Don’t ever threaten me again.
Mandy40
She hit send. She deleted Mandy40’s account. She thought about what her new screen name should be and decided on TexasRose. Yes, she liked it. Ray wouldn’t be emailing her anytime in the near future, so she’d tell him her new email address next time they spoke.
She felt good about sending the letter to Carrie. It might have been the coward’s way out not giving her a chance to reply, but in all reality, she didn’t want to hear it. Carrie seemed to be a bit out there, so why give her the chance to go psycho on her. No thanks, this was the right thing to do, whether or not Carrie; or Ray, liked it.
She turned off the computer, picked up her purse and walked out to the car, feeling better than she had in quite awhile.
Carrie was on the Internet looking up apartment complexes close to home. She wanted to give Ray a list. Although she was sure he’d be back, he knew he wouldn’t last at his mother’s too long, so she wanted to make sure he knew where it was appropriate for him to look. After all, her children would be visiting him there, and she wanted to make sure the place was livable. All the places were within a five-mile range.
“You got Mail.” Carrie was pleasantly surprised to hear this. She loved getting email. She went to her inbox and was shocked to see the mail was from Mandy40. She couldn’t believe the nerve of this woman! She actually had written her back. What part of ‘don’t contact Ray or me’ did she not understand? Carrie’s first instinct was to delete it. It was a mute point. Ray was gone, so what did it matter what it said. She continued to stare at the yet unopened email. Against her better judgment, Carrie opened it and commenced to read.
~~~
Ray’s mom was driving him crazy. She asked him so many questions about things he didn’t want to talk about. He cleaned up his dinner dishes and went downstairs to the den to call his daughters. Why didn’t his mother understand that this was hard enough without her pointing out everyone’s heartache? He dialed the familiar number and hoped Carrie didn’t answer. No such luck, she picked it up on the first ring.
“Ray?”
Ray wanted to implode. “Yes, it’s me. Are the girls’ home?”
“Where else would they be? They’re sitting here waiting for you to come home. Aren’t you coming home for dinner?”
Ray was incredulous. “No, I’m not. I don’t live there anymore. I’m at my mother’s until further notice. Carrie, I’m not coming home.”
“Yes, you are! Do you hear me Ray Knight? You’re NOT going to do this to me, to us. I don’t know what you think you are trying to prove, but I’m already sick of it. You had better come to your senses and FAST.” Carrie was hyperventilating. She wanted to get through to him, she just didn’t know how.
“Put Nikki on the phone, Carrie. NOW! I’m not going to talk to you. I want to talk to my daughters, not to you!
Carrie slammed the receiver down on the table. Ray winced at the sharp pain it caused his ear. This was progress; she gave in with almost no fight.
“Daddy?” It was Nikki. “How are you, Daddy?” She instantaneously began to cry. “I miss you so much.”
“I know, honey, I miss you too. How are things going there at home?” It was unbearably painful to hear Nikki so sad. Not for the first time today, Ray wondered if he could really go through with this.
“Not well. Mom is pretty pissed off at the world. She’s taking it out on us; like it was our fault or something.”
“It’s not your fault. Just stay out of her way, Nikki. How are your sisters?”
“They’re good, hiding out mostly. Do you want to talk to them?”
“Okay.” Ray suddenly felt very tired. The up and down emotions he had gone through today was taking its toll. He felt as if he could lie down and go to sleep for about three days straight. He spoke to Glenda and Norma, who of course said they were fine and that he was doing the right thing. He arranged to pick them up for dinner the next day after work. He missed them and wanted to see them.
After the emotionally draining phone call, Ray decided he just wanted to go to bed. He went upstairs to see what his mom was up to and to his surprise, she had already gone to bed. Ray shook his head; it was like being at home. She couldn’t even wait to say goodnight. Ray headed back down to his old room. He should hear tomorrow about his apartment and prayed that something came up. He couldn’t take much more of living here. He curled up in the fetal position, and before his mind could start wandering, he fell asleep.
~~~
After Ray’s phone call, Carrie interrogated the girls. She wanted to know what his plans were. All they would come up with was that he was taking them to dinner tomorrow night. This pleased her. She would be able to talk to him in person. She had not had the chance to tell him about the interesting letter she received via email today. She was glad, it would be ten times better seeing his reaction in person.
Carrie went to the computer and logged on. Besides, for the top ten lists of places Ray could live, she wanted to print out the letter from Mandy40. She wanted to watch Ray’s face as he read it. She wanted to watch him feign innocence and pretend there was nothing between them. Carrie laughed out loud! She had been livid after reading it. The audacity of some Internet woman writing to her was unspeakable. Then as if that weren’t bad enough, when she tried to write her back, she got an undeliverable address. Mandy had written her this letter, and then deleted her account. Carrie drummed on the keyboard as she waited for the letter to print. Somehow, she’d get back at this Mandy woman. She didn’t know when or how, but she would.
~~~
Ray was ecstatic! There was an opening at the Portland House. He was going to be able to move in on the weekend, just three days away. During his lunch hour today, he was taking over the security deposit and signing the lease. Finally, something was going his way. He sat at his desk, tapping the phone with his pencil, a mile a minute. He wanted to call Amanda. She’d already left for work, but he had her work number. He’d never used it, but he was contemplating using it now. Would she get in trouble? Would she feel uncomfortable?
Before he could pick up the phone, Chad came over and asked him to go to coffee. Reluctantly he agreed. It would give him a minute to mull over the question at hand.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you Ray, what’s going on?” Chad had noticed that something was amiss with his co-worker. He seemed very distracted, or even, disinterested. It was unlike him, so Chad had decided to be forthright and just ask him.
“What do you mean?” Ray didn’t want to have this conversation. He knew exactly where Chad was going with this.
Chad dove right in. “You haven’t been yourself lately. Are you all right? Is it home?”
Ray sighed. He might as well get this over with; it was going to have to come out eventually. “I’ve left my wife.” Ray looked at his shoes. Why did he feel like he was a monster here? He looked up at Chad. “I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided that at age forty two, I needed a chance to start over.”
Chad’s eyes opened wide. “Get out!” He slapped Ray on the shoulder. “It’s about friggin’ time! You’ve been unhappy in that marriage since I’ve known you. You have a right to be happy, Ray, and I’m glad you finally figured that out. Where are you staying?”
Ray sighed, this time with relief. “My mother’s for now. I just found a place I can move into this weekend. I’m pretty excited about it.” Ray was astounded that he would actually get some sort of support from his co-worker. Divorce was usually a dirty word in the stodgy computer company.
“That’s great, Ray. If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know.”
Ray felt overwhelmed by this support. He hadn’t expected it. “Thanks Chad, I’ll let you know. Wait, I could use some manual labor when I move this weekend.”
Chad laughed. “Come on Ray, I don’t like you that much!” He slapped Ray on the back.
Ray laughed, too, “Asshole.”
They walked back to their cubicle
s, Ray feeling better for the moment. He was truly appreciative of the support given by his friend. He had been reluctant to tell people, but maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
Back at his desk, he picked up the phone to call Amanda at work. He’d decided she wouldn’t have given him her work phone number if she never expected him to use it. He dialed her number, hoping she’d answer.
On the other end, she’d just arrived at work. She was out of breath and feeling harried, Mariah had been less than understanding about the fictitious car situation, and had given her a hard time. She threw her purse on her desk, and barely getting situated when the phone rang. Not being ready to start her day, her first instinct was to ignore it and go get a cup of coffee, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mariah at the copier so she picked up. “This is Mandy, how may I help you?”
“You could jump up and down for joy and be happy for me!”
“Ray, hi! I didn’t expect to hear your voice at work. What am I jumping up and down about?”
Ray was relieved she wasn’t upset about him calling her at work. “I got the apartment. I’m moving in this weekend. Is that cool, or what?” Ray found that sharing this news with Amanda made it more real, and much more exciting. He felt exhilarated.
“That is way cool! I’m so excited for you.” She was thrilled to hear how happy Ray sounded. “It sure feels like things will soon fall into place for you, Ray.”
“I hope so. I could use a little good luck. At lunch today, I’m going to go and sign the lease, so it will all be official. I’m so happy, Mandy!”
“That will be a big step. Do you have furniture?
“No, unfortunately, I’ll have to go buy everything. Just the basics though; a couch, TV, a bed, dishes. I have to start from scratch because I don’t think Carrie will let me have anything. Tonight, I’m going to go see my daughters, so I’ll ask her to see just how unreasonable she is going to be.” Ray laughed. He didn’t expect Carrie to be anywhere near reasonable.
Neither did Amanda. “Starting from scratch won’t be so bad, Ray. It’ll be exciting. I wish I were there to help you with all that shopping!”
Ray smiled to himself; little did she know how much he wished that too, and it had nothing to do with shopping. “I do too, Mandy.”
“Well, good luck tonight, Ray. Let me get back to work. Or rather start work, since I’ve been here a total of ten minutes.”
“Wow, you were really late. I’m sorry about that Mandy. I didn’t realize we had talked so long.”
“It’s okay, I’m glad we cleared the air. It was worth it.” She wondered for a moment if she should mention the note she had sent Carrie.
“I better let you go. Take care, I’ll call you soon.”
The moment had passed. “You too, Ray. Take good care.”
After hanging up, she found herself on the way to the lounge for a cup of coffee. Right when she was wondering when she would get to work today, she found Mariah enjoying her third cup of coffee for the morning.
“Hey Missy, is it break time all ready?”
“Don’t worry Mariah, I’m taking it to my desk. I need my cup of caffeine to get me going.” Mandy poured herself a cup and headed out.
“Sit with me a minute, Mandy. I haven’t heard you talk about your Internet guy in awhile. Have you heard from him?”
Reluctant to give her too much detail, she sat and simply said, “Yes, we still talk.”
Mariah sipped on her coffee waiting for more. She knew she wouldn’t stop there.
“In fact, he’s left his wife.”
Mariah almost choked on her last sip. “What?”
“Yes, recently. He’s with his mother right now, but he’s moving into an apartment this weekend.” Amanda casually sipped on her coffee, enjoying the reaction she was getting from Mariah.
“I can’t believe it. Why did he leave?”
“He was miserable. I’ve told you. He’d been planning it, but things just got moved up a bit.” Amanda went on to tell her about the letter and the packed up den.
“Oh my God, Mandy, you’re the other woman!” Mariah covered her mouth with a napkin, her eyes as wide as saucers. She just stared at her friend, not able to believe it.
“No I’m not, Mariah! Why would you say that? I’m freaking three thousand miles away.” She rose to leave. How dare Mariah call her ‘the other woman’? “Ray was unhappy before he met me online. Normal people don’t decide to pack up and leave their families because of words on a screen, or even a voice on the phone. Don’t be saying that, Mariah.”
Mariah started laughing hysterically, which of course, only infuriated her more.
“Mariah!”
“I’m sorry, Mandy, but I think ye does protest too much.”
Amanda stormed back to her office, hearing Mariah’s cackle all the way down the hall.
~~~
Ray drove up the driveway, already feeling like he didn’t belong here. At least, until his children ran up to the car. He once again had to fight the feeling that this was where he belonged, with his children. He got out of the car and the girls came running up to him. They enveloped him in hugs.
“Hey kids! How are you; ready to go eat?” Ray missed them so much.
“Can we go get pizza?” Nikki had not let go of her father’s hand yet.
“Yup, get in the car, and I’ll tell your mother.”
They got in while Ray walked up to the door, where Carrie was waiting to hand him two pieces of paper. For a minute, he thought they were divorce papers. “What’s this?”
He looked down and noticed one was a list of apartments around this neighborhood. He looked at Carrie quizzically, eyebrow arched.
“Those are the apartments I find appropriate for you to live in and take the girls,” she stated simply.
“You’ve got to be kidding me?” Ray laughed uncharacteristically loud. “You aren’t going to tell me where I can and can’t live, Carrie. Wherever I choose to live will be fine for the girls, too. Don’t worry about it.” He rumpled up the paper and gave it back to her. Then he started reading the letter. He read faster and faster, unable to comprehend it. “Where did you get this?”
“Why, I got it from your Internet girlfriend, of course. She emailed it to me. Now what do you think of her?”
Ray wanted to bash the smug look off her face. He searched for something to say, and wondered what Amanda would say in this situation. Then it hit him; exactly what it said in the letter. “I think of her what I always have. Someone I talk to online; a nice person who yes, I could talk to openly. I’m a little surprised at this response, but she’s just trying to defend herself against your very inappropriate letter. She’s not my ‘girlfriend’ Carrie, and nothing you can say is going to make her so. Got it?”
Carrie was beside herself. Ray wasn’t going to talk to her as if she were the village idiot. “No, I don’t ‘got it’! If it takes me forever, I’m going to prove that you left this house because of her. I’ll take you for everything you have, Ray Knight. You might think you have the upper hand in this so-called divorce, but you don’t…I do. Adultery is not taken lightly in Maine, and I’ll take it to the fullest extent that I can.”
Ray lost all control. He grabbed her by the arms and started screaming, forgetting that the girls were watching from the car. “You go ahead and do what you have to do. You’ll never prove adultery because there was never any! What I can prove is that I stuck in this loveless marriage for almost twenty years, working and supporting this family, while all you did was throw away everything I earned so we have nothing to show for it now. You go ahead and take me for everything I have, Carrie, because I have nothing, thanks to you!” He pushed her away and walked towards the car. Carrie was still screaming behind him, calling him every name in the book. He got in his car and yelled out the window that he was taking the kids to eat. He didn’t know if she heard him, and he didn’t care. He was so angry that he had trouble keeping himself from shaking. He drove fast and
furious, not knowing where he was going.
“Daddy?”
Ray snapped out of it. “I’m sorry, what is it Glenda?”
“I’m just wondering where we’re going?”
“Wherever you guys want…”
“Pizza!” they cried in unison.
“Then pizza it is.” He turned the car around and headed towards their favorite pizza place, the kids chattering in the back. Ray gripped the wheel, knuckles white, trying his best to get control of his anger. He was glad the kids were busy with each other, because for the moment, he had nothing to say to them, or anybody else for that matter.
Chapter 19
Ray stood in his apartment enjoying the view from his living room window. It was great! He could see the downtown Portland skyline, and at night, it was beautiful. This was the life!
He had moved in today. With only the girls and his mother to help him, it had been a long day. Thank God, he didn’t have any furniture or it would have killed him. He was expecting a bed, a pullout couch for the living room and a dining room table, which the furniture store would be delivering the next day. For the moment, all that sat in his apartment were boxes.
The good news was that he had a phone! It had been the first thing he had installed, and he knew exactly who the first person he wanted to call was. He found a comfortable place on the floor and dialed Amanda’s number. He was more than disappointed when her answering machine picked up. He listened to her cute message then tried sounding up and positive when he left his message. “Hi Mandy, it’s me! I’m here! I made it! I’m calling you from my apartment. It’s great. Give me a call when you get home, I’ll be here all night. Talk to you later!” He left the phone number, then still sitting on the floor, looked around at all the empty space, and suddenly felt very alone.
~~~
When You Least Expect It Page 17
