” Stone said, “but you’re going to have to talk with your mother about all this.”
“Will you help me out with that?”
“No, I’m new in your life, but you have a close relationship with your mother. I’ll sit silently and listen, if moral support will help.”
“I’ll figure it out when she gets here,” Peter said. “One other thing: I’m not comfortable with either Pop or Pater, so it will have to be Dad.”
Stone laughed. “I can live with that.”
Stone walked Peter up to his room, and they hugged briefly, then parted for the night.
Stone lay in bed feeling, suddenly, like a different person.
7
Stone was still in bed, having breakfast and reading the Times, when Peter knocked and came into his room.
“Good morning,” Stone said. “I thought you’d be sleeping late.”
“I rarely sleep late,” Peter said. “I’ve already edited a scene of my film on my laptop.”
“That’s industrious. Would you like some breakfast?”
“I found the kitchen, and Helene made me some scrambled eggs.” Peter looked at the four paintings of New York scenes on Stone’s bedroom wall. “I like these pictures,” he said.
“They were painted by your grandmother,” Stone replied. “She has
work in the Metropolitan Museum, too, in the American Collection.”
“I’m impressed,” Peter said, looking at them more closely.
“What would you like to do today?”
“I just talked to Ben. There’s a heist-film festival at some place called the Film Forum—The Killers, The Asphalt Jungle, like that. I thought we’d get in two or three this afternoon. Ben has never seen anything older than Finding Nemo.”
Stone laughed. “You can educate him.”
“Don’t worry,” Peter said, “he’ll love it. He’ll end up watching them on his cell phone. Mom won’t let me have a cell phone; she says I’d be talking on it all the time, instead of working or studying.”
“Mothers are like that,” Stone said.
“I’d better get back to work,” the boy said, then left.
Stone picked up the phone and buzzed Joan.
“Yes, boss?”
“Will you go up to the Apple Store on Fifth at Fifty-ninth Street and buy an iPhone and an iPad, the high-end models?”
“But you already have those things,” Joan said.
“Yeah, but Peter doesn’t, and it’s his birthday soon.”
“Oh, sure.”
“Sign him up in the name of Peter Barrington, and make his age eighteen on the application, so there won’t be any problem. Use this house for his address and put it all on my Amex card.”
“Will do.”
“And get him some accessories, too; you know the sort of thing, and get it all gift wrapped.”
“I’m on it. Hang on, the phone’s ringing.” She put him on hold and then came back. “It’s Seth Keener, Stephanie Fisher’s attorney.”
“Got it,” Stone said. (He picked up the other line.) “Mr. Keener? Stone Barrington. I’m attorney to Herbert Fisher.”
“Oh, good,” Keener said. “Has he signed the papers?”
“No, and he’s not going to.”
“He wants to stay married to Stephanie?”
“He doesn’t want that, either, but he’s not going on record as an adulterer.”
“Name his poison: Cruelty? Mental cruelty?”
“Mr. Fisher will be the complainant and the cause will be abandonment—on her part. I don’t think she can argue with that.”
Keener sighed. “I’ll put it to her.”
