"So you joined the Homelander Front because you had no other options," he said.
“I still could have refused, but my Spons wanted the posted reward, so I couldn’t keep my job. Hiding takes both contacts and money. I didn’t have either.”
"Yeah? Suppose I'm in and I disagree with someone. How does that affect my health?"
"It's not easy to get out once you're in," she admitted. "But there are those who'll listen," she hoped aloud.
"I need time to think a few things through. How will I tell you when I've made up my mind?"
"I'll contact you again. Go ahead with any plans you may have, any legal plans, that is. We can't have a prospective Front person picked up by Security, can we?"
"Murder isn't legal."
"Forget it then! My Spons didn’t believe me either. But just suppose I were an Other killing Karra Willo?"
"All right. You've made your point. If you choose to see me again, I can give you a definite answer."
"Fair enough." She left him by continuing down the space between the buildings.
Manroy watched the shadows swallow her, wondering into what he had stepped. He did not trust Others and their Security, but some of the things the Homelander Front pulled were not much better. He certainly did not trust Karra Willo and the easy way she had passed off that murder. Maybe she didn’t do it.
But he did want to print leaflets.
By the time Del returned, the lights were on dim, soft music filled the room, and the air was delicately scented with flowers and the meal Von had helped Karra prepare. Seeing Del's surprise delighted her as much as this afternoon's escapade.
“Are we having company tonight?" He studied the formal table, complete with a runner of fresh flowers down its center.
“Not tonight. This is all for you.” She flashed her teeth at him, eyes twinkling. “The only thing that could ruin this evening would be another terrible dinner.”
“You cooked?” He frowned slightly.
“I did. But this time you should find the meal at least edible.” She dished him a heaping helping of the food and tried not to smile when she saw him cringe.
Del took the plate and sniffed at it first. Bolder, he took his first bite. Karra, watching from lowered lashes, pretended to be absorbed in dishing up her own plate.
“Laren,” he said in amazement. “This is delicious!”
She let the smile have its way. “Of course it is. Von taught me, and she’s an expert, isn’t she?”
“Yes. An award winner. You must learn quickly. This is good enough for guests!”
“Is it?” Its Nevian spices curled in unpalatable tendrils around her tongue. But she ate her portion in tiny bites, careful to pretend she liked it.
For several long minutes Del ate in silence, savoring every mouthful, unaware of her dainty nibbles. “This really is good enough for guests,” he said when his plate was half-empty. “Would you mind if I invited the Mu Aanames and the Ve Toohls over some evening?”
Karra looked up at him, her stomach twisting.
“Did I really ruin your evening so much you never accomplished anything?”
“You did.”
Yes, the beast said. We should invite them.
No!
Not good, little girl. Remember how completely I punish those who disobey me. Who destroyed Laren?
Destroyed? The knowledge alarmed her. You destroyed Laren? How could you kill off half of me?
The beast chuckled. She was of no use to me. And you are of no value to me either unless you please me without question. Don’t you feel the emptiness inside?
She did. She had felt empty for some time now.
The good half of you is all gone, leaving only the ugly, corrupted, amazingly angry Karra Willo. Without me, you are completely empty. You feel it, don’t you?
She did. When the beast flooded her with rage, she felt it. When it suggested panic, she felt it. It was as if she owned nothing at all of herself except what the beast provided for her.
I have been your whole world for some time as well, haven’t I?
She tried to remember how it felt to not have the beast controlling her. She remembered having arguments with it…
But you no longer feel the emotion of rebelling, do you? You want me. You want me more than you ever wanted anything, because above all you fear me. You fear what I will do if you fail to please me. FEEL IT!
She felt the terror of failure. The beast had destroyed Laren. It could just as easily destroy her. And would, if she wasn’t careful. Please! she begged. Please!
Try to remember the old Karra, the beast ordered.
With all her might she tried to remember who she used to be. But every image was of the beast controlling her life, even when she thought she acted on her own.
Nothing left. All of who used to be Karra… Her daughter. She still felt her daughter, but as if from far away, as if she remembered who her daughter was, but not the feeling of holding her.
Someday you will forget all about the former Karra Willo, the beast assured her. I will fill you with whatever I want from you. It won’t be long now. So be a good little vessel and tell A’nden that we should invite his people from the Anti-Certificate League. Say it! the beast insisted.
“Then you must invite them soon. I should apologize.”
He grunted. “They also have some apologies to make.”
No, the beast told her. Tell him it was entirely your fault.
“No. It was entirely my fault.”
Exactly, child of mine. Who owns you?
You do. It did. She knew it now.
Completely?
Yes. Nothing else existed except the will of the beast, and the emotions it fed her.
You will do as I say.
Yes.
Then I never want to hear you disagree with me again. Is that clear?
Yes.
Excellent! You’re a perfect little tool, honed to my specifications. Or you’re dead. Do you understand?
Yes. She understood. Completely.
Frowning, Del said, “Laren, do not play games with me. I will need your cooperation if we invite them. You are my only available expert. We will need your opinion.”
Explain that you are not playing games, that you are actually looking forward to the evening to make amends.
“I’m not playing games,” she said obediently. “Really. I’m looking forward to it. A perfect dinner will make the right setting for making amends.”
Yes, the beast purred.
He rewarded her with a taste, just enough to remove all trace of emotion. All she could hear was the beast whispering in her ear. The evening with the Anti-Certificate League will go perfectly.
As smooth as ice, the beast promised.
Chapter 30
The sharp scent of printing ink filled her head as she took a deep breath in weary satisfaction. Setting the type, letter by letter, line after line, took all of her precious morning hours. There was barely enough time to change before Gradi's class. Lunch was not possible today.
Still, the message pleased her. It definitely would cause a stir. She reread the last paragraph.
Of what value is a human life? How much are you worth? Would you price yourself at a single wen? Perhaps two? If your life is worth at least a couple of wens, why isn't it worth a full stomach? One of these days when you hear your children crying, you may realize that it is because of an Other's greed.
Let Del choke on our anger, Karra thought as she carried the stack of papers to the back door. Let him see it red and screaming in his face.
By this time she was accustomed to the purring of the beast. It was like background music.
She arrived at class early.
And found Amadina waiting.
"I want to talk to you a minute," the girl said. The slight sprinkling of freckles across her nose gave the illusion of innocence. Karra, however, could read clearly the calculating blue-green eyes. "I want to know how you did it."
"Did what?" But she knew.
"Get fixed up with some rich Nevian."
"Strictly by accident." Facing Amadina was like peering into a mirror of a not too distant past. The girl thought all she lacked was money. She would never believe the truth.
"But how?"
"It was while I was working at the King's Palace…"
"The Palace! Is that where you met your Nevian?"
"No. He follows the Formalist Path. He would never go to someplace like the King’s Palace. And even though I worked in the office, he would have thought the worst of me. That day I was on my day off in line to see a Vitro-Vision and I accidentally bumped into him."
“And he asked you out."
Karra shook her head. "Amadina, you don't understand. Our relationship was very casual. He enjoyed showing me his Nevian world, museums, libraries, concerts, art galleries, various restaurants and other public places. That was the way we both wanted to keep it.” She paused, wondering if they would ever get past Del’s restriction on intimacy. Probably not after the planned dinner with the Anti-Certificate League. “But then he asked me to be his contracted Lady. I liked him. Bad luck, you know? Never want something so much you'll risk anything for it."
"Yeah," Amadina agreed. "You liked him that much?"
"I still do.” Laren used to. Karra felt nothing for him. Karra could only feel the emotions the beast allowed her to. Most of the time she felt the fear that she would fail to please the entity that now it completely controlled her. “I’m always afraid he’ll get tired of me someday." Regardless, even if Laren existed, the beast would never allow her to have her Del back again. The beast had won.
You may feel sadness for her, the beast said. Aching sadness for her lost love.
Karra almost gasped at the intensity of the emotion that now flooded her. Had Laren really loved Del that much?
Oh yes, the beast assured her. So sad that it clutches your stomach, doesn’t it?
Karra felt a knotting pain in her stomach.
Yes, child of mine. Exactly. It purred with pleasure as she placed her hand over her middle, trying not to bend double as the pain increased. Amadina’s next words nearly slipped by her.
"Well, with or without luck, I'm gonna be rich someday, too."
The conversation ragged her nerves all morning. She barely heard Gradi's talk on the power of forgiveness and took a noncommittal part in the discussion. Twice Gradi even had to repeat his questions to her, frowning at her brief answers.
"Laren," he began once class was over. "I noticed you were not speaking today. Is something wrong?"
"No." She had to remind herself to meet his eyes. What could she say?
"If you insist," he said, his doubt evident. "But if there is something bothering you that you cannot tell the group, you can tell me."
How convenient, Karra thought bitterly. I now have three Nevians who want me to confide in them. But all she said aloud was, "Yes, Sirra."
Gradi patted her shoulder before he left for his office, a kind, fatherly touch that left her throat hot. In the background she felt the presence of the beast, happily feeding off each internal twist of emotion.
The old man had been too terribly right, she realized then. The price she was paying to rent the storeroom was far more expensive than she ever imagined it would be. He expected her to examine the depths of her soul. He questioned her hatreds, exposed her values. She was glad her time with him was finished for today.
Just as she took a single step toward the double front doors, they opened. A tall, plain, blonde woman entered, the sun to her back. Their eyes met in instant recognition. Both froze.
"Kar…," the blonde said. Her face betrayed her fear.
Karra gave her a tentative smile. Please don't be afraid of me, she begged silently. "I'm Laren, Su," she told her. "Do you remember the girl you took in for a while a couple of winters ago? I'm her. Laren."
"Oh." Suzin took a few steps forward. "You seem to be, ah, doing much better. Just fine in fact." A tinge of anger colored her words.
"Many things are not as they seem," she said. "Please. Could we find a place to talk?"
"I don't think so. Don't you realize you've done enough damage for one lifetime?"
Karra swallowed before she could speak. "What do you want me to say? I stayed away like you asked, even though there were many times I wanted to stop by. Hate me, if you need to, but please let me speak to you in private."
"Why should I?"
"Please?"
Not speaking, Suzin marched into a side room in front of Karra. Perspiration dotted her brow. It was not hot in the building.
At first all Karra could do was stare at her older sister, needing to see her again, hungry for a single kind word.
"Well?" Su asked, breaking the silence between them.
"Have you been getting the money I've sent?" Karra asked finally, a long distance from what she wanted to ask: How is Chalatta? Will I get to hold her again?
“I get your check once a month."
"Only the check? What about other wens?"
"You've sent more?" Su scoured her face for a lie.
"May the Northwinds blast him," Karra said under her breath, cursing Jem for keeping the money she had sent.
"Who?"
"Never mind." She took a deep breath. It shuddered. "How's Chalatta?"
“Not good. I wish I could tell you happier things, but she's moody and uncooperative. She misses you."
"I miss her too." Terribly.
Terribly, the beast echoed. Yes, miss her, agonize for her. Hear her weeping in your mind, and know that you will never see her again. Feel how it rips your heart, and know that it was your enemies who did this to you.
"I heard you found a job," she said quickly before the beast said any more.
"How'd you know? Are you watching me?"
"I wish I could." She felt like a spring wound nearly to the snapping point. "Has Dugaan found work yet? I heard Saril is still working…"
"You!" Suzin shouted. "Did you have something to do with that too?"
"What?"
"Saril's yellow certificate, as if you didn't know. You probably knew all about her initiation party too, didn't you? That dress you had Kata parade all over the living room was torn and bloodstained by the time Saril came home, and she was an hysterical mess. I hate you!"
"Saril?" Karra whispered. The world tilted slightly. "A yellow certificate?"
"Yes! You…" Su studied her. "You really didn't know!"
"Only that she still had her job," she said quietly. A job Jem had found for her, she realized the next moment.
"I thought you sponsored her. You've been there, Karra. Could you talk her out of it? She has always listened to you."
"It's too late."
It's too late, the other, darker voice said, laughing.
Stop it! Stop it. But she knew it would not stop. Not ever.
“She'll always be registered,” she said aloud. “Always. There is nothing to keep her from using it tomorrow, even if I talk her out of using it today."
Far at the back of her mind she heard the beast mocking her, echoing her words, distorting their meaning.
"So all I can do is watch the nightmare again?" Tears glistened in the corners of Su's eyes. "Just like when I saw you dragging yourself in after an especially kinky somebody hurt you or beat you? Only now it'll be Saril?"
"Oh, Su, it isn't going to be like that. I did a lot of things Saril would never think to do."
"How do you know?" she spat savagely. "Can you guarantee me that Saril won't get hurt?"
We own Saril, the beast taunted. We possess her, just like we do you! It shrieked with insane tittering.
Chapter 31
From the minute he entered the apartment, Del could tell there was something wrong. Nothing visual. His home was the same immaculate place he had become accustomed to expect ever since he had contracted the pretty Homelander. Fresh flowers brightened various corners, plus a few toss pillows o
n several pieces of furniture, simply because she loved color.
Neither was it Laren. He could gauge her emotional atmosphere with that smile. If it was thin and quick he could tell anger lay just under the surface. If it was merely pleasant, she would be hiding behind her porcelain mask. Today it was his favorite one, broad and easy, the smile that adorned her face the way no cosmetics could, the one that made her a true beauty. But it came a bit slower than usual, as if she were a little tired.
The evening had passed pleasantly. Laren ordered dinner delivered. Later they watched a news program on the screen, although it inspired no discussion as it sometimes did. When he went to his study to finish some paperwork, she turned off the screen and curled up with a book. Whatever was wrong had no physical evidence except for a sick presence that made his skin crawl. A smell of oppression permeated the air with the heavy perfume of death.
Your imagination is getting away with you, he lectured himself.
But the next morning Del found her asleep in the same chair with the book still in her lap and the light still on. When he touched her, he startled her awake.
"Sorry," he said. "Uneasy night?"
"I guess I should read in bed. The book put me right to sleep." But her face was white and drawn, and the dark circles under her eyes suggested she had not slept much at all.
"Do you want to come to breakfast with me?" he offered instead of contradicting her.
“Not hungry. Thanks anyway. I'll go with you another morning."
Another sign that something was wrong. She had not eaten supper last night either.
"Are you all right?" he finally decided to ask.
"Sure. Just not hungry."
A lie. He was not sure how he could tell, but he knew he was right. "No. Something is bothering you. I doubt you slept either."
Her brow knit in a frown and her eyes flashed, as if a storm brewed deep underneath. "So?"
"Tell me about it."
"There's nothing to tell," she snapped, in obvious bad humor.
Her Darkest Beauty: An Alien Invasion Series - The Second Generation Page 26
