by C. A. Harms
One lie led to another and before I knew it, I was in too deep. The way he looked at me, held me, and talked about staying in touch, I found myself trying to come up with a way to make all that happen.
I left his place with plans to figure out how to make this work. How I could keep this artificial life I had created for myself a reality.
The entire walk down the beach my heart ached and my stomach tensed. A few times I turned back with the intention of telling him I lied, but then I thought of never seeing him again and forced myself to keep moving.
***
“Taylor, what do I do? How do I fix this?” I was panicked. I had dug myself a hole and had no way out of it.
“Will you just breathe? Maybe you should just tell him.” My eyes widened at her response. “Okay, maybe not.”
“You’re the one who told me to play the game,” I shrieked.
“Yeah, well, I honestly didn’t think it would go any further than a little flirting, maybe a few kisses. I truly hadn’t expected it would turn into a wild night of maddening crazy monkey sex that he’d want to make into more.” She leaned back against the kitchen counter as I paced the floor before her.
“I just need to tell him,” I decided. I grabbed my water bottle from the table and began walking toward the door. I was determined to fess up and hope that somehow, some way, he could forgive me for my deceitful acts.
I knew the chances of that were slim to none, but I couldn’t help but hope.
“Wait,” Taylor yelled as she followed me out the door. “What are you going to say?”
I threw my hands in the air, because I hadn’t planned anything. “That I lied; what else is there to say?”
Lies, those little things that come back to haunt us.
“I’ll just tell him that I hoped age wouldn’t matter, and when I spent time with him he made me feel better than I had my whole life. Then I guess I’ll pray that he doesn’t run like hell and forget I exist.” My heart was racing as Taylor watched me close.
Chapter 3
Zack
“You move fast man,” Rigdon said as he flopped down on the couch beside me. I held a huge bowl filled with Cocoa Pebbles in front of me, the spoon only inches from my mouth.
“Wah,” I mumbled around the heaping spoonful as I filled my mouth.
“I saw the blonde leaving your room this morning.” He wagged his eyebrows suggestively. “Nice.”
I chose to ignore his prying. The guy was my best friend, but he was a fucking horny bastard. All he ever did was look for his next conquest. Last night he must have struck out so now he wanted details of my night with Lindsay.
“Haven was doing everything she could in an attempt to gain your attention. I let her use me, I didn’t mind.” He smirked as he sat back on the couch and grabbed for the controller. “But even when it came to the deed, she brushed me off. She wanted you. I bet you could hit that tonight if you wanted.”
“No thanks,” I said.
The guy was a fucking douche, but he kept it entertaining.
I was just about to tell him to take a hike when there was a soft knock on the door.
We exchanged a look of curiosity and before I could move, he leaped from the couch and practically sprinted for the door.
I was a little disappointed to find Haven, the girl who had attempted to gain my attention since the moment I walked down to the beach yesterday. I was secretly hoping it was Lindsay.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Rigdon cooed.
I turned my head to avoid his mac daddy moves. He was a fucking tool whenever women were present. Who was I kidding? He was a tool all the time.
“Hi,” she said in response.
“Come on in.” I looked up to see him eyeing her from head to toe as she entered.
Okay, so she was a knockout. Tall, long dark hair that fell to the center of her back, and legs that went on for miles. Any guy would fantasize about those wrapped around his waist. And if they didn’t, then they were obviously batting for the other team. But she was superficial; I picked up on that almost instantly. High maintenance girls were too much work, and I didn’t have time to put in the hours.
“I was actually hoping I could talk to Zack,” she said, which caused me to take my focus off her legs and meet her stare.
“Me?” I asked.
Again Rigdon gleamed at her side. His earlier comment about her and me hooking up made him smug.
“Yeah, I think there are some things you need to know. Things Lindsay lied to you about.” She took another step in my direction and suddenly the cereal I was holding turned my stomach.
I leaned forward and sat it on the table between us and waited for her to take a seat by my side. Her appearance was less put together today than it had been last night. She actually looked as if she just rolled out of bed and threw on a pair of shorts and t-shirt.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“She and I have a little bit of negative history,” she began. “First and foremost, I want you to see something.” She pulled something from her back pocket and held it out for me to take.
It was her license.
I looked up in confusion. “Why do I need to see this?”
“Look at the birthdate,” she insisted.
“So what?” I said as I gave it back to her.
“I wanted you to know that I turn twenty next month,” she replied.
I was real fucking confused as to where this conversation was going. What the hell did her age have to do with anything?
I was just about to ask her when she offered me another ID.
“What is all this about?” I asked.
“Just look, please.” She pushed the ID closer, and it was then I noticed the picture was of Lindsay.
I took the license from her and smiled when I got a better look. She looked younger in this photo, but those big green eyes of hers stared back at me.
“Look at the birthdate,” Haven whispered.
I looked up at her, expecting to see some smugness or catty bitchiness girls get when they are trying to outdo one another, but was surprised to find sympathetic eyes watching me.
“I’m sorry she lied to you, but I thought you should know the truth,” she whispered.
Without saying anything I looked at the license once again and my mouth grew dry. Lindsay was only seventeen years old. She’d lied to me.
“She did the same thing to Corbin, my ex,” Haven spoke at my side, yet I couldn’t take my eyes off the ID. “She pretended to be in college, and then after they hooked up the truth came out. It was a mess and I just thought you needed to know before things went that far.”
I nodded my head as the anger began to boil within me. Thoughts of getting in trouble for statutory rape made a sick feeling settle in my stomach.
I had worked hard to get where I was, and now it could all come to an end because of one girl.
“I appreciate you letting me know,” I said as I stood from the couch and handed her the license.
After she took it I walked away without saying another word. I ignored Rigdon’s concerned look as I pushed past him.
My fucking head was spinning as I paced my room. Part of me wanted to confront Lindsay and ask her what the hell kind of game she was playing, and the other part, the more sensible one, wanted to pack my shit and leave early.
And that was the part that won.
I began grabbing things from drawers and the closet and stuffing them into my duffle bag. Somewhere deep inside I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stay here, not now. I had to get the fuck out of here and hope that I hadn’t allowed my dick to get me in trouble.
***
I could feel her, before I even saw her.
My back was to the beach as I threw my bag in the trunk.
“You’re leaving?” I closed my eyes tightly as the sound of her sweet voice felt like a kick to the stomach.
I didn’t want to be angry. I didn’t want to cause a scene, but the idea that her l
ies and the games she played were enough to fuck my future. That alone infuriated me.
“Without saying goodbye?” The hurt in her voice was evident.
When I turned to face her and she flinched, I knew my anger was obvious.
“Yeah, without saying goodbye.” I reached out and slammed the trunk without taking my eyes off hers. “You fucking lied to me, Lindsay. Do you understand at all how much trouble I could get into? I could go to jail for having sex with a minor and the only thing you’re worried about is me saying goodbye.”
Her eyes widened in surprise.
“Yeah, that’s right, I know.” It was hard to remain calm. I had to remember that going off the deep end could only make things worse.
“I’m sorry I lied, but I like you, and…” I cut her off.
“I liked you too, but that’s not an excuse to lie.” I walked around the side of the car and opened the driver’s door.
“Zack.” Her sad whisper made me look up at her. “I’m really sorry. I just wanted to forget who I was for a little while. It was nice pretending I wasn’t Lindsay from Roanoke, and you made me feel good about myself for once.”
I could see she was fighting her emotions, and it did something to me. I never wanted to upset this girl. Even after the shit she pulled, knowing she was hurting made me feel like shit.
“I truly am sorry that I lied, and I won’t tell anyone about what happened between us, I promise.” She turned and rushed off toward the beach and I stood frozen, watching her leave.
Part of me wanted to rush after her and pull her in for a hug. She looked so fucking sad it broke something inside of me. But I knew her leaving the way she did was for the best. It was a clean break and for the first time in hours I felt like maybe my future in the Navy still had hope.
Chapter 4
Lindsay
A trip that was meant to be one I would always remember turned out to be one I just wanted to forget. And it was all my fault.
I have been told multiple times that I grew up too fast. A seventeen-year-old girl who lived the life most do at twenty-five, minus the fact I was still in high school.
I’ve held a job since I was legally able to work. I paid bills and bought groceries. On the days when my friends were off at football games and dances, I was cleaning our trailer and making dinner. I wasn’t able to live the life of a teenager. So the moment I got the chance to live a little reckless, I took it without hesitation, and now I regretted the lies I told. I was careless and I didn’t think of the consequences, not only for me, but for Zack too.
Being friends with him would have been better than the enemy category I landed myself in.
The ride home was filled with Haven throwing Rigdon’s name around over and over. She went on and on about how they exchanged information and planned to stay in touch. I knew she was doing this to get to me; the problem was—it was working.
I spent the entire trip curled toward the window, watching everything pass me by. Wishing I could go back to when I first met Zack and tell him the truth. It may not have turned out the way it did, but I was okay with that because right now I felt like I was the worst of me.
I was a liar, just like my parents.
I had become the exact type of person I had told myself I would never be.
***
“Where the hell have you been?” my father yelled as he stormed into my room, without taking into account I could have been indecent. I had long ago learned to only change in the bathroom where the door locked.
The force of the door bursting open caused it to smack hard against the wall behind it. A small hole was still present from the last time he had done the same thing. I had an amazing ability to get beneath my father’s skin and drive him to an uncontrollable state of anger. To be truthful, it didn’t take much for my father to grow angry.
Over the last six weeks, since my week in Gulf Shores, I had been making a habit of running off, which is exactly what led to the current situation.
“You take off for almost three days, with no contact, leaving only a goddamn note.” He paused, fisting his hands at his sides. “Just last month you took off for over a week. Do you think leaving a piece of paper for us is explanation enough? When the hell are you gonna grow up and face life? You have responsibilities to this family. You owe us.”
“I told mom I was going with Taylor and her family. She said it was okay.” I lied slightly; I had mentioned it to her once. I was sure she ignored the entire conversation while she was filing her nails and watching her soaps, but I still mentioned it.
“Bullshit. She had no idea where you were,” he growled. “Taylor and her rich family think they run this house. Does her tight-ass father wanna pay my bills, fill my fridge?” He stepped closer to my bed and I curled into myself, sliding back toward my headboard.
My father had an anger problem, one that didn’t take much to enhance. Life at the Lauss home was lived daily by one rule, and one rule only. Never give my dad a reason to be angry, no matter what the cost. It was apparently a rule I broke often. But you try living daily with Charlotte and Nolan Lauss, and then you can lecture me about rules.
“You want to run around with that girl, acting like a tramp, then they can support your ass. I’ve had enough of this bullshit from you. Get your shit together, and get out.” He glared at me.
My father was a hot head. He had never hit me or my mother but he’d come close a time or two. His words were his weapon. Neither one of them actually showed an interest in my life until I screwed up. Then they were on me like bees to honey.
“Do you need help?” he asked.
I jumped at the sharp tone as his voice echoed throughout my small room.
He turned toward my closet and began grabbing handfuls of clothes, carrying them toward the bed. Throwing them at me in a tantrum, a hanger caught my cheek, but he didn’t even pause to see if I was okay. A burning sensation brought tears to my ears, yet I never took them off the devil before me.
I was frozen with fear as he continued to toss my things around. A movement in the doorway caught my attention, and I turned to find my mother standing there staring at us, as if what was happening before her truly meant nothing. Normally a mother would attempt to diffuse the situation—but not mine.
My mother had been given so many chances to get the both of us out of this life, yet she never did. Instead she stood quietly, with a desolate look on her face. She offered no help, no words. It was as if she truly didn’t care if we killed one another, as long as we hurried the shit up so she could go back to her pitiful excuse of a life.
A deep infuriated tone filled the room, “You got fifteen minutes to get the hell out of my house. Take only what you can carry because I ain’t helping with shit. Get Taylor and her parents to come rescue you, since they’re so damn important.”
I had heard on more than one occasion that my father couldn’t wait for me to get the hell out of his place so he could have peace again. I guess that time had come.
He walked out, his shoulder colliding with my mother’s on the way.
I waited for her to fix this, I needed her to make this okay. For once in my life, I needed her to be on my side.
“Don’t look at me; I’ve told you not to make him mad. Now you’ve gone and done it.” She arched an eyebrow, waiting for me to argue. When I just stared at her blankly she turned on her heel and went after my father.
I don’t know how long I sat there but it felt like hours. Time ticking by second by second, silence filling the air.
Most of my life I was pushed aside and forced to entertain myself. As long as I was quiet and stayed out of the way, they didn’t seem to give two shits about what I was doing.
Taylor’s parents were nice to me, made me feel welcomed and accepted. I tried to spend as much time with them as was allowed, because with them I actually felt as if I mattered. They trusted Taylor and gave her the freedom to come and go, and in turn I was allowed that same privilege whenever I was around. I lov
ed the life they led.
I eventually got up from my bed and grabbed a duffle bag, stuffing in all the clothes I could fit. I filled my backpack and another small bag with anything I wasn’t willing to leave behind.
Creeping down the hall I heard a soft whisper coming from my parents’ room, followed by a giggle. The thought disgusted me. They had just tossed me out on the streets and forgotten all about it, as they moved on to the celebration of their new found freedom.
I tried to find the good in my current situation. After all, I would no longer have to hear them yell at me for being in their space, or yell at me for being gone too long. It was a big win. But that thought quickly faded and I remembered there was still one thing that sat heavy on my heart.
Reaching into the front pocket of my sweatshirt I fisted my hand around the hard plastic. A panicked feeling settled deep in my stomach as I stepped out onto the front porch, closing the door behind me.
Hanging my head I pulled the item from my pocket and stared at the plus sign displayed on the pregnancy test I held. It had been hours since I took it in the bathroom of Martin’s convenience store where I bought it. I felt both excitement and fear as I thought of the little person growing inside me. A piece of me and a piece of the man who, for a short time, had given me a glimpse of what life could be if I wasn’t Lindsay Lauss.
But my lies had cost me so much.
I was only seventeen, a minor, and now I was pregnant with the child of a man I had no idea how to reach.
Tears fell down my cheeks as I walked along the road, carrying all my bags. My cellphone battery showed only eleven percent remaining and instead of taking the time to call someone I just continued to walk. I had no idea where I was going or what I would do when I got there. I just knew I needed this time alone.
Chapter 5
